(CHAPTER EIGHTEEN :
BURNING BRIDGES)

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ALARIC SALTZMAN WAS DEAD. I liked the man, but there was no immediate pang of guilt when my least favourite Salvatore phoned with the news. In fact, my first thoughts were regarding Damon, Elena and Jeremy — no doubt those three would be the most impacted by his death. Although I was terrible with comfort, I armed myself with two large bags of junk food and visited the Gilbert residence. It might have been tactical and selfish of me to opt for the teenagers over my best friend, but I knew Damon could handle himself. He would drink for a week, then move on, whilst I had other priorities. For example, I needed to talk to Elena and Jeremy before Stefan did, which I intended to approach with delicacy given their guardian had died. No matter the unfortunate circumstances, I knew the truth would be better coming from my lips rather than Stefan's.

Before I could even knock, the door swung open to reveal Stefan and Elena, both of which looked disgruntled. Stefan had frown lines that were deeper than usual, prominent like clothes that hadn't been ironed. Elena had the windswept look, flicking a single tear away from the corner of her eye the second I noticed it. "She knows," were the only two meagre words that the man uttered as he brushed shoulders with me, taking his exit.

"You know?" I echoed the vampire's sentiment, the disappointment in my voice not going amiss. He said I had until tonight to tell her and the night was still young, but I didn't have the energy to confront Stefan about the details. "I can explain, Elena. I swear." Immediately, I tried to soften the blow of the news I was — for lack of a better of term — using her baby brother. "Where's Jeremy? I'd rather say it once." I pursued, acknowledging my actions as I gave my undivided attention to the tall brunette in front of me.

"That's just it, you always can explain." She mumbled with a twinge of bitterness, thinking to herself how I managed to talk myself out of every situation. Naturally, my vampire hearing perked up at the snide remark under her breath. "Jeremy's at The Grill — mourning. I'd rather protect him from more heartbreak than necessary and hear your excuses first." Her hand rested on her hip with her face twisted in an expression I recognised well. Although I witnessed the extent of Elena Gilbert's coldness, it was a rarity I was on the receiving end of it.

I pursed my lips, reminding myself that I had to be my nice because she was my friend and was within reason to be angry. "You're right, I'll tell you first." I agreed, levelling with her after a prolonged pause. "May I come in?" I requested.

Elena extended the door, opening it wider to let me enter. "You've already been invited in." She said, her voice monotone.

"I know, I was being polite." I responded with an airy laugh. "But, I am sure that you feel far less inclined to be gracious towards me given what Stefan told you. He only knows what he overheard though, and I intend to tell you the whole truth now. Anything you want to ask." I claimed, holding my head high as I walked down the familiar stretch of corridor. Except, I halted, noticing a photograph that I hadn't seen before — one of Jenna, Alaric, Jeremy and Elena. Fondly, I smiled down at their exaggerated poses.

Instantly, the doppelgänger flipped the picture frame over. "All I want to know is why, Lottie." She suspired, highlighting the exhaustion surfaced beneath her features. In fact, I would stretch to say she appeared unhinged. From what I gathered, something big went on as I suffered from Esther's spell. I'd likely be dead if my friends didn't kill Esther, but in the unknowingly prevention of my death, came the unsolvable mystery of Alaric's. Or rather, 'Dark' Alaric's.

I hovered with uncertainty before taking a seat on the couch. "I brought junk food. It's all your favourites — chips, cookies, candy." I attempted to divert the topic to ease the palpable tension. "I initially came over here to help you cope. I experienced a lot of death and pain in my life and figured out that it will never get easier, only different." I contributed, almost anticipating her to scold me for not being direct about the situation at hand. Admittedly, I was wary of unloading my more unfiltered thoughts about a relationship with Jeremy onto her in such a fragile state.

