white. just white. was i dreaming? no. i'm certain i had awoken with a start. i had opened my eyes but was blinded by a fluorescent luminous beam.

i rolled out of bed, wrapped in my blanket. using the blanket to cover my eyes, i staggered to the bedroom windows, using my hands to guide me. wait. the layout of my room was different. i opened my eyes a fraction, just enough to squint at my surroundings without being blinded. my surroundings were unfamiliar. this was not my bedroom. i saw a girl. a familiar-looking face with delicate features and ebony hair. but was it her? i dared not to open my eyes a second time.

i leaned over the windowsill and suddenly, a wave of drowsiness engulfed me. the next thing i knew, i was asleep. drifting in and out of consciousness, i woke up for brief moments of time multiple times during the remainder of the night.

each time i saw different things. different things that scared me.

the bright light had disappeared. in its place was a forest. i was sitting on the ground in the middle of a translucent forest. i could still see the walls of the room i was in.

i saw a hooded figure standing by my side. it seemed to whisper to me.

"i was killed, right here in this forest. do you remember, asha?" it spat out my word like a foul swear word. "of course you will remember, because you were my killer. and i will kill you." it reached out a hand, bony and grotesque, to grab at my throat. i screamed and recoiled, but before i knew it, i was whisked back into unconsciousness.

the next time, the bright beam of light had returned. i was blinded. i could not see anything. but i heard a voice. raspy and low-pictured, it kept rambling, but its words were unintelligible. i felt paralysed, engulfed in fright, but eventually i drifted back into sleep.

i woke up again, at a time i assumed was a few hours later. this time, it was dawn and the bright light had yet again disappeared. i could see my surroundings clearly from where i was sitting, leaning against the windowsill. the room was sparsely furnished, with my bed, a table and a chair in the corner. a small bookshelf stood against the wall, and a rug covered the cement floor. my bedroom.

"finally," i thought, "i'm back in my room. i must have been dreaming."

then my world turned topsy-turvy. literally. it became a whirlwind of iridescent colour and light, swirling and changing. i tried to shut my eyes, but no matter how hard i tried, i could not. i gripped the edges of my bed, willing this to stop, but to no avail. then i heard a chomping sound. squishing sounds. sounds of bones cracking. and that sound was coming from right under my bed. i looked across the room and saw a bloody hand, severed from the arm, poking out from under my bed. i let out a terrifying and bloodcurdling scream.

i must have fallen asleep again, and must have slept for a long time, too.

it was around noon when i awoke to my mother standing over me in an unfamiliar room. this room was actually pretty nice. wooden floors, nice bed, you know the works.

"asha," she asked, a concerned expression crossing her face, "how did you get out of your straitjacket?"

"what...? what's a straitjacket? where am i? i thought i was in my room?" i did not know or remember anything. my mind drew a complete blank. zero. nada. zilch.

my mother simply shook her head, and a lone tear trickled down her cheek as she looked at me in despair.

i started to cry. i had no idea what my life had come to. i was sitting in a room, on the floor, with a dozen people standing around me, my mother being the only one i recognised. they left soon after. "come back!" i screamed, tears rolling down my face. my eyes were bloodshot, snot dripping from my nose.

and then i saw her.

i will never forget her face when the bullet had pierced her heart. i will never forget the feeling i felt when i realised with a start, that i was the one who had fired the bullet.

my twin sister, astoria.

now she was standing right in front of me, with the same look of fear and terror and hurt and so many other emotions written and etched into her features. the same as that fateful day. twenty-seventh june, twenty-eighteen. it has been six years, but i still remember. and i was pulled into a vision, a hallucination – a flashback of the past.

i saw a black metal object, lying on the table. moving fluidly, i picked it up. "what's that?" astoria asked.

"i'm not sure," i replied, pressing the trigger by accident, my hand making a sudden, unseen and unprecedented movement. and in that moment when astoria fell to the forums and stopped breathing, i realised what i was holding.

a gun.

i opened my eyes, finding myself back in the present.

and i remembered. remembered everything.

astoria had died, and it was my fault. i started experiencing hallucinations which were somehow linked to that tragic incident.

i had checked myself into an asylum, in fear that my disorder would cause me to harm others just like i had harmed astoria.

but seeing her again had triggered a relapse of hallucinations. my meds weren't working. astoria held out a hand, a beckoning smile on her face. "join me." she whispered.

now i spot a bottle of pill son the table. a careless act by a careless nurse. i dry swallow every one of them. soon i will take astoria's hand, and leave this world together with her, just as we had come into it.

goodbye, mom.

i found asha's diary, where she wrote this before she died of drug overdose. i am asha's mother, and this is the story of two twin sisters, two daughters, whom i lost.

a/n: hello everyone. my teacher probably questioned my sanity, she just said 'you're quite dramatic'. i'm perfectly fine LOL this idea just kinda popped into my head. it's actually pretty crappy and i had no idea what i was doing