5

Yesung went in for his blood tests accompany by leeteuk and sungmin, and the white count is still low, “Yesung's next cycle of chemotherapy has been postponed for a week because his blood counts are low. He’s should avoid exposure to other people's germs and always keep the environment clean. It's worse than it was last week. I’ll prescribed Neupogen to build up his white count. It's an injection that he need once a day. The medicine costs over $1,000 for 10 injections, you have to know how to do it, the nurse will teach you later”. Both of them pay attention to the nurse while she show the demonstration on yesung. Yesung is staying home again that week. Leeteuk taking off from work because he feeling unwell and he know he need to stay healthy so he don't expose yesung to something unhealthy. They've postponed the chemotherapy for another week at least. He goes in for another blood test on few days later.

“hyung, how the test?”, siwon call from his shooting scene. “Yesung's white count is high enough that he was able to start the next cycle of chemotherapy”.”really?it’s good then, I’ll be home later see you”.

Yesung seems to be feeling well and resting at home for 2 weeks. He doing so good and received his Vincristine injection the day before injected by sungmin. The rest have no guts to do that. He has also started the Matulane (Procarbazine) which is the nasty pill that he takes 3 times a day for 2 weeks. While he's on the Procarbazine he can't eat cheese or chocolate, so their housekeeper has been told about that clearly. They will ensure that no any chocolate and cheese in yesung’s food. Many other foods just don't taste very good to him, but milk shakes usually work pretty good, so sungmin and kangin is the one who make him when he want some. For that two weeks, yesung just have vanilla ice cream and milk. It usually takes about a week after he's done with the Procarbazine before he feels good. 

They planning for a walk one week after that. Kangin have stop all his activities except his radio show to take care of yesung. When they went for a walk, kangin ensure that yesung is in a good condition. Thick clothes, mask, medicine are the must have thing for yesung. Kangin, sungmin, eunhyuk, leeteuk and siwon together with yesung have a best time together walking around their neighbourhood. Kangin always alert with yesung and on their way back, he piggy back yesung on the back. “we have fun today right?”. Kangin asking yesung behind his back and kangin could feel that yesung nodding his head.

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Yesung had his blood counts checked again, and they are pretty good. However, the volume of his red blood cells is large, so the doctor prescribed Folic Acid. Kangin is the one who’ll accompany yesung for blood count but that day, it’s siwon, heechul and eunhyuk take over. As kangin is got into cold and leeteuk didn’t allow him to get close with yesung until he get well. “it’s kangin before. I just came for blood count hyung, no need all three of you to came along”. “I’m sorry I didn’t accompany you before as I was busy completing my drama. But now I’ve finish all drama and now you have me with you all the time. Even kangin not as free as me right now”. Heechul secretly kissing yesung cheek. “ahh..hyung..”.

eunhyuk always update his hyung new medicine and Dr Lee are always impressed when eunhyuk hand him a computer printout of all of yesung's meds. yesung's chemo has been postponed for a week because his blood counts are low again.

The corpuscular volume of the red blood cells is still high also. He's still taking Folic acid for that. Folic acid is important in the changing of large immature RBC's into the "normal" smaller cells that have a "dish like" appearance. The size and shape of the mature cell allow it to move freely into the small capillaries. The larger cells are therefore not as mobile (efficient) carriers of oxygen. 

Yesung goes back for a recheck on three days after with heechul. If the white count is still low, he'll get some injections of Neupogen. The last cycle went really well, and they think that was partly because yesung had an extra 2 weeks off before that one. 

Yesung was in deep sleep when sungmin came to fed him his med and give him an injection. But then sungmin saw bruises on yesung’s arm. He rush out go get leeteuk ,”hyung, come see this”. “why?” leeteuk follow sungmin. They saw a few nasty bruises on yesung’s arm and thus they check on other his body part and they found some similar bruises. 

Leeteuk then call Dr Lee, after some chat, “we found a few nasty bruises on yesung, is it normal?”. “bruises?”.” Yes it’s purple and red in color”. “oh that’s normal because of the low platelets. Don’t worry but it’s good you’ll ask me if anything wrong with him”.

Leeteuk cy update:

Yesung started his chemo cycle as his blood count getting better. He's not feeling very well - definitely not as well as at the beginning of last cycle - so that may be a tougher cycle. yesung been feeling a little better the last couple of days, but is pretty tired again today. He started the procarbazine pills this morning (the ones that he can't eat chocolate or cheese with) and got his vincristine injection in afternoon. Yesung has been real tired again. 

Yesung post an update on his cy:

My right shoulder, arms and ribs got a minor bruises, and I also got a few weed scrapes on my arms & legs. My healh continues good. Even my doctors seem to be satisfied at present. I may be asking for some drug changes. I seem to be slow, particularly in reading; and I understand this may be related to my pills. I also nearly at the end of my current chemotherapy. I also have been able to continue with my interests in singing. 

