hi, friends! <3

also, was listening to this song over and over while editing. it's an english version of the opening song for fruit basket. i think some of the lyrics fit chris and dary perfectly in this chapter:

"oh please, i wish that we could stay like this. 'cause whenever you are near, i can feel a warmth within my heart. promise you won't let go, even just a little hope"

"can you stay here, just until my heart can heal"

"there's so much light in you"

just wanted to share! it's so pretty. and you know what else is pretty? mY NEW COVERS thanks to @dysanic. she made me three and was so lovely in helping me make matching, beautiful covers for all of my stories. darcy on this cover, jessica on atw's cover! go give her some love! and enjoy this chapter, i think you will <3

thoughts? let me know!

I kept my head down.

My umbrella was useless. It was doing a particularly awful job doing the one job it was specifically designed to do, which was to prevent bad weather from soaking me to the bone. Somehow, without my notice, there were several cuts and holes in my umbrella's green material. I scowled up at it, only to flinch immediately as a drop of rain landed in my eye. But this wasn't just rain, it was that gross in-between state of rain and snow. A busted umbrella surely wasn't going to help me now.

This is no good, I thought, bringing an arm up to shield my face. Quickly, I ran to take refuge under a stationery and gift store's front awning. I was shivering in my sneakers.

"Which way do I go?" I muttered as I scanned my surroundings. Some of the stores looked familiar, like the Bath and Body Works at the end of the alley and the Sephora that had a revolving door but no regular door. However, though this mall was the one I came to whenever I needed to get any sort of shopping done, some of the stores were foreign to me. Since when did this place get that sweets shop down there? What about that photograph store a few buildings down from it?

"Crap, am I really lost? Have I not been here in that long?" I said, still speaking to myself. There wasn't a single soul to be seen.The mall was seemingly deserted. Everyone else must have read the weather report before coming out shopping.

As cold and wet as I may be, it didn't look like this weather was going to let up anytime soon. If I wanted to get out of it, I might as well brace the rain and head out into the storm. Standing around meant I was going to turn into a dripping icicle. Maybe, if my intuition doesn't fail me, I'll somehow stumble across one of entrances for the main shopping building.

Opening my stupid, torn umbrella again, I headed out. Since I'd been walking from the south end of the alley, I went straight. There were no other pathways for me to take. I was surrounded by stores on either side of me. Eventually, my path led me to a circular quad, where three different routes opened up on every side. In the middle, standing as the beautiful centerpiece, was a large, three-tiered fountain. I couldn't help but stare in awe as I noticed how the water had frozen over. The mall must have left the water spouting so that it would freeze beautifully like this. The curtain of icicles were so thick and white that I could barely see the speckled emerald detail of the basins. Would the ice not melt with this downpour?

I looked to my left, then my right. At first glance, the stores down either end didn't look very familiar. So, I continued straight.

As I walked quickly past the basin and towards the path branching ahead of me, I noticed movement in the corner of my eye. I turned. A woman, an older one, sat on the rim of the fountain, holding a small, orange coin bag. I took a step forward, squinting.

"Miss Sylvi? Miss Sylvia is that you?"

She didn't hear me, but it had to be her. I could tell by her (utterly soaked) clothing. She was wearing her favorite long, yellow cardigan and the brown loafers with a buckle design on them. I made my way to her, calling her name again. This time she heard me and looked up as I approached her. A smile stretched across her face, showing off the small gap between her two front teeth. Droplets of water raced down her forehead, plastering white hair to her temples. Her ponytail looked like a wet dog's tail.

"Oh, Darcy, honey. What are you doing here?" she greeted loudly over the pelting water. It didn't even look like the drizzle of snow and rain was bothering her, but I stepped closer and held my umbrella over the two of us. 

"I should be asking you the same thing, Miss Sylvi! You're barely dressed for this weather!" Granted, I somehow made the nonsensical decision to come out here with a torn umbrella, but that's besides the point. I tried taking hold of her arm, saying, "Come on, let's go find somewhere dry."

But she shook her head. Instead, she reached into the coin purse she was holding and picked out a nickel. "Oh, but I'm not done just yet, dear."

