Chapter 35

"Tinapon mo 'yong gawa mo?" bulalas ni Steffy pagkabalik ko sa aming kitchen laboratory. "Sayang 'yon!"

Baking isn't really my specialty. It is much more complicated than cooking since it requires a more precise measurement of ingredients and oven temperature for a pastry or bread to make it edible, come out and taste how it should be. It has to follow scientific methods and techniques rather than cooking.

In baking, if you put in more ingredients or less than what is necessary, the expected outcome will be different from what you expect it to be. Once it's done, you can't do anything about it without ruining the entire product—the appearance, texture, and taste.

"That bread is as hard as my head, Steffy. Sinong kakain no'n?" malumanay kong balik sa kanya.

The process of baking is just the same as life. It is already done the moment we do things, even out of impulse. What's done can not be undone. We can't attempt to redo it the same way, and no matter how hard we try to make it better or save it, the result will either remain ruined and inconsistent or completely different.

"Hala, paano 'yan..." Napakamot siya sa ulo at problemadong tumitig sa akin. "Anong ipapa-evaluate mo?"

Nagkibit ako ng balikat.

"Paano naman kaya tumigas nang ganoon 'yon?"

Kinagat ko nang mariin ang labi. I asked Harley last time what was the hardest to bake for her, and she answered yeast bread. E, yeast bread pa naman ang nabunot ko para sa individual activity namin ngayon. Kaya nga sumubok ako sa bahay nila noong nakaraan para alam ko na ang gagawin.

I was so confident that I followed the ingredients for this specific bread, so how come it turned out like this? Anong sumobra? Anong nagkulang? Mali ba ang oven temperature ko? Anong mali sa ginawa ko?

Ang hirap isalba nang ayaw magpasalba.

"Hindi ko alam, Steffy." I sighed and removed my toque over my head. "Labas muna ako."

I went to the restroom, and thankfully, no one was in there because the cubicle doors were all left ajar. Dumiretso ako sa tapat ng isang sink bago itinupi ang manggas ng chef's jacket hanggang siko.

Sobrang tagal kong naghilamos na para bang malilinisan nito ang marumi ko ring pagkatao. Pinatay ko ang gripo at pinagpag ang kamay bago ipinunas sa slacks na suot.

I fished out one lollipop from my pocket and unwrapped the plastic. I shoved it into my mouth right away and crumpled the wrapper inside my closed palm.

The sugary flavor suddenly tasted bland for my tongue. Mariin akong napapikit at tinanggal ang stick sa bibig. Dumiretso ako sa basurahan para itapon iyon kasama na ang plastic nito.

Bumalik ako sa kitchen lab at naabutan na ulit ang professor namin sa subject na iyon. May nagpapa-taste test na sa kanya para sa evaluation.

"Izzy!" Lumapit sa akin si Steffy na malawak ang ngiti. "I got 45 over 50!"

Winagayway niya sa akin ang eval form na hawak. I smiled at her and skimmed the paper she was holding until my gaze landed on her final score.

"W-wow," I muttered. "Nice one, Steffy! Ang galing mo."

I sighed. Sana ako rin, 'di ba?

Ang ngiti sa labi niya ay unti-unting napawi. "Paano 'yong sa 'yo? Kausapin kaya natin si Ma'am?"

"H-hindi na. Kahit naman makiusap ako, hindi niya ako pagbibigyan."

Pilit akong ngumiti sa kanya bago nagtungo sa sarili kong table. Nilinis ko na ito kanina habang nasa oven ang ginawa ko. Nasa loob na rin ng plastic ang ilang sumobrang ingredients.

What a big waste. I laughed to myself and put the plastic inside my bag. Kaya dapat sa akin na talagang pera ang ginagamit ko panggastos dito dahil nakaka-guilty kapag nasayang lang ang binili ko gamit ang pera ng magulang.

Umalis ako roon dala ang mga gamit na hindi masyadong napapansin ng iba. Mabuti at nasa labas si Steffy para magpa-evaluate sa faculty. I decided not to go home yet to calm myself so I went to Dagohoy and bought fries and fruit shake. Dumiretso ako sa madalas kong tambayan pero natigilan nang makita si Axasiel.

He was walking and talking with the girl who wears eyeglasses, but debris of jealousy plunged into my heart. The fact that he doesn't speak with a girl alone that much unless really necessary made it harder for me to draw some breath.

"Izzy!"

Nanatili ang titig ko kay Axe na agad lumingon sa paligid nang may sumigaw sa pangalan ko. Pareho silang tumigil ng kasama niya nang matanaw ako.

