Keith let out a low groan as he squeezed his eyelids closed. There was a thumping pain in his head and a high pitched ringing in his ears. Coming to, he realized that his head wasn't the only thing that hurt, everything did.

He forced his eyes open, hissing when his vision was filled with violently bright blotches of light. Where was he? What happened? He racked his memory for answers. His sight soon cleared up and he was met with the answers he needed, but not the ones he wanted.

He was sitting in the driver's seat of his car, seat belt burning his neck. The windscreen was shattered and he could make out the form of the car's battered bumper smashed into a tree through the cracks.

He looked over to the side and slumped over in the passenger seat was-

"...Lance?" Keith grunted in pain as he unbuckled his seat belt and forced himself to turn. "Lance, honey, answer me."

Keith's eyes filled with tears and he grew desperate when there was no response. "Lance!"

He turned the unmoving boy over to face him, eyes widening at what he saw. He let out a gasp mixed with a broken sob at the sight. Lance's eyes were closed and his expression was slack. There was blood running from his temple, and more gushed from his neck where a large shard of glass protruded.

"No- no no no no-" The raven haired boy took the brunet's face in his hands, checking under his jaw for a pulse. There was nothing.

"Lance- no this can't be happening-" Tears streamed freely down Keith's cheeks, gathering on the tip of his chin. "Babe- Baby open your eyes. Please, you have to." His voice shook with desperation.

Upon yet again gaining no response, he raised his voice. "Sweetheart please!! You can't leave me like this!!" he yelled. "Lance Marcus Serrano, open your motherfucking eyes!!!"

Keith could physically feel his heart shatter as he broke down in sobs, not giving a crap as blood spilled over his lips. He undid Lance's seatbelt and kicked the car door open, pulling the body- no, his boyfriend, out with him.

He sobbed into the bloodsoaked shirt of his lover as he heard the obnoxious sirens of an ambulance approach. A bystander much have called. "Lance please...come back to me...you can't leave me here, I need you." he cried.

The ambulance pulled up beside them in a matter of seconds, medics rushing over. they tried to pry Lance from Keith, who screamed at them aggressively. "Don't touch him!!! You can't take him from me!!" His voice was raw with emotion and he wrapped himself around the boy protectively. The medics gave him a sympathetic look, like he'd just lost a puppy.

"Sir...He's gone."

"How are you dealing with things?"

Keith grunted in response to the staticky voice coming from his phone. He looked around at his current living conditions. The small house he owned might as well be a dumpster - there were beer bottles and instant noodle cartons all over the floor, shattered glass on the tabletops, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd vacuumed. He hadn't showered or changed clothes in over a week, and spent most his time either crying or staring blankly at the television while drinking beer and whiskey.

"Keith...I'm worried about you. I'm your brother, I just want you to be okay." Concern was evident in the caller's voice.

"Okay? Oh, don't worry Shiro, I'm completely okay. Why wouldn't I be? It's not like I fucking killed my boyfriend or anything."

Shiro sighed. "We've been over this, you didn't kill him. The road was slippery, you couldn't control the car-"

"I know!!!" Keith yelled. "I know. But I can't help feeling like I could have done something..."

"Keith..."

"You know what I was going to when we got back?"

"Keith-"

"Do you know what I was going to do when we got back??!!!" Keith screamed into the phone, falling to his knees in front of the couch. "I was going to ask for his fucking ring size."

Shiro was silent for a good minute before speaking. "Oh...Uh...I'm sending Allura over. She'll...talk to you."

"I don't need a therapist. Why don't you come? If you care so much." The dark haired man snapped, getting back onto the couch.

"Keith I-" and Keith hung up.

Allura arrived late the next day. She brought food, real food, and forced Keith to eat it. She even cleaned up his place a bit while he laid in bed scrolling through old messages with silent tears rolling down his cheeks.

Keith bit his lip harshly. He didn't deserve her kindness, she shouldn't have to deal with the slump he was him, not her or Shiro. "I'm pathetic..." he muttered quietly.

"What was that?!" Allura called from the hall.

"Nothing." Keith grunted. The older girl sighed and came to sit beside him. She took his phone, placing it face down on the cabinet next to the bed.

"Oh darling..." Allura ran a hand through his dark hair gently. "You're only twenty five...you shouldn't have to go through this...it's okay to be upset, to get depressed, it's normal. Just know that we're here for you."

