Chapter 30: Flavio Vargas

The next morning, I awoke snuggled between Luciano and Romano. But something was odd... another breath. Another heartbeat. I sat up, wide-awake. "F-FLAVIO?! What are you doing in our bed?!"

The blond-haired 2P sat up, sleepily rubbing his eyes. "Oh, morning Feli..."

"Get the fuck out, or the curl comes off." Luciano threatened, glaring at his naked brother. Flavio was very quick to jump out of bed and redress himself.

"Idiot." Romano sighed, already somewhat desensitized to his 2P's behavior.

"So~ Where are we?" There was a pregnant pause.

"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT MUCH?!" Luciano snapped, strangling his twin.

"So, how'd you sleep, fratello?" I turned towards Romano casually, as if my 2P wasn't in the process of murdering his 2P.

"Eh," He shrugged, "well enough. You?"

"I think it's the best night's sleep I've gotten in a while." I smiled.

Yeah, I'm actually feeling refreshed for once. Yang piped in, though I could tell he was paying more attention to the scuffle across the room.

It was a rather bruised Flavio, irritated Luciano, and resigned Romano that came down to breakfast with me that morning.

"Hey guys~ Look who's here!" I grinned, waving towards the blond.

"Oh, great. Another one? Will every damn nation show up? Well, let's just invite the whole bloody world, while we're at it!" England poured himself a cup of tea before adding alcohol.

"I don't get why you're the one who's irritated." America chimed in. "I mean, shouldn't it be Italy or Romano? It's their memories we're watching, not yours."

"Yes, but the more people that show up, the harder it is to encompass my magic around everyone for breaks. It'll drain me faster, which means we can't take as many of them. Unless, of course, you want me to pass out from magical exhaustion."

"So it drains you to keep this room up?" Canada asked in concern.

"No, not exactly. It drains me to call the room up, or expand it. It doesn't drain me once I've already summoned it and we're all already here."

"Well, sorry about showing up unannounced, and all that, but I'm glad I came in time for breakfast!" Flavio chirped happily, settling down with his plate at the table.

"Idiot." Luciano sighed as he, also settled down at the table.

I shared a knowing look with Romano. We both knew that Luciano was secretly glad his brother was here. He'd never admit it, but he was always worrying about his older twin.

"So where are we at in the timeline?" Flavio asked.

"Well, we're around the 1860's or so. Seeing as we're just after the Unification of Italy." I stated, taking another bite of my food.

It was a while later, after a few more scuffles from Luciano and Flavio, that we found ourselves back at the door. All right... I looked over at Yang, who I'd respectralized earlier. He sent me a confident smirk. "You'll be fine, Ying. These are the good memories, not the bad ones."

When we opened the door, we found ourselves in what appeared to be a warehouse.

"Where are we?" China asked, looking puzzled.

"Oh." I shared a look with my brother. "I think you should cover your ears."

"What? Why?" England asked, but Japan, America, Canada, South Korea, Luciano and Flavio all did as I asked. Of course, Romano did as well.

Suddenly, the familiar sound of a gun firing several times made the nations jump, as six men fell from the rafters, dead. Lovino stood casually, pistol smoking, as he leaned against the frame of the warehouse entrance. He wore an expensive suit, and carried a briefcase in his other hand.

"Oi. You going to sit there all day?" He called out, and movement showed Feliciano tied to a chair, looking beat up.

"The fuck took you so damn long?" Feliciano spat, shooting his twin a glare.

"Sorry, I got lost."

"You got lost? Yeah, right." Feli stood up, rubbing his wrists. "They tied those tightly, you know."

"You could've escaped at any time." Lovi rolled his eyes.

"Yes, but that would've defeated the purpose of letting me be captured in the first place."

"Did you figure it out?"

"What do you take me for, a rookie?" Feliciano raised an eyebrow, offended. "Of course I did." He smirked. "It's him, all right. He's the leak."

"Then let's take care of him. Teach him not to cross the Vargas Family." Lovino returned his smirk, and the two left the warehouse.

"What was point of that?" Russia asked, confused.

"Mafia business." Romano explained. "We had a traitor, and needed to make sure we had the right guy."

"I think it was shown because it was the first time since we'd been reunited, where I placed my trust in fratello like that. Sure, I could've gotten away, but we really had no idea what to expect in that situation." I added.

"Oh, so it was representing you learning to trust each other again." Canada muttered.

"Exactly." Luciano spoke up, as the next memory filtered in.

Feliciano was laying in bed, looking ill. For whatever reason, Luci was also there, as was Lavi (Memory Flavio).

