Friday. 1st September.

A D D I E

There was an enormous superstore in town that had a range of random shit. Kitchen supplies. Food. Towels. Beach gear. Fix it solutions. Light bulbs. House decor. It was one of those stores that had almost everything under one roof.

And it was all discounted and super affordable. I wandered down the stationary aisle with a basket. Slow and careful to scan over each item so that I didn't miss something.

It wasn't just stationary though. It was stickers, stencils, paper, ribbons, little chalk boards in different shapes that could be set on a stand or stuck to the wall. I grabbed a dozen and dropped them into the basket. They would be perfect for place settings at Raine's wedding. The chalk was right next to it as well. The convenience. I looked over our list once more.

Glass bowl things that a little candle can sit in? Something cute like that.

I chuckled and snatched a reel of white and orange ribbon. That would be useful, I'm sure. It might have been a bit premature to be sorting out little bits and pieces like this, considering the wedding wasn't until next October. But Margo and I had learned that collecting decor and small details early on was a life saver later.

It meant there wasn't a big rush right around the corner of the wedding when bigger details needed attention, such as rehearsals and bachellorette parties, that sort of thing. Plus it was fun.

Margo and I did this together.

My fingers ran over the soft edges of a 3D velvet sticker. It was a rose.

"No we don't need this, Addie. Put it back."

"We might need it. It's not expensive. And even if we don't use it this time, we can keep it and I'm sure we'll use it later."

"We need to keep on budget, Addie."

"It's four dollars."

"You want it because it's cute."

"Yeah. Of cour—"

"Ma'am, can I help you find something this afternoon?"

I looked at the store clerk. He was wearing a pin striped apron and his name tag said Brenn.

"Oh, no thanks," I smiled and shook off the lingering sensation that I was over shopping. Margo used to think that she knew best, but I had ideas too. I put the rose sticker in the basket and kept on walking.

Half n hour later I put a full basket on the counter and smiled at the girl behind the cash register. She was tall, blonde with pale blue eyes and a little nose that looked too small atop her swollen lips. She smiled. "Hi, how are you today?"

"Good, thanks." I read her name tag. May. "You?"

She shrugged as she scanned items and dropped them into a paper bag. "The usual. Here til ten. School at seven. Good stuff."

I winced and noticed her manager glaring.

"Well," I looked at the clock on the register. "Just four hours to go. You can do it."

She looked as though she really wanted to smile back at me. Poor girl. I couldn't imagine that she was here for the hell of it. She must have needed the job.

She peered up and did a double take at something behind me and her entire expression morphed into elation. It was like staring at a different girl. I turned around and saw a tall, I mean tall, teenager walking toward us with a bag of food. He had lovely dark brown skin and dimples on either cheek.

"Brought you dinner. I'll wait over here," he passed the register and headed for a bench seat beside the store windows.

"That's so nice," I said, glad that the girl was happier now. She nodded and bit down on her lip as she stared at the screen and tapped in the total.

"He's the best. Uh, that's one hundred and eighteen dollars and nineteen cents. Cash or card?"

"Card."

I swiped through the company card. After all, this was all for a job. Raine told me to give her the receipts for these purchases so that she could compensate it. I made sure that I kept them all. That was all the financial contribution she was making in regards to my planning her wedding. She insisted that I give her some sort of fee. But I refused.

When I got back to the farm, I had an overwhelming urge to send her a text message so that I could let her know what I'd bought. She'd want to come over and look through it all. She was that excited, impatient sort of bride to be.

I had a feeling that she'd be hitched far sooner if it weren't for finances and planning that required them to go slow. But I still hadn't heard from her since I told her that I gave birth to Willa and I knew that it was probably out of respect for Milo, he obviously wasn't ready to talk and I doubt she'd have been able to resist telling me what he was thinking.

So she'd been keeping her distance. Well, that was what I'd told myself. I was worried that I'd upset her, somehow, even if she'd seemed excited about it all last weekend.

With the wedding bits and pieces stored in the closet, I wandered downstairs to look for Zac. The kitchen smelled wonderful, dinner must have been and gone, I felt rude for not being here but I peeped in the oven to see if there was a plate leftover. Nope. Oh well. That's on me.

The back deck was hot when I stepped out and hit the afternoon sun. Midge and Toto were darting around the garden, panting, tongues out and a little blow up pool for them to cool down in. Zac was nowhere to be found so I wandered off toward the back gate.

There he was, in a tank top, jeans, sweat gleaming on his golden skin and hair a damp mess. He was hauling big bales of hay from the back of a truck and into one of the many small tin sheds. Gloves protected his hands.