My face twisted in confusion as I watched her toss the coin into the frozen bottom of the fountain. It landed with a light tinkle, the noise blending and disappearing in the patter of rain and snow. "Miss Sylvi..." I began as she used her finger to rifle through the coin purse again, "Um, the fountain is frozen. I don't think this is the best time for wishes."

"But I must," she said, looking up. "I must make these wishes before we go back to the orphanage." She took another coin out, this time a penny, and tossed it in.

"But why? What are you wishing for?"

Miss Sylvia gave me another smile. "For all of you to be adopted, of course. A coin for each girl. Here, this one can be for you, honey." She took out another penny, held it over the fountain, said "I wish that little Darcy can find a home that will accept her and love her for the rest of her days," and tossed the little coin in.

My heart swelled. That gesture was enough to make me forget that she was still being ridiculous in coming out here to do this today of all days. "Oh, Miss Sylvi, that's so nice of you. Thank you. Thank you for taking care of us, and for taking us in." A feeling of hope surged through my veins, triggering a tight, excited feeling in my chest. It unraveled as soon as it formed. I looked down at the coin that was supposed to be mine. "But what if nobody wants me? I don't think I'd be a very good daughter."

Miss Sylvia made a tsk sound and shook her head. "Remember what I told you, dear. Thoughts lie. Thoughts can be false. Just because you think that does not mean it is true. In fact, some lucky couple will surely love to have you in their family."

"But..." I glanced down at the fountain's base. There were a couple of coins there, ranging from nickels to quarters and even a pressed-souvenir penny. "How will the wishes come true if the fountain is frozen? It's not in the water."

"Leave that to me, Miss!"

I jumped, whipping my head to the side to see a... waiter? Well, he sure looked like a waiter. Black slacks, black shoes, black vest, white long sleeve. The only nontraditional thing was the horrendous bowtie he was wearing. It was so colorful and patterned and really insulting to look at.

"Who –"

"Don't worry." The waiter – with no name tag, may I add – hopped into the fountain's base, somehow miraculously not slipping on the sheet of ice at all, and grandly produced a whisk from his back pocket. "I'll just chip at the ice so that the coins can fall in! Then the wishes will come true."

I stared at him, wide-eyed and dumbfounded. He can't be serious. "You're going to... chip at the ice... with a whisk?"

"Certainly," he responded, then dropped to his knees and proceeded to stab at the sheet of ice. I winced.

"C'mon, Miss Sylvi." I took hold of Miss Sylvia's wrist. "He's crazy. Let's leave him."

She tore away from my grasp, shaking her head. "He's not crazy. He's right!"

"What?" I cried incredulously, looking between her and the waiter still stabbing at the ice with no luck.

Miss Sylvia smiled and took my hands in hers. "This will be perfect, Darcy. We can help him dig and then I can pour all the coins in. Then, you'll all get adopted. Even Jessica! My wish will come true."

Before I had to process and come up with a rebuttal, Miss Sylvia was down on her knees in the fountain's base, somehow possessing a second whisk to hack at the ice with. I watched the two of them, so dumbfounded that it took me a minute to realize that my umbrella was gone, and in my hands was a whisk of my own.

"Perfect!" the waiter cried when he noticed. "You can help us."

"I don't think so," I muttered, shaking my head. Especially since mine looked like it was made out of silicone.

Click.

"Reece!" I heard someone say.

Click. Click.

"Baby, my God. Your volume's gonna –" Click "– it's so loud, stop! You're going to wake them."

Wake them...

My eyes opened. They were still heavy with sleep, but when I finally was able to keep them open, I was still fuzzy on what reality I was in. No longer was I by the fountain lake with Sylvia and the crazy waiter with the ugly bowtie. Instead, I was with Chris, still on top of the makeshift bed made of all the pillows in the apartment. His face was angled slightly away from me, but I was close enough to let my eyes trace his features. Enviously long eyelashes, thin lips, and two very small, red pimples running along his temple.

