Miles Dempsey

Ruffling my hair to look slightly presentable, I skip down the stairs toward the kitchen. When I get there, JT stands by the island. His green eyes bore into me as he takes a chug from the water bottle in his hands. I roll my eyes and pass him, grabbing a bottled water from the fridge.

The silence makes me antsy after a while so I close the fridge a bit harder than usual. "What?" I voice, looking at my roommate. He turns to face me, sighing. "That was gross. All of it," he finally says. "Seriously? Fuck off, Jason." I never call him by his first name but lately everything including him, has been getting on my nerves.

"Please don't use the government name. I thought sex was supposed to make you happier not..." he waves his hands in a circle around me, "whatever this mood is." I force my eyes shut, breathing out slowly.

He's not wrong. When the season - or my life in general - gets stressful, sex is one of my many outlets. While that may sound gross, I don't go around having sex with multiple women. I've had Allie help me out with my stress for the last couple of months. I'm not committed to her, nor her to me, but we have a mutual agreement about only sleeping with each other. That's all it is.

But just like all my other stress relievers, sex with Allie hasn't been enough. I'm still reeling over things like hockey, life, details about my birth parents, and most of all, as much as I hate to admit it...

Nola Scott.

The thought of her makes me tense. I don't know why the girl has been consuming my brain these past couple of days. Just when I think I won't see her anymore, I do. Her little blonde self, walking into my life, time after time. If this were any other girl, I'd say it was fate. Like some stupid 'this is happening for a reason' type of thing.

This isn't just any girl though. It's Nola. The girl who's shown me no mercy since the first day we laid eyes on each other. I had been trying to make up for our first interaction the other times I had seen her, but she wouldn't let me. She took what I said to heart. I don't even think what I said was all that bad but she told me she doesn't do well with bad first impressions.

That day at Blazing Ice, a bad first impression is exactly what I gave her. I never knew the reason she disliked me so much until a couple of days ago at the coffee shop when she told me. Still, she acted childishly. I wasn't going to apologize then. She's the one who pissed me off that morning too. Normally it's the other way around.

I was just trying to have an easy morning before my life potentially fell apart in the next hour. Finding out who my birth parents are had been a top priority for me these past couple of months. I finally got the balls to ask my parents until Nola decided to kill all of the power I had that morning. My mood went from 70 to 10 in a matter of a couple of minutes because of her. There was no way I was going to be able to have that conversation with my folks that morning.

Not even close.

A couple of days later and I still haven't found the words again. I'm back at square one. I've even considered asking Tiffany if she could get in contact with that private investigator again. Of course, I can't bring myself to do it. I care entirely too much about how my folks would feel if they found out I went behind their backs to find out who my birth parents are.

Thinking about all of this again makes me want to pull my hair out in frustration. I can't even be calm for a couple of minutes before my mind starts reeling again. Or stupid conversations like this one, trigger some bone inside of me that makes me an asshole.

"Was the sex not that good? I can find a way to get her to go.." JT whispers, adding when I don't answer immediately. "What?! No. It's not that," I tell him. He crushes his water bottle and throws it into the trashcan next to him. "Then what's on your mind, man?" JT's green eyes burn holes into me. The kid cares, I'll admit that. He's always asking me about my feelings and stuff like that. I don't know why.

"Nothing. I'm fine, just tired," I lie, not wanting to talk about my feelings. Not with him. Not with anyone for that matter. "You've been tired for this whole week? Cause you've been so tense for a while now," he adds. I look at him, realizing I wasn't even making eye contact anymore. God, why can his dumb ass see right through me?

I told myself I'd tell him about the whole Nola thing one of these days but I didn't think I'd see her again after leaving her parent's house. Even if I do tell him, what is he going to tell me when I tell him that girl lights a fire in me that I've never felt before? It sounds fucking stupid even thinking about it. Also, I don't even know what exactly these feelings are.

Does she piss me off that much? Do I think she's the most gorgeous girl I've ever laid eyes on? Do I actually care what she thinks of me and that's why I'm so angry I can't get her to like me?

