Miles Dempsey

These past couple of days haven't been the easiest.

We lost two out of our four away games, then two more home games in a row. The team had been doing good recently and now we were barely winning games. It was almost the end of the season and I understood that the guys were tired but it was getting embarrassing.

I had been hearing all the talk about how our team was starting to crumble and how we wouldn't make it past round one of the postseason. It had been years since the Kings were in the playoffs and people weren't giving us the benefit of the doubt despite all our successes this year.

We play Colorado tomorrow night and all I want to do is show these assholes talking down on us that we're better than whatever slump we're in right now. I've been giving it my all these past couple of games and my body is exhausted. My off days have been me staying home and focusing on getting my body back to almost normal.

Today, I'm doing that at my best friend's house. Both of our asses have been plastered on the couch since earlier this afternoon. I would have left by now considering he lives with his girlfriend but Kait is currently in Boston visiting her family. Plus, Tate and I haven't had any time together for a while so I thought I'd come keep him company.

He's also helping distract me as well.

Hockey hasn't been the only thing on my mind.

The thought of finding my birth parents is a living parasite in my brain. Especially these last couple of weeks. Even with the season coming to an end, there are still two months of hockey left. If we make it to the Stanley Cup Final that is.

Waiting until during the postseason to find out has been gnawing at me for months already and waiting two more months sounds like my own personal hell. Nola is the only person I've told about wanting to find my birth parents but something inside of me is telling me to share the news with my best friend.

If there has ever been someone to give me useful advice, it's Tate. I also know he wouldn't judge me. He's a big Chloe and Nash fan but he knows the effect that this situation has had on my life. I've talked with him about wanting to find my birth parents during our freshman year at Harvard. He had encouraged me to do it, with no hesitation.

As much as I wanted to, I wasn't completely ready back then. Now, finding answers was the thing I wanted the most. Since I can't talk to Nola about this, I decided to revisit the topic with my best friend. I've been sitting here with him for a couple of hours now gathering the courage to do so.

We watch recaps of some NHL games from yesterday and sit in silence. The TV volume isn't that high and I adjust myself on the white couch. I clear my throat which catches his attention. He furrows his brows. "What's wrong, buddy?" I swallow the thick lump lodged in my throat. It takes me a couple of seconds to find the right words to say.

"I've been wanting to talk to you about something that's been eating at me," I start truthfully. He turns his full attention to me now. His silence tells me to go on. I take an anxious breath. "It's about... finding my birth parents," I admit. Tate's eyes widen slightly. "Have you..?" he asks. I shake my head. "Not yet," I pause, "but I want to soon."

He fixes his posture, back straight now. "Like after the season?" he questions. I bite the inside of my bottom lip, shaking my head slowly. "I'm shooting for that but God I feel like I'm going insane. I've been thinking about doing this for months. I don't know how much longer I can wait honestly," I tell him.

"So what's holding you back then?" His question isn't difficult to answer. "Fear. Fear of asking my parents and breaking their hearts. Fear of not being able to repair our relationship if that's the case. Fear of being.... rejected by them again," I finish. My skin feels like it's on fire in a hauntingly, terrible way. "Rejected by your birth parents?" he asks. My reply is a simple nod.

Tate sighs and shakes his head. "Man, if they turn you away again it's their loss. Again. I'm not just saying this because you're my best friend but you're one of the best people I've ever met. You have a lot of good in you and anyone in your life should be lucky to be in it. So no matter what happens, at the end of the day, you have an incredible family to come back to. You know that right?" He taps my shoulder lightly.

While that may true, some part of me wants my birth parents to accept me. I'm not expecting them to treat me like their son right off the bat. I know it won't happen that quickly. I just fear rejection. Them shutting me out completely.

There are so many unanswered questions.

Are they still together?
If not, do they both have completely different lives?
Do they have any more kids?
Where do they live now?

Who. Are. They?

The questions scramble unanswered all over my brain and it makes me feel like I'm going crazy.

"Yeah, but you can imagine how shitty that would feel. Rejection would feel like a puck in the face," I say with a sigh. "I know. But if there's anyone who could keep their head held high after shitty situations, it's you. You got this bud. Whenever you want to do it, you know I'm there," he tells me. A weak smile pulls onto my lips at his words.

