SUFFER WITH ME.

☤
Walking down the darkening street felt like a dream. It was as if at any moment the world would flip upside down, and May would fall into the abyssal sky. She kept her bag close, relieved that the vibrations of her phone had ceased.

It wasn't easy to drag herself off the floor and clamber out into the evening air. Lamp lights glowed along the path, becoming sparser the further she walked. The skyscrapers began to fade away into the distance, and their lights became artificial stars.

The abandoned building in question lurked in a district several miles from her apartment. But she couldn't risk a driver knowing her location. On top of wearing unassuming clothes, she kept a mask over her mouth and walked with her head down. Several hero patrols were shacked up next to benches or surveying the streets which she avoided with ease. She even saw a couple of heroes she recognized earlier in the day.

As she maneuvered the city, it became abundantly clear that Twice did not give the clearest of directions.

The big grey building loomed ahead of her. No lights burned from the inside, and scarlet graffiti covered the outside. Ominous, like a house splattered with the blood of a slit throat, haunted by the spirits of both victim and murderer. Ivy outgrew the fence, and homes that appeared like rickety stacks creaked in the distance. At every breeze, trash would rustle around and flit through the brush.

I've only driven by this area once.

Though, when May rested her hand against the chain-link fencing, the building moved more like a monster. Every entrance looked as though it was full of sharp teeth, ready to chew her up and spit her out.

After walking the perimeter once, May found a gaping hole in the fence and squatted low. The uneven chain-link scratched at her cheek and snagged her clothes.

She stumbled out onto a grassy concrete path. Ugh, there has to be an easier way. Now inside.

The canvas of her bag brushed against her jacket. She chose to listen to that instead of the wind slamming against loose sheets of steel and broken glass. There weren't many entrance options, so May decided to enter the first door she saw.

At first, she tried jiggling it—which led to nothing. Then, she jabbed her shoulder against it— which led to a single creak.

Really?

As her last-ditch effort, May flung her entire body against the door.

And unfortunately, with success.

She plummeted to the ground on her hands and knees. Fiery sensations raced up her legs and across her fingers. The bruises from before ached, feeling as though her bones themselves were sore. It took her a second, but it wasn't quite what she expected when she surveyed the hallway in front of her.

There was debris littering the floor, of course. Dust built up in the corners and spread along the baseboards. Old safety placards covered the peeling walls, ranging from electrifying yellows to soft blues and emerald greens.

They dealt with all kinds of substances, huh? I wonder if it's even safe to breathe in here.

May rose to her feet and crept down the hallway. Half rotten cardboard greeted her at the other end. She poked her head out of the dark archway and glanced around. A faint light shone from underneath a door to her right.

May stepped back.

If she were to stay, that would solidify his status as her patient.

If she were to run away right then— run and call someone or tell them— then— then—

Someone could've died.

No, that was too optimistic.

Someone would've died.

Her hands trembled, and she quieted them by gripping her bag. Would this condemn her? Would this make her a criminal? Or worse— would this shackle her to more individuals? Wanting the same thing?

Wanting a free cure?

But would it cure?

She knew the answer to that deep down, and she didn't like it.

I can't stand here forever. I have to go.

Right foot.

One step forward.

Left foot.

Another step forward.

Until finally, she headed for the door. Shadows darkened crevices under the door, and May outstretched her hand toward the knob.

It was cold underneath her scratched palms. She inhaled and flung open the door on exhale.

A man in a black sweatshirt turned around. Silver stitches splintered his forehead, resting right above sunken and black circled eyes. May stood in the doorway, attempting to keep her mouth straight and her eyes narrowed.

"Is that you, Dr. Kataoka?" He asked at first, then twitched, his lips curling. "Of course it is; who else would it be?"

May's lips quivered, then she nodded once, taking off her mask. "Yes, it's me."

She couldn't take her eyes off of the man. His shadow stretched far behind him and threatened to engulf anything that challenged it with light.

"So! What do you think of your, er, lab? Nice and cozy, huh?" His voice was cheery as he settled onto a black stool. The light above him flickered, and he gave a crooked smile to her.

A breath caught in her chest, and he gestured to the room, which prompted her eyes to wander. An electronic microscope was plugged into the wall with a tattered black notebook beside it. There was so much more than just that, but her mind couldn't register the open surgical equipment that laid next to a shattered picture of a human cross-section.

"Mhm," is all she managed to say.

She had to move.