"Dude? What're you two doing in the 1P world?" America asked.

"They came to help me out because Feliciano got sick." Romano sent Luciano a smirk. "As soon as he heard, he rushed over in a huff, all worried."

"I did not!"

"Yes you did, fratello~!" Flavio grinned. "He was such a mother hen, I swear! He even wanted to make Feli some soup, but Vino would have nothing of it." Flavio laughed, while Luciano was bright red, trying his best to hide his embarrassment.

"Oh, yeah! You can't cook!" America suddenly remembered, looking at Luciano.

"Say that again, you fucker. I dare you." He held up a knife threateningly, looking at his ahoge.

"Err..." America looked back over at the memory.

We watched as Feliciano, who had a fever, was catered to by the three nations. Lovino was hurrying around, working himself into a tizzy.

"Calm down, or you'll get sick, too!" Lavi said, placing his hands on Lovino's shoulders.

"But... He's..." Lovino looked towards his sleeping brother.

"We know." Luci interrupted. "He's your brother, you've only just gotten him back. He's mortal to sicknesses like this." He leveled Lovino with a very serious look. "But you're our brother, too. You both are. Don't be such a selfish bastard all the damned time!" He crossed his arms.

"Haha. I think what Luci's trying to say, is let us help you. It hurts us to watch you try to do all this on your own. Let us act like brothers to you two sometimes, too, okay?" Lavi smiled.

"F-fine." Lovino turned away, face red. "G-grazie for the help, you assholes."

"Eh, it's a start." Lavi shrugged.

The scene faded out again before showing Feliciano and Lavi sitting on the back steps of the porch. Feli was obviously recovered at this point.

"Something's coming." Feli said suddenly.

"So you can sense it, too? Usually Luci's the one who senses this sort of thing, but he doesn't seem to have noticed..."

"Sometimes, those who are at the center of something are the ones don't realize what's going on until it's too late." Feli spoke lowly, his eyes tracking the sun's decent over the horizon.

"You know what's coming, right?" Lavi asked, turning to his brother.

"War." Feli turned to meet his gaze. "War is on the horizon, Lavi. I don't know if it's coming to your world, but it's coming to mine. I don't want to fight. I don't want to become a monster. I want to create art, and sing, and bake. I want to have a family and spend time with my brother. I want to live. I don't want to have to fight because it's expected of me. I want..." He sighed, looking back at the darkening sky. "I want to be human."

The silence that followed was deafening.

"But you're not." Lavi finally answered. "You're not human. You're a Nation. You were born a nation for a reason, Feliciano. You are Northern Italy, just like Luciano is. You have a purpose in this world, in this immortal existence. Maybe it wasn't a purpose given to you by a higher power. Maybe it's something you have to make for yourself. Protecting the innocent, or discovering new things. There're endless possibilities." He smiled as he caught his brother's golden gaze. "If you can't find your reason, make it. Humans are creatures of unlimited possibilities, and they are bound only by the limits they place upon themselves. We may not be human, but we are human enough. We are part human. And that means we, too, have near infinite potential. We've just got to find it. You've got to find it."

He paused for a moment, considering his next words carefully.

"Feliciano Chigi Vargas." Feli's attention was suddenly hyper-focused on Lavi, and the memory even tunneled a little to prove that. "Promise me something. Promise me that you will find yourself three reasons. Three separate purposes for living."

(Trigger Warning for Suicidal thoughts and Mentions of Self-Harm)

"How did you know?" Feliciano asked; his eyes suddenly lost their spark, as he gave a bitter smile. "How did you know I was planning to kill myself?"

The nations stared in disbelief. They had never seen me as the suicidal type, but I knew they'd never be able to unsee this.

"I saw your arms, earlier, for one. And for two... Luciano's taken Veryl's death very hard. I know you couldn't have taken Acel's any better. I know because I've been there, Feli. It doesn't make you weaker... the fact that you're still here means that there's more for you in this world."

"Like what?" Feli scoffed. "Every time I've found something precious to me, they've died or been taken away." A quick flash of Feliciano and Lovino being dragged away was shown.

Lavi seemed to have had enough, because he slapped Feliciano hard across the face, picking him up by the front of his shirt. "DON'T YOU DARE!" He started yelling, before quieting his voice so as not to disturb Lovino or Luci. "Don't you dare give me such pitiful excuses! Don't you dare give up. Yeah, life sucks. And yeah, it's full of disappointments. If you'd gone out there and done everything you could and still felt this way, then fine. But you haven't. So don't you dare give up on life before you've even started to live. Up till now, you've been surviving. Existing. So of course you don't want to do that anymore. But you know what? You don't get to check out. You don't get to give up, because you've got people who are counting on you! Like me, and Luciano, and Romano!! You've betrayed yourself, and Emma, your mother! What would she think?! What would Acel think?!" Feliciano flinched back, as if Lavi had physically struck him again.

