• Melody •

I stare at myself in the mirror with an outfit I just threw together.

It normally wouldn't have taken me this long to just get dressed and go, but today was a very fun and exciting day for me.

I was officially invited to be apart of keke Palmer podcast, and this was another spark that I needed in my career.

I was waiting for this moment to be one on one with her, answering questions from my adoring fans, and just giving her my story on how I came to be.

I'm sure I wouldn't put anything past her, and I know Shang name, along with his new girlfriend, and maybe even Giveon was going to make conversation and I was

Ready.

Another exciting news that I was glad to announced was that my brother, and autumn finally decided to move in together.

I was happy when they wanted to move closer to me in LA.

With my days number, I needed all my close friends and family that I could get near me.

Sliding my feet into my shoes, I was headed out the door when my phone buzz inside my back pocket.

Jumping from the vibration, I pulled it out as I double tap the screen.

My eyes did a major eye roll, and my lips smacked.

Giveon: I'm sure I'm the last person you want to hear from right now, but I just wanted to first, apologize for my absence the other night at the bar.

It was wrong of me to have ever left you alone in that situation to defend for yourself, I was a complete idiot and I just hope that maybe we could look pass everything.

I truly felt that his message could have been good and his apology seem very genuine but I needed a little more time.

I was tired of having to looked pass everything that man did to me.

Enough is enough.

Me: thanks for reaching out, I accept your apology, but right now I feel that I need more time to think.

Moments later.....

Giveon: of course, that's completely understandable, take your time.

Not even responding back, I looked at myself one last time before I was off to make my first appearance on keke Palmer podcast.

Then afterwards Autumn, and I was going to go dress shopping for the awards ceremony tonight.

My nerves was already in shambles with this interview, and now I was about to be sitting amongst so many amazing talented artists.

I was expecting to see Shang there along with him would be his girlfriend.

Still how bad it hurts to not have been going hand in hand with him, especially when this was the moment we was striving for together, I knew he would do just as great maybe even better.

My brother was also attending, but he decided to go ahead without us to go find him an attire for tonight.

He loved being the first person to get something done than showing it off afterwards.

I made sure to resend autumn the text letting her know to be ready around 12 at noon for some shopping after my errand runs.

She rapidly text back within three seconds with an " okay sis".

Now finally put together, I hop inside the backseat of my truck, as I directed the driver of the location that I'll be going.

You would have thought that my heart would be racing for getting the chance to meet keke Palmer, but it really was beating for this ceremony.

All I knew was to look my best, and take home an award.

• M.A.C •

• Music awards ceremony •

I was definitely having the bubble gut instantly.

My nails was now having a meet and greet with my mouth as I was getting pulled to the front entrance.

Where all eyes was on you in every direction you turn.

" oh my gosh melody they have a red carpet out for us to walk on" autumn said so surprised and thrilled

I laughed to myself while still having my face looking out towards the window.

There was so many celebrities that I stop counting after I reach 45.

I knew people knew of me, and I was apart of this big industry, but sometimes I still be feeling like that girl who only made music in her room, for only her own ears to hear.

Now I had an entire world listening to my songs for their ears to hear.

" just think we are about to get out this truck, walked, wave, and smile in front of all those fans and paparazzi out there. How does that make you feel on the inside?"

Autumn gave me this look as if she wasn't afraid of anything.

" it makes me, well us feel like two bad chicks ready to get our pictures on as we walked in with confidence and walking out with not one, not two, but three awards on those arms of yours" she tease .

Autumn was more excited than I was because of my nerves getting the best of me.

" alright ma'am are you all set to go?" The driver ask me while having his eyes explore me through the review.

Nodding my head I had no other choice but to be ready.

" I am" I answer.

I check myself one more time but this time I wanted to apply more lip gloss to my lips.

Our vehicle was the next one up and once it stop dead smack in the middle of the carpet my heart sunk.

Deep.

The driver exited out the truck before walking around to my door.

" just breath melody, this is what you've been waiting for, now slay"

Hearing those words from autumn at this particular moment was what I needed.

Even if she's a wild and obnoxious friend at the end of the day she will always have some sort of positive, and encouraging words.

Just as the door open and we both stepped out screams filled the air.

Flashing lights took over.

I thought I was going to pass completely out from just how loud everyone was to see me.

As we continue to walk and I was ask to stop in the center for photos, I looked out into the crowd where I saw poster of my face on them.

Not wanting to tear up I blew them all kisses and gave them many waves.

This moments was an magnificent feeling to ever witnessed.

To know that this could be my last time seeing my fans or even attending awards or any event I was going to make the most out of it.

But my smiles and greetings suddenly started to fade as we made it closer to the front doors.

Then they started back up cheering and screaming for another celebrity.

Turing on my heels to see what all the big commotion was about I gasp.

So did autumn.

" Mel isn't that..."

"Shang, yes" I beat her to it

When there was him, another women popped out the vehicle.

She was very gorgeous, and as they stepped up a little closer, I realized it was the same girl I met at the bar.

He was receiving so much love and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was loving it.

He was born to be doing exactly what he's doing right now.

I remain still in a dazed as I watch the two connect each other hands together as she waved on the other side of them.

" y'all make an amazing powerful couple" one of the fans blurted from behind him.

I knew this wasn't the time nor place to show any emotions right now.

I once told Shang myself that we was that powerful couple, so to hear it come from a fan towards him and another girl cut me deep.

" hey melody you okay?"

" I'm fine why wouldn't I be?" I sniffled while clearing my throat

" because your hand it's shaking... pretty bad"

Forcing my attention to get off of them, I looked down to see my hand doing exactly what autumn just said.

I quickly stop the shaking with the other hand, and I tried to just ignore any questions that she may asked me.

Still I haven't told her about my illness, but If my symptoms are starting to show in small portions then she may know sooner than I thought.

" come on i don't need you worked up over this"

Autumn place her hand inside mines as she had to literally drag me into that building.

As I did one more look back, his head turn in my direction.

I could tell he froze up as it's been a couple of months since we last seen each other face to face.

He was looking handsome with the weight gain he picked up, and I'm sure he was looking at me.

He continued to stare at me before karrueche took noticed, cuffed the bottom of his chin with her nails, and they locked lips.

Of course the crowd and fans was roaring and cheering them on, and as he lifted back up to look my way I had already turn around and headed further into the building.

A part of me wanting to feel like that we still might have something there, but how can he if his in a relationship.

We was now taking our seats as I noticed cooper already seated.

Autumn rush to his side with giggles as I was still alone.

I made myself comfortable after I finished talking it up with Beyoncé, and Mary J. Blige.

I also had some new hits that I wanted to run by, sza but she wasn't in yet as her seat was still empty.

As I glance off my shoulders to have a look at August Alsina who is my secret crush, a cologne that I knew all to well was started to slither its way through the aisle.

I lifted my body to peak my head down the row and I quickly slap my hand on my thighs.

Cooper and autumn glance over at me for a split second before they both continued their conversation with j.cole, and Kendrick Lamar.

Great, Shang would be seated four chairs down from me.

The fact that the other four chairs was still vacant, he had a picture perfect view of me as I did of him.

Placing the palm of my hand up so that my face could fit perfectly inside I looked back over one more time and his attention was on me.

My eyes didn't hesitate to looked back out towards the empty stage and when I did I felt relieved.

The seats was finally getting filled up by Taylor swift, Kanye west, Kim kardashian, and Tyler the creator.

Finally able to breath and remember what I was here for, I got comfortable as MC Lyte began to introduce everyone and start this awards show off.

I was ready for a win, I could almost taste it.