"I can't believe it's finally time." Sandra beams from across the office. Her eyes widen as she peeks above her computer. She is mostly just trying to avoid the piles of emails that are building up on the screen in front of her. I roll my eyes as I realize what she is talking about. "Aren't you so excited though?"

"I guess, I mean I try not to think about it because I simply don't know. It's not like I can talk to him. I also don't want to get the kids hopes up in case they keep him an extra month or something..." I pause for a moment as I think back at the situation we were in before looking back at Sandra, "That has happened before."

"Don't think like that! You should be jumping for joy." The smile grows across her face. If only she knew how much I actually am freaking out about it. How can I not?

But yet she isn't in my situation. She doesn't know how it truly feels. She can't understand the pain of telling your children that their dad is finally coming home only for him to not. I can not put my little angels through that again. They don't know the day and it's better that way. It gives my husband and I time to make it more special for them. To keep the excitement alive in everyday things. That way they aren't always stressed or focused on a countdown that might never end.

"Well, I have to go pick him up at the end of this week." The smile on my very own face would match hers if it wasn't wider. Things are so good right now. The kids are finally back on track at school, the house is in order, bills are all paid, and there is extra money in the accounts due to his extra pay while away.

"Are you sure you are allowed to tell me that?" She teases, turning back to her computer to answer whatever emails she can. She is right, I'm probably not supposed to tell her that.

"I don't...um no probably not. Are you an international spy though? I can't keep up with everything while he is gone." I slump my shoulders in defeat. The constant changes are always keeping me on my toes.

"Ope, you got me there, I'm definitely not a spy. I couldn't keep my mouth shut long enough to make it through the first day of class." She winks from across the cubicle, ignoring the background noises of people on phone calls and printers whirring to life.

"Good, now can we please not worry about this right now. I want to get my work done. I have to go home and bake a hundred or so cookies for Mazie." I roll my eyes. Why did I have to remind myself of the worst part of being a mother?

I enjoy the kids enough to keep me preoccupied while Logan is away. I love spending time with them one on one or even together, but I had no interest in spending time with other people's kids. Of course, Mazie didn't understand that, so when she volunteered me into baking cookies for the school's fundraiser this weekend how could I tell her no. Her little blonde pigtails all wrapped up tight on top of her head, just the way she liked them. She was adorable and smart, she knew how to play the cards to get exactly what she wanted.

"Please tell me they don't have to be gluten-free..." Sandra growls under her breath. She isn't a fan of all of this fad dieting that people were doing nowadays.

"Gluten and vegan," I roll my eyes.

"You are joking!" She shouts, causing some people to look in our direction. I shake my head once again, holding my finger in the air to shush her.

"Of course I'm joking. I'm just making regular sugar cookies, if a mom wants to tell her kid they can't have it then that is their choice." Believe me, I am not going to change the way I am doing things for others happiness.

"Thank god!"

~*~

"How was school!" I shout, trying my best to sound like I wasn't exhausted. Both my kids stare at me, holding their bags in their hands as they trudge through the mud towards the car. Each step making me cringe more and more.

How do you manage to hit every single mud puddle there is?

I unlock the doors, allowing the sweet angels that me and my precious husband had made over six years ago. An amazing miracle that happened when we were blessed with Mazie and Marcus, adorable twins that would fill the void my husband isn't able to when he was gone.

"It was so good momma!" Marcus shouts, his glasses hanging off the edge of his nose, he cranes his head up hopping into his seat. He pulled the seatbelt across his chest buckling it in place.

"That's so good to hear. What did you guys do all day?" I question. Looking in the rearview mirror to check and make sure their belts were both done up before pulling onto the road and heading towards the house.

"School, you just picked us up from there. That's what I was doing all day I promise." Mazie mutters, sitting next to the window. Her soft blue eyes staring out at the tree passing by. If I didn't know my child I would have assumed she was lying, or trying to cover up a lie. But Mazie wasn't like that. She was over-explaining because something else was on her mind.

"What's wrong Maze?" I peeked at her once again before stopping at the stop sign at the end of the street.

"Mrs. R didn't like my assignment as much as I thought she would." My heart broke at her answer. The project she had been working on for the last few weeks. A poster she cried about when I had accidentally folded the edge of it while placing it in the car.