I mentally shake my head. This girl scrambles my fucking brain.

"Miles?" JT's voice pulls me out of my thoughts for the second time. "Hm?" I reply. He tilts his head, waiting for me to answer his previous question. "Just things with my parents. It'll all soothe itself out." I only half-lie. "Are they alright?" JT questions, a worried expression on his face.

My parents really like him. He's as fond of them as they are of him. Just like I did, they showed him what a home is here in Los Angeles. I'm glad they moved down with me even if it was a big ask. Los Angeles will never be Vancouver, but it's felt more like a home to me because they're here. JT, who's also from Vancouver, appreciates how not only me, but my parents have taken him in. He's a part of the family now.

Always will be.

"Oh, they're straight fire, man. It's more of a me thing." JT knows I'm adopted, a lot of people in this world do. But I haven't talked to him about the fact that I'm trying to find my birth parents. I haven't even talked to Tate about it and he's my best friend. The kid eyes me warily for a long while before nodding. "Well, if you want to talk, I'm here." Thank God he's not pushing like he normally does.

"Yeah, thanks, kid. I'll see you for dinner?" I ask, already walking backward toward the stairs. He gives me a small nod before I turn around. Closing the door behind me, I throw the water bottle towards Allie who's naked on my bed, doing something on her phone. She moves the phone from in front of her face to glare at me. "Thanks," she says dryly.

"Yup." I climb back into my bed and grab the remote from the bedside table. Leaning back on my headboard with a hand behind my head, I switch on the last game we played. Allie throws her phone toward me and gets off my bed. I don't eye her as she walks to the bathroom and shuts the door behind her. Even though it's not ideal, I let her use my shower every now and then before she leaves.

Twenty minutes later, she comes back out with a towel wrapped around her head and body. "You're still watching the game?" she asks. I look at her for a moment and just nod. Even if we won this past game, we played like shit. Especially me. Plus, I always rewatch our games, regardless of how we did. Allie sits down on the spot she previously occupied and leans closer to me. I turn my head and she kisses me roughly.

Ahh hell.

I kiss her back but pull away quickly. Despite how tempting she is, I think I've realized that sex isn't helping me clear my head. "Tired?" she asks. "I am," I say, turning my head back toward the tv. She gets up again and drops the towel from her body. Don't look, Miles. I keep my eyes focused on the game as she changes directly in my view. Once her clothes are back on her body, she comes over and sits on my lap.

As much as I've tired to ignore her, I can't when she's right in my face and blocking my view. "I'm leaving. You okay?" she asks, bringing her hand up to cup my jaw. I tense slightly. "I'm fine," I reply. Can people stop asking me how I'm feeling? Her brown eyes flit around my face and I only hold eye contact so that she knows I'm serious - even though I'm not.

"You're acting weird." Allie narrows her eyes at me. I flinch away from her touch and her hand falls. "I'm fine, Allie," I say, trying to look past her at the tv. "Don't be a dick, Miles. And don't treat me like shit after you just fucked me," Allie retorts. I roll my eyes, bringing my hand up to my face to rub my eyes. "I'm sorry," I apologize, "but I'm fine, I swear. I'm just tired. It's been a long day."

"Can I come back tomorrow?" She ignores what I say. Like always. "I don't know. I'll text you, I have a lot to do tomorrow," I tell her. That's not true at all. My schedule is pretty free after I come home from practice. "Alright." She sighs and kisses my cheek before getting up and walking out of my room.

I can be a dick to her sometimes but never on purpose. Allie's a decent girl when you get to know her. Personally, I just can't be with anyone for too long. I like the girl, sure. But only as a friend. I can't see her as anything more than that to me, even though I've stupidly tried. We both agreed on a friends-with-benefits situation but when you create a connection with a person, your mind drifts to new parts.

What Allie and I have is a mutual understanding. I'm just surprised she hasn't ended it yet. She's stuck around longer than any other girl I've met. It's a good and bad thing at the same time. When the time comes, I wonder if it'll be tough letting go. I kind of have a hard time letting shit go as stupid as that sounds. Who knows. I don't even want to think about complicated shit like that right now.