Silently, Elena moved the two plastic bags of food to the kitchen. "Dear Diary, today will be different." She quoted her own entry, her scratchy laugh inauthentic due to the immense irony of the sentence. "You're wrong there, Lottie. Every death, every funeral, is the same. The same numbness, the same pain hits as I am reminded that everybody I love is dead, or will die." After a period of thought, she expressed her opinion, which triggered a frown on my features. If she couldn't comprehend people dying as a human, she would make a dreadful vampire. Her turning was inevitable too.

"What about Stefan? I doubt he'll die anytime soon." I pointed out, almost including 'and Damon,' given what happened between the two in Denver. "Plus, there's still Bonnie, Caroline, Matt, Tyler, Jeremy and... me." I listed off on my fingers, ensuring there was a lengthened pause between the mere mention of Jeremy Gilbert and I.

Once more, Elena strutted in the living area, offering me a glass of water. "Will I have you?" She wondered, her voice flaring towards the end with an emotion I failed to detect. "You've been AWOL and nobody knows where your loyalties lie anymore." She confessed tentatively, perching herself on the couch. "Are you with us or the Originals?" The way she said 'the Originals' sent a shiver down my spine and it made the question become an ultimatum.

Carefully, I leant forward and sipped my water. I was pensive, to say the least. It was impossible for me to be loyal to Klaus, I would take that grudge to my grave. As for Rebekah and Elijah, I was relatively indifferent towards the two — Rebekah spared me that night in Chicago, even if she stole my memories also, and Elijah did help the Mystic Falls Gang, even if he betrayed them also. Then, there was Kol, who agreed on a friendship with me. His friendship was worth no more than that of Elena's, but he wasn't the one making me choose either. Truthfully, I felt split, I was being tugged every which way. Soon, I would be in Europe, free from such important decisions. Now, I was in the now and the pressure was on.

"I didn't come here to defend myself from accusations of being a traitor." There was heat in my voice, had the others been talking about me unknowingly? "I came here to clarify what Stefan told you. I stand by what I said before the dance, Elena." I continued, thinking about the way she interrogated me earlier. She wouldn't forgive me if she knew I wasn't wholly honest, so I needed to glamorise the truth slightly.

"Then answer the question you've been avoiding all this time." She urged, her impatience taking over. "Why did you pretend to have feelings for Jeremy?" Elena pressed at last, her sharp words unnaturally cutting given her permanent expression of doe-eyed innocence.

"I didn't pretend to feel anything." I settled on, recalling how the two of us didn't exactly enter a fast-burning, all consuming relationship. "All we did was kiss." I said lamely. "We didn't even go on the date tonight because I was spelled by Esther. Don't be a prude, it isn't a sin to test the waters with him." I was overly aware my lips were moving at lightning speed with the words dripping from my lips with ease.

She inhaled. "You led him on, you gave him hope." The brunette accentuated each syllable with care.

"I only wanted to protect him." I stated, my voice steady when I decided that was the best version of the truth.  "I've known Jeremy since I moved to Mystic Falls, and I witnessed the unimaginable pain he endured. From the death of his parents to the heartbreak of Anna and dying himself, he suffered an unfair amount and was finally content in Denver. I couldn't take that from him, rejecting him could have caused him to deteriorate again." In other terms, Jeremy Gilbert was the string of a violin, tuned and tightened to produce the perfect sound, but on the edge of snapping if too much force was applied. "All I wanted was to be that person he could confide in and feel safe with. Although you might not have realised, compelling him made him paranoid. In the back of his mind, he knows what you did." I unknowingly gave myself away by permitting my voice to rise an octave, a sign of my white lie. The reality was, I used him to feel again, the other aspects merely fell in align with my agenda.

"I'm his sister, I'm meant to be the one to protect him!" She vented, her fingers combing through the tangled strands of her mocha locks. "I—I've known you since the day you moved to Mystic Falls too, I know that you can be charismatic and beneficial to our plans most of the time, but you're manipulative and a seamless liar too." Initially, there was no anger in her voice, rather raw honesty. "Like you said, he's been through too much, so, I'll rephrase — why did you intentionally set Jeremy up for heartbreak?" Whether it was the calm before the storm, I didn't know, but I was sure she was teetering on the edge of her own sanity here. If I knew my friend, her matted hair and severely unflattering acne breakout pointed her to being the opposite of okay.

