(CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE :
WHERE IS THE LOVE?)

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KLAUS MIKAELSON WAS BEING revived and I had to run. In spite of my hopeless pleas, Elena Gilbert agreed to return the Original's body to his family. In sixty years at most, he would be brought back once Elena lived her dream life. So, I had to run. I intended to leave tonight and live out a decade of euphoria alongside Kol before becoming untraceable. I would change my name, relocate and settle into a new life. By the time Klaus was awake, I would have already nestled into a secure place — he wouldn't expect me to utilise the head start. I would be protected.

"What are you doing?" Jeremy demanded, spotting my retreating frame. He was meant to be phoning Alaric and laying out the bait, which should have provided me with enough time to slip away undetected. Alas, he had other plans.

I stiffened. "I just wanted to get some fresh air, it's suffocating in there." I inclined my head towards the kitchen where the rest of the group were plotting.

He wasn't convinced. "You had a century of experience, I thought you would be a better liar." Jeremy claimed pointedly. More often than not, I spoke my mind and that made me a terrible liar. Sometimes, I would blurt out the truth or the first thing I thought, no matter the consequences. In the past, I was condemned to polite silence and since being a vampire, I became vocal in defiance.

"I was going to come back to help with the plan, but..." I started, wanting to soften the blow. "I'm going to my apartment to pack." I lowered my voice, hoping he wouldn't hear it. Of course, he did hear it.

"Pack?" He echoed, his tone a mixture of curiosity and concern. Although, he was wise to be concerned given I had a rather unappealing track record of leaving without prior notice.

I pursed my lips. "Yeah, pack." I confirmed. "I'm leaving Mystic Falls. Klaus and I didn't end on good terms, I'll need to run soon and I want to make the most of the time I have left not hiding in the shadows." I confessed, a sour twinge in my voice. "Even if I didn't have to run, I wouldn't stay here. This town is full of drama and death, I refuse to waste another day putting my life on the line for your sister — especially since she's the one who signed my death sentence." I expressed my distaste towards his sibling. Repeatedly, I tried with her for the sake of our friendship — and to a lesser extent, Damon — but she could be startlingly selfish. After Elijah left, I begged the teenager to retract her deal for my peace of mind, but she was unmoving.

"When was this decided?" Jeremy pressed his chest up against mine, taking my breath away in the most undesirable way.

"Since Denver." I replied. "I realised that living here comes with too many sacrifices, too many burdens." I told him, my voice soft. For some inexplicable reason, I noted the embers of danger shining in his eyes. Of course — if he got too brave — I would be the victor as the superior species.

"I take it I'm one of those burdens." He snorted unattractively. "You know what, don't even answer that. Just tell me this, why would you get into a relationship with me the same time you decided you would leave?" Heat flushed his face, his vexation radiating through as he probed for my motives.

"Relationship?" I choked out in a splutter. "We kissed, once! We never even went on a date because of Esther." I reminded him, his assumption triggering a twist of repulsion in my features.

Jeremy's muscles tensed. "So, you lead me on?" He asked rhetorically. "Is it because of him? Was I just meant to be a fling, a quick rebound?" No, I wanted to say. Never did I consider the boy to be a rebound or a fling, he was always somebody I wanted to protect and take a risk with. After I'd been solo for so long, I wanted to test if it would be easy to feel strongly for somebody again.

"Him?" I parroted in annoyance. "Kol Mikaelson is ancient history and I couldn't care less about him." I curved my lips into a snarl, exhausted by everybody — Elena, Klaus, Jeremy — thinking I had any romantic ties to the Original. We were starting fresh as friends, but that meant nothing. "Nothing I do is because of him, I can make my own decisions and I'm deciding to leave. You couldn't possible expect me to stay here, to stay for you." Unwillingly, a rancorous laugh escaped my throat at his idiocy. "Look, I don't mean to sound harsh because you're have the potential to be somebody's dream guy, just not mine. I want love, more than anything, but you could never be my priority because I've put others above myself for too long." I relented, not wanting to argue on my last day in town. Initially, I was going to aggressively cut ties with my friends before realising that was unnecessary. All I wanted was a smooth escape.