That's all her mind screamed at her.

Start moving.

So, she started unpacking her canvas bag and let the material clash against her soft jacket. It was a crunchy rustling sound that distracted her for just a second. Then, the smoothness of each binder and booklet she brought with her. The microscope slide case had a roughed plastic edge that caught every fabric it could. And last, she held her stethoscope in her hand.

She received it as a gift when she entered medical school. Who knew something of so much importance and so little color could grant such a bad omen? It wasn't even black— a dark navy with stainless steel. It used to be something she loved and filled with so much hope.

Now, it was suffocating.

Snapping out of the daze, Dr. Kataoka turned to her patient. "So, we'll start with some basic measurements, and then I'll gather more of your history, is that alright?"

He rocked back and forth on his stool. "Sounds like a plan."

She started with blood pressure, keeping her hands steady and avoiding the urge to flinch at every movement he made.

It's normal, but I expected this. Her inner monologue shoveled down anything else that threatened the current mission. It's not about his heart or anything physical. He must know this deep down. I'm still going to run all of the tests just to be sure. But— I can't be sure about anything.

Even when Dr. Kataoka drew his blood, he didn't move. Instead, he sat in complete silence. Every so often, his lips would part, and his eyes would dart around, then he'd relax again. It was a steady reactionary process.

When she sat down the blood samples, Twice rolled down his sleeves. His shoulders relaxed, and there was something about his tone that felt lifted.

"I can tell you do this a lot."

May swallowed and held on to the samples, unzipping a small freezer pack. "Yes."

"I know lotta people that would kill for a quirk like that. More than that."

Dr. Kataoka made a fist on the table. The black slate was smooth, and though she couldn't see cracks, she thought she could make out splinters. Because her fingers hurt so bad. Were those eyes staring back at her? In the inky blackness of a lab table? No, nothing was there.

With her back turned, May let her face break. She shut her eyes and let her frown wrinkle her entire face. Her thoughts remained buried in the white noise.

"Don't worry! Our secret is safe here. I'm a nice guy." He broke through the nothingness. "I can't have a buncha' people knowing I'm trying to fix it, ya know? That'd just lead to lots of problems. Keep piling them on, slick! You're good at that. Urgh!"

It was as if the light at the end of the tunnel was dimming. And it was getting further away. Was there even a light at that point?

Dr. Kataoka exhaled and turned to face him again. "Good."

He peered up to study her face, and he held his palms open. "I can trust you, right? Now that you ain't all worried about me."

It was hard to keep her jaw from slacking. But, there was something in Twice's voice. No, it wasn't passion. Not anger either. It was a tinge of concern. It would drag, and he'd sniff once or twice. Then, his leg would bounce up and down. He was— desperate?

There's only one reason a reasonable person would attack another. His harsh breath just an inch away from her squished cheeks, threatening to stamp out more than just her life. The whites of his eyes tinted red.

So, was he reasonable?

Dr. Kataoka forced a tight-lipped smile. "Yes. I'm your provider now. Patient confidentiality."

The words poisoned her mouth. But he exhaled and dropped his shoulders.

"Um, let's talk about your history, then? When did this 'splitting,' as you said, start?" She continued to stand as he slouched his back and rested his arms against his knees.

"I outlined everything in those records of yours. It should've been there," Twice said, his words straining against his throat.

Dr. Kataoka blinked a couple of times. "Some of it was unusable. I'm sorry, Twice. It's better if I ask these questions directly."

"Idiot, you can't even read." It was a harsher stare that melted instantly. "I'm sorry, it's... I don't mean that."

Her fingers curled against the pen. If she were any stronger, she could crush it. But she wasn't.

"I have here that it happened due to a quirk accident. Is that the truth?"

"Yes, an accident. Not an accident!"

Dr. Kataoka nodded, resting her pen on a highlighted phrase. "I remember when we first met, you said you need your mask to be 'whole again,' what does that mean?"

His dim eyes didn't lift to meet hers. "Everything works when I put that thing on. It's like the magic button or somethin'— I don't get so frustrated. I get to... be a solid person or somethin'."

Twice's words didn't fracture.

"Works?"

"Yeah, like I don't have twenty voices splitting me up in here." He tapped his temple. "I'm sure everyone knows a thing or two 'bout wanting control. And—"

Bitterness laced his hollow laughter. "—I ain't got that."

Dr. Kataoka recorded everything he said in her notes.