With that, a fresh set of tears streamed down Keith's face. " 'llura, how did you deal with losing your father?" The older girl inhaled sharply at the question. "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that-"

"An android."

"A what now?"

"An android. I bought a customized android to imitate him." she said quietly. "I got rid of it after a while. It wasn't healthy, pretending that was him."

Keith nodded slowly. "Oh...I'm sorry."

Allura gave him a soft smile. "Don't worry about it. I'm going to head home now, take care of yourself, okay?"

"Okay."

A week later and Keith had thrown all semblance of self care out the window. He was thinning, he couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten or even left his bed. His house was back to the state it had been in before Allura had come over, if not worse.

He missed Lance, he missed him so much. If only he'd had driven safer - his boyfriend was dead and it was all his fault. He'd give anything to see Lance one last time, to feel his touch, to hear him say "I'm okay, everything's okay" like he'd done so many times before....

...The android.

It wouldn't be him, hell, it'd most likely be nothing like him, but was it worth the shot? He laid out the pros and cons. Firstly, he'd get to see 'Lance' again, he'd get to tell him everything he wanted to say, and feel everything he wanted to feel. They could be together again. On the other hand, it wasn't Lance. The real Lance wouldn't hear any of it, the real Lance would be disappointed if he saw. Was Lance even watching over him? What reason does he have to watch over his murderer?

(And if you listened hard enough, you could almost hear someone scream "I'm right here!")

No, he decided. He wouldn't settle for a fake.

It took two weeks for Keith Kogane to crack.

He was sitting in front of his couch, wine bottle in hand, rocking back and forth as he sobbed.

His sobbing soon turned to anguished screaming and he threw the empty bottle at the wall, relishing in the loud smashing noise it made as it shattered into a hundred pieces.

-

"Babe, why are you up so late? Is everything okay?" The familiar brunet kneeled in front of him, taking his face in their hands. "Oh honey...you've been drinking again, you know that's not good for you."

Keith just mumbled something incoherent and let Lance help him into their bedroom. Lance laid him on the bed, tucking him under the covers before heading out the door. Panic rose in the older boy's chest. "Wait- Lance, don't go..."

The cuban boy smiled softly. "I'm just getting painkillers and water for the morning, hun."

-

Keith screamed again

-

Lance emerged from the pool, flicking his brown hair back and running a hand through it.

"First place, Lance Serrano!"

Keith felt his face grow hot. Lance must have been part fish, he was fast, faster than he was on land, and damn- he looked good. The dark haired boy couldn't look away, which caused him to almost fall down the stairs as he rushed to the poolside.

Lance pushed himself out of the water and Keith immediately pulled him into a kiss. "You did great."

"Thanks." The brunet smiled. "Wanna go on a coffee date?"

"Always."

-

And again.

-

"OCEAN MAAAAAN TAKE ME BY THE HAND-"

"Oh Jesus Christ Lance, shut your mouth!" Keith couldn't help the smile pulling at the corners of his lips despite scolding his boyfriend.

"Aw come on, you know you love it." Lance grinned mischievously. The black haired man leant over, pressing a soft kiss to the crook of Lance's neck, earning a quiet chuckle from the brunet. "Eyes on the road babe."

Keith smiled and hummed in response. "Just let me show you how much I love you."

"Aw, you sap." The cuban boy smiled softly, affection clear in his voice. "I love you too."

"I've got something super important to ask when when we get home."

"Really now? And what would that be?" Lance asked, a teasing grin on his face.

"Well I-"

The wheels of the car screeched as they spun on the asphalt.

"Keith?! What's going on?!" Lance grabbed onto the older man's arm, eyes wide in terror.

"I-I don't know- there's something on the road-" Keith answered to the best of his ability while trying to get the car back under control.

He failed.

-

And again.

-

"Keith watch out!!!"

-

And again.

-

He failed.

-

After a while, his cries slowly died down and he curled into a small ball, pulling out his phone. He needed Lance he needed Lance he needed Lance-

He shakily typed out what he wanted to know into the search bar on his screen. A number popped up and he pressed call, holding the phone to his ear.

"H-Hello?"

There was a knock at the door two weeks later.

"Hello, I'm Lance Serra-"

"McClain." Keith interrupted. "You're Lance McClain.