She had chosen to wear the most hideous clothes today and she still felt on display.
She shifted from one foot to another and with every breathe she felt herself feel more and more unsure of the decision she was sure was incredibly stupid. She was even more sure that she would regret this decision almost immediately.

"Wow...that is a....great outfit." Hamza commented.

She threw him a look and rolled her eyes.
He came up behind her and put his arms around her, resting his head on her shoulder
"Babe, just say the word and we won't go. I know it's way too hard for you."
She closed his eyes, breathing in his scent which calmed her down

"No. You were finally gonna go back to work today and you took a day off for this stupid decision of mine. So I'm gonna do it." She turned to face him
"It's not going to be easy though, you've been warned."

"As long as it makes you feel like you have any kind of closure, I'm fine with the difficulties." He smiled at her and she felt like everything would be alright.

Sometimes she felt sure that he possessed some superhuman powers, powers that made her breathe easy, powers that made her feel like everything would be perfectly fine.

As she sat in the car beside him, she put on the radio and even though she hated the song that was playing, she turned the volume up as if to drown out her inner voice.

You can't do it
She told herself
But then she heard his voice telling her she was a hero and she felt like one.

"Are you sure he still lives there?" He questioned

"No idea. It's just a hunch." She answered, her voice quivering.

The car stopped outside a house that reminded her of her entire childhood, mostly the horrifying parts.
The bright green was now faded and the plants outside had died, just like some part of herself.
The paint on the wall had started to come off and the roof seemed like it would fall down at any moment.
It looked very different from the prim and proper house she had known her entire childhood.

She opened the car door with shaky hands. Walking towards the house, she couldn't even feel her feet against the ground, she couldn't feel the strong wind against her face, all she could feel was her heart that thudded so loud she felt it would burst out of her at any moment.

Her throat choked up and she felt nauseous.
As she stood near the door, she couldn't bring herself to ring the doorbell.

How did she even think she would have the courage to do this?
This was a ridiculous plan.

"I believe in you, Zaib. You can do this. But if you're still not sure, we can go back." He whispered in her ear.

She looked at him with an empty gaze and looked back at the door. She felt dizzy again.

Why couldn't she just run away to where nobody existed but her and Hamza?
She would even prefer a world where she had amnesia, for she wouldn't have to remember all this.

"Hold my hand." She said and almost immediately his fingers intertwined with her.

It didn't make any sense, no sense at all really, but his touch made her want to scream from the top of a mountain and this was just a doorbell.

She was sure her hand had never quivered this much but she raised it and hesitantly rang the doorbell once.

They waited and nobody answered.
"It's a sign, I'm sure it is. Let's go back home." She quickly added

"If that's what you want, okay." He replied

They turned to go back to their car and even though Zaib felt like a coward she also felt like she had avoided a storm.

Unfortunately her feeling was short lived as they soon heard the door creak open.
"Hello. How can I help you?" A polite lady answered.
She looked neither too old nor too young.

She looked at them humbly and Zaib's gaze shifted to Hamza
"Uhh we're here to see Mr. Shahid?"
He hesitantly answered.
For some reason, he looked scared too.

"Oh. That's..that's....umm. Come on in, darlings." She stepped aside to welcome them.

Zaib felt like every step she took towards the door seemed to get heavier and heavier only and when she finally looked inside she felt like she had been hit with something heavy but she kept on walking.

With each step, her grip on Hamza's hand tightened.

"I'm sorry for the way I reacted earlier, it's just that he never gets visitors." The lady explained but Zaib paid no heed, her eyes were too busy scanning the house.

Every wall, every item of decoration seemed to speak to her. She remembered all the places she had left painted handprints on and she remembered all the places where she had fell down and hurt herself.

Mostly, she remembered that one room that she didn't want to see. The room that took away most of her sanity and all her childhood.

When they reached the room he was in, Hamza squeezed her hand gently and she was positive she would throw up any second.

She took deep breathes but they didn't help at all. She wanted to take one step ahead but she also wanted to take a hundred steps back.

Hamza hated seeing her like this, with her inner turmoil displayed clearly on her face but he refrained himself from interrupting for he felt like this was something she had to deal with on her own.

Suddenly, she threw caution to the wind and just stepped inside, her rage taking the better of her.

When she saw him, she felt paralysed. He looked absolutely nothing like the strong, dominating beast she remembered.

His face was covered in a thousand wrinkles, the hair he used to style so lovingly was now all gone. He looked so frail, so weak and so helpless hooked to the machines.

The man who had made her feel like every breathe she took was a burden, now needed help breathing himself.

"Wh..what exactly happened to him?" Hamza asked, confused.

"You guys don't know?" She looked at them weirdly
"Cancer, last stage. I hate saying this as a nurse but he's almost half dead."

She was sure that if any random passerby told her he was suffering from cancer, she would feel sympathy but right now she just felt emotionless.

"What kind of cancer?" She questioned. Her voice not shaking the tiniest bit which her surprised her too

"Testicular cancer." The nurse answered and Zaib instinctively scoffed.

When the shell of her tormentor noticed them, his eyebrows drew together in confusion before his eyes opened wide in recognition.

He made an indistinguishable sound at the back of his throat as he had even lost his ability to talk. Then he raised his hand to point a finger towards Zaib, all the while she stood completely still, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

He then raised both his hands and joined them together, as if apologising to her. A tear rolled down his cheek too and he kept making that indistinguishable sound.
Her insides felt like they were on fire. She wanted nothing more than for the floor to open up and swallow her whole.
She felt a pang inside her heart and she had no idea whether it was sadness or anger. All she knew was that this was enough, this was all she needed to see.

"I don't think I have anything else to say or do. Let's go Hamza." Zaib said

She slowly walked out of the room, her eyes still glued to the man lying on the bed and her tears still continuous.

She didn't know when she reached the car because that's how occupied she was with her thoughts.

The world felt hazy and she could not, for the life of her, make out her emotions.
She felt elated.
She felt crestfallen.
She felt angry.
She felt nostalgic.
She felt like screaming.
She felt like crying.

In this state of chaos, her mind craved one thing she knew would put her to rest.
She turned her head and kissed Hamza as hard as she could. All the emotions she felt, she threw them into this one kiss.
She had no idea why she randomly badgered him with a kiss but it put her racing thoughts to ease.

When they broke apart, he gently wiped away the tears on her cheeks.

"Just take deep breathes okay. I know it's a lot to take in but you have all the time in the world to process it. I'll take you to an ice cream parlour. You can get as many scoops as you want and then we can go home and just lie down. Okay?" He talked to her like she was a little kid.

She slowly nodded her head and he kissed her forehead once more before starting the car.

She didn't know what she expected this meeting to be like, she didn't know whether she expected herself to be angrier or sadder or just feel anything at all.
Whatever she had expected, this was nowhere near that.

"Does it make me a horrible person if I feel no sympathy for him at all?" She questioned

"No. Not at all."

She looked up at the sunny sky where she felt as if she could see God smile down at her.

The man inside had harassed her, taken away her and her sister's childhood, he had raped her sister and killed her.
He had ruined their lives and now this was his state.

A state she couldn't even have comprehended.

Indeed, Allah is the best of planners.