requested by colderbones

tyler and josh meet online but only being able to talk over facetime and text proves to be much more difficult than they imagined.

i apologize im advance for any emotional distress you may have

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tyler's heart jumped into his throat as he sat patiently on his bed, laptop situated in his lap as he waited. this routine had become all too familiar to him; wait until he was home alone, text his boyfriend to see if they could facetime, await for his response, and finally, if everything goes as planned, they facetime.

talking to josh was always the highlight of tyler's day, making his mind overflow with josh, josh, josh and nothing more. he so easily made tyler happy in moments of distress and not only were they dating, but they were best friends, too. neither of their parents approved of online dating, providing obstacles to the two boys who wanted nothing more than to be able to see each other in the flesh. tyler dreamt of the day he would finally be able to meet josh. he imagined the curly haired boy to smell of vanilla and mint, with a hint of his cologne that tyler knew smelled good because he had a bottle of it for himself. he imagined counting every single freckle that scattered across josh's pale skin, his fingertips grazing against his warm skin as he did so. he wanted to run his hands through josh's bright hair and know the way josh's mouth felt against his own as they kissed.

tyler's ears flooded with the sound of his laptop ringing with an incoming call, accepting it immediately as he waited for the connection to load. his pupils dilated at the sight of the boy who made his heart flutter in his chest, grins taking over both of their faces as they took the time to admire each other through the pixelated screen.

"hi," josh said, voice soft and airy, as if he was in a daze of some sort.

"hi," tyler responded in the same tone, not wanting to interrupt the peaceful atmosphere that they shared.

"i missed you, lovebug," josh chuckled. "not being able to facetime for three days was grueling."

"i know," tyler sighed, happy demeanor changing into one of something that resembled resentment. "you know how my parents are."

josh nodded, because he did know how tyler's parents were. they had walked in on the two of them talking before- just talking, nothing more- and they were furious. josh watched the whole thing happen, softly sobbing to himself because he wanted nothing more than to be there to comfort the small boy. his dad was yelling about how he was an abomination to the family, angry at his son for being gay. his mother focused on the fact that tyler met josh online, claiming that josh was probably catfishing the poor boy, saying that he was stupid for trusting someone he "didn't know". but that was the thing, tyler did know josh. he knew josh better than anyone else, and vice-versa.

"it's okay, we're talking now and that's all that matters." josh shifted his position so he was sitting propped up against the wall of his room. "you look so pretty tonight."

"you say that every time we talk," tyler giggled, face blooming with a peachy pink color. he would never get used to the constant compliments that he received from josh, feeling himself fall deeper and deeper for him with each word he spoke.

"that's because you always look so pretty!" josh interjected, enjoying the way tyler became so flustered. his jubilant expression faded away quickly and he was back to being despondent as his mind swarmed with thoughts. "what are you thinking about?"

"do you ever think we'll get the chance to meet in person?"

josh was silent as he chewed over his words, worried eyes flickering across his screen as he observed his boyfriend's face. brown doe eyes wide and glassy, eyelashes fluttering delicately each time he blinked. chubby cheeks covered in a pretty blush that gave him an innocent aura. plump lips parted, slightly crooked teeth on display, jagged breaths escaping from his mouth. he was angelic in every sense of the word; from his heavenly giggle that sent waves of warmth throughout josh's body, to his cherubic cheeks that never seemed to be anything but bright pink, to the seraphic smile that pulled at his lips, to his entrancing eyes that resembled those of a baby animal. josh often found himself wondering how he got so lucky.

"of course, princess. i'll make sure of it," josh assured.

"what about our parents?" tyler questioned, fingers subconsciously going up to twirl around his hair.

"we've made it work so far, i know we can continue to do just that. there's planes, trains, cars. hell, i'd walk to you if i had no other way!" josh exclaimed, wanting to show tyler that he truly meant what he said. this wasn't the first time they had had this conversation, and he doubted it would be the last, but it hurt just as much each and every time. it killed him not being able to show physical affection to tyler. he just wanted to hold him close and make sure he knew how much he meant to him.

"i love you, josh," tyler spoke, words laced with endearment and a hint of fear somewhere beneath. they had exchanged those three words before but it never ceased to make them feel invincible when they heard it.

"i love you, babydoll. don't fret too much, okay? we'll figure this out soon."

"you promise?"

"i promise."

✈︎

tyler sighed heavily as he began to grow impatient, time ticking away slowly. he held his phone in a death grip, awaiting for the text he hoped to be receiving in any moment. but it never seemed to come. hours passed before he heard that familiar ding, rushing to grab his phone excitedly. he smiled in relief as josh said that he had a few minutes open, giving them time to facetime after three weeks of going without it.

their screens each filled with images of each other, lazy grins on their faces, not the type that reached your eyes and showed true happiness.

