It was exactly the moment I had been fearing all week. Sunday morning, bright and early with Logan sitting at the dining room table. I sat across from him. I wasn't scared of him being here. Having him home was the greatest sense of comfort. But the news he shared with me was a devastating blow that I just wasn't ready for this morning even though I knew it was coming.

Logan was leaving with the boat.

We had to get through yet another deployment.

As the words left his mouth I wanted to burst into tears. Like a leaky pipe that someone put tape on and it was holding back way too much pressure.

But I just couldn't.

The tears had run dry this week. Between cancer and deployments I didn't have any more emotions to give.

"I promise you this will be my last deployment. They are going out so much earlier than expected and they just didn't have enough men to leave anyone behind. It's my duty to go " Logan would have to stay strong for the both of us at this moment. My world felt like it was shattering.

"Screw the military and screw your boat! We were supposed to be done with this!" I shouted, and my body found a whole new reserve of tears. The liquid crashed around my face, falling in massive rain drops onto the table.

I wasn't ready to not have Logan home. I wasn't ready to change my whole life all over again. It felt like he just got home last week. A crippling feeling weaved inside my rib cage, sucking all the life out of everything inside of me.

"Families should never be separated like this." I said in a much calmer voice between the convulsion of tears. Logan placed his hand on my back, pulling me into his chest. He allowed me to work through all the emotions, feeling every little detail I needed to.

This is what military spouses did.

We go through this cycle of our husband's leaving, our worlds being torn apart only for a few months later, they just get dropped back into our lives and we are supposed to move on as if nothing has happened.

That's not how it works though. This affects the kids. Oh God I hadn't even thought of the kids yet.

"What do we tell the kids?" My voice is hoarse, my throat dry, though the rest of my face was sulking every last drop out of me.

"What we always tell the kids." Logan was steady, his voice unwavering. He knew it was his job and what he signed up for. He didn't like devastating his family in this way, but it was truly his duty.

"No, this is not like all the other times. I've gotta go help Peter. I didn't want to have to do that on my own. You're supposed to be there."

"Ari, you are strong and so are the kids. We will figure this out. As for right now, until we have more information about where you are going and such we can just not tell them. Let them enjoy a little bit more time without this looming idea of their dad leaving."

And that's the glory of being a kid. They didn't have to weather this storm alone no matter what. A spouse may not have the support system but a kid always would. It was just up to them to lean on it.

I felt jealous that the kids wouldn't have to know about anything until we told them.

"How long do we have until you leave?" I know the answer was going to crush me more but I needed to know to mentally prepare myself.

"Just under two weeks."

"That's all they are giving us this time?" I scoffed. How could the military think this was okay? Two weeks to prepare everything. For most that wasn't even enough time to get a POA so God forbid yours doesn't expire while they are out to sea.

"Unfortunately this mission wasn't planned, so we don't have the luxury of having a longer build up time. We've gotta get back out there and finish the fight."

"I don't understand what could be so important, we are not a country at war. There's no threat to our borders, why do they have to steal you away as if there were?"

"It's my job."

I was thankful Logan was as steady as he was, but part of me wished he would break down right here with me as well. I wanted to know that this devastates him as much as it did me. I couldn't imagine how he was feeling behind his facade. His eyes were cold, covering any emotion that threatened to seep out, but the way he held me told me he was just as devastated.

We spent a few hours just sitting there. Logan with his arms wrapped around me. My hands rapidly wiping tears away. The kids had been asleep for a while now and normally we'd just be hanging out on the couch watching a show together. Even that felt like the wrong thing to do. For the next two weeks our actions would be stiff. Everything felt like you were wasting time.

The desperate grasp for more time with your loved one. Staying up as late as possible just looking at each other. Regretting it in the morning when your body aches and will barely roll out of bed, but doing it again the next night.

This was the worst part of getting used to the new normal, partially because it does become normal. A few weeks after Logan leaves it'll just be normal again. The kids and I will fall into our routines, which will be new this time around but still there.

"We need to talk about what to do with the kids while I go help Peter out." It felt so wrong to just leave them with my mother, but it didn't make sense to take them out of school and blow up their whole world more than I had to.

