Days later, I woke up from a deep sleep to a very happy Harry pressed up against me.

It wasn't the first time, but usually there was some way to get away from it, because I thought I should. And Harry usually woke up first and removed himself from me before it got awkward.

That morning there was no escape. Not only was what I could only assume was a sizable erection pressed firmly against my ass, but a hand was under my (his) shirt and encompassing my left breast. I always woke up warm when he was wrapped around me, due to his crazy heater-like body temperature, but it was safe to say I was hot that morning, or nearly noon.

Moving like a sloth, with fluid slow movements. I reached out and pulled my phone towards me. I was right, it was later than either of us should have been sleeping. I was surprised Harry's phone was not shrieking. It had been a late travel night and we had arrived in Vegas very early in the am, to a city so bright it was like an acid trip come to life. Michael was bouncing on my toes while I was reaching for my sunglasses.

I'd agreed to have a shindig here on my birthday, after Harry encouraged it unknowingly when we were leaving San Jose.

"Michael mentioned you might want to celebrate your birthday in Vegas?" He said pulling his tooth brush from his mouth as he asked. I nodded with little enthusiasm from my nest of white sheets.

"I guess." I shrugged, sitting up and stretching my legs long.

"After the last party, I can't wait to see what you wear!" He winked and closed the door to start the shower. I saw his boxers hit the floor before the soft snick of the closing door, and I kicked my legs and buried my head into a pillow and screamed. His mixed signals were giving me whiplash.

But there was no misconstruing the sensation of his dick pressed against me though, and when he rocked and muttered my name I wanted to scream from more than frustration. So, I did what every bone in my body was telling me to do and every cross thought in my head told me to ignore: I rocked back in rhythm with him. I could feel the different textures of him where he was pressed against me if I concentrated. I must have looked like I was taking an exam.

I felt a slick of wetness hit my thighs and I moaned aloud when he clutched my breast. "God!" Rushed passed my lips. If this is what it felt like to want someone, I wondered how other people got anything done.

"Melody," Harry gutted out and then froze. "Fuck!" He pulled his hand off me and I caught it before it left my body entirely. "I'm sorry!" He put space between us.

"No, it's ok." I pulled his hand out from my shirt and kissed his palm, hoping he'd get how okay it was with me. Instead, he rolled onto his back and my temperature plummeted. His hand also went over his eyes, the one that I could still feel like capital letters against my skin.

"It's bright. What time is it?" His voice was not helping my fast heart rate. It was low and it cracked over the words like a vinyl when you put the needle down.

"11?" I said it like a question, though I knew it wasn't, I just didn't want him to rush out of bed like I knew he should.

"Really, fuck, I gotta get to sound check." He got out of bed, without the kiss he usually dropped on my head and kept his back to me. I wanted to see the tent in his pants, but he seemed set on denying me the opportunity. "I'm gonna shower, you can stay in bed,"

"Thanks boss, I think I will." I lay back on the mattress, closed my eyes, and wished I was thinking of England. I was half-tempted to slide my hand into my shorts, but the aborted attempts at that had been frustrating and I couldn't imagine being pent and humiliated if Harry caught me. In hindsight, I'm sure he would have had a similar issue had I burst into the bathroom just then. I was more unaware then and definitely more innocent.

Instead of getting myself off, I fell back to sleep and dreamed about Harry doing so. The fantasy continued when he woke me up, this time with the kiss I'd been missing.

"Hey," he smiled when I roused myself. My hair probably resembled the blankets and he fluffed it while I smacked my lips.

"Hey." I smiled and nearly forgot myself and leaned in and kissed him. He seemed to realize my trajectory and glanced to the side. It wasn't exactly a rebuff, but it made me frown.

"Sorry." He exhaled and his breath brought gooseflesh up. He smoothed then down. "Drink your coffee." He gestured to my mug on the end table. I could tell by the color it was how I liked it. "Showers still running too so that you don't get chilled." And he kissed my forehead. "See you at your party."

I watched him walk away and all the little things he did for me made my feelings bubble up. I was a shaken champagne bottle ready to blow my top. I had to bite my lips to keep myself from calling out the words as he left. When I heard the door close they fizzed out. "I love you, Harry."

With no other recourse, I reached for my coffee and drank down all the ways he was wonderful. Then I rinsed myself in the shower redolent of his sandalwood body wash and was baptized in my emotions.

I knew I was going to pop after I got dressed and came into the living room. On the coffee table was my club sandwich. It had extra tomatoes, like I loved, and on the lip of the plate were Harry's tomatoes.

I sat down and chewed my food thoughtfully.