Determination clouded the boy's eyes, his hand plucking out his phone from his back pocket. "You don't care for him?" He rebuked, the light from the device's screen temporarily blinding me. "The 'I miss you' message in my phone begs to differ. There was no service, but don't worry, I sent it for you." Jeremy reprehended the text I sent to the vampire when I borrowed the Gilbert's phone. "I hope you two will be very happy together." He lamented.

Swallowing, I put my hand on his shoulder. "It wasn't meant like that. He saved me from Alaric and I was vulnerable that night." Jeremy shook my hand off him, appearing to be stony-faced. "I felt like I would never be good enough for anybody again. An eternity of loneliness is no life, so I messaged him. I don't want to be loveless, Jeremy." There was a flicker in my castle walls as I opened up to the brunette in front of me. For a brief moment, I wasn't guarded.

"I was prepared to love you!" Jeremy exclaimed in disbelief.

"You can't love me." I whispered, solemn eyes staring at the ground. "I want you to love me, but I'm a monster. I'm not proud of the things I have done or will do to survive, but I acknowledge what I am and don't regret the things I do." I withdrew my low volume, finding my voice growing louder as I reflected on my nature. "You deserve better. You deserve somebody with a moral compass, somebody that feels remorse for their sins. And I deserve somebody who can balance me, somebody who can give me unconditional love." I proceeded with a level of certainty in my tone. Whether Jeremy realised it or not, he would soon be expecting me to change my ways. Humans liked to 'fix' vampires. I wasn't nefarious in any aspect, but I took pleasure in the kill and the elation usually outweighed the guilt. Similarly, I killed to survive, not for amusement.

Narrowing his brown — they were just plain brown, unlike Kol's varying spectrum — eyes, he sealed the gap between us. "Are we really doing this right now?" He sounded almost pleading.

"Yes!" I exploded, thinking that all the vampires in the house would be listening to the two of us by now. "I need to feel something." With an extended exhale, I gripped his shoulders and shook him. As it turned out, I wanted a fight, I wanted to have something to fight for. Yet, if I needed to start an argument to spark emotions in a 'relationship,' then what had I been tangled into?

Jeremy retracted, not in horror, in embarrassment. "Fine. One more thing, before you walk out that door, does this at least make you feel something?" Throwing my own words back at me, he pressed his lips against mine. They tasted like vanilla, but Kol's tended to be more a cool mint. As he desperately kissed me, I naturally made comparisons to my ex. Even though Jeremy's kiss was pleasant, it was vapid and conventional. Kol Mikaelson didn't kiss like that.

Blinking, I broke the kiss. "I'm sorry ——" I shook my head, knots forming in my stomach. "—— I should go home, I'll be back in time for the plan." I stumbled to find the door handle, trying to claw myself away from the awkward situation.

The Gilbert looked on as I did what I do best — walk away. With a forceful slam of the front door, I walked away and never looked back.

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PORTLAND, OREGON [1908]

"You kissed me." I said dreamily, my head lulling to one side. "Wait, you kissed me. Why did you just kiss me?" I shrieked, the weight of his actions dawning me. It wasn't that the kiss was bad — quite the opposite, it was incredible — but it was my first. Kol Mikaelson was my first kiss and was not the man I was courting.

Smugly, Kol looked down on me from his superior height. "Because I wanted to and I always get what I want." He answered bluntly, licking his lips as if to savour the remains of my flavoured lip balm.

"It doesn't work like that, Kol." I reprehended, finding my voice after a period of silence. During the silence, I found myself fascinated by the Adonis who had infiltrated my home and annual ball. "I am to be married and, in any other circumstances, it would be wrong because I barely know you." I calmed my radical breathing and let the man down gently. I didn't want to cause a rift between him and my parents — he was the biggest sponsor for our ball this year.