Locking my jaw, I could feel my control slipping. "He kissed me." I reiterated. "Hell, I would even say I was vulnerable at the time, my memories returned after treacherous decades and I found out my ex-lover was the enemy. Except, he wasn't — or rather isn't — an ex at all considering his half-brother broke up with me in his name." I reminded her, every syllable as scathing as the last. "Do you know what it feels like to aimlessly wander through life? Or, to feel the excruciating pain of choosing between your past and the present circumstances? It royally sucks." Igniting in my soul, a fire was alight. Burning rage consumed me, the girl who knew me inside out was prepared to rip me to shreds over a relationship she had no idea about. Jeremy and I were strictly platonic, whether he knew that or not. Yet, I was being burned at the stake for what took two to do.

Momentarily, her brown orbs softened. "I know excruciating pain, be——" She started to respond until I intercepted.

"Save the sob story for once." I snarled. 'Excuses' and 'lies' were all she believed to come from my lips, she didn't deserve my waste breath. "You seem to have made up your mind about me, that's fine. I'm so sorry that you don't like my decisions, or me, but I suppose all of us can't be Elena Gilbert now." I could taste the sarcasm in my tone.

"What's that meant to mean?" She swallowed a sob, her bottom lip trembling.

Springing to my feet, I shook my head. "That I'm not perfect, that I get reprehended for my countless screw ups," I hesitated, wondering whether to dare touch such dangerous ground with her, "that I can choose a brother." I completed, striding out of the house.

Despite holding the upper hand in the situation, I felt broken. The Doppelgänger may have been one of the better friends I had over the years, all the people in this town were. But, I was leaving for Europe soon and cutting ties were necessary. Her protective streak just provoked me into burning that bridge sooner than desired.

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PORTLAND, OREGON [1908]

"Kol," I hummed, resting my head into the crook his neck. "Have you ever been in love?" I inquired, my two blue bouncy balls for eyes staring up at him like he had the all the knowledge in the world. Perhaps he did, for he had seen so much of the world.

He locked his jaw. "Only once, never again." There was an unblinking harshness in his voice that I grown to accept as part of himself. The Original may have been charismatic, but he was cruel too. I never intended to change him — albeit, I believe I did in some ways.

I smiled, he deserved love, even if it wasn't mine. "What was her name?" I probed, against my better judgement.

"Rosalie." He snarled, her name both enchanting and venomous like a viper. In truth, Rosalie was the furthest thing from a snake. The beauty had a heart of gold, yet to met an untimely fate. "Leave it at once, Charlotte. She is my past, which will wither in due course." Kol noticed my parted lips, knowing I would interrogate him further if he didn't put a stop to my curiosity. To combat his issue, he kissed me — passionately and sinfully.

I pushed away, breathless. "If she is your past, what am I?" I wondered. "If you are not willing to love again, what are we if not lovers?" I loved him, and I knew it. Maybe I was setting myself up for heartbreak, but I had to know if I could ever compare to 'Rosalie,' of whom he got defensive about.

"Lunatics."

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Following the catastrophic situation with Elena, I opted against visiting Jeremy at The Grill. He had Matt. Plus, I didn't want to cause additional harm to either of the Gilberts. Instead, I found my feet walking a familiar route, one I knew like the back of my hand. It was the route to the Salvatore Boarding House. 

"Damon." I mumbled, standing dumbly in the doorway.

His vampire hearing allowed him to be in front of my eyes in a literal flash. "Lottie," he opened his arms and allowed me to enter his warm embrace, tears trickling from my eyes. And that was Damon Salvatore's sixth sense, he could always tell when I was troubled, and would always be there for me.

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A.N: I don't want to explain why this update took so long because honestly, I felt disheartened by the lack of comments and votes and reads. That means my updates will get slower because the encouragement does help.

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