He did things like this all the time, noticed things about me. Like my mug, I never told him I hated the hotel cups, he just knew. Like he knew how I took my coffee and that I like my shower room steamy.

He ordered my food with extra tomatoes and got that fruit on his own food, so I could eat his.

Yesterday he had left out his favorite henley from the laundry, and I'd rushed out to him.

"Don't put it out yet, H, your shirt."

"I'll put that one in next time, you like them better when they are a little musty." He dimpled at me and picked it up before pulling it over my bed rumpled head. I'd stood there frozen while he went to get the scrabble board.

I finished my last bite of Harry's tomatoes and chewed over how wonderful he was. If this was unlove from Harry, the way he acted when he didn't have deep feelings do someone, I almost felt bad for the girl he ever really loved.

That didn't sound right. Harry was considerate with everybody, I'd seen it firsthand. But the amount of care he showed me resembled the way he was with Lux. He always made sure to get her favorite things and arrange her plate in Sarah's kitchen just so. Right down to cutting her fruit the way she liked it.

His face when he thought I wasn't looking had the same soft look he got when he talked about his mum. And the exasperation he complained of with me could only be compared to how he rolled his eyes at Gemma on FaceTime.

Harry loved me. I was sure of it. And he wanted me, this morning proved it. He showed me consciously and unconsciously.

What was being in love, but a marriage of deep caring and lust? For all his proclaimed selfishness, he was faultlessly selfless with me. The only thing he seemed to be able to not do for me was leave me alone.

He loved me. He must. And I adored him. And I wanted him, in a way I'd never known. I had no idea how hungry I was until I knew his flavor. So, as I stared at the plate he had prepared for me, I decided that I had to tell him.

I methodically got myself ready. I'd been learning new techniques all the time from Lou, Lottie and I discovering our styles as we aped her on our own. It was easy to detach, I was so inside my own head, that as I pulled on the white dress I'd picked and put on my hot pink heels I was ready before I even realized it.

I was in a haze the whole night. The whole entourage was buzzing, about the show and the penthouse that had been procured to celebrate the end of the American leg a bit early and that my brother had commandeered in my honor. I was buzzing about something else entirely, my feelings and the confidence I had in Harry's tingled over my skin. I was effervescent and more than one person commented on how 19 must agree with me as I was glowing.

The party was already going by the time the 1D boys got to the top floor. I was being a wallflower, and everybody was allowing it because they were in such high spirits. Michael had brought me a flute of champagne and toasted me earlier and then let me be. He had dared me to down that glass, and as was our custom, I did. But that was the last alcohol I had had. It had been at least an hour, and as much as I wanted liquid courage, I wanted to be sober when I confessed my feelings. Though, if I was wrong, I'd probably rather be pissed enough to forget about it.

Heavy drinking might be in my future, and I took a quick sip of the glass I had been babysitting so it wasn't obvious that I wasn't drinking when Harry came in. I always knew when he came into a room, there was a subtle change, and everybody looked to him, even if he came in silently. He did not tonight. He was riding high off of the crowd, and I was so incredibly fond of him his antics were actually cute to me.

I watched him take a full bottle of champagne from Lou's hand and take two huge glugs from it before he kissed her cheek obnoxiously while she squawked. Then he picked up Lux in a huge hug before shifting her to his back to run her around. He only set her down when Niall crossed his path. I didn't hear what was said, but I assume Niall was telling him to calm down, a laughable reversal of roles, because Harry responded by putting Lux down and picking up Niall caveman style and running him around. He only slowed when he ran by me. He stopped abruptly and nearly dropped Niall.

"Happy early birthday Melly," He chorused before putting Niall down and whispering in his ear. Niall gave me a conspiratorial smile and ran off, before Harry took advantage of the occasion. He touched me then, for the first time where anyone could see.

He pulled me into him and ran his hands down my back to a nearly indecent depth. Thank god my back was to the wall. "Thanks Harry!" I breathed and took a lungful of him in.

"You look like a song, Melody. This may top the red." This was said against my ear and the combination of my full name and his breath against me made my knees go a little weak. When he pulled back and ran his eyes down and over me, they gave out. He held me up and smiled smugly.

He let me go when the other boys came up. Before I knew it, Harry was on all fours behind me, and Niall was pushing my shoulders down so I was sitting on the object of my obsession. Then suddenly, all of the boys broke into song. I'm sure one of them counted the start, they were to together to have it begin any other way, but in my bewilderment, I had missed it entirely. The whole party was now focused on me, and yet I was so distracted by the attractive chorus of faces around me that I didn't care. I must have looked like I had had too much champagne as I clapped and smiled and covered my face.

