Chapter 59 - Unwanted memories

She was in the corridor again. It was dark, long, and cold. She was hurrying along it towards the door again, her footsteps echoing in the silence. Once again, it opened. She found herself in the circular room again. She pushed into the door opposite her and it opened. The room she was in now was very different. Long and rectangular, with little flickers of light, but she didn't pause to look. She pushed on.

She saw she was in a dimly lit room with all sorts of little glowing spheres on high shelves on either side of her. She couldn't see how far the room went, it was too dark, and the faint glow of the spheres wasn't enough to make much out. She could only hear her heartbeat and panting breath. A tiny part of her wondered why that was, why she never heard a sound. And what were all these spheres she could see around her? She tried to look closer at them, but before she could make out any inscriptions, she felt herself falling back, her vision blurring.

"You haven't been practising." Snape said sharply when he released her.

She was sitting in the dungeons again, gasping.

"Yes, I have," Megan protested.

It was true. She tried to clear her mind, to relax before she went to sleep. Not for Snape's benefit, but because Dumbledore had asked her. But no matter how much she tried, she couldn't keep the dreams out. But Snape didn't seem to care.

"Clearly, not sufficiently, Potter!"

Megan felt stung. She had only been doing this for a little under three months, and she doubted he'd been a natural! However, like before, she was torn between blocking the dreams and figuring out what these strange spheres were.

"Sir, we've been at it for hours! If I could just rest-"

"The Dark Lord isn't resting!" Snape snapped. "He can turn you against your own allies! Render you mad, find out your plans against him without your noticing!"

"I know that," she said shortly. "I'm trying."

She had also had a particularly nasty dream a few nights before (but she was confident it was purely her own, for once) in which she found herself holding a bloody knife and the bodies of all the people she loved around her. She was still amazed that she had managed not to scream aloud, because she had in the dream.

"Then prove it! Concentrate! Show some effort!"

He raised his wand.

"Again! Legilimens!"

But this time, Megan had had enough. She whipped her wand out and shouted:

"Protego!"

And, suddenly, she felt herself pulled into Snape's mind.


She was in Hogwarts. By the tree she and the others had sat beside so many times. Right now there were four people. Four boys. But she couldn't see Snape. This was his memory, so where was he? Then, she saw him on the little wall near the Herbology greenhouses. He had the characteristic long black hair and pointed nose. He was eyeing the tree angrily. Megan then turned to the tree and stepped towards it. At that moment, she realised who they were. Younger, but clearly recognisable thanks to his glasses and the pictures she'd seen...

"Dad...?" she whispered.

Next to him, his black hair falling in an elegant manner her father could never have achieved, his handsome face glowing with amusement, yet unmarked by Azkaban, was Sirius. And beside him was Lupin, who looked a little pale (the full moon might have been near). So the fourth man, Megan realised with a prickle of hate, had to be Wormtail. Her father was doodling. He had drawn a Snitch and the letters L.E.

"I'm bored." Sirius said. "Wish it was the full moon."

"You might," Lupin said. "Here, this'll keep your mind busy, you can test me on Transfiguration."

They looked about the same age as her, and it was summer, given their rolled up sleeves, so they had to have been in the middle of their OWLs.

"All right there, smart ass?"

They looked up.

"Oh, look who it is," Sirius said. "Snivellus."

Sure enough, Snape was standing there. He pulled out his wand but Megan's father was faster.

"Expelliarmus!"

This reaction didn't seem unfair to Megan, at first. Snape had aimed for his wand first, her father had just disarmed him. Snape then tried to get his wand back but Sirius raised his own:

"Impedimenta!"

Snape was tossed head first about ten feet from his wand. Megan bit her lip, unsure whether she agreed or not. It was true he had probably intended on trying to aim at them again, but he hadn't been armed...

"You... you sickening..." Snape gasped, eyeing him with a look of pure loathing.

James raised his wand again, ready to strike once more.

"Leave him alone!" shouted a female voice.

A red haired girl, with pretty green eyes strode towards them. Megan realised with a pang that this was her mother. And she did look exactly like Megan at the same age. Same graceful figure, same long red hair and green eyes. Had they lived at the same time, they could have been twins.

"Hello, Evans," her father grinned.

Her mother didn't smile back.

"Leave him alone! What's he done to you?"

"He exists, that's what."

This response cast doubt in Megan's heart.

"Let him be!"

"I will if you go out with me."

"Not if it was between you and the Giant Squid." she snapped.

"Bad luck, Prongs," Sirius said. "OI!"