Umamba si Axe na maglalakad muli habang nakatingin sa akin nang maramdaman kong may pumulupot na braso sa aking baywang. My lips split slightly as I turned to Dwight beside me and immediately regret it.

He kissed me in front of Axasiel!

Agad ko siyang itinulak gamit ang likod ng kamay kahit pa may hawak.

"Dwight, ano ba?!"

Ngumisi siya at humarap kay Axasiel na para bang nagmamalaki. Halos mabitiwan ko ang hawak nang makita ang nag-aalab na galit sa mga mata ni Axe habang nakatitig sa katabi ko. His lips were tightly compressed and his hands were already balled into fists.

My heart pounded harshly. "A-Axe..."

I was about to go to him when Dwight pulled my waist to stay at my place. My ears heated in anger when I faced him.

"You said you already broke up with him, Izzy. So why are you still going to him?"

Pinigilan kong ngumiwi nang idiin niya ang mga daliri sa aking baywang pero hindi rin nakayanan at namaluktot na habang iniinda ang sakit. Nabitiwan ko ang mga hawak at muntik nang mapaluhod sa lupa kung hindi lang mabilis na lumapit si Axasiel para alalayan ako sa baywang.

I held onto his arm when he violently pushed Dwight on his chest. Nanginginig ang kanyang braso nang bumaling sa akin. His eyes were seething mad when he poured his attention on me.

"I-Izzy..." pati boses niya ay nanginginig. "Let's go, please..."

I jerked my chin up in response, still grimacing in excruciating pain on my side. Sinubukan niyang kunin ang bag sa balikat ko nang bigla na lang nawala ang hawak niya sa akin para sa pag-alalay.

"Axe!"

"Oh, my God! Axasiel!" sigaw ko nang humandusay siya dahil sa suntok ni Dwight.

Dumalo agad ang kaklase niyang babae sa kanya. I was quaking in my boots as I uncurled my body to approach him, but Dwight's arm was quick to snatch my arm, dragging me away from them.

"Let's go. Hayaan mo na sila diyan, Izzy."

"P-pero—"

Natigilan ako sa pagsasalita nang may humablot naman sa kabila kong braso. Nagparte ang labi ko nang hawakan ni Axe ang pulso ng kamay ni Dwight na nakahawak sa akin.

I can clearly see how the former's fingers dug into the latter's skin. I raised my gaze to his face, and it stabbed my chest seeing the cut and blood on the side of his lip.

And I hate the fact that I know he wouldn't fight back with violence for himself. That's not how it works for him, to be fair. He's not a pacifist.

"You are hurting my woman. Let her go." His voice exuded lethal despite the calmness.

Namilog ang mga mata ko.

"Your woman?" Dwight mocked and turned to me. "Break na kayo, hindi ba? Bakit inaangkin ka pa niya kahit akin ka naman na?"

My blood reached the boiling point of my anger toward him. Still, I calmed myself and fixated my eyes on Axe's hopeful eyes.

"Axe... j-just let me go with him, p-please?" I gulped and blinked the tears away. "B-bitiwan mo na ako. Nasasaktan ako sa hawak mo..."

His eyelids moved faster as he stared at me in skepticism. We held each other's gaze for a few more seconds, and I could see the pain and betrayal in his eyes. His grip on my hand loosened, and my soul was broken into scraps as he nodded his head.

I instantly regretted those words I threw at him, but my mouth couldn't speak.

"I'm sorry," he apologized silently.

His arm that held me fell to his side. Hindi na siya makatingin sa akin hanggang sa bumaling siya kay Dwight at bumaba sa hawak nito sa akin.

"Please, don't be harsh on her. Her family didn't raise her well just to be treated roughly by other people. No one deserves any form of violence. She deserves more than that."

Those words struck me.

Kahit pa hinila na ako palayo roon... palayo kay Axasiel na nakatanaw lang sa amin gamit ang puno ng sakit at lungkot sa mga mata, tumanim ang sinabi niya sa puso't isip ko.

Axasiel was right. My parents did not raise us with love and care just to let other people hurt us. I should know my worth as a daughter, a sister, and as a person. I should not let anyone tie a rope around my neck and let them beat me like a helpless dog.

We all deserve more than a knife penetrating our skin. And I hate myself for inflicting pain on Axe, even if he doesn't deserve it.

How can I hurt someone like him? He's so genuine. Aside from my family and friends, he's the kindest, most thoughtful, shy yet the sweetest in his own ways, and the most lovable person I know.

He's someone who will never hurt anyone intentionally. Someone who believes that justice shouldn't be served with cruelty and should go through the right process. Someone who would rather get hurt than hurt people. Someone who would not force anyone nor take advantage of them just for his personal benefit.

