Saturday, October 6th.

A D D I E

Willa was tucked up on the mattress beside Maggie. She'd changed into a pair of PJs  from the bag that she was bringing to my place. Plus one of Zac's hoodies because it was cold but the heating wasn't on. It required willpower not to sniff the fabric because I knew it would smell like him.

"Maggie usually sleeps through the night but I'll come back and check on you both before I come to bed."

"Will you sleep in here too?" She whispered.

"Yep, there's plenty of room. Will you be alright in here?"

"Yes," I could just see her wide grin thanks to the LED lantern that Zac had found in the hall closet. It was safer than candles. "This is fun."

"You're not scared of the storm?"

"No, it's just a storm," she said and snuggled further into the comforters.

Each little new piece of information that I learned about her was a gem in the treasure trove. There was years of missing pieces that I needed to collect and I couldn't get enough.

"Addie," she whispered. "Remember when I asked if I could call you mom?"

"Of course."

We never got to come back to that conversation. Maggie came along and by the time things settled again, I wasn't sure how or if I should bring it up. Willa didn't bring it up either so I figured I would wait until she did.

"I still want to call you mom."

Luckily, because of all the time I'd had to think about this, I had an answer. "What if we talked to Raine and Milo and maybe, if it's alright with everyone, you could call me and Raine mom?"

Her expression brightened.

"How does that sound?" I asked. "I think Raine deserves to be called mom just as much as me, if not more. I mean, at the end of the day, it's your choice. It was just an idea."

"I love it," she kicked her feet with excitement under the comforter. "You're both my mom, so it's a good idea!"

"Yeah?"

She nodded, her eyes turning into little crescents and her cheeks dimpled.

"Okay," I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "We'll talk to your dad and Raine when they get back from their honeymoon. For now, you get some sleep. I love you, Will."

"I love you too."

We said goodnight and I told her I would be back soon. There wasn't much else to do tonight apart from go to bed, but I needed to thank Zac for having us. As I wandered back down the dark corridor, I checked my phone and saw a text from Raine.

Guests are heading home. Not many of us left. We'll be heading home soon too. How's Willa? You guys doing okay?

Hey, we're all good in here. Willa is in bed, bunking with Maggie. Drive safe. This weather is nuts.

The front room was glowing with candles, their shadows flickered on the walls and ceiling. The windows along the front of the house revealed cars slowly leaving the property, their headlights illuminating the heavy downpour in front of them.

Zac was standing beside the window, his back to me with his hands in his sweat pockets. He'd obviously changed because he was now in a fitted white t shirt that was just as alluring as the dress shirt he'd worn before.

"Willa's in bed," I said, avoiding his stare when he turned around. "I'll um— I guess I'll just go to bed too. Thanks for having us."

"Addie," he said before I could turn around. "Can we talk for a minute?"

"Oh. . . mhmm, sure," I was so self aware of every move I made and how Zac's attention was glued to me as I leaned on the wall. "Oh, I hear— well, Willa told me that the horses are all gone."

"Yeah," he said. "It was time for something new I guess."

"Cars?"

"Yeah. I'm selling muscle cars and I'm a few months out from opening a showroom."

My interest piqued. I'd seen how much he loved his cars and the time he spent restoring them. It sounded like he was doing exactly what he wanted to. "I'm really happy for you," I said. "Where's the showroom going to be?"

"It'll be the barn that the wedding was in," he sat down on the arm of the sofa, legs spread and shoulders rolled forward. "It's still got some renovations to undergo but it's getting there."

"I'll have to visit when it's done."

He met my gaze and it was the first time we'd held eye contact since this afternoon. It took my breath away, meeting those familiar eyes, the depths of them containing memories of such a short but significant time.

"I did keep one horse," he said and I didn't respond because I knew that, but I wanted to let him finish. "Lavender. The one that let me know you were in trouble by the river."

"Why did you keep her?"

"I promised her I would. She saved you, she deserves the best damn life I can give her."

My lips parted and I inhaled a sharp quiet breath. "Well, she's lucky to have you."

His expression fell a little bit. "How are you doing? Life with a child and all of that. Raine said you're living here in Texas now."

"I am. Just around the corner from them. It made sense. I wanted to be close to Will."

"You haven't come to see me," he murmured, it was quiet, as if I wasn't supposed to hear him.

"I didn't move back for you, Zac."

"I know," his smile was sincere but there was sorrow in his stare. "I have missed you though."

It was hard to remember all of the reasons we shouldn't be together when he said things like that, when he watched me as if the space between us wasn't this giant chasm of complications that made it impossible to be together.

Still, I tried not to lie. "I've missed you too."