That's what I remember most about that night. Maybe that time in my life, the intensity of my feelings. While they sang to me and I could hear and feel the deep rasp of Harry's voice vibrate through him into me, I was the most special girl in the room, even to him. I wanted to be the most special girl always.

He found me very soon after, back to my wallflower routine and whispered to meet him in the hallway in five minutes. It wasn't a question, even before I made my declarations like a first time traveler at customs, he knew I would follow him without question. Maybe he wasn't as confident in my obedience as I thought, but I couldn't imagine my hunger for him was hidden. My eyes must have traced over him in an audible way. The ocular equivalent of a growling stomach.

So I fluttered my eyelashes at him and nodded. In terms of intense feelings, my happiness was then replaced with nerves. My skin crawled, like a thousand tiny ladybugs were moving across my skin, instead of the one at a time I caught as a child. That little tickle of their legs scurrying rather than the twitch when you know it's a biting insect. I wasn't afraid of nibbles, I was hoping for them.

I looked around and saw that everybody was suitably merry and made for the door. The sigh of relief and giggle of triumph I let out in the hallway alerted Harry that I had joined him and he stepped out with a bottle of Dom Perignom in his hands.

"C'mon birthday girl." He backed up toward the stairwell where a hotel employee stood. I watched his tipping sleight of hand trick, this time with no trepidation and followed him up the dark stairs, happy for the hand he extended back. Harry had a better vantage of the open roof door and the brightness of that particular place, a city of neon and sin, overshadowed the star shine.

I was surprised when we stepped out of the door by the bite in the air. My skin prickled up and I would have hoped it would only be doing that to tonight to rise up to Harry's kiss. I shivered and Harry pulled me in front of him and wrapped his arms around my frame. The bottle clutched in his hand where it crossed its twin in front of my chest.

"Sorry, I didn't think about it bein' cold up here. It was so hot today I thought I'd sweat my balls off—"

"Charming!" I laughed.

He exploded a giggle and I wanted to turn in his arms right then and let my words bubble over.

"Let's go near the edge, c'mon." He detached himself and I tensed at the cold. He was right by the ledge at the edge of the roof and I hesitated.

He looked back at me. "Are you scared, Mel?" He laughed, probably at me. "Don't worry, I'll catch you!" He started working on the bottle and I decided to take him at his word.

The bottle popped when I got to him, and mirrored his position, facing him rather than the drop off the precipice. I heard the sound, gun to greyhound, and the words just foamed over.

"I love you, Harry!" The bottle was almost to his lips and he choked over the carbonation.

"What?" But I knew he heard.

"I love you." I forced out again, all my bravery at once. "I'm in love with you!"

He looked down and gulped in a breath. "No, Melly, I'm....you shouldn....." he got his gumption together and looked at me. "You're my best friend."

My head was shaking like a flag in high wind. "No, no, that's not enough. I'm more." It came out on a sob and he reached for me before he thought better of it.

"Melly, we..we talked about this.... I'm no good for you." his sigh was so loud, not because of it's volume, but the weariness there. Like we had had this conversation over and over, instead of twice. He looked at me like I was made of glass and a crack was growing, snaking it's way through my foundations before I shattered. I didn't want to be fragile, but he knew I was.

I found my voice, but it was fractured as I felt. "H, that's not true, and it's too bad, because you're what I want."

"Melod-" He sighed again.

"Don't, Don't say my name!" I felt angry, I knew how he felt about me, even if he hadn't admitted it, even to himself. "You love me too."

"Of course I love you, just not, not like that."

Fuck those words, fuck everytime I ever have to hear them. I grabbed for the bottle and took a swig, coughing over the fucking bubbles, a much needed liquid courage.

"Harry, you make my coffee every morning, and you save your favorite shirts that smell of you for me, and..." I gulped a breath. "You get tomatoes on your sandwich even though you don't like them sliced because I love them, and you...." I found the words. "You want me Harry, I know you do!"

"I'm sorry about this morning, Mel! I can't control it!"

"Stop it, stop trying!"

"Melly, I don't know what to say...." He trailed off, throwing his head back.

"Yeah, well, fucking cheers then!" I scoffed before taking another drink and tossing the bottle away from me. The shatter was a punctuation mark on the conversation, maybe our relationship to that point. It drowned out the faint chimes and whistles I'd found always vaguely audible in Las Vegas' slot machine soundtrack. "I'll grab my stuff and leave your key on by your bedside." And I pivoted toward the door. I'd held the tears in, contents under pressure, until I got to the door.

I felt like I'd jumped off the building and the ground was rushing up to shatter me like that green glass bottle.

Good thing Harry caught me just in time.