He doesn't deserve everything I've been doing to him... but why did he agree to our agreement? I'm regretting everything now. I could have thought of a better solution to my problem. I could have listened to him.

Dwight was still dragging me out of Dagohoy when I spotted Harley and her group of friends. Nagtatawanan pa sila at nang makita ako ni Ester, itinuro niya ako kaya naman napatingin na rin sa akin si Harley.

I looked at my best friend, silently begging her to get me from Dwight. The smile on her full lips vanished when her eyes trailed from me to Dwight and then back to me again.

Umirap siya at umiling, hindi na ako pinansin at may sinabi sa mga kaibigan. Para bang walang pakialam kahit na lumuluha na ako.

"Oh, she doesn't care about you? I wonder why," nanunuyang saad ni Dwight.

Bumilis ang pagtaas-baba ng dibdib ko. "She's mad because I chose to hurt Axasiel for you."

Bumagal ang paglakad niya kaya ganoon din ako. Lumuwang ang hawak niya sa braso ko hanggang sa tuluyan na siyang huminto para harapin ako.

Lumambot ang ekspresyon ng kanyang mga mata. The eyes and the boy I used to like were now presented before my eyes. He smiled at me, and his hand from my arm traveled down to my hand.

Kung si Axe ang humahawak sa kamay ko at ngumiti nang ganito ngayon ay malamang nalusaw na ako. Pero hindi, e. Walang na talagang papantay o lalamang sa kanya para sa akin.

"I'm sorry for hurting you, Izzy. I promise you, I'll be a good boyfriend. Iwan ka man ng iba, hindi ako aalis sa tabi mo."

Gusto kong masuka sa sinabi niya. Gusto kong sabihin na mas mabuti pang siya na lang ang mang-iwan sa akin dahil kahit kailan ay hindi ko gugustuhing makasama siya. At boyfriend? Sumasama lang ako sa kanya pero hindi ko siya boyfriend! Taas ng pangarap.

But for the sake of our deal, I nodded my head. Lalo siyang ngumiti at hinawakan ang pisngi ko para punasan ang natuyong luha.

"I want to go home," I told him tiredly. "May duty pa ako mamaya."

I breathed relief from my mouth when he finally let me go.

Since last week, I've been working part-time in a restaurant in Cubao that serves Filipino cuisine, and I was assigned to the back of the house again. Dahil na rin siguro sa nakita nila ang working experience ko sa Saquirias Ristorante na sa back of the house din ako naka-assign.

Back of the house means we are assigned in a station or place where the customers typically couldn't see us working. Sa kitchen, kumbaga, dito sa mga kainan. Nandoon ang mga nagluluto, naglilinis, naghuhugas ng mga plato, at naghahanda ng order na ibibigay ng mga waiter para sa customers.

The whole environment and management is a breath of fresh air. Bukod sa mababait ang mga katrabaho kong mas matatanda sa akin, wala pa naman akong na-engkwentro na may nagalit na customer.

Not until this night.

Katatapos ko lang ng duty hanggang alas otso at nasa locker room ako para sa aming mga empleyado nang pumasok si Debbie. Mugto ang mata sa pag-iyak at ang harapan ng kulay puting polo shirt ay may mantsang itim.

"Debbie, anong nangyari?" nag-aalalang tanong ko at nilapitan siya.

She sobbed and covered her face with hands. My eyes softened as I caressed her back. She was assigned in front of the house. Meaning, sila 'yong madalas na makita ng mga customer o 'di kaya ay sila mismo ang humaharap sa mga customer. Sila rin madalas ang nakakakuha ng tip kapag nagustuhan ng customer ang service o food—kung may nagbibigay.

"T-tinapunan ako ng customer ng order niyang dinuguan d-dahil daw may buhok. Humingi naman ako ng paumanhin at sinabing papalitan namin iyon pero itinapon niya agad sa akin," she said, still sobbing.

I gritted my teeth. Siguro nga ay may pagkakamali kami minsan bilang nagtatrabaho pero kailangan bang gawin pa iyon sa kanya ng customer? Bakit kailangang pahiyain ang taong nagseserbisyo naman nang maayos para sa customer? We are always willing to compensate for our mistake.

"Sinigaw-sigawan niya ako sa harap ng ibang customer. B-binabayaran niya raw tayo nang maayos kaya b-bakit ganoon daw ang service natin. Ang s-simple lang naman daw ng trabaho natin pero hindi pa magawa nang maayos."

"What?" Bahagyang tumaas ang boses ko. "Oo, nagbabayad siya para sa pagkain at serbisyo rito sa atin, pero hindi nila binabayaran ang dignidad nating mga empleyado para ganituhin lang!"

