❛ This shit messes with my head. The only home I know is my bed. Too lazy for a suicide, I just watch the days pass hoping to die. ❜

SEASON 1, EPISODE 8
we gull way back

CANNONS WOKE NIKITA the following morning. The blasts were like a long-lost friend to her ears and not necessarily one she had missed. Her blood turned cold, and she leaped from her bed, ready to attack. She snatched the knife from under her pillow and sprinted to the top deck only to find no enemies in sight.

⠀⠀⠀Well, maybe one enemy: Calico Jack.

⠀⠀⠀"What's going on?" Stede asked, appearing behind Nikita. He wore his sleeping gown and a confused expression on his face. "Who are we attacking?"

⠀⠀⠀"Hey! Shit, did we wake you?" Blackbeard asked, hopping down from where he stood above them to greet Stede with a guilty expression. "Shit, sorry, we were a bit too loud. We were blowing stuff up."

⠀⠀⠀"Sorry, sorry," Jack called from behind his friend.

⠀⠀⠀"I just got a paid a visit by my old shipmate, Calico Jack," Blackbeard explained to Stede with a wide, childish expression. Then, his eyes darted to Nikki, and he said, "Nikki, you remember Jack, right? Calico Jack!"

⠀⠀⠀Nikita raised her hands, sending Jack the finger before turning on her heel and leaving the conversation. She pulled herself up on the mast to keep her distance but still in sight of the others. Her back rested against the wood, and she stared down at the three men with a glower.

⠀⠀⠀"Ah, there's that ol' Nikki I've missed," Jack laughed with his gut.

⠀⠀⠀"Don't call me Nikki," Nikita shouted down at him.

⠀⠀⠀"Right, you know how she is," Blackbeard said dismissively to his friend and rested his hand on his shoulder.

⠀⠀⠀"Yeah, a real bitch," Jack agreed.

⠀⠀⠀Nikita flung her knife, the guttural laugh Jack had begun stopped midway as the blade grazed against his shoulder.

⠀⠀⠀"You deserved that one, mate," Blackbeard stated with a dismissive shrug. But then, his expression fell into his classic 'you are staring into the eyes of the devil' glare, and he said chillingly, "Don't let me hear you call her that again."

⠀⠀⠀"Right, of course, sorry," Jack agreed, thinning his lips under his mustache and nodding solemnly. Nikita rolled her eyes. The man never felt sorry.

⠀⠀⠀"Old mate, did you say?" Stede asked, interrupting the two nervously. "Well, if he's a friend of yours, hello."

⠀⠀⠀"Who's the big gal?" Jack asked, redirecting his quick-witted quips to Stede. He ignored the hand Stede offered him and continued the conversation with Blackbeard instead.

⠀⠀⠀"Would you fuckin' stop?" Blackbeard goaded, amused with Jack's antics. The two stopped when he noticed the hurt cross Stede's face. "He's joking. He's fuckin' joking. You're not a girl. Jack, Stede Bonnet. Stede Bonnet, Jack."

⠀⠀⠀"Good to meet you," Stede greeted politely.

⠀⠀⠀"Oh, lovely," Jack agreed sarcastically.

⠀⠀⠀"So, uh, what are we blowing up?" Stede continued, trying to keep the conversation moving.

⠀⠀⠀"We found this old chest of drawers that actually makes quite a good target," Blackbeard explained, chuckling.

⠀⠀⠀"Ah, the ones that were under the stairs?" Stede asked, turning to look at Buttons manning the wheel. Buttons shrugged toward Stede.

⠀⠀⠀"Yes," Blackbeard agreed.

⠀⠀⠀"Those ones. They were under the stairs," Blackbeard agreed.

⠀⠀⠀"Well, yeah, you saw them," Jack added.

⠀⠀⠀"Oh," Stede muttered.

⠀⠀⠀"Were you saving those?" Blackbeard asked.

⠀⠀⠀"No, no," Stede assured him, although it seemed he couldn't just let it blow over without explanation. "They're just an old antique armoire. Yeah, been in the family for generations. I was hoping to... blow it up at some point."