Snape had aimed at James and a gash appeared on his cheek. Sirius sprung between them and pointed his wand at him.

"Levicorpus!" he shouted.

Snape rose into the air, upside down. Everyone laughed. Or almost.

"Let him down!" Megan's mother ordered.

"Why, certainly."

Snape fell to the floor in a heap. He got up and tried to raise his wand again. But Sirius and James were both pointing theirs at him.

"Enough!" Lily shouted, raising her own wand.

"Ah, don't make me hex you," James said earnestly.

"Then lower your wands! All of you!" she added to Snape who obeyed at once.

Megan watched her father and Sirius lower theirs too, grudgingly.

"You're lucky Evans was there, Snivellus." James snarled.

"I don't need help from filthy Mudbloods like her!" Snape spat.

There was a stunned silence. Megan's fist clenched. He had dared...!

"Fine," Lily said curtly. "Next time, I won't bother."

"Apologise to Evans!" James roared.

"Oh, shut up, you're as bad as him," Lily snapped. "Ruffling your hair so it looks cool, hexing any one who annoys you because you can. It's nauseating."

James looked shocked.

"What?! I would never call you... that! Evans! You know that!"

But Lily was already storming away. James sighed and slumped back down. Megan watched him glancing at her mother, and realised what the L.E was for.


Megan suddenly snapped back to the dungeons. Gasping, she looked up at Snape, who was glaring at her. He was livid, his lips invisible and his eyes black and wide with fury and hate. She had never seen him so angry. But then, she had never been in his memories before...

"Amusing, your father, wasn't he?" he hissed savagely.

Megan had never intended to enter his memories, like that. As much bad blood as there was between her, Snape and her father, she couldn't entirely blame him this time.

"... I... I didn't mean..." she began breathlessly.

He didn't let her finish. She realised he had been gripping her arm tightly, because he threw her backwards with all his might. Megan knocked a table behind her and fell on the cold black stone floor, hitting her elbow hard. She looked back at Snape, and for the first time, she felt slightly scared. He advanced on her, and Megan wasn't sure whether to stay put or back away and reach for her wand. She didn't have time to decide, however, for he was already there.

"You will tell no one of what you witnessed!" he snarled, towering over her, more fury and hatred in him than she had ever seen or heard, even when he was addressing James.

She quickly shook her head, still on the floor.

"I wasn't-" she began.

"Get out." he spat. "GET OUT! NEVER COME TO THIS OFFICE AGAIN!"

She scrambled to her feet and hurried out, stopping only three floors after. She slid to the floor in a brightly lit corridor, panting, shaking. And before she could stop them, tears streamed down her face. Not because of Snape's anger. It was because judging by what she had seen, her father had been as arrogant as Snape had always told her. And her mother had seemed to hate him too... so how had she, Megan, come into the picture...? Was it a fantasy of Snape's? Then why put himself in those embarrassing situations? Megan thought back to the pictures of her parents. They had clearly loved each other deeply, so what she had seen...

"Megan? What's the matter?"

Cedric hurried down the stairs and dropped to her side. He pulled her into his arms.

"Hey... it's okay. I'm here."

She finally calmed down.

"Now, will you tell me what's going on?"

"... It's nothing..." She said, wiping her cheeks with her palm.

"'Nothing' doesn't make you cry." he said.

Taking a few deep breaths, she told him what had happened. She hesitated when it came to telling him what she'd seen but then decided that he wouldn't tell anyone, and that just Snape's attitude causing her breakdown would make her look cowardly and she didn't want that. So she told him what she'd seen and why it affected her so much.

"... They were young, everyone acts stupid sometimes when they're young," Cedric said soothingly, wrapping his arm around her. "Besides, they married eventually, so he must have calmed down a bit. And you knew he was a rule breaker, he created the Marauder's map!"

"Yes, but... he was doing it partly to help Lupin... and that time with Snape, what I saw in his mind... he was laughing... he did only act in defence at first, but Sirius abused his powers, and my dad didn't stop him... my mum asked him what Snape had done to him and he said 'he exists...' "

"But he stopped him when it counted." Cedric reminded her. "When Snape almost ran into Lupin, your dad saved him. And anyway, you always knew they hated each other. Your dad was always more popular than Snape. He was jealous."

Megan hadn't though of it that way.

"... I guess you're right."

"Come on," he said, helping her up. "I'll walk you back to Gryffindor Tower."

He kept his hand in hers, and even though she would probably be expelled if she was caught, Megan was glad to have his shoulder to lean on.

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