Sometimes, I wish that everyone who eats in any restaurant—or anyone who benefits and is served with any kind of service from workers—should experience at least 24 hours of working like us.

So they would know they should not be harsh in treating the people working to serve them and earn money for themselves and their families. They should be more patient and grateful even though they are paying for our establishment's food and service.

Ang hirap kasi sa ibang customer, akala nila ay hawak na nila kaming nagtatrabaho para sa kanila dahil nagbayad sila, na madali lang naman ang ginagawa namin. May iba talagang nangmamaliit at nang-aabuso sa aming nagtatrabaho kahit pa pare-pareho lang naman kaming tao.

It's probably because, in their mind, they are always right even though they aren't, so they can do anything they want. We can't say no nor tell them what we can't do, that's why we need to put ourselves in their shoe to understand and provide them with a good quality service and product.

We can't say no, but we have to find a way to resolve the problem, in which they must understand that we are always willing to help them and let themselves realize somehow that both sides can communicate effectively and in a good way about the complaint without degrading, belittling, and hurting the employees.

Huminga ako nang malalim at hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi ni Debbie. It's probably her first time to be treated that way because, as far as I know, this is her first time working.

"Debs," tawag ko at tipid na ngumiti sa kanya. "This world may be full of people who can not be good to us, pero isipin na lang din natin na mas marami pa rin ang mga taong mas malawak ang pag-iisip. Mga taong naa-appreciate ang effort natin, mga taong napapasaya natin, at mga taong tinatrato tayo bilang kapwa tao at hindi bilang alipin nila."

Unti-unti siyang tumahan at nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. I brushed off the tears on her cheeks.

"Someone said to me that we should be more patient and kind to people even when they can't do the same to us because they have feelings, too. Eventually, they will realize their own mistakes. I hope," I added and chuckled.

"Paano kung hindi na natin kayang maging mabait at mapagpasensiya dahil napuno na tayo?" maingat niyang tanong. "Tao lang din naman tayo. Napupuno rin. Nasasaktan din lalo na kung paulit-ulit tayong sinasaktan."

"Mag-breakdown tayo," seryoso kong sagot. "Our feelings and emotions are valid. Kapag napuno na tayo, e 'di... itapon na natin lahat ng sama ng loob natin. Magbi-breakdown tayo pero muli pa rin babangon dahil wala na ang negativity sa katawan natin. Magbi-breakdown pero hindi susuko at titigil."

Tuluyan na siyang tumigil sa pag-iyak pero sinisinok pa rin. Lumamlam ang kanyang mga mata habang pinagmamasdan ako.

"Mas marami tayong taong natutulungan at napapasaya sa trabaho natin kahit hindi nila direktang sabihin iyon sa atin. Let's just think of those people. Let's face the reality that no matter what we do, there are people who are hard to please. But it doesn't mean they all have the right to treat us like they have bought our life. That, I hope, should be kept in their mind."

Pagod ang katawan at utak ko habang naghihintay ng bus sa labas ng pinagtatrabahuhan ko. Medyo malayo kasi ito sa LRT station at nakakapagod nang maglalad. Nang makakita ng sign na papunta sa bababaan ko ay agad ko itong pinara.

Siksikan na sa loob dahil rush hour. Nagbayad ako agad sa konduktor since katabi ko lang. Bumibigat na ang talukap ng mga mata ko pero sinikap kong manatiling dilat lalo na at nakatayo lang ako. Baka maabala ko pa ang mga katabi kung sakali.

I put my earphones in my ears while staring at the window. May kumalabit sa kamay ko kaya napatingin ako roon at tinanggal ang isang earpiece sa tainga.

"Miss, dito ka na umupo," the guy sitting in front of me offered.

Nakita kong napatingin ang ibang malapit sa akin. The guy rose from his seat to give way. Nang makaalis siya ay nilingon ko ang matandang babae na nasa tabi ko lang.

"'Nay, kayo na po ang umupo. Ayos lang po ako," sabi ko sa matanda at tipid na ngumiti.

"Naku, maraming salamat, apo. Kanina pa nga nananakit itong tuhod ko," sabi ng matanda habang umuupo. "Maraming salamat ulit, hija."

Ngumiti lang ako.

"Ikaw ang pinapaupo ko, Miss. Bakit mo ibinigay sa matanda?" the guy who offered the seat whined.

Kumunot ang noo ko. Wait. He offered the seat, and I offered it to someone who needs the space more than I do. Okay lang naman akong nakatayo, e. Pero bakit siya nagrereklamo na pinaupo ko ang matanda sa pinaubaya niya? What's wrong with this man?

