°°°

"Imperfect, you said. Don't make it perfect, it might get damaged."

°°°

Rain stretched across days and maybe weeks, Baekhyun didn't mind to count, falling madly as if the sky was overly hurt and broken. He loved rain but never as much as he loved serenity skies, sunshine kissing his rosy cheeks and in the night, plenty of stars blinking down at him as if they were still wondering what a mess he has made out of himself.

Although days and nights were accompanied by the dark clouds hovering above, without giving him a single peek at what he loved the most, Baekhyun appreciated every single raindrop that fell on the ground and always wanted one more after the one that was the last that fell.

At the first morning he woke up at the sound of rain hitting the windows, he wasn't so happy about it. However, once he came back to his room after tiring lessons and glanced at the still unfinished painting left against the wall, he knew he actually didn't hate the weather that much. Every day at the same time, he would leave everything else aside and rush down the stairs hoping the rain was still pouring and the sky was still grey and almost giving off a look of being lifeless.
His hopes were fulfiled and with the first look at the tall figure standing at the same place, he knew he hoped for something he was longing for.
However, he didn't know the reason he was desiring for someone's presence. He didn't understand why the yellow umbrella was the shelter from more than the rainfall alone. He didn't know why the shoulder he leaned his cheek against at some point of time was more comfortable than the pillow. And he didn't want to know.

He wanted to stay clueless, lost and unaware of the silent whispers of his heart because once he hears them and makes some things clear, it wouldn't feel the same. It would bother him, suffocate him and choke him, but he still wanted to breathe. What an irony for someone who used to have a wish to disappear.

It wasn't like no one noticed that Chanyeol and Baekhyun weren't the same. They were more distant when others were around, but still, they pulled each other in like gravity and it couldn't pass unseen. No one understood and they asked, but the answer seemed to be unknown. Although they didn't know why did Chanyeol act the way he acted with Baekhyun from the very beginning, Baekhyun himself didn't let them question too much about it. He didn't know either and chose to respect Chanyeol's request.
It was weird for someone who had people wrapped around his finger and their friends pointed it out a couple of times, but still, they believed that someone like Baekhyun had another intention hidden behind. In fact, he didn't. He was just pulled in in the whatever Chanyeol was at and couldn't find himself pulled out of it.

"You two are too much, do you realize that?" Kyungsoo once said when he was hanging out in his room with his best friend. Baekhyun shrugged as an answer. "People actually saw you two standing in the rain like sick idiots yet you still don't care what an effect it would be having on your so-called-image."

"People should mind their own business. When it comes to me, they aren't closing their loud mouths. Yet, they know nothing. Who says Chanyeol isn't one more person I'm playing with?"

"I say, Baekhyun. You haven't played with someone for more than a night." Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. "It's not like I do mind what you two are doing. I'm just pointing out what you seem not to see."

"Trust me, Kyung, I know what I'm doing, okay?" Baekyun smiled and little did he know, he absolutely had no idea where the whole story of him and Chanyeol was going.

With everyone else's words far away, he found himself beside the person whose name he heard way too many times one more day in a row. They were standing at the same exact place at the same exact time. That day, the younger had a white turtleneck and a long black coat on trying to match the fashion sense Chanyeol had. The older chuckled as soon as he saw him like that, despite Baekhyun being naturally elegant and graceful. The best clothes that suited him in Chanyeol's opinion were the ones making him look confident. He, in any other case, would look just like that, radiating with so much confidence that people would turn breathless. However, Baekhyun, in front of him that day, looked a little bit shy and uneasy as if wondering what effect he would leave on the other.

"What's so funny, don't I look good?"

"I can't argue on that." Not expecting that kind of an answer, Baekhyun blushed and tilted his head at the side. "It's just a little bit of funny how you tried to match my usual clothing style and I decided to wear sports clothes on the same day." Chanyeol chuckled one more time as he eyed his own clothes. Black training ones, matching the dark scenery outside yet being opposite to the bright colors dancing in between them, although Baekhyun wasn't the happiest person at the moment.

"It's a bit tricky since you really know how to dress well for every occasion, Chanyeol. I failed miserably trying to match with you, though."