Looking forward, I could see the TV in front of me was playing a rerun episode of Adventure Time. I also saw mine and Chris's feet peeking out of the bottom of our blankets. And to my left, sitting in the gray accent chair was...

My heart skipped.

"Reece?"

At least, it looked like him. Just older. Very adult, with a handsome full stubble and hair groomed and nicely cut. Same build, maybe even bulkier. Oh, and that smirk. Nothing new about that.

"Hey, kid," he said, his smirk turning more into a genuine smile. "Long time, no see."

"Am I still dreaming?" I croaked, my throat dry from sleep.

"Dreaming, huh? No, you're not. If you're asking if I'm dreamy, then yes. Yes, I am dreamy. Even more since you've last seen me."

"Literally not what she was asking you at all." A new person entered my field of vision, for the sole purpose of slapping Reece on the side of the head. He yelped. I felt Chris flinch from beside me at the noise. He shifted, and as he did, I realized that he had a hand resting on top of my head this whole time. Holding me. Comforting me.

Still, I couldn't help but push myself up at the sight of these two. "Jessica?" They were finally here. Together. Both of them.

Jessica smiled, walking around a scowling Reece to kneel down in front of me. "Hey," she said in a gentle tone. She took my hand in hers. "Sorry. We - I just... wanted to see you as soon as I could."

Then, it hit me. I remembered now. The reason she's here. The reason Chris was by my side. The reason my eyes felt puffy.

Sylvia.

She wasn't at a fountain making wishes.

She was gone. She was dead.

Suddenly, the overwhelming sense of loss for a dear friend couldn't counteract the joy of seeing another. The image of Jessica kneeling in front of me and Reece beside her blurred, but I looked away. My fists tightened.

Although I could no longer hear my father's voice, I'll always remember his words: keep it in or keep it quiet.

I hate this. This stupid, stupid feeling. All these years and I still can't shake the instinctual feeling to keep it in. I'll pace and I'll jump. I'll fist my hands together and curl my toes in. I'll do everything I can to keep from crying, even if all I want to do is cry out of joy and happiness, sadness and despair.

I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. It was Chris, sitting up now, too. "Darce," he whispered in a voice so soft, so soothing. "It's okay. You can cry. It's okay to cry."

It's okay to cry.

"I had to come see you," said Jessica. I nodded, and as if needing her permission, a fat, hot tear rolled down my cheek.

Keep it in or keep it quiet.

But Chris's words rang louder.

It's okay to cry.

"I know." Another tear ran down my cheek. Then another one. And another. I couldn't stop it. The tears formed and fell, formed and fell, and they wouldn't stop. I couldn't stop. I looked at Jessica, then to Reece.

His lips turned up.  "It's okay, kid," he said.

"It's okay," Jessica repeated, squeezing my hands.

And then, "Honey." I turned and found Papa standing behind the couch. My Papa, who I never would have met without Miss Sylvi. Miss Sylvi who was gone. Dead. Never to have a reunion like I was having with Reece right now.

Papa didn't need to say another word. He knew more than anyone what I was thinking, and I knew what he was thinking, too.

It's okay to cry. It's okay, it's okay.

I barely saw the tears in Jessica's own eyes before I was in her tight embrace, and we both began to sob.

Way to start off the year.

Miss Sylvia died today. She's gone. She died today because of organ failure. When I heard the news, I actually felt in denial. Miss Sylvi? Dead? No. Shut up. She can't be. That can't be true.

I was waiting for someone to tell me it was like a false alarm. Go, just kidding, we were wrong! I've never felt denial like it before. She just couldn't be dead. She just can't. But she fucking was. She was gone and I still can't believe it. The word "heartbroken" couldn't be any more fitting. My heart literally feels broken. There's no other way to explain it. She's just gone. And when I had this dream earlier when I fell asleep with Chris, I dreamed she was still alive. I remember the place we were at now – it was a mall that I used to go to in Cali. They didn't have a fountain, though. But that's where Sylvia was, making wishes for all of us to get adopted. Even me. Even Jessica.

The pain felt crippling. To wake up and realize that her being alive was all a dream and that she was actually gone. I can't even describe how much it hurt in that moment. It still hurts now. It hurts so much it makes me sick. I can't stand it. I want to go back to sleep and wake up tomorrow like this was all a nightmare.

