The scariest thing concerning the important people in your life is not knowing exactly when you'll lose them.

"Ten more minutes left! I see one or two people slowly coming in already." Erik called out from the door and left immediately after relaying that piece of information. He was tasked with many responsibilities for the night and probably didn't have any time to linger here for even an extra second.

Getting up from my seat gingerly, I took long but slow strides towards the dressing table. The waiting room was not spacious, but it had enough room for at least five people to move about. I stood two steps behind Alicia, placing a hand on her left shoulder and gave it a light squeeze to calm her down.

She had on a light frown while she was leaning closer to the mirror and staring at herself intensely. Her dark brown locks were braided up today but there were a few wild strands that hung at the sides of her face, framing it nicely. Alicia fiddled with those stray strands and kept turning at multiple angles to take a better look of herself.

She didn't need to.

"You're beautiful, Alicia." A smile crawled up on my face and tugged on my lips.

She took a few deep breaths, and then finally took her gaze of her reflection in the mirror to look at me.

"Honestly, I still can't believe you're actually getting married." Chuckles spilled out of my mouth and Alicia laughed along.

"There's only less than ten minutes till I have to get out there to officiate it to the world, dad." I felt Alicia's shoulders relax.

"I know, I know," I let out a small sigh, "It's just that there doesn't seem to be any difference compared to twenty years ago and as I look at you now."

I removed my hand from her shoulder and sat on the chair beside her, gazing into her eyes on the same level after pulling her hands into mine. I clasped her hands firmly.

"I'm so happy I can see this day happen for you, being alongside you. But no matter what happens now or next, be it good or bad, even if another decade had passed, you'll always be my little princess, Alicia."

She smiled at me with glistened eyes.

"I may not be here forever, but for as long as I am still here, you can always come to me."

Without saying anything, Alicia leaned forward and gave me a light peck on my cheek and whispered a soft 'thank you'.

"Thank you for being my king, daddy. I may be getting married, but you know I'll never stop acting like your spoiled little princess."

The warmth that filled my heart was on the brim of overflowing, of exploding. Yet the strong feeling of unwillingness to let go tugged on my heart too at the same time. It was such a complicated mix. There were joy, warmth and pride, but sadness and nostalgia too.

I gave her a light hug, not wanting to ruin her dress or make up, but still significant enough to express my feelings.

Ten minutes were up, so after Alicia took a final look in the mirror, I covered her face with a veil and kissed her softly on her forehead.

I grabbed her arms lightly, taking in the sight of her, my princess now ready to go.

She's absolutely stunning, dear.

She's our star, isn't she?

Bright and beautiful.

"Alright, it's time to go."

Alicia linked her arm with mine as I led her out of the room.

Towards your future.

Now that I had walked down the aisle twice in my life, as a husband and a father, I guess my job was almost done.

---

The door clicked behind me with a light push, echoing a little in the silence. I loosened the tie around my neck that was a little suffocating while glancing around absentmindedly, searching for you. Exhaustion was weighing on me heavily but I wanted to see you so badly I casted it aside for now.

I walked with my eyes darting here and there. Even with my eyes closed, I could navigate my way in this house, so I didn't have to keep my gaze ahead of me.

You weren't in the living room so I made my way to the kitchen next. Unfastening the buttons on my sleeves, I stood at the spot between the kitchen and the dining room, yet you were still nowhere in sight. I was supposed to feel more relaxed as I loosened the restraining button and tie on me, but it was the opposite of that. I felt as though the world was closing in on me, trying to trap me in a tight grasp.

An odd feeling settled in my heart. I couldn't pinpoint why, but it felt weird. Like something wasn't right.

I quickened my pace as I checked from room to room and even the bathroom. Still, there wasn't any sign of you. I couldn't get rid of that unsettling feeling in my stomach. A surge of anxiety and fear rushed through me as I snapped my head towards the clock.

Nine o'clock.

You were never not home after eight. Did something happen?

A shot of panic pinged from my head right down to my feet. I clenched my fists then let go slowly. My hands were shaking. They were cold and I couldn't control them.

Stop. I have to do something.

Grabbing my coat and an umbrella, I ran out of the house and into the neighbourhood. I ran in every direction, going back and forth if I couldn't find you. I checked every road leading to home but you still weren't anywhere to be seen.

With heavy pants, I was struggling to get more air as I kept running. My body couldn't keep up with my heart. It felt like it was going to burst, from the lack of oxygen, but also from fear.

Time couldn't have been up yet. Then why?

Are you really gone this time?

A bone-chilling cold engulfed my heart as though it was frozen all over, like warmth never once flowed through it. Overwhelmed, I stopped in my tracks and started hyperventilating. It was painful. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't feel.