"That's cause the corner was bent!" Marcus popped off, trying to make Mazie feel better. What he didn't realize was he was making me feel worse.

"What did she say about it?" Maze looked up at me, her hair messy around her face, falling from the braids. Her eyes resembling her fathers almost perfectly.

"Just that she thinks I could have done a better one, compared to the other work I've turned in. But I tried really really hard." She placed her head against the window, struggling with her own inner emotions. She wanted to be perfect at everything she did.

"Will some ice cream cheer you up?" I questioned, waiting for her to answer.

"It'll cheer me up!" Marcus shouted, over-excited about the idea of having a dessert before dinner. Something he was never allowed to do... unless it was his birthday of course. Today I was willing to make an exception.

I make a right turn, pulling onto the road with our local Dairy Queen--the kids' favorite place. I could see the excitement in Marcus's face as his small blue eyes beam out the window. It was so easy to make their day better. I loved these days, especially if it gave me an excuse to get ice cream for myself.

A small smile forms on my face as I pull into the parking lot. Trees blowing in the breeze on the corners of the parking lot, adding a small touch of decoration. The building was an off white, laced with small accents of blues and purples. Mazie was the first to unbuckle when we pulled into the spot, pulling herself slowly from her seat. It was an older building, not like many of the other Dairy Queens you would see.

Mazie was the first in the ice cream parlor. As the wonderful young girl I raised her to be, she held the door open for her brother and I. I smiled, thanked her, before hopping in line. It seemed like it was slow moving, but the kids would wait for hours for an ice cream cone.

I motion for the kids to head over towards a table by the window. The cars rushing past on the main road outside. They took their seats, fiddling with the napkin dispenser and whatever else they could get their hands on.

I tried to take my mind off of things by looking at the menu, but no matter how weird the flavors were, I just couldn't seem to get Logan out of my head. We were counting down the days until I had my husband back in my arms and I was so nervous about it.

I'd cut my hair while he was gone and I knew he always loved the wavy long hair that I'd usually sport, but I just couldn't take it anymore. It was now a short lob, just above my shoulders. The color was the same, which I'm sure would shock him the most.

Only four more days until he was home.

Four...more...days.

This was the worst part of any deployment. The last few days, moments, seconds before they were back. The anxiety that would overtake my body at the thought of picking him up. Heading to the big city to grab him, and finally be able to hug him once again. After nine months of not being able to talk to him, it felt so strange to know that we would be able to have conversations once again.

"Excuse me, Ma'am." The young girl behind the counter waves, pulling me out of my thoughts. I close the distance between me and the register, realizing I'd been too caught up in my own mind.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to myself, before finally deciding what I wanted. "Can I get a blueberry marshmallow milkshake for myself and two mint ice cream cones." I smiled at the girl. She nods her head, quickly typing it into her computer.

"Alright, your total is $16.14, can I get a name for the order please?" I fiddle with my wallet just long enough to pull out the cash and hand it over.

"Ari," I mutter, always awkward when giving my name. Ari was short for Ariana and I hated the mental connection people would make with Ariana Grande. Her music was fine, but I was basically ten years her senior.

I stepped away from the counter, heading back to sit with my kids.

"Where is our ice cream?" Marcus questions, nervously twisting his watch on his wrist. I reached across the table grabbing his hand to help comfort him.

"They have to make it, it will be ready soon." He smiles, cocking his head towards me trying to peer through the thick lenses of his glasses.

"You got the right stuff right?" I nod my head once again, allowing the chuckle to spill out of my lips.

"Of course I did sweetie, mint." Logan always hated it, how the kids had taken after me with my mint obsession. All they ever wanted was mint ice cream, mint Oreos, mint toothpaste, they loved it. Logan hated it though, he absolutely despised the flavor.

"Ari!" A voice shouts across the parlor, and I jump up from the table to grab the ice cream as quickly as possible, hoping everyone would mind their own business. I shook my head, taking it back to the table for the kids. They smiled as soon as I handed them the cones. Marcus was the first to shove his face into it, getting it all around his mouth more than he got it in it.

Mazie was a little more cautious with hers, taking the time to enjoy it. As the kids divulged themselves in theirs I couldn't help but look at mine. Normally I would have ordered a mint milkshake for myself, but the thought of this seemed better.

It was Logan's favorite.

"Mommy, when is daddy coming home?"