I SO DID NOT KNOW HOW TO WRITE THIS CHAPTER, BUT IT HAD TO BE DONE SOMETIME I'M SORRY.

New Years Eve, 1993. The last New Years he would ever live to see... But more importantly?

The day he told me the thing I never wanted to hear. That he did drugs. My heart broke into a million piece that I couldn't seem to pick up, but I held myself together for him.

He told me at 11:55 PM, and finished at 11:59.

"Lucy, I have to be honest with you," he said, and my heart skipped a beat. That could never be good.

"Okay..." I said. We were sitting on the couch in my living room, watching TV and waiting for the ball to drop.

"I... I started doing drugs a while ago. Before we met... And... I don't know. I thought you should know. I want our relationship to be completely honest... I guess it happens when you're in the business that I'm in, but... They're addictive... I... I can't stop," he said. I was quiet for well over a minute.

"What do you want me to say to that?" I asked, trying not to cry. I didn't want to hurt him.

"I... I just want to know that even while I'm struggling like this, you'll still stay with me," he said. That's when my heart really shattered.

"Of course. I love you, River." And it was true, but really, I didn't know what I was going to do. This is the man that I've planned my life with. We're going to get married. We know how many kids we're going to have, and what their names will be, everything. Everything felt like a lie for a moment.

Then, we heard the countdown for midnight.

"Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One!"

River and I looked at each other, and I noticed his eyes were a bit bloodshot. I tried to put it out of my mind as the two of us kissed for a good two minutes.

"You're so beautiful," River said, staring into my eyes when we were done. I blushed, and we kissed again. I didn't want to stop. That's when I found out that no matter what life out us through, our relationship was strong. It was real.

That night I stayed up thinking until probably four in the morning. River had fallen asleep ages ago. I tried to decide what I was going to do to help him, but could come up with nothing other than to be there for him. I tried to figure out why he was doing this to himself, and how I hadn't seen it before. How I'd never noticed it, and whether or not his own family knew. I spent a while angry at myself, knowing that if I'd stopped drowning myself in school work, if I'd spent more time with River, paid more attention to him, I would have known. But, I didn't.

I made a silent pact to myself to spend as much time as possible with him now, to make sure he knew that I would help him through this...

When I was finally ready for sleep, I laid down on the couch next to him. I felt his arms go around me, and I scooted closer to him as I drifted off into slumber.

A/N: I don't like this. I didn't want to publish this. I'm writing another update right now so we can forget about this one.