His brows lifted, hopefulness in his gaze. "Addie, I'm sorry," he said, sounding defeated. "I'm sorry for how I handled. . . everything. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most—"

"Hang on, I didn't need you," I cut him off and straightened off the wall. "Yeah, I needed people around me, friends, guidance and advice. But the help I needed went way further than a romantic connection."

"Yeah of course—"

"You weren't the be all and end all for me, Zac," I continued, needing him to understand how much work I'd put into fixing the mess I'd become. "I needed things outside of what you gave me. You made me happy and I felt a lot for you. But I needed to heal and that wasn't something a summer fling could give me. I needed closure, and time, and therapy."

"It was more than a summer fling to me, Ads."

My breath caught. "It was for me too."

He tousled his hair, a sigh escaping his parted lips. "I'm still sorry for the way I reacted, Ads."

"I forgave you, Zac."

He stood up faster than I was prepared for and came close, towering over me. "I've never regretted anything more than pushing you away like that. But. . . I'd do anything for another chance. I still. . . I care about you a lot."

"I don't know how you could?" I had to tip my head back to see him. "You don't know me. Not really. You know the version of me that was hiding behind a lot of denial and trauma. Sometimes I'm not even sure if I know who I am, Zac."

"I know you," he said adamantly. "I know you. You might have been hurting and going through something when we met but that just shows me that I'm right. You were going through all of that and you were still caring, selfless, generous, ambitious."

His hands came up and cupped my face, his forehead leaned on mine. "I know you."

He must have felt my hesitance because he stepped back and drew his bottom lip in. "Let me show you something. I'll be right back."

Before I could respond, he'd turned on his heel, the glow of his phone light could be seen for a few moments until his footsteps started running upstairs. Now alone, without his close proximity drowning out all of my senses, I could hear the thunder and rain again, the heavy pattering on the windows matching the speed of my pounding heart. I couldn't imagine what he wanted to show me but I didn't have to wonder for long because he reappeared, clutching a leather bound book in his hand.

"When I said that I kept a journal as a teen, I was omitting the truth," his hand encased mine as he took it and led me to the couch. "I've been keeping once since I was a teen. It became a habit. I don't write daily. Mostly when there's something worth writing about."

We sat close and he leafed the pages, a few labored breaths alerting me to how nervous he was as he stared down at the journal. He stopped on a page in the middle and swallowed, handing it to me. "Read from here."

"You don't have to show me this, Zac—"

"I want to," he held my stare, eyes travelling my features. "Please read it."

The candle light on the side table was enough to see the neat words scrawled on the pages. His handwriting had improved a lot since he was a teenager.

3rd August

Had this girl show up on the farm with Raine today. The whole thing seemed a bit weird. She seemed a bit weird. But I felt like a right asshole after she left and I found out that she'd just lost her sister. It made sense, I guess. She seemed pretty. . . sad, I guess.

Anyway, Raine has warned me about making assumptions before and I'm always sticking my foot in it. I was rude as hell but I can't help smiling when I think about her zero tolerance for bullshit attitude. She didn't mind telling me what was up. And apart from all that, I don't think I've ever met a girl that beautiful before in my life.

The next few entries are about Zac finding me at the stream and inviting me back to his house for a drink. The nightmare I had that night. Working together to clean out the horse stables. He talks about the fact that I'm a hard worker and that impresses him. Reading his thoughts, his views on the encounters, it made me breathless. To see evidence of the impact I made was surreal and my hands trembled as I read the pages.

16th August.

Addie moved in. Can't say I'm opposed to her presence. I can't explain it but being around her is. . . it makes my stomach go stupid. We went for a drive in the Healy and I could have sworn she was an angel.

She sat on the top of the seat while the top was down and watching the wind in her hair and the carefree smile on her face was beautiful. I don't think I've ever wanted to make someone happy like I want to make her happy.

It means more to me than anything else and it's new, sort of different but damn I'm good to run with it. She might be the best thing that's ever stumbled into my life. We went on a date. It was my subtle way of giving her a birthday without giving her an actual birthday. I could tell she didn't want to acknowledge it without her sister there.

Couldn't blame her for that either.

At first I thought about doing something that would involve her sister. I don't know, flying her to California wherever her sister was buried to have a picnic with her. But that would have been overstepping. Addie was still coming to terms with it. She needed to go at her own pace.

Instead I took her for a picnic at the top of the lookout. Thought we'd be uninterrupted but Raine of all people found us. Whatever, it was still one of the best dates that I've ever been on. I'm calling it a date. Addie can call it whatever she wants, as long as she was happy.

26th August.