Lavi continued. "You haven't even tried to live, have you? You've made half-hearted attempts, but you haven't really tried. And don't give me that bull about 'I did try and it wasn't enough.' No, you've been living for people. Take a moment, and live for yourself. Fuck everyone else! Don't make them happy! That's not your job! Make you happy! If smashing pie into the asshole's face makes you happy, then do it! If traveling the world makes you happy, then go! If fighting is what really makes you feel alive, then fight! But don't ever give up on yourself before you've even given yourself a chance. You hate yourself, but have you ever tried to get to know yourself? Feli... right now, you hate a perfect stranger. And it breaks my heart. You're my family, and you're hurting me. But like I said. Make yourself happy, and if you're so shortsighted that you can't see that there is hope at the end of these coming dark days, then maybe you should get a flashlight to help you light the way. It's a temporary fix, but sometimes we need to take things in bite-sized pieces. Know that no matter what, you've got me, and Vino, and Luciano. We won't judge you."

(End of Trigger Warning)

Lavi got up and turned to go inside. "Take it one breath at a time, Feli. We're human enough."

The memory faded as a fierce spark relit within the depths of Feliciano's golden eyes.

"Challenge accepted."

A/N: So the roll has been broken. Sorry about that, guys. This chapter really did not want to be written. I wanted to make it a sweet, fluffy chapter, but that part at the end just sort of wrote itself out.

I've said this before, but I'll say it again. I've struggled with depression and self-harm myself. Right now, I'm the happiest I've been in three years, and I haven't hurt myself in... wow, 6 months, now. Time flies. ^^ But I don't want to offend anyone with what I have decided to put. This was personal for me, and Flavio was saying the things that I wish someone had said to me years ago. I'm not speaking out of ignorance, and what some people need to hear may push others to a darker place.

That being said, I realize that sometimes people just aren't in the right headspace to read certain things, so I've gone ahead and added a Trigger Warning.

On a different note, we'll soon be starting the World War Two ARC. That'll be... interesting, for sure.

Another note... Some of you may have noticed that I have taken down Hetalia Fandom (the fic where they watch the anime and hetagames) on Fanfiction.net. This is because I have received several PMs about people reporting the story and even threatening legal action (all through anonymous reviews, of course). I write for fun, because it's my passion.

I post it so I can bring a smile to someone; make their day a little brighter. I suppose I'm like Feli, that way. I've always lived for others, to make them happy. But writing and music make me happy, too. And when my writing hurts people, or people hurt me because of my writing (as is the case here), then perhaps that writing is best left unshared.

I am, however going to keep it up here unless Wattpad asks me to take it down. (Edit: Wattpad did remove it. But you can still e-mail me, and I'll send you a copy, if you wish.)

On a lighter note, it may be a bit before my next update. I've finally done something I've been meaning to do for the last... Dio, I don't know how many years. I've started writing my first novel. It's not much, yet, but I'm hoping to eventually publish it when I've finished what I have. It's a fantasy novel, and I'm becoming rather proud of it. Unfortunately for you guys, my muse seems to be rather taken with this new story, so updates will likely slow down.

I won't likely post it because it's my first real original story, and I've been World Building for the better part of 4 years. I'd be devastated if someone stole my ideas. The first little prologue chapter thing? I might post, but not the rest. You'll have to wait until I can actually publish it. ^^

(Edit 2: I have posted it on Wattpad, under my same Username/profile. Check it out~!)

Also, on a light note. A reviewer on Wattpad off-handedly mentioned something in a comment on Pasts and Secrets... so I'm now working on an America-centered fanfiction based around the idea that he can see and interact with ghosts. ^^ Look forward to it, though it may be awhile due to the abovementioned story. (Edit 3: It is now posted as a Wattpad exclusive, under the title: "The Inconvenience of Ghosts", as a Oneshot, and may become a Twoshot eventually.)

Again, I'm sorry for the incredibly long Author's Note, and for the overall depressing tone of it. I've added literally a Microsoft Word page's worth of A/N over here, but I'm not sure when my next update will be (not months, guys. Relax! I'll try to keep up the pace more than I have in the past), and wanted to get it out there as to why.

Words: 2,010/2,088

Pages: 4/5

Posted: 01/13/2019

Edited: 03/11/2019