“hyung, when is the chemo?”. “next week, are you feeling well?if not, stay away from yesung”. “I know hyung, I’m fine now and I wanna take him for a walk, can i?”. “walk?where?”, heechul suddenly appear. “han river would be nice”.kangin suggesting “I don’t think so. Its cold now and I don’t wanna him to get cold or something”.heechul really take it serious in matter related to yesung “if that so, it’s okay. What’s he doing?”. Kangin asking heechul while walking to yesung’s room. “kangin ah, he’s sleeping. Don’t disturb him”.”I just wanna take a look of him”. Heechul follow kangin from behind. Yesung seem deeply asleep while hugging his pillow. “ah, he seem so small nowadays. It’s so sad seing him like that”. Kangin start sobbing.”yeah, you know actually I really miss playful of him and his loud laugh. Nowadays he just stay quiet staring us while we talking to him. he slow when respond to anything we ask him. I am really worried of him.”.”but hyung, look he look so cute”. Both of them who quietly standing at the door seing yesung sleeping approach yesung and give him a kiss then get out from the room.

yesung started his chemo cycle, but when it came to day 8 when he's supposed to get the vincristine injection and start the procarbazine, his platelets were low so they said to postpone it for a week. He goes in today and if everything's ok he will proceed with the cycle. 

“yesung's counts are still low and we decided to go ahead and give him the Vincristine injection, since that doesn't affect the counts too badly. But he can skip the procarbazine this time. We figured that was fair since he had a round of procarbazine before he started the PCV chemotherapy. When this cycle is done (3 more weeks), he will have an MRI and we’ll see how it goes”,heechul and leeteuk nodding their head eventhough it’s hard for them to understand. 

Everytime they reached home after chemo, yesung will be completely tired and he will fall asleep for the whole day.

Two day have passes and he seem fine, while they having their breakfast, “ sungmin ah, pass me the b…br.. argh..what we call that thing?”.”bread?”. yesung nodding his head. they spent time together. Shindong bring his laptop to the living room to show yesung fan’s message. “ hyung, you must read this”. “yesung oppa, I hope you will get be.. b.. (better -help by shindong) ahh. Better and I always p..r..pr..(praying-shindong) praying for your health”yesung smiling wide after read those message. “Ahh so nice of them, real ELF”. Siwon who pays attention, observing yesung day by day notice something, he then pass yesung a newspaper, “hyung,read the news”. Siwon sit beside yesung and waiting for him to read. “siwon ah, what’s wrong with you?just read it by yourself”. Shindong grab the paper and throw it to siwon. “it’s okay,I’ll read it”. Yesung feel really hard for him to read. Sometime he forgot how to pronounce some word.

At the kitchen, siwon get kangin, “hyung, I think yesung hyung have some problem”.”really?what?. He look just fine to me”. “hyung, I’ve tested him. He hardly read”. kangin was shocked “you can test him if you want but don’t be to obvious”. Kangin then go get yesung, kangin planning on to update his cy. He wanna do it with yesung. Then he notice yesung hardly pronounce some word.kangin then go get siwon and they went to see Dr Lee secretly. “he’s seem hardly pronounce some word”.” I’ve expected this and for your information it’s a side effect of medication he been taking. He will have more difficulty with remembering words, reading, etc. it could be caused by the Phenobarbitol which yesung takes so he won't have seizures. I asked the neurologist about trying something else, and he said we should wait til we have the MRI and find out what's really going on”

“hyung..hyung!teukie hyung!” leeteuk heard yesung voice like scared of something thus rushed to yesung’s room. “why?”. Leeteuk grab yesung as he saw yesung were panic and anxious sitting on the floor “calm down, what’s wrong?”.”hyung!my right eye,my eye hyung!. it’s blurr.hyung help me!”yesung was so panic and he’s crying. Leeteuk calm him down and sungmin, Kyuhyun and eunhyuk who just came back heard that noise. “hyung!why?”.yesung act really aggressive that leeteuk cannot hold him anymore “hyung, where are you?hyung, teukie hyung!don't leave me!”. yesung keep widen his arm searching leeteuk.“help me hold him, he said his right eye blurr”.”really?what we gonna do hyung?”. as they heard leeteuk, they become so worry and they fail to calm him down. Kyuhyun and leeteuk hug yesung tightly.”yesung ah, hyung is here. Calm down. Stop acting like this”. “I’ll go get sedative”. Sungmin then rushed to the kitchen. “hyung!my eye..i cannot see!”. Eunhyuk were crying while holding yesung, leeteuk keep hold yesung tightly."hyung!eunhyuk hyung help us hold him!". Eunhyuk cannot bear to see that situation but he force himslef to hold Yesung with tears in his eyes. Sungmin came in with an injection in his hand, “hyung, hold him”. Sungmin carefully injected yesung arm. Yesung then slowly calm down and then fall asleep. They take a deep breath, “fortunately you were home hyung, I cannot imagine if no one here just now”.eunhyuk pull yesung comforter up to yesung chest and hold his hyung's hand. "eunhyuk ah, let's go. let him sleep". Leeteuk pull his dongsaeng and they walked out, "he'll be fine. stop crying". 