"Then we'll get to know each other." He chuckled, knowing it wouldn't be that easy to win me over, but he did love a challenge. "I saw the way you looked at me when we first met, I'm not blind, darling." His confident exterior never wavered for a second, perhaps that was the appeal. He intrigued me, he was so self-assured that I wanted to find a blemish. Nobody was perfect, yet he acted like he was.

I huffed, hot air blowing out of my mouth. "I looked at you with a grateful expression." I defended, my initially tender approach backfiring greatly since it only enlarged his ego. "If you didn't catch me, I would have dirtied my dress. Mother would have had my head for such a thing." I supported my statement with evidence, receiving a half-hearted nod of agreement from the older man. Kol encountered Ethel Hatton for the first time a few weeks ago and immediately knew she was neurotic and a borderline lunatic.

"You never did thank me." He pointed out. "I thought your Mother taught you better than that." Kol teased, formulating a plan in his head. "I'll be waiting outside your window tonight. You can thank me properly that way." There was no suggestion in his voice, it was an order.

"My parents would ——" I tried to counter, but he cut me off swiftly.

"Find a way, you owe it to me." His gaze hardened, he wanted me there tonight and would never resort to compelling a woman for something beyond blood. "But, if you wish to pursue a meaningless, forced romance with Timmy——" Now, I interrupted for once.

I shook my head. "It is Thomas." I corrected.

"I don't really care." Kol shrugged. "As I was saying, if you want to be a puppet in your parents' business dealings, so be it. If you want something more, give me a chance." He brushed a stray strand of blonde behind my ear, taking long strides as he then took his long awaited exit.

Scowling, I stared at the spot Kol Mikaelson stood moments ago. All I could think about was the nerve of him — who did he think he was trying to manipulate me with those lush brown eyes and movie star smile? He was arrogant to think I would fall at his feet because he had a beguiling accent and double-bladed words that were either saccharine sweet or tremendously toxic. Placing my head in my hands, I realised he was right. I did fall for him, I fell for him the second our skin touched and made electricity. It wasn't love at first sight, I was infatuated with him before I saw him. It was — or, we were — just something else.

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After the argument with Jeremy, I received six phone calls from Damon. He must have heard what happened and he was the only one I gave my new number to after purchasing a new phone. It was probably for the best I didn't stay in contact with my Mystic Falls friends anyway. By the seventh call, I answered and informed him I was fine, I was just occupied packing up the belongings in my apartment. Truthfully, I was fine. I didn't cry, Jeremy Gilbert wasn't worth my tears. Moreover, I was bitter — bitter about his accusations, bitter about Elena betraying me for Elijah, bitter about life.

"Stupid Jeremy, stupid Elena, stupid Elijah." I muttered, tossing a handful of jackets into a nearby cardboard box. "Stupid love. Romantic love, friendship love, family love, it all sucks. Who even needs love?" I ranted to myself, roughly throwing a picture frame onto the heap of jackets.

It shattered. Despite the jackets cushioning the fall, my supernatural strength resulted in the picture frame splintering with a shards of the delicate glass slicing into my finger. I hissed when I spotted the blood, sucking the liquid away before it stained anything. Diverting my attention to the discarded frame, I turned it picture-side up. A messy rip decorated the centre of the picture, which pained my eyes. It was a flimsy photograph to begin with, it was easy to tell it was old because of the grainy texture and black and white colouring. But, the age didn't disturb me, it was the content. In the photograph, Kol had his hand on the small of my back as I tilted my head to stare up at his wide smirk. Flashes hit me of the night it was taken, it was the night of the ball and the night before we were meant to run away together.

"It's only a photo." I consoled myself. However, my sturdy composure crumbled when I sunk to the floor, hugging my knees, as I let stinging tears flow free. Maybe it wasn't just a photo to me.

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A.N: Wow, I had fun with this chapter because it was about her tying up loose ends with Jeremy. This chapter was running a little long so I cut out a conversation with Elena, but Lottie is so done with Elena now. She tried to mend their friendship but her letting Klaus roam free in a few years was the final straw.

I can't believe the next chapter is the last one! Do you have a favourite chapter or moment from this book so far?