My phone buzzes on my lap. I mute the game when I see it's my mom. I haven't talked to her since I called to cancel on her dad a couple of days ago. Pressing the green button, I press the speaker phone. "Hey ma," I answer. "Miles, lucky to have caught you, eh? What are you doing, hun?" Mom says, voice cheery. I smile. "Just resting. No practice today so I'm trying my best to relax," I tell her.

"A day off? That's unheard of from you," she teases. I roll my eyes playfully even though she can't see me. "Yeah, well, not only my body but my brain needs it. Back to work early tomorrow though," I say. Mom stays quiet for a long while before speaking again. "Maybe you can join us for dinner tomorrow? Both you and JT? We miss you guys," mom pleads. Ah, fuck. I suppose I have time to see my parents tomorrow.

"Yeah, mom. Sounds good. I'll let the kid know," I reply, not missing a beat. My nerves only slightly grow. I'm scared to see them because of the reason I didn't come to breakfast last time. I won't bring anything up, especially not with JT there, but seeing them will make me feel some type of way. Not telling them what's on my mind at the moment makes me feel like I'm lying to them about something even though I'm not.

"Perfect! I'll let your dad know not to come home too late so he can see you boys." Mom and I talk on the phone for a couple more minutes before hanging up. I get my lazy ass up from bed and walk to JT's room, knocking on his door twice. "Come in!" he shouts from the other side of the door. I open the door and walk over to his bed, plopping down on it. "Dinner with the 'rents tomorrow. Cancel your plans," I say.

His eyes light up slightly. "Fucking perfect! I'm craving a home-cooked meal." He places a hand on his abdomen, throwing his head back slightly. "Bro, I make us food all the time," I say. "Well yeah, but like, healthy shit. I need your ma's food, buddy." JT shrugs. I guess the food I make and the one she makes are very different. I also don't blame him for wanting her food. Mom knows what she's doing in the kitchen.

"Allie gone by the way?" he asks. I nod and he returns it before staring at me for way too long again. I groan, throwing my head back. "What, JT? What?" I question, already knowing he's about to start. He sighs. "Look, Miles. I'm just trying to be honest here, okay? So don't get all scary on me for telling you the truth," he starts. I eye him hard and jut my chin, initiating him to keep on talking.

"I like Allie, seriously. She may be... mean and questionable sometimes but overall she's a cool girl. But... I think you need to stop seeing her already. I see the way she looks at you sometimes and if you don't want to break the girl's heart anymore, I suggest ending things. Soon. Also, I don't think she's entirely good for you either and if you did make her your girlfriend, that relationship will fall faster than my balls," JT rants.

I furrow my brows, somehow only catching that last sentence. God. "Man, you're speaking shit. Allie and I are just friends." I shake my head, not even believing the words coming out of his mouth for a second. If the girl had feelings for me or was developing feelings for me, I would have noticed already. I've learned to tell how a girl feels about me because I never want to lead one on. Once I see they're starting to get attached, I start saying my goodbyes.

Ever since I entered the NHL, relationships have been on the back burner of my mind. Committing to someone isn't easy and I won't be doing it anytime soon. Even six years later. Especially not when my career is at its peak.

"Miles, if you're ever actually going to listen to me. Do it now. I'm not fucking around. Why would I talk shit about this? I know what you want and it's not a relationship. I also know you care about the girl's feelings so..." He shrugs. I stare deep into the kid's soul to find a hint of him fucking with me because if he is, I'm fucking him up.

I stare at him for a long while before retreating. Fuck. He's not kidding. It's...true? Or at least somewhat true. The fact that I was thinking about the possibility of Allie not being in my life earlier is crazy. I didn't think it would happen this soon but if JT sees a change, then I trust him. I don't think he would fuck around about this to a certain extent.

"I'll talk to her," I tell him, sighing. Is this what my life has come to? "Okay," he slaps my arm lightly, "for your sake, I hope psycho Allie doesn't come out." I groan, trying not to think about that possibility. Of course, another stressful thing is being added to my already fucked off life.

God, do you hate me this much?