“hyung, I’m very worry of yesung hyung. a lot of things start happening now. The bruises, the eye,what’s next? what we have to do?”.”He has been mentioning blind spots for a while, but the last time the doctor checked it, he didn't seem to find anything wrong”. leeteuk then called Dr Lee once again and he asked them to bring yesung to the hospital.

They called kangin and they bring yesung straight away to the hospital while yesung still asleep because of the sedative. ‘I wanted to let you all know that yesung seems to have lost his peripheral vision on the right side’. 

That night, yesung been told about that and he frustrated and stay silent. He didn’t talk at all. However, that night leeteuk had yesung look at his nose while he wiggled his finger (like he have seen the doctors do). yesung didn't see leeteuk’s finger on the left side (his right side) until it was nearly to his nose. Yesung also seems to be having increasing difficulty remembering words and reading. 

“I’ll stop singing” For the first time that he don’t want to sing anymore which make everyone surprised. “why hyung?it’s your passion”. Kangin show ‘shh’ sign to eunhyuk and shook his head which make eunhyuk stop talking. Yesung get up and went to his room. Everyone staring at kangin waiting an explanation. “yesterday he was trying to sing our song ‘it’s you’, I’m with him that time, alone. He said he dedicated the song for me and he sing it in front of me but then he seem forgot the note and the lyrics. He force himself that time to continue sing but he can’t sing it. He seem forgot”. The rest were so shocked and some of them lowered their head ,” what we gonna do? He will forget about us too?hyung?”. eunhyuk keep asking kangin. “I don’t know. That song was his favourite and he sing it a lot before he sick, he uses to sing it frequently, so it was pretty upsetting I think”.” Have you told Dr Lee?”. “not yet hyung, I just thought to call him today”.”he must feel very frustrated and sad”. Khuhyun who quietly listening to the conversation quietly walk to yesung room.

As he open the door, he can see his hyung standing at the corner while staring out the window. “hyung, what are you looking at?wanna play some game?”. Yesung surprise that khuhyun suddenly appear then he nod his head. both of them spent time together that evening. They laugh and keep playing until dinner.

‘It's possible that those symptoms are due to swelling from the radiosurgery, but you must also preparing yourself that they may be due to new tumor growth. If the tumor starts growing again it's likely to be fast and furious which means that things could deteriorate quite quickly’. leeteuk still thinking what the doctor said to him just now. He then tell the rest about it. “hyung, what if that happen?” reowook in teary eyes. “don’t ever think negative, he’s so strong he will make it”. “We'll know for sure what's going on after yesung has the next MRI, which will be after this chemo cycle. It will be his last chemo. Even if it's tumor growth, we cannot give up. As long as he's feeling ok, we must keep on fighting”. Leeteuk adding kangin word.

They just had a phone call from radiologist as the doctor looked at yesung film that morning with a neuro-radiologist, and they said there's not much difference from the previous scans. The tumor itself seems to have shifted a little bit, but it's really not much bigger than it was 5 months ago, which is pretty remarkable. There's a lot of edema (swelling) around the tumor, which may be what's causing the symptoms. In February they gave yesung decadron, which helped alleviate the symptoms he was having then, so they will do that this time too. 

They go see Dr. Shin, the neuro-oncologist and they'll get the official word on the MRI, and find out what he recommends for treatment, etc., then. The official report on the MRI says that the tumor has increased in size which mean the enhancing portion of the tumor has increased in size.

While waiting leeteuk and heechul have some talk with the doctor, yesung and sungmin waiting outside the room. Yesung leaned on sungmin shoulder, sungmin hold yesung carefully so that he will not leane to the front. 

‘We increased yesung's decadron to 6 mg/day, which is what I had prescribed for him in February when that MRI showed swelling. It seems to have perked him up, but he is still having difficulty with reading. Just make sure he take exact med, on time and eat also sleep well’.

As both of them out, sungmin raise his eyebrows want to know what the doctor said, “how hyung?”, “we’ll talk later at home, let’s go home first. He looks tired”. Sungmin wake yesung up and they went home.