This is going to be a serious note, and I am going to give my serious view on this election not because I want to shout about Trump being awful - which I have before and am not exactly very proud of - but because I want to get rid of my frustration and clear my thoughts and maybe give an insight to Trump voters as to why Democrats/Clinton supporters/Trump opposers feel this way. 

I'm not an American citizen, but if I were, I'd be a democrat (a/n: I'm not 100% sure on how the 'becoming a republican/democrat' thing works, but what I mean with this is that I support the democratic party's ideas). I'm definitely a left-wing thinker and I personally find it hard to imagine someone believing in most of the policies and ideas republicans hold. I'm pro-choice, support and am part of the LGBT+ community, am a feminist and believe in so much more of their policies. This is why, in this election, I definitely backed Hillary in the final run. Although undecided before, I personally would've preferred Bernie Sanders as president, but with Clinton and Trump going head to head I sided with her over him. 

I'm going to be honest and say that, like a lot of others, I do not fully perceive Hillary as the perfect presidential candidate. I find some things around the rumours about her vague and can't quite comprehend them. My mother told me nothing that she has been accused of has ever been proven, but since she is 100% pro-Hillary I have decided to not believe that until I have confirmation. Still, I find her, on many levels, way better than Donald Trump. 

I was incredibly upset and devastated when I woke up yesterday morning and found out Donald trump had a lead of 36 electoral votes. I broke down once at home and once at school, and nobody quite understood because 'Megan, you don't even live in America'. Part of the reason I was so upset was because I still am and feel more American than I feel Dutch for multiple reasons. At home, I am raised in a more American way, I only speak English and we uphold traditions Dutch people don't - believe it or not, there is a cultural difference. Another part is that I have relatives and friends in America and I care for them and their safety. But the biggest part, I realized, was that I was scared.

The drama around Donald Trump sets off an image. Believe it or not, it does. The man who has been elected president is a man who gropes and disrespects women, disregards hard working people and is, by his own words, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic and racist. The man who is going to represent and rule America is all of those things, putting straight white males above the rest of the country, thinking that is totally okay. It influences people and their behaviour and, quite frankly, those kinds of ideas travel. 

I feel relatively safe in my country - not that I'm not stared at by pervs - and I'd like to keep it that way. Yet, with a man that can call 'grab her by the pussy' locker room talk, I am scared that men will start thinking that it is acceptable to speak like that. It is not. And I have heard from multiple other males, young and old, that that does not happen, and that it is not acceptable. 

I'm scared sexual assault will be put on a whole new level. I'm scared for the millions of LGBT+ people who are witnessing the possibility of their 'equal rights' going down the drain. I'm scared for the Muslim women who are now wondering if they should wear their hijab/other religious headwear because they fear for their safety. I'm scared for the immigrants who fear deportation and I fear for all the others who could possibly suffer from horrible consequences under the rule of a president like Donald Trump. 

I've honestly attempted to see the good in Trump yesterday. I'm incredibly pissed about his win, but it can't be reversed, and this is what has happened. We have to deal with it now. Yet I find it extremely challenging to find good points.

I'm not going to ask Trump supporters to leave, I'm not going to insult them for their political choices because if I'm allowed to have religious freedom, they should too. I don't understand or agree with them and I most likely never will. I apologise if I have insulted Trump supporters directly purely for that in the past because right now, that is not the attitude I want to have nor the person I want to be. 

Maybe, to some of you who do support him, this will give you any kind of insight into my mindset. Maybe you don't agree. I politely ask you to not start fights in the comments and if you do want to discuss, please stay respectful and kind to each other, however conflicted you may be.