Addie is Willa's birth mother. It makes total sense, they're basically twins. We're all idiots for not seeing it sooner. The only part I hate about this, is the fact that I can't kill the son of a bitch who took advantage of Addie when she was just a child. It's getting seriously hard not to fall in love with this girl. She's gone through hell and back and she's still hopeful, sweet, optimistic.

Today I showed her my journal. She called it a grief journal. She cried for my pain, the pain that I'd moved on from a long time. She was so purely empathetic and honest. The fact that she still feels like that for other people when she's full to the brim of her own grief is just evidence of how beautiful her spirit is.

29th August.

I kissed Addie today. Enough said.

8th September

Addie left the other day. My fault. She's pregnant and I'm definitely not the father. But I hadn't given her time to explain before I blew up at her. It makes my stomach turn whenever I think about how I'd shouted at her, accused her, completely fucking ruined everything.

Raine ripped me a new one. Told me about how Addie is a surrogate for her dead sister. Her dead sister's baby is growing inside of her and fuck, that has to be a lot of burden for one person.

She could have used some support and instead I was a complete fuck. She won't call me back, she doesn't have to forgive me, I certainly don't forgive me. But I wish, more than anything, that I could take it all back. She could still be here if I hadn't done that. She could still be here and I'd be holding her and telling her I would be there for her no matter what. But she's gone and it's all my damn fault.

8th January

Haven't written in a while. There's been nothing worth mentioning. Still isn't. I don't know. I was just having one of those days. Dad has been in the retirement village for a while. Last of the horses have been sold. Met with a bank rep about getting a loan today so I can open my own showroom. That's all good I suppose. Life is moving along but I miss her.

Nothing has felt the same since she left. She wasn't here for long but she left her mark. She's embedded in every inch of this house. The pillow in her room still smells like her. Midge and Toto still sit at the backdoor waiting for their bacon in the morning.

I miss watching her when she'd sit at the window with her coffee, staring adoringly at the rolling land. I miss bumping into her in the hall in the evenings. I miss the way she came back from the hens and told me which ones gave her the most eggs.

I miss the smile she wore when she found new flowers blooming in the garden. I miss sitting on the back deck with her, under the stars, talking about anything and everything. I miss her laugh and the way that it sent surges of pleasure through me.

I miss watching her read and how lost she would get, completely immersed in another world, the expressions that she wore, the sadness, the happiness, the fear, the love. Watching her read was a journey of its own. I miss falling in love with her.

Tears ran down my face, hitting the page. "Zac."

"Let me get to know you," he knelt in front of me and wiped my cheek with his thumb. "If you still don't believe that I know you, let me get to know you."

"It's more complicated than that," I sobbed, wiping my face. "I have a baby, Zac. You said so yourself, you're not ready for that—"

"What I said," he lifted my chin. "Came from a place of jealousy. I didn't mean it. I was jealous at the thought of you having someone else's baby and I was a complete dick about it but I didn't mean it. You and Maggie are a package deal, I know that."

"What if she had been my baby?" I said, chin quivering. "What if I was pregnant to another man. Then what?"

He came closer, his jaw tense. "I can't convince you that I would have been okay with that. But I know how I felt for you back then and I know that I would have wanted to be with you regardless. I just have a shit reaction reflex and I over reacted out of envy."

My lip shook and tears rolled over my cheeks, the taste of salt on my mouth. I could barely see him because of the blur. He was saying all the right things and my heart wanted to believe it but my head, my stubborn head told me to think about how likely it was that one of us would get hurt.

"Let me take you out for dinner, movies, dates," he picked up my hand and kissed my palm, his eyes not leaving mine. "We can go slow, get to know each other again. We can go as slow as you want because you're it for me, Ads. I can't explain how I know but I do, you're my future. So we can go as slow as you want because we've got the rest of our lives together."

My loud sob was cut off when I threw myself forward, into his hold and met his mouth with mine. He didn't hesitate, his arms encircled me, holding me impossibly close as he stood, drawing me to my feet. He was so familiar, it was like no time had passed since we last kissed. My fingers went into his hair as I tiptoed, tasting tears between our passion.

My heart won because sometimes hurt was inevitable and it wasn't worth missing out on the sunshine because I'd held off on making plans just in case the rain fell. Rain would fall sometimes. Hell, storms would rage. But that didn't mean we'd drown. And the beautiful days in between were worth heading indoors once in a while.

Zac parted our kiss, breathing heavily, forehead on mine. "I'll do better, Addie," he whispered, his lips grazed mine as he spoke. "I'll be the man you deserve and I'll never let you and Maggie down again," he leaned back an inch and swiped the tip of his nose with his pinky finger. "I promise."

That was all I needed before I leapt back into his kiss.