"Kuya, mas kailangan ng matanda ang upuan kaysa sa akin. For sure, nakikita mo na siyang nahihirapan kanina pa sa pagtayo pero walang nag-offer ng upuan sa kanya—kahit ikaw. So, now that someone offered to me the seat from a gentleman like you," I emphasized sarcastically. "Why can't I do the same to this old lady? Bakit galit ka pa? Labag sa loob 'yan?"

My voice was loud enough for other people to gather their attention at us. Namula naman ang mukha ng lalaki nang may ilang tumawa at sumang-ayon sa sinabi ko.

I kept my face stoic and serious.

"Oo nga! Kanina pa nga 'yan si Lola nakatayo pero wala man lang nag-offer ng upuan para sa kanya? Porque maganda si ate, siya ang inuna kahit kapapasok lang."

"Tama! Mabuti nga siya, ipinaubaya ang upuan sa matanda. Maganda na, mabait pa! Ano pala ang pangalan mo, Miss?"

Ipinasak ko na ulit ang earpiece sa tainga at bumaling na sa may bintana. Now, these people are speaking up for the old lady because someone initiated. Kung hindi ako nagsalita, I wonder kung may magsasalita man lang kahit isa para sa matanda.

I understand that everyone was as tired as I was. Kaya hindi na ako magtataka kung may mga hindi man magpaupo dahil sa pagod. Pare-pareho lang din naman kaming nagbabayad at suwerte talaga ang mga nakakaupo dahil nauna.

Pero sana, may konsiderasyon pa rin ang iba sa mga matatanda, PWD, at buntis. At sana hindi naman labag sa kanila ang pagtulong.

Marami ring nagsibabaan sa may MRT station at sa kabutihang palad, nagkaroon ng libreng upuan para sa ilang pasahero tulad ko. Sa bandang gitna ako pumuwesto at sa tabi ng bintana naupo. Isinandal ko agad ang ulo roon habang nakatanaw sa nakatigil na kasabayang bus.

Naramdaman kong may naupo sa tabi ko at wala naman sana akong balak lingunin ito nang maramdaman ang gumagapang niyang kamay sa braso ko. Agad kong iniwas ang kamay at galit na bumaling sa katabi pagkatapos tanggalin ang earphones sa tainga.

"Excuse me—"

Nabitin sa ere ang galit ko nang mapagtanto ang katabi. My bottom lip slowly widened the gap between the upper.

In his white shirt, pants, and black cap, beside me was none other than the guy who could quickly melt me under his fiery yet gentle brown orbs.

"A-Axe..."

Ang marahan niyang haplos sa aking kamay ay mas lalong nagpalambot sa akin. He filled in the gaps of my fingers with his and squeezed it softly. Dinala niya iyon sa kanyang labi at hinalikan ang likod ng kamay ko.

My eyes trailed down on the side of his lips when he rested our hands on his thigh. Nakagat ko ang aking labi nang ngumiti siya pero hindi umabot sa mga mata. Tila may sariling katauhan ang mga luha ko sa pag-uunahan sa pag-agos pababa ng pisngi ko.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered, crying, staring again at his bruised lips. "I'm s-sorry, Axe..."

I sobbed and didn't bother if other passengers could see me crying. Yumuko ako. Axasiel removed his cap and put it over my head. Ibinaba niya pa ito nang sadya para maharangan ang aking mukha bago siya naglahad ng isang panyo.

Kinuha ko iyon pero ikinulong lang sa aking kamay. Hinawakan niya ang ulo ko at inihilig sa kanyang balikat. I shifted on my seat so I can lean on him comfortably.

"It's alright, Izzy," he murmured. "You don't have to say sorry."

Mas lalo akong napahikbi sa sinabi niya. Ginamit ko na ang kanyang panyo para takpan ang bibig. This ached my chest so much. I can feel the slow movement of his shoulder.

"Just tell me when you are going to be ready again. I will always help you... and be with you... no matter how many times you'd have to push me away."

Pinisil niya ang kamay ko pagkatapos sabihin iyon sa mahinang boses. Weeping, I squeezed back his hand intertwined with mine.

"You're the south magnetic pole while I'm the north magnetic pole. They might be able to separate us but I'm going to find a way to be near you... so we can stick with each other again."

He sighed, stroking my thumb. I sneezed on his handkerchief loudly, which made him chuckle softly.

"Matulog ka na po muna. Gigisingin na lang kita kapag pababa na tayo," marahang aniya.

"Wabyu po..." bulong ko.

His shoulders vibrated shortly. "Mas wab ko po ikaw palagi."