He seems to feel 'together' when explaining his condition. What's the root of this? Why does he feel so split? Is this physical to some extent? I'm not well-versed in psychiatrics, but I guess I should read more. I think this might be more than a dissociative disorder, but there's something else. He's sick but... sick people don't do this.

"Do these voices tell you to do things?"

"Course. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish the real from the fake. Which me is doing the doing and which me is doing the talking," he explained, his face exaggerating every single word.

"Okay, I just needed clarification on that, thank you," Dr. Kataoka said, flipping through some more of her papers. "And you—"

Her eyes landed on a red circle around the word murder.

"—you've witnessed a lot of traumatic events, is that true?"

He responded with a nod.

"That can't be easy." Dr. Kataoka didn't look up. "I'm sorry for your loss."

It took up nothing to say those five little words, yet they always hit people the hardest.

She rehearsed them long ago in blinding white rooms, with people clutching each other. At first, she would feel herself floating away when wailing erupted and echoed throughout the endless halls. But soon, it became clinical. Pronouncing losses was second to stitching a wound. Nothing more, nothing less.

And something her colleagues asked her to do when it was just too painful for them.

All of it led to her saying that small phrase to Twice and Dr. Kataoka didn't feel the hook in her heart dragging it further down.

"Thanks. Whatever. Ain't heard that in a while."

"I don't need to know about your allergies unless you're interested in anti-anxiety medications, anti-psychotics, or antidepressants. Which is—"

"No!"

The yell echoed throughout the cavernous room. May clutched her hands together, her feet going completely numb. Twice forced a breath out and held out a shaking hand.

"No. Yes! Agh! I— I've tried those, and they can't fix this. Only a quirk can," he said through gritted teeth. His wild eyes became tame again. "Only a quirk can."

Heaviness hung in the air while May gathered herself.

"Alright, um, I apologize. It didn't mention your medication history, so I thought I'd ask," May said in between quick breaths. "I—I'm going to take a good look at your sample and see how it reacts to my quirk. Is that alright?"

"That's fine, yeah," Twice said, watching her get up as she moved toward the microscope.

Her vision blurred and focused and blurred again, but making a slide was second nature. It wasn't long before Dr. Kataoka peeked into the eyepiece.

She was gifted with some silence, so as she stared at the moving colorless blobs, she sank into her analytical process.

The majority of the cells are moving normally. However, the amount of white blood cells is slightly alarming. There's no sign of increased lymphatic activity. My cytology is a little rusty, hmph. This would be an odd autoimmune disorder. Wait—

Dr. Kataoka increased magnification.

Some cells are replicating at a rapid pace. In comparison, others are engulfed even faster. I haven't seen anything like this before without a cancer diagnosis. His quirk is duplication, so I must account for that. Also, this is not the best medium. I barely have anything here to fix a slide. It could be a fluke.

Dr. Kataoka removed the slide and started on the next one.

I have to move quickly, so I know what happens. But I think I— No, I won't think that.

Using a small solution, she added her blood to the mix and started studying it as soon as possible.

At first, nothing happened. She had stained her blood blue beforehand, so it was helpful when distinguishing between the two. A mixture of pale red and pale blue laid itself out in front of her.

Her cells attempted clotting and repairment. It's hard to tell from here since they don't have a chemical messenger to follow. But I just need to see how they react— Oh.

Oh, that's...

They've overtaken my cells. They didn't stand a chance. Their replication is so fast. My own can't compete.

They can't compete.

I can't.

Her stomach flipped.

I can't fix this.

May rocked on her heel and removed her eyes from the microscope. Twice was busy on his phone, staring directly toward the floor.

Maybe I was wrong. I'll look again. It moves pretty fast.

No traces of blue were present in her solution. It wasn't human, which was to be expected. Quirks brought about impossibilities.

So, she tried another slide.

And another.

And all led to the same results. Though with varied mixtures, it took more time. But—

It all led to the same results.

May stared down at her notebook, writing lines over and over again as she processed what she had witnessed. She had seen this before with disastrous effects. But that was then. And this was now.

If I tell him, then what? He's adamant that I can fix it. Will he snap if I tell him I can't? Well, I'm unsure about how it will do when it comes to brain chemistry. I haven't had the opportunity to test that. But— I... It didn't even stand a chance. Even if it somehow did something mentally, there's just... it'll be fleeting.

