Chapter 7

229.02.10 / 7:28 p.m.

Every part of you was saying it wasn't a good idea, wasn't that what you had said to Thomas only days ago? Paige would find out and turn you into just another Variable for Newt to make his life more miserable... so why was it becoming so hard to ignore?

Every time you talked, and he'd take your hand and rub his thumb in circles on the back and you'd notice how warm and dry his palms were. Every time he half-smiled down at you while you were walking or eating. Hell, just his name gave you butterflies, which you knew was ridiculous.

And it was getting harder and harder every day that insertion drew closer.

You'd tell yourself you'd only have to hold out a few more months before he'd be in the maze and you could safely watch him from the outside, but this almost hurt more.

You'd taken to avoiding him, which you knew couldn't be a permanent solution, but you also couldn't bear the thought of his face while you stand idly by and watch him get taken away to the maze.

When you wouldn't talk to Newt, Thomas would update you on how he was doing, which always made you feel a little better, even though the news was hardly uplifting.

Or there were situations like the one you were in now, all gathered together at the dinner table, chatting and laughing and doing your best to forget where everyone would be in a few months. You'd taken care to sit away from Newt, between Thomas and Minho, who were currently debating the availability of the guard standing at the door on the far side of the room.

"Dude, she's probably like, thirty," Thomas was saying.

Minho gave an exaggerated eye-roll. "You have no way of knowing that, man! WICKED employed us when we were, like, five! How do you know she's not our age?"

"She has a Launcher strapped to her back."

"Yes, she does." Minho wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Thomas punched his shoulder, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"Okay, Minho," Alby piped up. "Go over there then, and flirt with a WICKED guard, just don't come crying back to us with your tail between your legs when she rejects you, sedates you, electrocutes you, and you wake up in a bathtub the next morning with a kidney missing."

You snickered and risked a glance at Newt, who was sort of staring blankly at the three guys, then at you. When he saw you were looking he quickly averted his gaze.

You knew it was ridiculous, acting like school children, but somehow even the empty look he'd given you stung even more.

His pride at stake, Minho puffed out his chest, stood up, and strode over to the guard, leaning against the wall with one arm. Everyone turned to watch curiously, but you huffed and turned back to your food. Newt was currently picking at his salad and fidgeting with his hands, avoiding all eye-contact.

"He's gonna get rejected so hard," Thomas laughed, nudging you. This seemed to bristle Newt further. You smiled a little and nodded in agreement.

"Why doesn't he go for one the group B girls?" you asked.

"I think he's secretly intimidated by them," Thomas whispered, leaning in as if Minho could hear him. "He'd rather die than admit it, though."

"You don't bloody know that!" Newt snapped. You and Thomas looked up at him in confusion at the outburst.

"What?" Thomas asked.

"Unless the guy told you that himself, how do you know? And whose business is it if he likes that guard? Maybe those kind of guts are harder to come by than you think! Why don't you bloody try it yourself sometime before dumping on him!"

You opened and closed your mouth as the older boy glared at you, his face pink. Without another word, he got up and stormed out of the room. You turned to Thomas and shared an incredulous look.

"What the hell was that about?" you asked, breathless.

With another look back at Minho, Thomas shrugged and set a hand on your shoulder.

"Do ya ever think maybe he's jealous?"

You scoffed. "Jealous? Why?"

"Of you, idiot. Us, probably. You've been avoiding him completely, right? How do you think that makes him feel?"

"B-but is that really his main concern right now? With everything going on?"

Thomas rolled his eyes. "Maybe not, but if you liked someone, wouldn't you like to spend as much time with them as possible while you could? He hasn't seen you in what, a week? Plus, I think, at a time like this, he needs someone like you."

Again you couldn't think of a thing to say.

"How about you go see him later?" he said in a quiet voice. "I think Newt could use that. He's not in such a great place right now, I think it would do him some good."

You had no retort, and a wave of sadness for Newt washed over you, so you just bowed your head and nodded. Thomas gave you a pat on the back before standing up.

"Good. I'm sure I can get Teresa to mess with the camera loops for one more night. I'll come get you around nine, okay?"

You heaved a sigh. "Good that."

229.02.10 / 9:08 p.m.

At nine a quiet knock came through from the air vent in the girl's barracks, the same one Newt had snuck through so many times to see his sister, except this time it was only Thomas's head that popped into view. A few of the girls jumped at the sudden noise, and you felt a rush of guilt upon realizing that you'd forgotten to warn any of them -- but the last thing you wanted was them prying into your business.

"(Y/N)!" Harriet shouted behind you. "Where are you going so late?"

You turned to her and shrugged, pretty sure Thomas was grinning ear-to-ear over your shoulder.

"Nowhere that concerns you," you told her. "I'll be back soon."

"Don't stay out too late you two," another girl snickered.

Thomas stepped behind you and pulled the vent back into place, and then you were on your way.

"Did you tell Newt about... all this?" you asked in a hoarse whisper, gesturing around you.

