TBI-2 Aftermath; implosive explosion

The ideal bomb works with fusion, crushing the atom's core, rather than splitting it. The aftermath of TBI-2 was an imperfect storm for me, and it was too much, way beyond what I could grasp at once, and it was off the meter, and it both imploded and exploded at the same time in my psyche. If you could've hooked me up to a generator and my stress could've powered a small city for a full year. Well, okay, I'm using hyperbole, but not that much. Let me explain. I was a man who woke up in the morning, drove to work, and came home. I didn't drink and I didn't take medications other than aspirin, Ibuprofen for arthritis, and medication for restless leg syndrome. My arthritis is severe at times; as long as I kept on the move, I was fine. My neurologists worked hard to find the right combination of medication to slow down my seizures; he hoped for the perfect cocktail of seizure medications for me.

I had hundreds of seizures a day; mostly simple-partial temporal lobe seizures (they can take on about any range of seizures) and focal seizures are behind your forehead, and that part, as I've mentioned before, is responsible for organization and my personality, and frontal lobe epilepsy can have a damning effect on my quality of life making a life a series of short circuits...; so try to explain that to your teenage children, wife, and ex-wife; you can't. The medicine Vimpat was made to control this type of seizures and did, but it didn't fix the damage already done. The temporal lobe epilepsy came from an injury to the temporal lobes of the brain, in this case most likely my right temporal lobe where the last brain injury occurred.

The symptoms of temporal lobe epilepsy run the gambit, so hang on. I can sit here at the computer and smell someone cook, well not so unusual in an apartment building, but I'll ask a friend if they smell it too, and they don't. The smell is overpowering to me; I'm having a seizure. Hey, that's not too bad, right? Sometimes it is a voice (Oh no, he hears voices), no I'm not hearing voices, but my seizure is replaying a voice I've heard before. Like in one case, it was my mother calling my name. I know she is dead, but I got up to hunt for her. I reported it to my neurologist and he said, don't worry, it is just a seizure. The brain is a spooky place, even when you're conscious. When the brain's electricity is fucked up, figuring things out is a mess.

Another temporal lobe seizure is global. Some call it a brainstorm. Instead of it being focused in just one area of the temporal lobe, the whole damn thing short circuits. These are the babies that can kill you, and yes they can spread from the temporal lobe. They are called focal tonic-clonic seizures, and I've had them a few times. Most last just five minutes, if they last longer you are in danger. I was usually aware of them, but I was locked inside my brain. I may not remember any of it. I may wake up on the floor or ground; they all seem different. Mostly, serious seizures alter my perception, and my blood pressure soars. I may be able to respond or I may not. If I do respond it may be difficult or impossible to speak, or my words may be slurred, but to the onlooker nothing may seem out of the ordinary. Your observer needs to be trained to know what is happening, to know your actions so they can know something is wrong. Thankfully, my medications had mostly stopped them. If a seizure lasts over 20 minutes, it is called status epilepticus, and it can kill you. Don't ignore seizures if you or a loved one has them. If it is a sign something is wrong, it may be epilepsy or it could be something very serious; always go to the ER.

Auras; they are little seizures; to tell you something bigger is coming. It can be a smell, it can be sudden confusion, or you may not have an aura at all. I've had seizures of every type, and I've had them last twenty minutes, or longer. I've lost consciousness standing in a line or sitting on a bus. If you feel the aura coming on, hang on for dear life. At first, I had hundreds of them a day, until they did surgery to implant a VNS (Vagal Nerve Stimulator) in my chest, and it is like a pacemaker for the brain. The vagal nerve is the main nerve that connects your gut's brain to your heart, and on up to your brain. They implant the VNS in the same pocket in the chest they used for a heart pacemaker, except with the VNS they run wires up your neck to connect to the vagal nerve, near your left vocal cord, where they are clamped on to the nerve. Every so many minutes the device shocks your brain, yes electric shock therapy that stops seizures as they start, by disturbing the electric flow, and if the seizure is already happening it can shorten the length of it, or it can save your life, in that case of a prolonged seizure. Its amperage can be as high as three milli-amps, and this happens at regular intervals. It is used for epilepsy patients whose epilepsy is intractable, meaning it can't be stopped by medications, and after a little over a year of treatment it is deemed that is my situation. The first time it was turned on, the shock was so painful I cried, but you get used to it. The worst side effect is it's so close to your vocal cord, and it basically shuts off your voice, and in my case, it was every one minute and thirty seconds, or whatever interval it is set to run.

https://youtu.be/Irz-NySXrrw

Before this happened, I was put on a medication that didn't react well with me. It shut down a valve to my liver, and it caused a build up of gas in my heart, lungs, and brain. I started having the DTS (delirium tremen symptoms), and my liver suffered injury from one of my epilepsy drugs; I was suffering from hepatoxicity, and my liver was poisoning my brain, heart and lungs. One day, I went from gaining in physiotherapy to not being able to get out of bed. I've lost nearly all my muscle tone in one night. I tell my neurologist to run a liver test, he said, you know how rare that is, and I said run it anyway. He discovered the medication had caused a valve to malfunction. He weaned me off of it slowly. Another TBI specialist admitted me to Rusk Rehab Hospital to monitor me, as they change my medication, and I learned to walk all over again. I will spend six months in outpatient physical therapy at Rusk trying to regain my ability to walk, it seemed my liver killed my pathways for walking, and other things as well. During that time I am put on an antidepressant, paroxetine hydrochloride, but I stay on it too long, and mixed with a medication used to stop my restless leg syndrome I had another problem. I started losing sleep, but I feel okay. The two meds caused me to become manic. I get five minutes of sleep and feel great. I work hard in physical therapy. I mentioned to the therapist I had had only five minutes of sleep, and at the same time I pedaled away on the stationary bike like I had all the energy in the world. This went on for months. No one noticed until the AP picked up on my odd behavior. By that time, we were sleeping in two separate bedrooms sixty feet from each other, because of the seizures, so neither of us knew what's going on, but I was acting strangely, I was full-blown manic, too many medications at once, a new VNS in my chest, and I was burning my candle, from both ends, but from the middle. I was dying, but felt great, on top of the world, and I was now God. The neurologist loaned me one of these textbooks on mania. It was too simple. I understand everything, but it's for mortals not for gods. It didn't register and I headed back to the mental hospital, not for suicide, but because I was crazy as a loon. The year was 2005 the day before Christmas.

https://youtu.be/1l3Yg5Bt1t8