Chanyeol would lie if he said he didn't feel his heart flutter at the compliment and a little bit whiny call of his name. He smiled warmly and unnoticeably clutched harder the handle of the umbrella above their heads.

"Not all the matches are supposed to be perfect, Baekhyun," he said as he took one more step closer and stood beside the other with their arms gently pressing against one another. Then, he glanced down at the smaller man. "Imperfect ones are perfect for us."

With that being said, Baekhyun couldn't help but hum softly in agreement. Everything has always been so imperfect with Chanyeol from the very beginning. Sometimes so painful and unbearable and other times kind of comforting yet confusing.
From the days he ignored him over the times they argued and to the point they could sit in silence or have endless talks. It all was so imperfect, yet, the newest moments they shared would be spoiled if they had a trace of perfection. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were far from putting perfect bricks for what they were building, but even so, none of them wanted it ruined. It was almost perfect with how it was - so flawed, with holes waiting to be filled and curves they couldn't make straight.

They might have gone too fast to where they were now, but there was no one suitable to judge their pace. They seemed to match so imperfectly and click so amazingly right, despite all the missing pieces supposed to be found in the future. Chanyeol and Baekhyun treasured the moment they were with each other and left thinking for lonely nights. It was how the sparkle happened.

Baekhyun raised his head towards the other and gave him a smile. When he received the one with the same gentleness and softness, he took a look at the moody sky above. "You know," he began, "I'll probably never catch a glimpse of the sky how it was that day. Both of us were aware of that the second you promised me you'll wait for it with me, Chanyeol. Both of us know I could finish the painting without even looking at the sky." There was a hint of calmness and comfort in his voice, a little bit louder than the continuous sound of rain touching everything it could, letting Chanyeol hear it well.

"Even so, both of us keep standing here at the same time every day," Chanyeol added eventually.

"Yeah," other one nodded, "Is it because both of us just want a reason to be beside each other, to have unusual talks and get to know each other better through it all? Is it because both of us are so prideful to casually come to talk yet we walk over the same pride just by standing like this?" Baekhyun couldn't even imagine himself saying those words aloud but they started falling off his tongue so naturally and he couldn't make them stop. He let them and unexpectedly, there wasn't a weird ache in his stomach nor a bitter feeling caught in his throat. It felt so right to let them out, to share his truthful thoughts with someone, with him.

He gave the other another look, but that time, he wasn't looking back at him - eyes glued at the sky with something Baekhyun couldn't quite point at, dancing in them. He was quiet as if silently asking smaller to continue whichever story he began. He seemed honest with the story after all and unusually, Chanyeol didn't want to change the flow.

"Do you remember the day you told me you wanted me to give you a chance for us to just be fine?" Chanyeol nodded as an answer, still giving zero glances at Baekhyun.

"I remember that day so clearly and I think we went so much past just being fine, you know. I'm not sure of the reason and I don't want to question it to the point of getting a real answer. I'm a coward and you know that more than anyone else. Maybe, because you know it, I turn into less than a speck of dust in front of you." He was already getting a bit uneasy and wilder with the strength of his voice, with the nervous hands rubbing his thighs and puffs of air leaving his mouth seconds after words did.
Chanyeol knew what was exactly on his mind and he didn't like it at all. It made him recall the day they were at the same place with the rain accompanying them for the first time - he remembered the painful ache in his chest and the whole thunderstorm hitting his head. More than anything, he wanted Baekhyun not to be afraid of him, although he knew it was inevitable.

"Baekhyun." He wanted to make him stop and that time he looked at him - soft yet stern gaze. Smaller felt like disappearing all out of sudden, withdrawing himself inside the coat, feeling tinier. All the words he once had seemed to vanish.
Someone calling his name has always been quite personal and Chanyeol doing that felt like stripping him even out of his skin. The way his tongue hugged every syllable and his voice wrapping its depth around made him want to get used to it. But whenever Chanyeol did it was like it was important, reasonable and knitted with a wish to make Baekhyun feel every bit of it how he should feel it. It was more than letting it get through his ears. It was meant to stay engraved.