And what about Papa? He's old. He's not young like a lot of dads. What if he goes? What if he

I shut the book. Without even finishing, I shoved my journal and my pencil off my lap as my breathing began to quicken and the tears began to form again.

I didn't write the word, foolishly think that if I stopped, it would stop the thought from infiltrating my mind. But now the words were echoing in my head as if I'd shouted it in a canyon.

What if he dies? Leaves me? He can go at any moment. He could leave me.

If it was this painful to lose someone I haven't seen in so long, what's it going to feel like when my Papa leaves me? When Papa dies...

A noise escaped my lips. A cry and a groan all mixed into one guttural noise. I squeezed my eyes shut. My fingertips dug painfully into my thighs as I brought my legs up against my chest and pressed my forehead against my knees. My chest was tight. My body was thrumming. Quicker and quicker, my breath became a pant. Panting, mixed with more guttural noises, as if I was trying to release the tension in my chest with every exhale.

"Darce!"

I didn't open my eyes or lift my head, but I knew that was Jessica's voice. Somehow, within the volume of all my cries, I didn't hear her come up to the rooftop. Her touch soon found my hands, her own cold ones prying the fingers digging into my thighs. She held my hands in hers and repeated my name over and over, instructing me to breathe deeply, but all I could do was cry and say over and over, "Papa. Papa, it could happen to Papa."

"Darcy, no." She spoke softly yet firmly. "Your Papa is fine. He's fine, he's fine. I promise you. But I need you to breathe with me."

In response, another mix of a cry and a groan escaped my lips. My body was thrumming in a way I've never felt it before. I could feel it in every nerve, every part of me. My toes, my legs, my arms, even my cheeks...

But Jessica kept hold of me even as I noticed the deathly grip I had around her hands. She instructed me that we were to inhale and exhale for four seconds each, and I was supposed to focus on the area that I felt it the most. She repeated her instructions until I finally nodded in understanding, then she began to count.

"Breathe in, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. In two, three, four. Out, two, three, four."

Jessica cycled through. I honed into the rise and fall of my stomach, as well as the cool air that tunneled through my throat as I inhaled. After a couple of rounds, the thrumming began to disappear, the tightness in my chest unwound, and my grip around Jessica's hands loosened. She stopped only after I lifted my head from my knees and looked at her.

She greeted me with a smile. "Better?" she asked, brushing a few strands of hair back from my forehead.

"Better," I confirmed with a shaky smile of own. "Thanks, Jess. Where'd you learn that?"

"I've had a fair share of panicked moments. Helps to take deep breaths."

"It felt weirdly good." When I breathed in, it felt as if the air was passing right through the problem area in my chest, chipping, taking bits of it away each time.

I scooted over on the bench I was on to give Jessica room to sit. After Jessica and I cried so much that our shoulders were visibly wet, Papa (who'd let Jessica and Reece in the first place) suggested I come up to the rooftop for air. A lot of apartments vary in what their rooftops had, but ours wasn't the most chic or funky. Instead, it was a collection of various styles of chairs and benches that were thrown up here over the years. The bench I snagged was a lime green garden bench with its paint chipping all over.

I thought bringing my journal up here and writing would help better organize my thoughts and feelings, but really, it didn't do much but lead me to more immense worry. I was a total mess today.

I leaned on Jessica's shoulder for a while as we sat in silence. Afraid that the silence would only welcome in the dark clouds again, I asked her, "So, what's everyone doing downstairs?"

"Your Papa ordered pizza for everyone. He even got that cookie pizza the website always tries to you bribe you into getting during checkout."

I let out a watery laugh. "Oh, well I'm excited then. He never lets me get that. I've been dying to know what it tastes like."

Jessica giggled. "I bet." Then, she added, "Remember the cookies Sylvia would make for everyone?"

"Yeah! It'd be a different one each time she made some." I reminicised with a smile. "Just to 'broaden our horizons,' she'd always say."