⠀⠀⠀"Oh, shit," Blackbeard breathed out, realizing what he had done. "Mate, I'm sorry. It was Jack's idea. He can be a bit of a wild man. He drifted by late last night. Yeah... he's hit a bit of a rough patch."

⠀⠀⠀"Well, uh, breakfast is probably ready if you want," Stede offered.

⠀⠀⠀"Jack!" Blackbeard exclaimed, shouting about 'brekkie'! Then, at the door, he turned to look up at Nikita. "C'mon, I know you're starved. I won't even make you talk!"

⠀⠀⠀Nikita sighed but knew he would pester her the rest of the day; she didn't. So, she climbed down the mast and followed him into the ship to have dinner with him, Stede, and the man she hated.

NIKITA FOLLOWED BEHIND the three men glumly, watching as they fought through the halls like children to get to breakfast first. They tripped over one another before finding space at the elegant dining table like starving orphans.

⠀⠀⠀Nikita took up her usual seat while Stede sat at the end chair set aside for the occasional guest.

⠀⠀⠀Nikita served herself a scoop of cut fruit and a couple finger sandwiches. She picked at the food, realizing she sat across from Jack, who could leer as much as he'd like.

⠀⠀⠀"Hornigold'd shit himself," Jack exclaimed at the spread, picking apart the food like a vulture.

⠀⠀⠀"Oh, fuckin' Hornigold!" Blackbeard exclaimed. "Captain Hornigold. There's a fucking blast from the past! Such a dick! Such a fucking dick."

⠀⠀⠀"Such a dick!" Jack agreed, beginning to scarf the food down his gullet.

⠀⠀⠀"Hornigold, yes, yes," Stede agreed. Then asked, "Who's Hornigold?"

⠀⠀⠀"That's where me and Jack first met. On Hornigold's ship," Blackbeard explained. "Where we first became outlaws."

⠀⠀⠀"Blackbeard and I met on a ship," Stede regaled, prideful of his tale as he straightened his shoulders, ready to embark on the nostalgic journey. "It was a Spanish vessel. Funny story, actually. I was gut-stabbed, and—"

⠀⠀⠀"Remember how he stabbed us?" Jack cut Stede off, turning to Blackbeard. "Remember he just beat us down? Just, just..."

⠀⠀⠀"Yeah, yeah," Blackbeard agreed enthusiastically.

⠀⠀⠀"Ground us down into nothin'?"

⠀⠀⠀"Oh, I remember. I was there. He treated us like dogs," Blackbeard claimed. "Worse than dogs!"

⠀⠀⠀"Sounds like you two had quite a wild time," Stede said with a very polite smile.

⠀⠀⠀Nikita knew the smile like an old friend, had felt it when Blackbeard had found interest in Stede's company. She felt pushed aside, unwanted, dismissed. It was just the excitement of the newness, but for Stede, this was a new and hurtful feeling. He and Blackbeard had become something akin to friends in their time together. Now, it seemed he was losing him just as quick.

⠀⠀⠀"I was tame compared to him," Jack said giddily, pointing his thumb toward Blackbeard. "This maniac once torched a ship with the entire crew still trapped inside."

⠀⠀⠀"No, Stede doesn't wanna hear about that," Blackbeard quickly muttered, falling back into his chair as he appeared to be embarrassed and ashamed.

⠀⠀⠀"You could just hear their screams for miles," Jack continued, always moving without anyone else. "Help me! Help me! Ah, ah, I'm burning! The flames were—"

⠀⠀⠀"Shut up," Nikita demanded, stabbing her knife through the fine fabric dressing the table and an inch into the wood.

⠀⠀⠀Stede let out a gasp at the sight but restrained himself from panicking.

⠀⠀⠀"What'd you say to me?" Jack asked. His voice had deepened, and a dark aura surrounded him, choking the room with the tension.

⠀⠀⠀"Shut the fuck up," Nikita spat.

⠀⠀⠀Jack wiped the spit from the corner of his eye, and a fire blazed behind his lids. Blackbeard sat up, suddenly on edge as he raised his hands towards them and let a nervous chuckle pass his lips.

⠀⠀⠀"Guys, guys, no need to fight. It's alright, Nikki," Blackbeard assured her. Although even he didn't seem to want to hear the rest of the story, she had stopped.