"Listen to me, Baekhyun." Smaller felt his heart tighten. "I want you to know that I'm going to stay silent about the things I know about you and you want others not to know. The talks you willingly shared, the tears you shed and lastly the truth behind your smile you wanted to show no one let alone me. It all stays with me no matter what.
Don't feel pressured to be with me here, to talk to me. I know you do, I know fear makes you do. Fear of me sharing that with others but it won't ever happen. So, Baekhyun, even if you stop giving me the usual attention, I will stay the same."
Deep down, Chanyeol knew Baekhyun trusted him with that even if he didn't say it aloud one more time, even if he didn't do his best to put those feelings into words and into more. Into his eyes that Baekhyun always had trouble reading completely. But words shown then, feelings packed so nicely, he could see them all and after what seemed like hours, he gave Chanyeol a smile and whispered the words of gratefulness.

"You know that I already trusted you with that. But still, thanks for saying it," he said, "But there is still a thing that bothers me. I know you asked me to be patient and I don't have a problem with that. Still, it bothers me that you partly didn't want to talk to me because you thought I was so greedy for attention and-"

Chanyeol had to laugh at that and it made Baekhyun stop talking instantly.

"Seriously, after all this time since that crucial day, you still believe that bullshit I threw at you?"

"I don't know..."

"Stop believing that. I told you that carelessly and it was dumb," he was shaking his head and he paused for a while as if collecting the thoughts he wants to speak about next. "By ignoring you all that time, Baek, I wanted to build up a wall in between us, a wall strong enough none of us could crush, high enough none of us could climb over. However, I knew that at some point of time I would have to take at least one brick out."

"Why, Chanyeol? Why the wall was supposed to be there?"

"That's something... That's something I can't tell you."

"Isn't that quite unfair? You know so much and I'm here having fights you can't even imagine? I... I'm not able to understand. Will I ever?" 

They were walking along two roads crossing at times and then going opposite one another. Most of the time Baekhyun was left behind trying to catch the other. He loses breath and his legs are numb, but he tries, he goes forward. There are roses, white petals scattered and sharp thorns underneath making his steps difficult yet determined. Chanyeol rarely turns around, though, and the second he does, roads are already parted with the brick he put back in the place. He curses himself and their story where he is the villain, where he is the one being in so much pain but looking as if he is unharmed. Even more, he hates hurting already broken but he promises fixing everything when the time comes, when the time is right.  It's selfish to put it that way, to decide what's right alone.

Chanyeol might be a little bit of a coward. Even so, he doesn't break promises.

When Baekhyun matches the speed and his heart smiles in satisfaction, roads become parallel lines. A smile slips off.
They see each other through the holes Chanyeol creates once again, but it's painfully touchless. It's like an endless agony, a circle of infinity. They both hated it and little did they know they would wish for the one someday, in a different form.

Day by day, holes are getting bigger and Baekhyun waits for the certain day they are forming a huge one he could jump through and finally catch who has been walking way too fast. Just then, he remembers.

"Baekhyun, please-"

"I'll be patient with you, Chanyeol."

He remembers his own silent promise and keeps on walking, hoping that there is a point in the future their roads will become one and they will walk side by side.

On the other hand, Chanyeol knows it will happen and he makes another promise. A promise of colorful roses under their feet, a thousand layers of petals so the thorns are well hidden. What he can't promise is the absence of the wind strong enough to blow the petals away but too weak to fight the thorns. He us unable to be a shelter, a comfort.
He can't promise not parting the roads again and making Baekhyun take the one different from his own. Still, he saves him from the full force of the upcoming hurricane. The hurricane he began making the moment he talked with Baekhyun. The hurricane made of the dust of crushed bricks of the wall in between them.

It's either wall or the hurricane. It's too selfish to have both, pretty impossible to have them missing. He didn't seek for that kind of selfishness and was unable to find a possibility in the impossible. What he could do is to break the wall slowly but still faster than he breaks Baekhyun and hope he could push him away from the road before hurricane swallows him up.

It's a dangerous thing, no happy ending but still a life he couldn't replace. If he is honest with himself he knows the last full stop to that life is the last step that Baekhyun makes before he gets out of it. So he had to let him enter first.