In my mind, I was transported to the old kitchen. Pastel yellow walls streaked with dirt and scratch marks, worn down appliances cramped into a small room near the back door. It wasn't the prettiest place in the orphanage, but boy, if Miss Sylvi was baking cookies, the kitchen was the place to be.

"Nobody wanted the oatmeal raisins because everyone said raisins look gross. But then she'd trick us into thinking it was chocolate, so we'd eat them. And then, some would actually say they liked it."

We laughed, then fell into an especially harder fit of laughter when Jessica shot me an exaggerated knowing look.

Yes, I may or may not have been one of the kids who fell for Miss Sylvi's trap. "Well, because of her, I actually really like oatmeal raisin cookies. They're top tier."

"Because of Sylvia, a lot of things happened."

We silently agreed to that. I could only imagine what Jessica must have been feeling. After all, she was left outside Miss Sylvi's doorstep as a small child before the orphanage even officially opened. She was the first one, at only four years old, and stayed there until she was eighteen. It reminded me of my dream. I told Jessica about it, specifically because of one particular part.

Her eyes prickled with tears. "Even Dream Sylvia wished for me to get adopted, huh? That's the sweetest."

Jessica really fought Sylvia on the belief that her parents would come back for her one day. She ruined her chances with interviewees because of it, then eventually became angrier the older she got because of it. By the time she let go of those feelings, she wasn't at a very desirable adoption age. She focused on photography and school during that time, not fussing over whether or not she would get adopted. The orphanage was her home – well, until she moved out at eighteen. I bet there was so much that Jessica and Miss Sylvi went through together. I could only imagine, since I met Jessica around when she was seventeen.

Miss Sylvi was the one to intersect all our worlds together.  I am where I am because of her. We all were. Jessica may have not gone to the school she did and met Reece. I wouldn't have met Jessica or Reece, meaning I wouldn't have met Chris. Most importantly, I wouldn't be with the best Papa in the world.

My heart panged at the thought of him. I voiced my worries out loud. "I'm so scared to lose him. I can't imagine what I'll do once he leaves me."

"That's an understandable fear. I think everyone has that fear about someone. But you can't let the fear of the future blind you and rob you of the enjoyment during your time in the present." She ran her hands across the sky theatrically, then giggled before wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "Your Papa loves you so much, Darce. That's all that should matter for now."

I nodded. The fear still lingered, but it wasn't the only emotion there. A stranger took me in when my family didn't want me. The roles flipped around, and this stranger became my family. Not defined by blood, but by love, kindness, and support – all of which I never got before.

Jessica let out a slow, long exhale. "Today sucks. Death is sad. Sylvia being gone is definitely something to cry about. But –" she squeezed my shoudlers "– I can thank her for this. For bringing you into my life. For bringing Richard and you together. And that's only two out of thousands to celebrate about Sylvia. Our lives would not be the same without each other, and we have her to thank for that."

I nodded. This time when the tears began to form, it wasn't out of sadness, but gratitude. As if the universe wanted to piggyback on her idea, the door to the roof opened, and out came Chris, balancing a plate of pizza slices. Just seeing him made my heart soar, especially as he looked directly at me, and smiled. God, his smile. It could erase every trace of darkness in my heart, just like that. And don't even get me started on how cute I thought he looked right now, even with his hood up and covering his blonde hair.

"Hey," he said. "Brought you two some pizza. Feelin' hungry?"

Jessica patted my leg, and even gave me a sly smile before she stood. "Why don't you and Darcy enjoy that pizza? I'm going to head down." Did she know she was being a wing-woman right now?

"Oh, sure." Chris held the door open for Jessica to walk through, then pulled an old white plastic chair over to set the pizza on. "Hope you like pepperoni."

"Thank God you didn't say Hawaiian."

Chris shot me a look. "Don't you dare say that in front of Bryson. You'll have committed an ultimate offense."

I chuckled and gratefully took the slice he handed to me. Between locking myself in my room, falling asleep, and then ending up here, my belly was definitely running on empty. I think Chris felt the same way; we both stuffed our mouths in silence.