"Yeah, of course, I did. I mean, not like the guys wouldn't mind a surprise visit from a girl so late at night, but I made sure they were prepared." You could practically hear the laughter in his voice.

"Yeah, okay," you muttered. You stewed in nervous silence the rest of the way, and once you arrived, Thomas pushed ahead to disconnect the second grate.

The boy's barracks were almost exactly the same as the girl's, which was obviously a meticulous thing WICKED did, they made sure to keep everything as close to the same as physically possible. You looked around to see boys scattered everywhere, some huddled and talking in groups, some in their bunks with books propped open, and you found yourself immediately glancing around for Newt. Thomas noticed this, and nudged you, tilting his head to the right. You followed and caught sight of him, leaning against the wall opposite you, staring but making no move to walk closer.

"Go get 'em," was all Thomas said before he was gone. You took a deep breath, and doing your best to ignore the boys' burning stares, walked toward Newt, keeping a steady eye on him until he was right beside you.

"(Y-Y/N)," he stuttered. You smiled a little. It was so unlike him to lose his cool, you weren't going to lie and say you didn't enjoy it just a tiny bit.

"Hi, Newt," you said, as quietly as you could without it being a whisper. "Listen," you glanced around again, where all the boys had pretended to go back to what they were doing, though you knew they were listening intently. "Is there somewhere more... private we could go?"

Newt gave a little half-smile, the first you'd seen in a week, and raised his arms around him. "This is as private as it gets unless you wanna risk getting caught by a bloody security guard outside."

You gave a frustrated sigh but decided you weren't going to let these boys' lurking eyes perturb you. "Okay, well I wanted to talk to you about... well, you know as well as I do."

Newt's smile faded a little, and he backed up a ways, grabbing your wrists to follow until you were almost out of earshot of the rest of the group.

"Yeah," he said in a low voice. "I've been worried about you."

"Newt..." you didn't even know where to begin. "I'm so sorry for how I've treated you. I've just been so stressed about finishing work in time -- you know they're already months behind on the maze -- and class, and insertion day-"

"I know," he said softly, rubbing the sides of your arms tentatively. "I have too."

"And I just thought, I should be worrying about other things besides you, you have so much on your plate, and who knows how much more time we'd get before-"

"(Y/N)," he said more sternly. You stopped talking and looked up at him. He was considerably taller than you, so he had to bend down slightly to speak to you at such close proximity, and his hair fell into his eyes. You resisted the urge to brush it away. "Believe me, I'm scared too. Beyond scared. But I'm more bloody scared for you, and it's keeping me up at night. I've barely been able to sleep."

You felt your heart drop to your toes as his expression softened.

"And these buggin' guys -- you've been spending so much time with Tommy that... I don't know... I went a little crazy I guess. I've never been so angry before. I almost understood what some of those Cranks felt down in the pits, it was bloody eating me alive."

"Thomas is a friend," you assured him, glancing over at the older boy, who was laying back in his bunk conversing with Minho. "I mean... he's not terrible to look at, easy on the eyes-"

Newt stared glumly back at Thomas and you laughed. "But you're even less terrible to look at." You reached up to lay a palm on his cheek, which he melted into, eyes half-closed. "Plus, he has Teresa. That whole mind thing, I'd never be able to compete with. And, she's gorgeous. It's no competition." You grinned as Newt chuckled and pulled your hand back.

"You're gorgeous," he said without hesitation. "You're the most bloody gorgeous woman I've ever met." This caught you off guard, and you opened and closed your mouth a few times before you could come up with a response, hoping to God your face wasn't as red as it felt.

"And... how many women have you met?"

"Enough."

Before you could say another word, he bent down to scoop you up in a hug, twirling you around and burying his face in your neck. This got a few whoops and cheers from the boys who weren't even pretending not to watch anymore. One guy shouted, "Kiss her, you pussy!"

He set you down lightly, smiling like a child on Christmas, looking down at you like you were the only person in the room, all the other boys long forgotten. Taking your courage in both hands, adrenaline still pumping, you reached up and snagged the collar of his shirt, tugging him down until he was at your level, and you could feel his breath on your cheek. Before you could regret anything more, you leaned forward and kissed him. Hard. The barracks erupted into cheering and clapping and wolf whistles, but you hardly heard them.

It was like firecrackers, and the hands that he reached to wrap around your waist seemed to burn your skin. His lips were dry and chapped, probably from working outside all day, and as he pulled you closer to him it was like you were melting, your knees suddenly weak, and leaning into him was all you could do to not fall down. Your teeth stung a bit from the painful collision, but in the moment you couldn't have cared less.

When you broke apart, your courage had more or less evaporated, and you were suddenly very aware of the people all around you, still cheering and yelling. Thomas was grinning, but trying to shush them, probably afraid a passing guard would hear all the commotion and come to investigate.

"Bloody hell," Newt whispered, breathless. You laughed and buried your head into his chest, taking in his dusty, clean smell. He opened his mouth as if to say more, then, "Tommy doesn't know what he's missing."