It seems manipulative and pretty selfish and maybe it is.

However, in the end, after the roads cross and become one, after they part again and the storm appears, Baekhyun chooses if he runs away as soon Chanyeol pushes him or he forgives and stays. His will determines if he is being swallowed and destroyed or is destroying and fighting. Again, there is no happy ending, but as long as it's not ending at all it might even be happy.

None of them sees the future but Chanyeol's aware of what couldn't be changed. It's unfair not to share but life has been unfair with him from the very beginning. He seems to hate himself and so he does. He seems to love himself too, but, what's written on the only one brick he knows he won't crush and is afraid to show off, he loves Baekhyun even more. 

"Thank you," he says eventually, wondering why do they have to be so sickly complicated and then he remembers and repeats in his mind, he is a coward. No matter how Baekhyun and everyone else sees him, no matter what they say, he knows.

"I think it's the best for me to go away now." He really is, he confirms and begins walking away, surprisingly with an umbrella still in his hand, not in Baekhyun's. It's strange that yellow doesn't feel warm at all, doesn't look bright at all. After couple of steps more, he realizes why. It's someone's hand on his shoulder, a simple touch. It's someone's voice in his ears. And there is the sun. It wears black and white but Chanyeol sees past that.

It's not the yellow that's warm and bright. It's a person that the color reminds him off.

"Stay, Chanyeol," it's what it says. It's what Baekhyun says in the voice so warm and eyes so bright Chanyeol should feel sorry not looking at. "I want you to go with me somewhere."

He couldn't say no and couldn't run away since all the fire burning in between them is the deal of his. It's a shame he though of turning his "break then fix" into "make a small crack and leave before it breaks". He shook his head in disbelief and turned around to face Baekhyun. He was soaked in the rain and if Chanyeol could cry at the moment, he knows the amount of rain would match his tears. But he smiled instead and gave a roof and protected the smaller man.

"You're calling me on a date?" He couldn't help asking in a playful tone, despite feeling so miserable a minute ago.

"Think of it like you thought of the occasion when we were on the bridge."

"So it's a date."

"What?"

"Just kidding," the taller grinned, "Would I really call you on a date and then say I didn't like you right to your face?"

"We still kissed, though," there was a sparkle in Baekhyun's eye as he licked his lips in a teasing manner, brightening up the recent tense atmosphere.

"You know why and we agreed on not mentioning it again. Now, make a move and let's go to that somewhere."

Baekhyun did. They went to the bus station and got on the first one that arrived. It was full, all the seats taken. They stood by the door Chanyeol would lie if he said he didn't like other's head pressed against his chests lightly, like a feather. If they were any closer, he believed Baekhyun could easily transform his heart into words too early to be said aloud.
He was sure they meant how they sounded. He stopped denying them long time ago, he stopped trying to make them change. Maybe it was an obsession too, but he thought it sounded way too sick to be put that way. When Baekhyun whole-heartedly laughed at his dumb joke, when his eyes turned into half-moons and still sparkled like millions of stars, when the beautiful curve on his face turned him breathless, that's when a single tear finally slid down his cheek. He pulled Baekhyun's head to his chest again, acting like he wanted to shut him up, but the truth is, he wanted the tear to be unseen.
That's when he realized, once again, how actually sick it was to lead a life how he did, to hurt like he did and to love like he did.

Still, his legs weren't able to go different way.

"Your heart is beating so fast, Chanyeol," Baekhyun commented through a soft giggle, "You must have been so damn embarrassed when people looked our way to see who began laughing too loudly."

"Yeah, it was embarrassing." It seemed like Baekhyun was still unfamiliar with the language of Chanyeol's heart and there came a sigh of relief. The taller hummed a soft melody of the song both of them liked hoping he could relax that way, hoping he could stay composed. Gentle giggles were blending with it in an imperfect way yet there was a soothing harmony created and it strangely screamed the match.

People in the bus looked so colorless compared two of them, looking like the sad sky above. Except they didn't cry. Maybe they wanted to, just like Chanyeol and Baekhyun deep down. Maybe they did not. Maybe they weren't so colorless either, but were still blurred and unimportant to two pairs of brown eyes.