After a while, I felt the impulse to tell him thank you. "No prob," he said as he wiped his hands down. "I bet you were hungry after... all this."

I shook my head, a smile playing on my lips. "Not just for the pizza, you doof. I mean for everything. For coming. For staying."

He waved a hand in that no biggie style. "Oh, well, what are best friends for, right?"

I nodded but couldn't help the heat in my cheeks as I thought back to how he held me when we were in the living room. I'm not sure how often best friends fell asleep and ended up in a semi-cuddle position in the process, but I don't think it was very "best friend" of me to want to have stayed in that position even longer.

Man, I sure hope my crush wasn't showing.

As I faced forward, I let a sheet of my hair fall so that my cheeks were concealed. It was then that I realized we were hitting peak sunset.

"Wow," I whispered in awe. I've got to admit: California's skies were much more impressive at putting on a show than New York was. Tonight, however, New York had the spotlight. The sky was on fire. It was a spectacular shade of red and orange, blending together like a perfect symphony. As I looked at Chris and he looked at me, I saw the red glow on his face shift to be even brighter. His eyes widened with excitement.

"Woah! Dude, oh my, God. Did you see that?" he exclaimed, putting a finger at my face and then the sky. "It got brighter!"

I laughed at his excitement and nodded. "Yeah, I saw it on your face. It was crazy."

Although, to me, his smile was a thousand times brighter than any sunset the skies could've showed me right now. I could thank Miss Sylvia endlessly for being the reason I was able to see – and be the reason – for that smile. He was, quite literally, my Golden Boy in this moment.

But still, as I let him pull me towards the edge of the wall so we could watch the brilliance, I couldn't help but let one more sad thought slip through my gratitude and happiness.

Why did she have to die on such a beautiful day?

Nearly dusk, before heading down, we managed to get our friends in a group video chat. Cooper was back at his house, but Bryson, Phillip, and Marissa were still all together.

"We're here if you need anything, Darce, 'kay?" Marissa held the phone so that I could only see her eyes and forehead, but Philip and Bryson peeked up from behind her.

"Thanks, you guys," I said, hoping all the genuine gratitude I had for them was evident in my tone.

I was curled into a ball under my covers when they arrived at my apartment. Before then, I had a good crying session after Papa left and was feeling pretty dried up when they came. I listened to them through the other side of the door but couldn't bring myself to speak in case I broke into more tears. I was grateful for their presence, and for their absence. I don't know if my habit will break in front of them just quite yet.

"Can't believe you guys went to the board game place without us," Chris said, woefully gnawing on a piece of cold pizza crust.

"A board game place?" It was pretty loud and dim where those three were, but I couldn't see much of it.

"Sorry, dude," Bryson said.

"Um, I'm also offended," Cooper called from wherever he was in his room. He left his phone facing his ceiling fan. "We were planning on all bringing you there, but we're friends with traitors."

Marissa began profusely apologizing, but we all assured her it was okay and settled on a promise of going there sometime later this week, since school started up for us tomorrow.

"Will we see you tomorrow, Darce?" Philip asked.

"Probably. Don't wanna miss."

Bryson tapped his chest with his fist. "She's so dedicated, man."

I rolled my eyes. "Bye, you guys."

Hanging up on a chorus of goodbyes, Chris and I headed back downstairs to my apartment. We didn't make it very far into the room, however, as Reece intercepted us at the door, already wearing the smirk I missed oh-so much.

"Hey, cuddle bugs," he teased.

Chris shoved at his chest to move around, but Reece hooked an arm around Chris's neck, stopping him in place. He held his phone screen out for us to see. I immediately blushed.

"Dude, what the hell. Why'd you take that photo," Chris moaned, shoving at Reece's arm. It only tightened.

"Oh, don't worry. Those were Richard's. I've got my own."

It was my turn to groan. "Papa!" I cried aloud to him in the kitchen.

"Y'know, Chris, I'm sad, too. Can I have a cuddle?" Reece continued in a babyish voice. Chris responded with a scowl, to which Reece reached out and dragged a hand down his face, saying, "Don't you give me that look like you didn't crawl into my bed when you were six, dumbass."