⠀⠀⠀"Yeah, Nikki," Jack repeated, clicking his tongue at her. "As I was saying, the flames were white-hot, and their skin was mel... ah! Y'know, and whatever you would scream when you're burning to death," he finished, laughing with food in his mouth. He caught Nikita's eye and winked. She furled her lip back, ready to leave, but Stede continued the conversation, keeping her in place.

⠀⠀⠀"I, uh, thought you'd... given up the killing," Stede commented curiously.

⠀⠀⠀Blackbeard hunched over his food, unable to look at Stede as he answered him, "Yeah, well, technically... the fire killed those guys. Not me."

⠀⠀⠀"Yeah, well, that's pirating, isn't it? Ugly profession," Jack continued with a shrug, all of them feeling the shift. "But then again... you'd know that."

⠀⠀⠀"I've actually mellowed a bit," Blackbeard said, sitting back and darted his eyes towards Jack.

⠀⠀⠀"Have you?" Jack asked curiously. "Well, hopefully, you haven't mellowed too much... for whippies? Have you?"

⠀⠀⠀Nikita rolled her eyes in annoyance.

⠀⠀⠀"Whippies?" Blackbeard asked, cackling.

⠀⠀⠀"Whippies! Whippies! Whippies!" they chanted, standing up to head for the deck.

⠀⠀⠀"Nikita, you coming?" Blackbeard asked when he noticed her stay seated.

⠀⠀⠀"No, I think I'll stay here, maybe read," Nikita told him, motioning toward the bookcase.

⠀⠀⠀"Read?" Blackbeard asked, raising a brow. "You can't read."

⠀⠀⠀"Never too late to try."

NIKITA HAD BEEN forced off the ship when they docked at Blind Man's Cove. The crew clumped together on the beach while watching sea life fight to the death with knives strapped to their backs.

⠀⠀⠀Nikita wasn't remotely interested. So instead, she sat by the shore as the waves crashed against her. She wished the water could wash away her fears, but all it left was the cold sting of fresh air.

⠀⠀⠀The screaming excitement behind her faded away, and the sky turned a familiar shade of night. She felt small, vulnerable as the ship morphed into one she had long since seen.

⠀⠀⠀Pirates climbed off the sides, barking with drunken laughter as they broke free onto land. They ran with bottles of run in their hands and settled into camp near Nikita.

⠀⠀⠀Young Nikita hid in the brush, watching them as they told scary stories and drank until their bodies collapsed.

⠀⠀⠀Frightened, Nikita hadn't moved a hair's breadth, but it didn't her any good when the men needed to piss. They weren't embarrassed in front of one another. The man stood clumsily and headed straight for where she hid. His lazy eyes looked down on her, and his hands rested at the hem of his pants before pausing. He stared at her, dark ocean eyes staring blankly at her.

⠀⠀⠀Nikita was paralyzed as she stared back, unable to move. He towered over her, his beard black enough to be a shadow, and his eyes looked like the pits of hell. Then, his brows fell slightly, and the corners of his eyes softened. He raised and finger to his lips, telling her to be quiet before winking.

⠀⠀⠀"Hey!" he shouted to his crew. "It's near daybreak. The market should be open if we start moving now!"

⠀⠀⠀The men grumbled, piss drunk still, but didn't protest. They stood clumsily, and the crew of pirates was gone.

⠀⠀⠀Years later, Blackbeard would tell her that he expected her to run back home. Not become a stowaway on his ship. Nikita told him she would never go back home. If his ship hadn't come, she might've just given herself to the sea.

⠀⠀⠀Her daze ceased, the bright sky returning and Blackbeard, older than he had been that night about to piss into the brush, sat beside her.

⠀⠀⠀"You've been quiet," Blackbeard commented.

⠀⠀⠀"I don't like your friend," Nikita told him, a scowl appearing on her face.

⠀⠀⠀"C'mon, you don't like anyone," Blackbeard scoffed.

⠀⠀⠀"Well, I don't like him the most," Nikita shot back with a singing glare, turning to him.