When she took the slide off of the microscope stage, the acrylic edges didn't stab her pale skin. The tips of her fingers couldn't feel anything. It was as if she pressed too hard against the counter, she would fall right through and dissolve into the abandoned building.

I know too much.

She held her breath.

I'll try pills for a while. But how long will it last? Will a placebo work? Maybe if he believes it's working, it will? I—

Her heart raced, and her fingers throbbed.

What do I do? Everything is shot. I'll lose it all. I'll lose my life. I'll lose all of this work, and for what? For what? I can't die. Not here and not like this. Not like this. If I die, it's going to be because of my choices— not like— not like something so out of control, so out of reach! If I'm going to die, it's going to be because of me! Because of me!

Because of—

Dr. Kataoka exhaled.

"Good news," she said, tapping her notepad. "My quirk seems to slow your overactive replication process."

Twice, who craned his neck to listen, sat up straight. "Really? And you can gather it from just... lookin' in that machine?"

"Yes, I can," Dr. Kataoka said. "You see, your quirk is duplication—correct?"

"Yeah. Nah."

"What you're experiencing is a lot of conflicting messages from your brain and your quirk. It's both physical and chemical. So, what my quirk does is dampen that so you don't feel like you're splitting at the seams. Does that make sense?" She explained.

Twice's entire face lit up, and every single wrinkle loosened into ease. "You're sayin' it's working? I don't have any words. I've got a lot to say."

Dr. Kataoka rifled through her bag. "I—uh—I have some trial pills here. It's just dried and transformed into a powder. Take when needed. It's a fairly light dose, so I'll work on trying to up the intensity."

"This'll keep me from splitting?"

"It won't prevent your quirk, but it'll even out your brain chemistry," Dr. Kataoka said and extended an orange bottle to him. "Since I don't have the ability to run a complete blood scan, I assume that'll be enough for now."

"I hope you're right, Doctor." He swiped the bottle from her and stared at it. There was a small sparkle in his eyes that landed back on her. "I—I... do you ever feel like you weren't dealt the right cards? And you've landed here with no rhyme or reason? I've felt this way for so long, and this... this might change my hand."

May gave a slow blink and swayed. She swallowed. A faint smile followed.

"Life isn't static. A new deck can change a lot of things." Her voice came out hoarse.

There wasn't much else she could say or do for him other than to leave. Twice received a call from someone and pointed toward the door. He shook the pills, and his smile shone against the dark walls. Without much regard, she hurled everything into her canvas bag and escaped the room.

The floors and walls started to melt together. They slid down the ceilings and created sludge for May to wade through. She couldn't see straight anymore. What was this life becoming? It was over. It was done! Why is her clock still red? Her... her clock.

The night air didn't feel any different on her skin, but she had no more walls to aid her.

No other noise mattered except for the pounding in her ears. The hot needles had probed her brain, and she couldn't take them out even if she tried. It would take one more push to send them right through her skull.

May had been severely drunk before, but nothing could compare to the spinning she experienced in the streets. Her feet fell over each other, and she stumbled through the crowds of nightlife. She neared a corner as the crowds thinned out.

Even if she hit someone's shoulder, they'd pass right through her like ghosts. No, they weren't the ghosts. That was her. Even if someone held her close, she'd fade right out from under their touch. May couldn't even touch her face.

I can't... feel anything. Why can't I? Am I dead?

I have to feel.

The sharp corner of an alley caught her attention.

Feel something.

Brick walls were outlined by street lamps, and soon faded into murkiness. She stopped walking. How did it happen again?

May pivoted her heel.

Without a second to collect herself, she slammed her body into the brick. The grooves caught along the back of her shirt and opened up scrapes that were almost done healing. Her back stung. Her head throbbed. When she reached back to touch it, tenderness erupted like tiny sparks down her neck.

I'm losing, but I won't lose everything.

A sick feeling scrawled itself across her entire lower half. She couldn't feel her legs anymore, but that was fine. So, on her way home, her back spoke to her.

It was her night of the living dead, with a pale white horse at the very end of the street. If May stumbled too hard, she'd steady herself again.

Her eyes would widen, and she'd avoid falling to the ground, where she might shatter into a thousand pieces.

At least it was something.

The burner phone went off a couple of times, and it bled into her mind like inky blackness.

The miles ticked down, and her apartment building came into view. When she'd pass by a hero patrol, an acidic taste would fill her mouth. And when she made it to her apartment, she could barely make it through her door.