"Reece, c'mon!" Chris protested, pulling Reece's arms from his neck before ducking down underneath them to retreat. Reece let him go without a fight, laughing after him. I was still blushing when he turned to me, a smirk still playing in his lips.

"I know, I know. You've liked him since he kissed you under the mistletoe when you were six."

My mouth dropped. "Nu-uh!"

He laughed again and hooked me around the neck, too, but unlike Chris, I was pulled into a hug. It was strong and firm, enough to communicate that this gestured stretched far beyond the lighthearted moment we were just having. I wrapped my arms around his middle and sighed.

"It's so good to see you, Reece. I've missed you."

Between the tears and escape to the roof, I wasn't able to really soak in the pure joy I had at seeing Reece again. But now, after being the victim of his relentless teasing and getting this one genuine moment, my heart felt the lightest its been all day. It was Reece at his core. A kind teasing asshole.

"Missed you, too, kid. Swear your hair grew more than you did. You're still short as hell."

I slapped his back. "You're on fire today, Reece Bremer. Fire."

The rest of the night, there were no more tears. There was laughter, food, and more food. Camryn and Chris's parents, Mark and Rebecca, showed up later in the evening, making it more, the merrier. Everyone gathered on the couches and our self-made mattress on the floor. Camryn and I booted up my old Wii game console and went through a variety of my old games; we ended up landing on Mario Kart for a while. Camryn gave detailed instructions to Mark and Papa on how to turn the wheel to drive, Reece grew frustrated trying to do Rainbow Road despite his arrogant claims that he could beat it, and Chris and I had an intense battle for the Banana cup (me winning in the end, of course). It was nearly two when the dads of the group decided to call it a night.

"Why don't you come and sleep at our apartment soon?" Reece suggested to me as everyone gathered at the door for goodbyes. "Maybe Chris can come over for a cuddle."

Jessica slapped his arm before I could, then pulled me in for a hug. "I'll call you tomorrow. Text me if you ever, ever need anything. To cry, to talk. Whatever it is."

I squeezed her tighter. "Thank you, Jess."

I couldn't explain how grateful I was to have her here today. To have Jessica, the orphanage's big sister, here with me to grieve over our orphanage mama. This bond, this connection, was so uniquely between us. We were members of Sylvia's family, forever and always.

I walked over to Chris and, naturally, was enveloped in his arms. "You call or text me if you need anything. No matter what time," he murmured into my hair. I nodded, thinking back to our first late night visit. I knew I could count on him for anything.

Not only him but his family, too. "Call us if you ever need anything, sweetheart," Rebecca said as she carefully maneuvered a sleeping Camryn over to Mark. She looked at Papa. "Food, errands, whatever you need. Don't even hesitate."

Besides quick, fleeting greetings in and out of his apartment, I've not spent too much time with them, so it was nice to get that time tonight. They've always welcomed their home to me, ever since I was younger.

Papa draped an arm around my shoulders. "Thank you, Rebecca. It means a whole lot."

And it did. When we were in California, it was me, Papa, and Suzie (Papa's late wife's sister), who we stayed with during our time there. It was her idea to have Papa come to California for his treatments and so that he would have someone to help him.

It's crazy the different families I've been a part of in my life. The one I was born into, the one I was given up to, and the one I was adopted into. It reminded me...

As soon as Papa closed the door, I wrapped my arms around his waist and clung tightly, like a koala to a branch.

"Papa," I said, "let's have an 'us' day."

woohoo go me and keeping up with my biweekly schedule. though i don't know when the next chapter will be as i have relatives coming in and school is starting up, but please be patient and kind because i am a human too. ya know, with a life and lots of anxiety and sadness and whateva.

also, totally wrote that journal entry by pouring all my sadness over cameron boyce's death. hit me hard, man. rip to that angel of a man.

this week's chapter question: describe the most beautiful thing you've seen. the sky, a view, etc. where i live, i've seen the most beautiful sunrises/sunsets. there was one time where the sky was orange and red AND there was a rainbow. damn.

i'll see you soon with another chapter! follow my socials to stay connected/updated <3