I was going to miss them though. Being away from both my husband and kids was something I never wanted to do.

Would they be angry at me for sending them off to their grandmother's house? Would they enjoy the time as a vacation from their parents? We had no clue how they were going to handle it and that was something that scared me more than the deployment itself. The timing of everything was just insane.

"Would your mom be willing to watch them for that long? I hate that I can't go help you or even stay here and help you out, but this is what we have to work with." Logan finally spoke. For the last so long it'd been silent with me filling the air with words ever so often.

"I don't think she would have any issues with keeping them for that long. She loves having them around, I haven't asked her yet though as I didn't know what the situation was. I will have to talk to her about it tomorrow." My heart sank, having the conversation with her meant it was all real. It was one more thing to remind me that Logan was leaving and I was needed elsewhere.

"I love you so much Ari, please understand that I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't have to." The steady facade had a crack. Logan was letting me in even if it was just for a brief moment.

"I love you too!" A whole new round of tears spilled out of my eyes. I must have looked awful with my cheeks all puffy and my eyes red and sore from crying. Logan brushed my hair away from my face, grabbed my cheeks, and pulled me into a kiss. His lips were soft and lingered longer than you would have expected. To anyone else this would have been awkward but for us, in this moment it was exactly what we needed.

"I have faith in you that you will manage and get everything taken care of. When I get back from this deployment we will run far away and I'll never leave you again." A small flicker of excitement danced through Logan's blue eyes. I wasn't fully convinced.

"How do you know you'll never leave us again? I thought we were already in that boat and now here I am with an anchor tied around my neck dragging me back to the bottom of the ocean."

"Hey those jokes aren't funny, especially not right before I leave." Logan interrupts me. He was right. He was literally going into a metal tube and heading to the bottom of the ocean. On the other hand, comments about feeling like drowning just weren't funny in a situation like this.

"It's true though, how do you really know you won't be leaving us again?" I felt a stutter in my words, a hiccup from the sobs distracted me from what I was actually saying.

"This one wasn't planned, the rest of the schedule is fully planned. But even if they do go out one more time, by the time we come back I won't have enough time left on my contract to go away again unless they pay me another huge bonus. The military is cheap, so I'm going to assume they don't want to pay me to do it for a few more years. My time has come for retirement." Logan brought up some good points, but nothing was ever certain in the military.

The news for the next few months will also dictate how serious this is.

Logan finally pulled away from me, a cold whirl of air wrapped around my body sending shivers down my spine. I hadn't realized how much heat I was actually getting from him until he was gone. Glancing at the clock as I wrapped my arms around myself I realized it was almost 2am.

"Oh my god look at the time." I pointed, Logan turned from instinct towards the clock. He shook his head.

"We both need to get some sleep. How did we sit here for that long?" He shrugged, walking over to the seat to help me up. This was it, we were finally going to make the journey to our bedroom. We would find ourselves under our sheets, snuggling up and then falling asleep as if nothing had ever happened.

Tomorrow I would wake up and forget for just a moment that my husband was heading back to sea. I'd be grateful for that brief moment. I'd be able to start my day without the dreading doom of what was to come and then it would all come crashing down on me again.

This was never what I signed up for and it finally felt like Logan and I were back on solid ground. The military just turned around and pulled the rug out from under our feet. I guess next time we will have to build a stronger foundation to protect ourselves from any future attacks.

I thought about Sandra, how would she handle this situation if her husband randomly came home and said he needed to leave for months at a time, often with no communication. Would she be able to handle it? Would she feel like it was unfair? This time of thing very rarely happens in the civilian world.

But as the thoughts swirled around in my head, and Logan lay next to me, his chest rising slowly, letting me know he had indeed fallen asleep, I couldn't help but stare at the spot on the ceiling. This was it. Logan was leaving again and there was no turning back. I'd need to do what I can to enjoy the next two weeks, and manage to keep the kids happy, the house clean, and my work done, all while I was falling apart inside at the thought of my husband leaving me once more.

Logan was going to leave again.