⠀⠀⠀"Nikki, you've gotta get over this little..." Blackbeard started, incredulous at her response toward Calico Jack. He raised his hands and twiddled his fingers as he tried to place the words he wanted to say. "Rebellious act! You're an adult now. You gotta act like a grown-up even around people you don't like."

⠀⠀⠀"That's some bullshit coming from you," Nikita snapped at him. "You're acting like a fucking child with Jack around."

⠀⠀⠀"What? I'm just having some fun," Blackbeard claimed, his brows furrowing into confusion. "You could use some... been acting like you have a stick up your ass for a while now," he muttered under his breath.

⠀⠀⠀"Y'know, maybe it's not Jack, maybe it's you because I'm starting to dislike you!" Nikita exclaimed in annoyance, standing to her feet and marching across the beach as quickly as possible.

⠀⠀⠀"Nikki! Nikki! Come on back here, please!" Blackbeard shouted after her.

⠀⠀⠀"Shove off, dickhead! I'm taking a walk," Nikita shouted back at him, raising her finger behind her back toward him.

⠀⠀⠀Nikita entered the looming trees, shadows falling against her, then the sunlight warming her skin moments later. Her hand brushed against the bark of the trees she passed, a thumping sound following her as she went. Her mind was muddled, and she hardly recognized what was in front of her until it slammed right into her.

⠀⠀⠀"Oh, hey, sweetheart," the thick drawl of his cursed voice shifted down her spine like a snake. "Fancy meetin' you out here."

⠀⠀⠀"Fuck," Nikita said under her breath, turning on her heel to leave.

⠀⠀⠀Jack reached for her, took her wrist, and pulled her back.

⠀⠀⠀"What's wrong?" Jack asked. His voice softened, and his other hand reached to caress her hairline. It darted back, unknotting the ribbon holding her hair out of her face, so it fell in a dark sheet around her face. His grimy fingers tugged a strand forward, pinching it between his fingers fondly as he stared at it and then her.

⠀⠀⠀Nikita had been paralyzed three times in her life. The night she met Blackbeard, the last time she had seen Jack, right at that moment.

⠀⠀⠀"You've grown a lot," Jack praised, his eyes glancing from her eyes to her chest and back up at her. "Always knew you would."

⠀⠀⠀Nikita's legs were like jelly and her mouth opened to speak, but she couldn't. Her eyes stayed on him, worried that if she looked away, did anything sudden, it would be worse than what was happening now.

⠀⠀⠀Jack's hand left her hair. His thumb rested on her bottom lip, pulling it down as he smirked beneath his mustache.

⠀⠀⠀"Good girl," Jack whispered, leaning closer. His lips pressed against hers, and Nikita stood like she had with Bash the first night they kissed. Her lips just waiting for him to attack hers.

⠀⠀⠀Bash hadn't done this. He was just as inexperienced as her and stood there with his lips on hers until it felt like enough time had passed. She didn't mind kissing Bash. It was the sex that bothered her.

⠀⠀⠀However, with Jack, she felt like the barnacles on the side of the ship were scrapping against her. His lips were peeling and rough, trying to force his way inside her. His body was flush against her, taking pride in the fact that she was meek and frightened. His hands ran through her hair, and she could feel him through his pants. Her face flushed in disgust, and she just wanted to run.

⠀⠀⠀Then, her arm fell free from the paralyzed prison, and her fingers twitched to the knife at her hip. With Jack distracted, her knife rested at his crotch. His moans hitched into his throat, and his eyes opened to stare at her with his mouth still on top of hers.

⠀⠀⠀"Get off of me, or I will cut it off," Nikita hissed. Her eyes were cold, and the words fell awkwardly from her lips with him right over her.

⠀⠀⠀Jack leaned away. The smirk on his lips showed he didn't necessarily believe her. But then, she pushed the knife forward, and the tip of the blade had enough threat to have Jack move away.

⠀⠀⠀"Alright, alright," Jack said in amusement like she was overreacting. "But you won't always have that knife on you," he whispered, clicking his tongue and leaving her.

⠀⠀⠀Nikita stood, her limbs shaking and her breathing growing heavy. She couldn't believe it had nearly happened again. It didn't go as far as the last, but she felt the same numbness as the last time.

