Knowledge is a jewel,
Innocence is a curse,
Possess both to conquer the world,
Have none to ruin the same.

After another two weeks are spent in the hospital with a pan of misguided emotions and mood swings, the doctor has finally let the discharge procedure to process. And I am fidgety right now because I don't know much about myself yet except what I gathered till now from Role and the menial choices that I make daily, for instance, insisting on going for a stroll, disliking the smell of tea and hospitals, wanting to watch the sky at night in open and waiting for rain to pour. I wonder what thunderstorm would sound like.

Furthermore, it will take half an hour after which Role will take me to his home which he calls ours.

The doctor asked me a few times if I remembered anything or had any strange dreams but I couldn't reply because whenever I woke up in the morning, the dream slipped away from the cell membrane of my memory cells as if to taunt me ahead.

After the second day, he himself stopped asking but suggested councelling to me. I have taken Shelly Corbet's contact number who has a 8 years practice in clinical psychology as well as PTSDs.

Wearing a green parker coat, my hands play with that card inside the pocket.

When the wait extends to another ten minutes as Role has to use washroom and the doctor is attending some emergency right now, I take out the card and read it loud in my mind.

Dr. Shelby I. Corbet
Phd. in human psychology and behaviour.
Masters in brain traumas and PTSD.
Certified practitioner of Clinical Psychology, Criminal Psychology and PTSD.

Contact Info. :

[email protected]
Website: www.carebyshelby.org
#3346 5642

Other details of her registered office and a small quote is scripted at the bottom of the card with green leaves entangled around the letters.

"care is the only cure."

The card is faded orange in color as a contrast which makes me curious and want to contact her. Maybe it is some kind of color manipulation to get the prospect interested in you.

"let's go, Alli"

Role enters the reception lounge of the hospital with two bags and one plastic folder.

He takes the burden of the stuff in one hand all at once to offer me his free hand to guide me outside.

While we walk through the exit, I ask him,  "what's in those bags and that folder? I didn't see them before."

"it has your clothes in them. Mom bought the clothes usually herself and stocked them in your cupboard. I guess you didn't notice them."

His hand that has encircled itself around my elbow feels soft and warm, matching the tone of his words whenever he speaks with me.

"possibly, you're right and what's in that folder?"

"your documents and health care reports."

"can i read them?"

His eyes look at me with confusion and consciousness and before he could delay or defer my request, I assure him that it's not a reason for him to worry about.

"just want to make sure everything is back on track."

"sure, but let's just get the stuff in car first. Do you want to eat something before we reach home? Because it will take an hour straight down the road."

"Oh... I don't know what to eat but I guess I will."

My stomach grumbles just then and Role laughs without criticizing me for the embarrassment caused. If my stomach were a person, I'd have slapped it hard.

When we are settled in his yellow mustag 2016 car, he hands me the folder to peruse.

The reports look pretty normal and colloquial to me with my blood pressure, haemoglobin, sugar other levels being fine. Although there is no mention about my current situation. There's no mention of my memory loss. I feel a fear pang at my chest. Why would someone hide such a severe information in such reports? I had a serious car accident that resulted in half of my life being erased. When I woke up I didn't know my name and I still don't as a matter of fact.

I am living a life given to me by others, my alleged husband and mother in law, possibly the hospital and its staff. What if I am not what they think I am? Or what if I am not what they let me believe about myself?

My panic intensifies and my breathing catches hold and pulls my insides along with it. I feel contraction of lungs and it starts to suffocate. My surroundings fade and a distant alarms of familiar voice calls upon me to breathe but it is too late to latch upon that calling. My conscience is subsuming into nothingness and I have no choice left.
,

"I need the money asap, Syl."

"I have a route for you but it is pretty dangerous."

"I have no choice left, my father is the most important person to me in this world. Only he matters."

"are you sure, cara? Because there is no going back once you go inside this dirty game."

"I don't care. If I cant save him, what's the use of living anyhow?"

"fine, I warned you enough. Meet me tomorrow at the Fredrick Rock bar down the lane, Second alley on the right at 8pm. I will have the contact arranged for you."

"thanks, syl, I'll be forever grateful to you."

"dont thank me for this cara. I am not and neither should be you. It is matter of last resort. It was once for me and it will be for you. Just be safe. Remain invisible and play smart."

My body jerks upright with sweat and humidity washing over me. For the first time in my life after accident, I remember something which I dreamt about.

Someone was calling me Cara and she needed to save her father by being invisible and playing smart and safe.

But everyone here claims me to be Alyssa Baxton, a wife and mother of two.

"Alli, baby, fuck, you alright?"

"Role?"

My eyes take time to adjust to the surrounding, I am still in the car that figures I passed out for a while.

"Yes, baby, you okay? you fucking scared me. I called the emergency team and they guided me to bring you back. I am sorry baby, I shouldn't have given you that report. I am so sorry."

His lips are trembling and his voice is breaking. It shows that he is nervous and worried. I assure him a fake comfort when I sit upright and glance at him with sudden confidence to let him believe in me, the same way he has been feeding me with lies about myself. Why did he lie to me? The question keeps stinging my mind but I manage to avert it while I request him for something to eat before he stops to some nearby local diner on the highway.

We order cheese burgers, grilled sandwiches and mojito martini for me while orange soda for him.

His fingers caress my hands again and again in same concern which I find it hard to trust now that I remember tidbits of the dreams I have been having for a long time now.

"Role, you can stop worrying about me now. I am fine, hungry and eating to ease that hunger."

"I am glad. But you cannot tell me ever not to worry about you. You're my world,  Alli. And not just mine, our girls world and along with that even my mothers."

"can I ask you something, Role?"

"sure, baby" he confirms while eating a big crunch of grilled sandwich. There is a dot of mayonese smearing his lips and my fingers twitch to swab it off his mouth.

It takes a nice chunk of self control to restrain myself and be chained to the reality rather than make believe world. I cannot trust anyone, yet, my mind being a guide reminds me.

"where are my parents? Do I have any siblings? Or any other relatives?"

He wipes his mouth with the cotton cloth and answers me with ease.

"They passed away a long time ago, Alli. Mina Merchant and Johny Merchant were two great parents. They lived and died on the sandy beaches of california. They were high school lovers and you were a miracle child to them. So, no, you don't have any siblings either. And I don't know any relatives as of yet. You lived in a friendly neighborhood but I haven't seen any other relatives except a very far cousin sister of your mother. I think her name was Shelly or Shimona. We lost contact with her over the period of time, though."

"

Oh... So it is just us now?"

"Just us and our small world."

A genuine smiles envelopes his curvy stature of lips which increases the doubts in my mind.

"I know that it upsets you. Obviously it is rather disturbing to find no living relative being present with you one day with the slate of memories gone, Alli, I can't even fathom what you're going through right now. But I promise you, I will stand by you, I will help you heal, remember, recollect and form new memories as many as you want. I won't let you feel lonely, Alli. I know you won't be able to trust me easily. It is like our own high school once again. It took you long enough to put youe trust on me. I will work harder this time and more sincerely. You're all I have, Alli. You gave me my world and this time I will give you the same."