In the end, Baekhyun didn't even have an idea of going to a certain place. They got off the bus and ended in the cheap yet pretty restaurant since it was the first thing that came into their views. Sitting across of each other and eyes smiling more than their mouth did. A window was on their side and a brownish textured wall behind taller's back. The rain was still pouring madly mixing with the soft music in the restaurant, loud enough to be heard and silent enough to be partially ignored when talks begin.

"Isn't that way too spicy, Baek?"

"It has to be extremely spicy for me to call it too spicy," Baekhyun smiled tasting his so-called dragon noodles and letting out a sound of delight a second later.

"Wow," Chanyeol was amazed, "I can't stand spicy food at all."

"And I can't stand cucumbers," Baekhyun reminded opening other's sandwich with his chopstick. He made a face that showed disgust and returned to his tasty meal.

"Well, that's a match," Chanyeol smiled warmly with his gaze caressing Baekhyun gently.

"A match? What kind of match?"

"An imperfect one. You wouldn't have the problem of me stealing your food and other way around."

"That's an interesting way to put it."

When they decided to leave and paid the bills separately it was already so dark outside. The rain stopped falling after what seemed like years and it was pretty warm outside. The fragrance of nature's drops blending with the work of humans wasn't that pleasing at all, but the place looked like washed anew.

Chanyeol was tracing the road undearneath with a tip of the umbrella, seemingly tickling the shallow puddles reflecting vivid city lights.
There wasn't a reason for proximity but they still walked along the sidewalk with their shoulders touching and their hands almost holding. It wasn't more than an almost despite the hidden urge and the flaming desire to make it be. Some urges and desires needed to be controlled no matter how wild and demanding they could get.

After buying drinks too, Baekhyun's treat, they  waited for the bus to drive them back to the dorm. It was emptier so they took their seats, both beside the window and facing each other.

"You don't want to sit beside me?" Chanyeol pouted.

"I like taking the seats looking backwards," he explained throwing a glance through the window, memorizing what the city looked like that day, that ordinary rainy day he still found so special. "I don't know why, but I like looking that way. Sometimes, I connect it to a certain point in the past I'm still not able to move on from, so I keep looking at it, at the things that already passed."

"I see. Come sit here then, let's look forwards."

Baekhyun shook his head with his lips pressed together.

"It's to early for that," he replied in the end, "maybe it's too early for you to sit here, beside me, too, but please do, Chanyeol."

He was hesitant, wondering if they already said way too much that day, if they went too fast. He kept silent giving a sign to Baekhyun only he could entirely understand.

"Sit here, but close your eyes, Chanyeol." It was the kind of the sentence he wanted to hear, he was yearning to hear. He comprehended it the way he should, the way no one else could. It made him feel special and deep down, he hoped he maybe was. He smiled gently and sat down how Baekhyun asked him to.

"I get a little bit dizzy sitting like this so I guess this request is fine." A warm smile danced upon smaller's lips too as a heavy fluffy ball fell on his shoulder. Someone's head. Burying his nose in the black curls, he inhaled the intoxicating scent of coconut and his hand felt a touch of a Summer night. It wasn't the right hand he held a bottle of strawberry juice with. Beginning of strawberries is in the Spring anyways.

It was his left one which used to be free until it found what it could hold onto. As if being a two pieced puzzle, Chanyeol's right hand used to be a free one, the one that didn't hold a bottle of coke in.

"It's so different but still fits so well," Baekhyun whispered against other's tender hair, caressing the burning skin with his cold thumb. "Is it still an imperfect match?"

"Yeah. Yearning for perfection is great but having it is overrated."

With a sudden squeeze on his hand, Baekhyun rested his cheek on the cloud of hair and closed his eyes too. He was facing backward yet going forward, but none of that mattered because he saw nothing yet saw so much. It was the moment of the preset, the present with Chanyeol. It was one imperfect match that looked like ordinary but actually was nothing like it.

°°°
[110319]

Word count: 4.5k *sniffs*

Gonna edit it later, I should be sleeping, bye.
Baby steps is a whole damn OST to this story why didn't I realize it earlier.