The acidity rose through her throat, and she made it in time to spew into the sink.

Twice.

Her fingers wrapped around the cold faucet handles, and the water proceeded to wash it all down the drain. The images of such an ill man flashed in front of her. If he knew the truth, Sara and her kids—they'd be at risk. Everyone would.

She did what she had to do, right? That was the right thing.

That was the right thing.

There's nothing else I can do.

Nothing.

And she was back at the same point. After being battered in an alley, agreements that only dealt in lives trapped her.

But May Kataoka was so tired. 

The bedroom gave her no solace because that's where her phone laid. She didn't make it to the mirror or the bathroom at all. What if she studied herself in the mirror and finally lost it all? Lost every feeling?

It was the only thing that reminded her of reality. Without that, what would she be?

Instead, she hovered over her phone. There were so many messages waiting. So many more lies to spin. Did May even have the energy to weave?

>> (11) NEW MESSAGES &. (2) MISSED CALLS <<

Yamada (5) & (1) Missed Call
Aizawa (1)
Unknown (1)
Eiko (2)
Sara (1) Missed Call
639-12 (1)

>> <<

Her fingers shook as each message opened and she ignored any new bruises.

>> <<

Yamada

➞ Yo! Doc!

➞ What happened?

➞ U okay? That was wild!

➞ I've never run like that before lol this job is overwhelming. I get it.

➞ At least say hi that was worrying lol we're buds now

✓ read

>> <<

She lifted the phone to listen to his voicemail.

"Hey Doc! You looked kinda sick and not in a good way. Just wanted to make sure you're good! Ha, it's the hero in me. See you at work! Bye."

May rubbed her hand against her forehead and hissed through her teeth. Then, she moved on.

>> <<

Aizawa

➞ We need to talk. Respond when you can.

✓ read

>> <<

May didn't have the space to understand what he was saying. And instead, she stared at the message with nothing passing through her head other than blankness.

>> <<

Unknown

➞ Hey, May! It's Hiroto. I got your number from Present Mic. I can't believe you're working for heroes. I'd love to talk at some point. Thanks.

✓ read

>> <<

There was nothing else for her to throw up, but she came close, leaning into her elbow.

>> <<

Eiko

➞ Hey. And why aren't you responding to the gm?

➞ It's not like you to do this. I'm leaving for vacay soon. Miss you.

✓ read

>> <<

She lifted the phone again, staring ahead at the wall.

Sara's voice dug into her ear.

"Hey Mayday! Eiko and I were just talking, and you haven't talked to us since we hung out. We know you're busy, just want to make sure! And um, I have one more thing to say— I would love it if you came and stayed with us again! You don't have to work there, you know. When we have the house, it'll be big enough, and you won't be cramped. We'd help you out. Um, I just, hm, I'm worried this job isn't healthy for you. And you tend to shut down. So, we're here for you! Kaito shares the same sentiment. And it's the mom in me that I—"

May shut off the voicemail.

>> <<

639-21

➞ Press C to confirm your procedure with DR. NAKAMURA at HOSU GENERAL HOSPITAL. Any questions, please call the customer service line at (X). Do not eat or drink after midnight on the day of your procedure. Fill out the rest of your forms here (X).

Me

    C (Sent.)

639-21

➞ We will see you soon. Thank you for choosing HOSU GENERAL HOSPITAL. Please do not respond further.  For further questions, call the customer service line at (X).

>> <<

May's clouded thoughts cleared for a moment.

>> <<

Me

Hey. Can I ask you a favor? (Sent).

>> <<

The phone dinged not even a second later.

>> <<

Midnight

➞ so you've finally come to mama. ;)

➞ Of course. Xoxo

➞ Nothing weird, ofc. Call me tmrw.

✓ read

Me

  Ok. Thanks. I owe you. (Sent.)

— hello! Newest update is posted! Hehe, lots of stuff is going on! I hope you enjoyed.

I want to say a quick thing and mention that Twice is not an accurate portrayal of a dissociative disorder, Please, if you want to know more about the truth about DID, please visit An Infinite Mind and Made of Millions for better resources about the actual condition. It's very important to say this because canon Twice is absolutely not at all a representation of the possible diagnosis given by our Doctor Character. Just really needed to say this! I'm very passionate about people receiving the help they need and the support.

If you need help or support, please DM me. Thank you so much for your continued support and for reading my fic! Sending you all the love. —