Love

What is love? I've always wondered that question myself. Everyone has their own version of it but I haven't figured mine out yet. We were all set an idea about what it's supposed to feel like and look like. But it's love has always been distorted to me. You see, love is all I've ever given, whether i liked it or not. I feel like that's all I'm good for. Giving my love to that person, making them feel better, but never receiving that same love back. And i don't blame them. I'm not a person who's meant for love. And it's been proven on multiple occasions. I give and i give and I get hipo racy, jealousy, and one sided love. And I've always grown up this way. Love has always been an unattainable illusion for me. Who would ever love me? People have made me feel unlovable. Weather it be true or not, that's what I've always believed. And it's this heart wrenching feeling every time I realize that that person doesn't love me the way I love them. I'm always getting chosen over someone else, neglected, put to a side, not even considered. Which is fine, considering that fact that I wasn't that important to that person as much as they were to me. And I hate myself for constantly believing in this illusion and thinking it's for me. Where's my love? The love I'm constantly giving, where is it? It's always short lived. And whenever I realize that it's not true, it's almost momentous because I thought that maybe, just maybe, I was someone important. That I was life changing. But all i end up feeling is the life being sucked out of me. I'm not difficult to please. I'm really not. But it's ok. I've learned the hard way that good people tend to not get happy endings. You know, superheroes and all, most die because of their bravery. I'm no superhero but I truly believe that someone can die from a broken heart. That might be me one day. And my death will change no one. If people don't give a shit now, then why bother caring afterwards? So when I'm asked if i believe in love, all i believe in is an impossible illusion that I'll never get to attain. And it's a terrible thing to believe in, that I'm unlovable, but as i said before, I've been made clear that I am so. Which is fine, not everyone is meant for it. Especially me, there's absolutely nothing special about me. I'm nothing but a being on this planet, taking up oxygen. An unlovable being. And that's all I'll ever be.