⠀⠀⠀It took her what felt like hours to start moving again. Her hands shaking so violently that she nearly dropped her knife a few times. She returned to the beach when she resheathed it and headed for the boat.

⠀⠀⠀"Oh, there you are! Off making out with your boyfriend!" Blackbeard called teasingly from the beach catching Nikita's dazed expression. She jumped out of her skin, turning to him. Her brows furrowed in confusion, and she noticed from the corner of her eyes that Bash was leaving the woods. "If you don't wanna make it so obvious, maybe spread the time you come out of the woods more!"

⠀⠀⠀Nikita hadn't told Blackbeard that she and Bash had broken up. She didn't have a chance since Jack arrived. And he didn't know about Jack, either. She doubted he'd believe her anyway because he basically worshipped the man.

⠀⠀⠀Nikita didn't respond, her face darkening, and went to continue for the ship.

⠀⠀⠀"I'm only joking, Nikki," Blackbeard called after her, trying to act sincere, but she could hear the annoyance in his tone. She couldn't handle it. She needed to get away from him and everyone. "C'mon, we're about to have a coconut war. Take your anger out by hitting me in the head."

⠀⠀⠀"I'm going back to the ship," Nikita called back.

⠀⠀⠀"Fine, you and Stede have fun being—" Blackbeard started but didn't finish as a coconut slammed into the back of his head. Jack laughed loudly, and Blackbeard turned to him, his attention now on throwing coconuts at each other.

⠀⠀⠀Nikita didn't bother, finding Stede about to leave on the dingies.

⠀⠀⠀"I heard you were joining me," Stede said cordially, waiting patiently for her beside the dingy.

⠀⠀⠀"Yeah, I'll paddle," Nikita told him, taking the oars. "Just push us off."

⠀⠀⠀Stede nodded and did as she asked. Nikita paddled the boat back to their ship with ease. Her arms burning the farther along they went, but it felt refreshing to do something different. While no conversation passed between them, Stede still talked to fill the tension in the air.

⠀⠀⠀When they arrived at the ship and stood on deck, Stede turned to look at her apprehensively. The two had hardly spent alone time together, and neither had gauged the other outside Blackbeard.

⠀⠀⠀"Well, since it's just the two of us," Stede sighed, flapping his arms awkwardly and thinning his lips before turning to her. "Would you like some tea?"

⠀⠀⠀Nikita glanced at him. She wanted to say no, but her mouth said, "Sure."

⠀⠀⠀Nikita followed Stede down to his room, where he busied himself with making a kettle. While the tea steeped, he sat in the armchair beside the couch and smiled lightly at Nikita.

⠀⠀⠀"I heard you were going to try learning to read earlier," Stede stated, trying to find some conversation they could share.

⠀⠀⠀Nikita shrugged, unable to look at him, and said, "It was just an excuse. I don't like whippies."

⠀⠀⠀Stede sighed in understanding, nodding. "Neither do I."

⠀⠀⠀"Or Jack."

⠀⠀⠀"Yes, me, too," Stede agreed, standing to get their tea. "Is there a reason you don't like him?" he asked, pouring cream and sugar into their cups. She watched with distaste but didn't have the heart to tell him she liked her tea with no sugar.

⠀⠀⠀"I just don't like a lot of people," Nikita muttered. She took the cup from Stede when he returned. She took a sip, the warmth filled her chest, but the sweetness nearly made her gag. She kept her expression neutral to not offend him.

⠀⠀⠀"I've noticed," Stede chuckled. "You seem to have taken a liking to Mr. Sebastian, however," he said, moving his tea to his lips and raising his brows curiously at her.

⠀⠀⠀"Sebastian," Nikita muttered, then realized he meant Bash. She didn't know his name was short for something. "Oh, right... not much anymore."

⠀⠀⠀"Oh, no," Stede gasped, his expression falling immediately as if he were watching a distressing play. "I thought you two were sweet together."

⠀⠀⠀Nikita shrugged, not sure how to respond.

⠀⠀⠀"I just have to ask," Stede suddenly said, straightening his back as he stared at her impishly. "You don't like many people... do you like me?"