I'm scared.

No, no, no.

No.

The world can't take you away from me again and again out of nowhere.

Tears, out of fear and frustration, a very painful mix, started streaming down my cheeks. It was too sudden. Like you were in a bright, well-lit room, fully concentrating on reading a book when someone switched off all the lights without any warning. Like turning blind and feeling like the world wasn't the one you knew anymore. It wasn't fair.

Why won't they take me instead?

Where exactly are you?

As I desperately cry out in my heart, something flashed passed in my mind.

Maybe the world wasn't so cruel after all.

I knew where you were.

I remembered.

---

My aching legs finally got to take a break as I came to a stop in front of the sign to a park near our house. It was late at night and the sky was dark so there weren't many people except for two or three young couples having a date night here.

I commanded my jelly-like legs to move, and with that, I started into the park, getting to the other end, where it was far from the playground. It was quieter there, with less noise and people. You always preferred there.

When had walking become so exhausting? Was it physically or emotionally? Maybe both.

Dragging my feet to a pause, I stood in front of a bench with you sitting on it. Your head was bowed and your gaze was firmly fixed on the ground. Days ago, you had looked fine, despite a little gray. But now? You looked empty and colourless. Almost like that picture they used for your funeral.

Tears were welling up in your eyes. Helplessly – just like you –, they slid down your cheeks. Your facial expression didn't change, and you weren't sobbing. Again, always hurting alone, silently.

It had finally hit me just now that today was the day. The day where a police officer called home and asked us to pick you up at the park at night. We weren't even worried that you weren't home then. No one picked up anything strange.

It was that day that changed our peaceful lives. Your dementia got worse and you could no longer hide it from us.

This revelation didn't come like a mind shattering shock, but it came like a droplet of water hitting the surface of still water. Ripples after ripples had spread endlessly, like a vicious cycle.

I recalled everyone being extra quiet. Like the silence wasn't just hard to bear, it was sharp and it was painful. Everyone was wondering why such a news came from a stranger who was completely unrelated to us, rather than you yourself. To make it worse, you brought out your report and no one missed the date that was written on it.

A year was how long you kept it from us. And it might have been even longer if it wasn't for the day.

"I...thought you were gone. Again. For real." I had wanted to say, but it came out like a strained whisper, almost inaudible. "Please, don't scare me again like this. I'm not ready to lose you again."

I kneeled down; my knees hitting the ground. I reached out my hand for yours .My hand was on top of yours now, even though I had to make it stay in mid-air.

"But I don't know when I'll ever be." Whether that was directed to you or myself, I wasn't so sure.

With every tear that fell from your eyes, my heart got another stab of pain. I was kneeling in public, looking like an insane man, but that didn't matter anymore. I was already out of mind, for letting you, my most important person who had always been by my side, hurt alone for so long.

I had been out of my mind for so long.

What difference did it make now?

"I'm sorry, dear. For being so dependent on you. But I still need you by my side." For all eternity, if the world permitted it.

The tears that had slowly stopped falling from your eyes moments ago come streaming down again like a broken dam. Your whole frame was shaking, and the desire to hug you tightly overwhelmed me.

It felt like you were responding to my words.

"Dear, let's go home now." I said as I stood up, holding out a hand to you.

You didn't move, didn't look at me, and didn't stop crying.

It was the same as before you died. You didn't respond to me, tell me anything and always cried alone.

My hand lowered on its own as disappointment filled my heart.

Of course you wouldn't react. I deserved this. What was I hoping for?

My feet were stuck, like someone had hammered nails through them and into the ground. I couldn't bear to leave when you were still here, crying and alone, yet it was equally painful to just stand and watch.

Just as tears pricked at my eyes, I felt a droplet of cold rainwater hit my right cheek. In a few minutes, the rain fell and it slowly became a downpour. It was as though the sky wanted to express my feelings.

It was cold. I was getting drenched.

But so were you.

Taking my coat off, I held it above your head, hoping to shelter you from the rain, the cold, the pain. The rain poured down on me, hitting me with piercing coldness. Yet, my arms didn't waver or drop. 

"I think I'm losing my mind again, dear."

After an hour of just standing there and waiting for you without doing or saying anything under the rain, you finally moved. You stood up and walked away on your own without looking back,

I wondered if this was what you felt when we didn't want to pay attention to you, even as you patiently waited beside us, for us to just glance at you.

The rain finally stopped.

But the coldness lingered. 

---

To be very honest, I do feel that it's getting redundant and less interesting, but it will get better after this chapter. Nevertheless, I hope it's not too bad. If you're one of my older readers who still click into this story to check out the latest chapter, do vote or leave a comment to let me know. I'd be really happy to see if anyone of you still follows this. Thank you!