I.
I'm not even yours
but you still control
everything I have ever done.

II.
I always wonder
when you're around
other girls
if you ever look at them
the way I dreamed
you once looked at me.

III.
have you ever liked someone so much
you've cried for hours
over something
that was never there.

IV.
the kiss we shared
was a disgusting concoction
of germs spit and cells
but the emotions I felt after
were overwhelming and enticing
until you opened your mouth again
and destroyed any hope
I had of being yours.

V.
is it wrong or me
to hope your relationship with her
bursts into flames
and disintegrates into nothing
just to hurt you
and just to give you
the smallest taste
of how broken we had become.

VI.
I say I'm fine
but on the inside
I hope you destroy each other
so I can live knowing
he didn't deserve either of us.

VII.
my gut is telling me
you have eyes for her.
my heart is telling me
she's the one you want.
my mind is telling me
you don't want me anymore.
I pray to a god
I don't believe in anymore
that my body is feeding me lies
even when my soul is telling me
that it isn't.

9/26/18
-h