Tate's been my best friend for as long as I can remember. He's the most loyal guy I know and the only real person who has stuck by me. Through all my asshole behavior, annoying, unnecessary drama. I know I can depend on him to be truthful with me in any situation. Seeking out his words should have been one of the first things I did.

"Thanks, man. You'll be the first person I call," I say. He daps me up and seconds later my phone starts ringing next to me. We both look down at it.

Nola Scott.

"How is she doing, by the way?" Tate asks. To be honest, I hadn't talked to her much since Worlds. I gave her the space she needed, knowing she'd reach out when she was ready. The silence between us wasn't my favorite thing but I respected her emotions and the reasons for her wanting to deal with them on her own. "I guess we're about to find out," I reply before pressing the green answer button.

"Hey, Scott," I say. Her soft voice comes through a couple of seconds later. "Hi, were you busy?" she asks. "No. What's up? How are you?" I ask the serious questions. She sighs. "Oh you know, still wanting to die every waking morning but getting up anyway!" she says sarcastically but I can hear the hurt in her voice. "Hey, don't say that. You know better," I reply.

Another sigh sounds through the line. "I know, I know. I'm feeling a little better. Enough to go to your last regular season game soon," she quips. A smile pulls onto my lips. "There's a game tomorrow, show out. It's been a while," I muse. I don't expect Nola to go to all of our home games. Hell, even Kait doesn't and she's Tate's girlfriend. There are too many games in the season for the guy's girlfriends to go to every single one.

"Let's not push it. I'm barely starting to get out of bed for a couple of hours a day. Ember and my family have been helping with that," she informs me. That's good. As long as she's not moping about her loss as much anymore. Worlds was just the beginning for her. I've seen the way her following has increased on Instagram this past week. Her performance video also has thousands of views on YouTube. I saw it just the other day.

"So I'm not seeing you until Thursday then?" I question, hopeful that she'll say no. It's been a while since we've talked and I won't lie, I kind of miss the girl. "Miss me already?" she teases. I poke my cheek with my tongue and chuckle. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Answer the question, Scott."

She giggles and the sound of it makes me smile wider. "How about Tuesday? That soon enough for you?" she teases again. "You know your lucky I actually like you otherwise I would have hung up already," I lie. "Mhm, sure. Am I gonna see you Tuesday or not, Demps?" she asks. "I'll see you then. Text me, yeah?" I tell her. "Got it. Talk to you in a bit."

The line dies a couple of seconds later and I chuckle, shaking my head as I put my phone down. "You know." Tate's voice catches me off guard. For a second, I forgot I wasn't alone. "You seem a bit in l-" Tate's phone begins to ring, cutting off his sentence. Kait seems to be trying to FaceTime him. "Huh, she hasn't called me since she's gotten to Boston," he says before answering.

"Hi, Tateyyy!" A little blonde girl shouts from the phone. There's an empty gap where her two front teeth are supposed to be. I know this little girl as Kait's baby sister, Riley. A smile overtakes his face as Kait giggles in the background. "Hi, RiRi, what are you doing, gorgeous?" he replies.

I stand from the couch and dap him up. It's getting a bit late so I decide to go back home and get my last hours of rest in before I have to wake up early tomorrow. We say quiet goodbyes and I see myself out.

When I make it back home, the kid is lying down on the couch watching some show Ember told him to watch. He's eating some leftover pasta from last night. "Where've you been all day? I woke up and you were gone," he says with a mouthful. "Tate's," I respond, plopping down on my couch. "His knee doing better?" the kid questions.

Tate's knee got a bit fucked up a couple of games ago and he had to be taken out of the game because of it. He's doing better now but the soreness is still there. My best friend is one of our best players at the moment and he knows that which is why he's avoiding this knee injury. He said he'd worry about it after we win the Stanley Cup Final.

"He's fine," I tell him. "Good because we need him. We've been playing like shit lately," JT demands. He's not wrong. Even our standout players, myself included, have been having bad games. Hopefully, we can pull out these last three wins of the regular season. Postseason is a whole other thing. These games matter but those games matter.

A loss in the postseason isn't something I'll take lightly.

I'll be damned if we lose in the first round.
If we lose period.

The Kings are taking it all this year and you can mark my words on that.