⠀⠀⠀Nikita looked him up and down, letting him agonize her response in the minute silence before saying, "You're alright."

⠀⠀⠀"Alright," Stede repeated, an impressed smile coming to his face. "I'm quite okay with alright."

⠀⠀⠀Nikita chuckled at his reaction. Stede was a good man, she could tell. He was never fake with them, maybe he was selfish or oblivious, but he didn't try to hide it. Instead, he wore his heart on his sleeve and cared for his crew to the best of his ability. Better than any other Captain she had ever met.

⠀⠀⠀"You make my dad happy, so..." Nikita muttered, nodding her head, and raised her cup in a toast. "Yeah, you're alright in my books."

⠀⠀⠀Stede smiled to himself, taking a sip of his tea to toast. He continued to speak for the two of them, but Nikita spoke up less and less as time passed. The sun was beginning to set, and her mind was far off. Stede was able to take her mind off Jack for a little while, but it returned just as quick and twice as hard.

⠀⠀⠀"Nikita," Stede said delicately, pulling her from her thoughts. He was on the other side of the room, sitting at his desk as he read. Nikita hadn't even noticed he'd left her or stopped talking, but it seemed a while had passed since he did. "I couldn't help but notice your hands."

⠀⠀⠀Nikita looked down, seeing them clenched on the side of the couch with white knuckles. She looked at Stede, who watched her in concern, his brows furrowing together.

⠀⠀⠀"Are you sure everything is alright?" he asked.

⠀⠀⠀"I—y-yeah," she tried to say, but her voice cracked, betrayed her. She rubbed her arms against her eyes, feeling the tears soaking her face, but they respawned every time she tried to rid them.

⠀⠀⠀"Oh, darling," Stede sighed. His chair scraped against the hardwood floors and walked across the room with elegance. His dressing gown flapped behind him and fell as he sat on the couch with her. His hand rested on top of hers, feeling the shake in them. "What is it? You can tell me."

⠀⠀⠀"I can't."

⠀⠀⠀"Why not?" Stede asked, confused.

⠀⠀⠀"It'll break his heart," Nikita explained, pulling her knees to her chest and burying her head into them so she wouldn't have to look at him.

⠀⠀⠀"Bash's?" Stede asked.

⠀⠀⠀"No, we've already talked," Nikita answered him. Her breathing was becoming more erratic the longer she stewed.

⠀⠀⠀"Then... Ed?" Stede asked. She didn't respond. "What for? What would break his heart?"

⠀⠀⠀Nikita couldn't say anything, pushing her hands onto the back of her neck. She took in deep, labored breaths to try and calm herself while Stede put the pieces together.

⠀⠀⠀"This isn't about Jack... is it?" Stede asked, and the sob breaking from Nikita's lips had him understanding. "Oh, no. Oh, that... that fucking—that—!"

⠀⠀⠀The crack of Jack's whip caught Stede's attention, and he stood in a bright red rage. He was storming across the room, heading for the door, but Nikita perked up, stumbling over her feet to catch it from opening.

⠀⠀⠀"No, Stede," she exclaimed, pressing her back against the door to keep him trapped. "Please. Please, please, please, you can't tell my dad. You can't—"

⠀⠀⠀"Why ever not, Nikita?" Stede asked defiantly, staring down his nose with an anger Nikita never thought he could hold. "He needs to know."

⠀⠀⠀"No, he doesn't, he doesn't," Nikita assured him, the words blurring together. "Just... it's your ship. You decide. But please, leave that out!"

⠀⠀⠀Stede stared down at her with a tight-pressed frown, disappointed that she didn't want her father to know. But, he also had a look of understanding. He understood why she might not want to tell her dad.

⠀⠀⠀"Fine," Stede agreed. "But he's not staying another day on my ship."

AUTHOR'S NOTE —

Poor Nikita :( Sorry for making her and all my OCs suffer constantly. It's just like... what I'm good at.

SONG: Lonely by Palaye Royale

Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you'd like. However, this is an all kind of reader safe space. So even if you ghost read or comment every chapter, I hope you know it means the world to me that you've come into this fic ♡ I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and until the next one.