"hey," tyler greeted, heart thumping rapidly in his chest. "i wrote you a song."

"play it for me?" josh suggested, sounding more questioning than he intended. tyler nodded and stood up, disappearing for a moment before he came back with his small ukulele in his hands.

"i don't exactly have a name for it quite yet, but i'd love to sing it to you." he softly strummed the first chord.

"i need to know, that when i fail you'll still be here,
'cause if you stick around i'll sing you pretty sounds,
and we'll make money selling your hair.

"i don't care what's in your hair,
i just wanna know what's on your mind,
i used to say 'i wanna die before i'm old,'
but because of you i might think twice."

he peered up from the musical instrument he was holding, analyzing josh's reaction in fear of judgement. josh applauded the brunette with enthusiasm.

"that was amazing, lovebug! you're so talented, i just know you're gonna be famous one day." josh ran a hand through his unruly blue curls, tugging lightly as a yawn passed through his lips. tyler was head over heels in love with josh, and it scared him. he would drop everything to get the chance to talk to josh, those moments being the ones that never failed to make him smile. he feared that josh was becoming tired of him, as their conversations had started to become less and less frequent and much shorter than they used to be. he felt like he had become a second priority to josh, and it made him feel like his lungs were constricting the air out of his body, leaving him unable to breath as he choked on his own sobs. he hated thinking too much about it, instead focusing on the pet-names josh would give him, or the times he would confess his love.

"you really think so?" tyler's words were so hopeful and josh couldn't help but chuckle.

"of course. don't forget about me when you're famous, though," josh teased.

"i could never forget you," tyler admitted, his cheeks burning that bright rouge that lingered faintly on his face at all times.

"the same goes for you, babe," josh answered. "i have to go now, bye. i'll talk to you later, 'kay?"

"bye, josh! i lo-"

before tyler could finish his sentence the call was ended, leaving that four letter word on the tip of his tongue as he realized something that made his heart heavy. josh hung up without saying 'i love you'.

✈︎

tyler stared out into the crowed of strangers, bright lights shining down on his dewy skin as he prepared himself to preform a song that held great significance to him for the first time in front of an audience. of more than one person that is. his fingers felt stiff as he placed his index finger on the C string, first fret, his middle finger on the G string, second fret, and his ring finger on the A string, second fret, the correct positioning to play a G flat minor. he took a deep breath and tried to ignore the questioning stares of the thousands of people in front of him.

"i'm gonna play you guys a song that holds a lot of meaning to me. i wrote a few years back and i've never played it at a show before so i'm pretty nervous," he admitted, getting cheers of encouragement from his fans. "it's called we don't believe what's on TV.

"we don't believe what's on TV,
because it's what we want to see,
and what we want, we know we can't believe,
we have all learned to kill our dreams.

"i need to know that when I fail you'll still be here,
'cause if you stick around I'll sing you pretty sounds,
and we'll make money selling your hair.

"i don't care what's in your hair,
i just wanna know what's on your mind,
i used to say, 'i wanna die before I'm old,'
but because of you I might think twice."

he felt himself beginning to choke up, a lump forming in his throat as he tried to swallow it down. his vision hazed over with unshed tears that threatened to spill out. everyone watching him was silent, curious as to what the song could've been about that made him so emotional.

memories of the boy with bright hair flooded his mind, making him feel something of a mix between joy and grief. joshua william dun; the boy who held his heart in his hands and slowly, ounce by ounce, squeezed whatever love tyler had felt out of the fragile organ. facetiming everyday went to facetiming every few weeks, to every few months, and eventually not at all. they lost all contact with each other and after a little less than two years tyler still spent every night laying awake in the taunting silence, questioning what he did to make josh leave him. he blamed the whole thing on himself and he wished he could go back and change things so he was still with josh.

the only good thing that came out of his relationship with josh was the motivation to pursue a career in the music industry. josh constantly tried to convince him to do so while they were dating but tyler pushed the thought aside. but once josh stopped responding to his texts and calls he began to think that maybe if he was famous josh would notice him once again, but he had no such luck. his fame was all because of josh, and he owed him for that. like tyler had promised, he didn't forget josh when he became famous, but it didn't seem like josh stuck to his promise as well.

tyler numbly finished up the song, strumming through each chord and singing each word like he was programmed to do so, sounding emotionless as he held back from breaking down on stage. when his fingers strummed the last chord, an A, tyler let them stay put as he clutched onto his ukulele tightly.

"here's to josh," he choked out, tears finally slipping down his cheeks as he turned and made his way off of the stage

little did tyler know, the man with the bright blue hair sitting in the first row had tears falling down his face, wishing he hadn't been so stupid in the past. he never forgot about tyler, either.