"is this him? the one for whom you're like this?" he said, with the last page flipping here and there with his hands swaying the notebook.

you felt exposed. as if you were going through your phone and someone yanked you out of your seat and took hold of your phone, going through all of the personal things you will never not in a million years would show them.

"get your hands off them," you said, your breaths getting faster. but he only remained with his eyes locked into yours, the puppy eyes he flashes at you everytime, demanding to get the truth out of you or else would go through your journals to get your privacy out.

nevermind. he did already.

"i said off." you suppressed your yells with a clenched jaw.

you never found out why he was so interested in your history that he was ready to strip every little thing off your mouth.

"out. i don't want you in my room right now." you sighed.

he was ticking you off with his softened gaze now. as if he pitied you. he couldn't bring out every little secret from you with those innocent gaze when he already knows enough. you were ready to lash out at him.

"but—"

"i said out of my room! now! you don't have any stupid permission to go through my journals and assume my past!" you busted, your loud breaths being the only medium of sound in the room.

he flinched. not a single word came out of him as he got out of his trance and kept the journal hesitantly before storming out of the room in fear like how the courtiers do when their king is in a bad mood.

you were shaking. your chest pained as you rushed to the table for support. as soon as your eyes fell on the scrapbook, you heaved a long sigh before grabbing the notebook to your chest and falling on the floor.

• • •

"and you quarelled again?" jungkook perked an eyebrow while sipping his banana milk.

nodding, you answered, "he's so weird. everytime something happens that may be a turning point between us, our first date comes to remind me how much of a jerk he is."

you weren't in the café like every other counselling session with jungkook. maybe because you were so afraid of seeing his face again, you prevented from entering the café. just for today.

"and what made you think like that?" jungkook questioned further.

your hands were deep inside your pockets as you both walked side by side each other in the park, the cool evening breeze hitting your hair. your head perked up from those textured pavements to staring at the lilac sky as you pursed your lips in thought.

"him. he didn't even give me any priority. he recited about all his exes and how the break up stuff happened. not just one. everyone's." your lips let out a mocked laugh and you continued,
"his voice haunts me everytime. for instance, his recent ex-girlfriend, haewon, broke up with him because she found out that he knew she was cheating on him! but his worst break up scenerio was when his last girlfriend, hyeshin, was interuppted by him while she was making out with his junior in the janitor's room on the ground floor of the campus. don't remind me—"

"that's the thing. you have everything to make him innocent in your eyes. then why do you keep on blaming him even after knowing his worst injuries?" he spoke while looking at your face for an answer.

you didn't know why you did that either. why you had left him while he was grieving his past memories that hurt him and were only letting them go by opening up to you. so that you could know him more. sudden flashes of a mullet haired boy crossed your mind.

"thank you for everything, y/n. and... im sorry."

a sharp pang hit your chest as you gulped to let that pain go away. you realised your why.

hesitating, you opened your mouth, "because it was a mission for me. i thought maybe this can move me from the past. but i was holding onto my past when i ordered the boba for both of us." you paused for a little second to see if he was listening to you and you saw him staring at you with the look of i-want-to-know-more. once you were assured, you continued, "that boba was a test. i wanted to see my past in him. but when he didn't even pay attention to that drink, i was annoyed. and i left when i realised he's just another boy and not the one who had once abandoned me." you stopped in your tracks, your gaze fixed on those textured pavements again.

you couldn't believe what you had said right now. a sudden gush of memories flew to your mind as you felt your knees getting weak.

"y/n, you okay?" jungkook gave you a light squeeze on your shoulder, demanding you to look up at him. "here, take a seat." he brought to you on a bench and sat beside you. you gulped again. when you looked up, his eyebrows scrunched with worry when he saw your red eyes. you looked like you were seconds away from exploding.

"i felt so dirty at that time... i felt ignored, left out, frustrated, as if i wasn't worth the attention." your nose scrunched as tears drifted from your eyes. "i felt like—"

"shhh, shh. everything's going to be okay." jungkook patted your head, letting your head rest on his shoulder as he lulled you.

a/n:- did you ever experience your journal being read by someone else too? how was your reaction to it?