Sometimes I just watched him for a little while and imagined a song, as if we were in a movie. Sometimes I heard it loud and clear and I didn't often decide the song but it always suited the situation. That was probably information that I shouldn't share because it made me feel a little bit unstable but it made me smile too and right now, that was what counted.

"Hey," I walked forward and Zac made a subtle sweep of my outfit. A fitted pair of short overalls and a tank top. He smiled and wiped his arm across his brow.

"Had a good afternoon?"

"Yep. Just did a little shopping for Raine's wedding." His expression softened into a sad smile. "I'm fine. How's your afternoon been? Hot?"

"Not as hot as it is now," he winked, hauling another bale of hay, his biceps flexed as he threw it into the shed. I blushed. Of course I did.

"Can I help?"

He stopped between the shed and the truck and his firm chest rose and fell with ragged breaths as he looked me over. "Those are heavy and the hay itches."

They did look like they weren't light. I mean, he was throwing them around with ease but he was feeling it, that was for sure. However, now that he'd told me they would be too heavy for me, I was determined to do it. I walked over, grabbed the thin rope around the square bale and dragged it off the truck. It fell straight onto the ground.

"Don't laugh," I pointed at Zac who held his hands up with innocence. I could see it though, he wanted to laugh. "Well, if I can't lift those, what can I do?"

"Sweep the loose strands of hay out of the truck for Tom? There's a broom in th—"

"Got it," I ran over to the barn, which was still vacant. The horses were out in the paddock for a few more hours.

I was about to climb into the truck, it was a little high for my short height, so I threw the broom into it and braced my palms flat on the lip but before I could jump, a pair of hands wrapped around my waist and I was lifted, as though I didn't weigh a damn thing.

Zac stood behind me and smiled before he grabbed the last bale and dragged it off. He made me all sorts of wound up and he didn't even try. I could still feel the ghost of his touch on my waist, tingling, wanting more.

"I'm just going to grab a towel and some water," he said, standing below the truck while I swept the back corner. "Want anything?"

You, I thought. "I'm alright. Thanks."

He disappeared and I thought about how selfish it was to want him so much. Selfish. Margo didn't get her true love. She didn't get her child. Those were things that she wanted and tried to get. Here I was, running, refusing to face the truth and it was all falling into my lap. It didn't seem fair. I didn't deserve it.

"I swear to God, Margo," I mumbled. "If you went and died just to orchestrate my own happy ending, I will—"

"Miss?"

My head snapped up to see a man standing at the end of the truck. He was wearing a plaid shirt and had a missing tooth, which I noticed when he grinned at me. He wasn't wrinkled or thinning but he sounded and seemed old. It was confusing.

"Oh," I pointed behind me at nothing in particular. "Is this— are you Tom?"

"Yeah, this is my ol' truck here. You are?"

"I'm Addie," I explained, twisting the broom handle. "I live here. I was just helping Zac. He'll be back in a second. Like super soon."

His brows pulled at the over explanation of Zac's whereabouts. I couldn't help it though. Margo and I had been alone for such a long time that we'd been vigilant about keeping ourselves safe. I was sure that he was just a regular farmer. It didn't seem likely that he would jump in, close the back of the truck and do whatever he wanted to me, but the idea still flitted across my mind.

Instead of letting him know that I was being cautious, I smiled.

"So whe—"

"Tom," Zac appeared, he was wearing a backwards cap now and had a towel around the back of his neck, draping down his front. He looked at me and back at Tom. "Dad sorted the check?"

"Yeah mate," Tom slapped Zac on the shoulder. "Good ol' Keith is slower ain't he? Hmm? Better start thinkin' bout sending him off. A home. Ooh he'd love that."

Zac smiled but it was forced. "He's fine. You want a drink while Addie finishes sweeping out the back?"

"Na," Tom waved a dismissive hand. "Need to keep movin'. I'm due home to the mrs. She'll have my head if I'm late tonight. You didn't mention you had a gal."

Zac looked at me and this time, his smile was genuine, one that turned his eyes into half moons and exaggerated his thick black lashes. I never believed that a smile could be one of those features that made your heart soar.

I thought that was a novel thing. Something someone writes about to add to the character's appeal. But when Zac smiles, it sends me into a tizz. Butterflies. Genuine appreciation for something so beautiful that you can't believe you've made it this far in life and never known that a smile can do that to a person.

The stars were out tonight. It was becoming one of my favourite parts about being here. Among other, obvious things. Zac and I were in his car shed. I had a coffee, which I clutched while I sat curled up on the back seat of a convertible Mercedes that Zac was working on.

He'd found it after it had been in a wreck. The owner had been drinking during the accident, so it wasn't covered by insurance and he couldn't afford to fork out for the repairs. Zac bought it for four hundred dollars, determined to sell it for the fifteen thousand that it was worth. It was going to require a lot of work. But that was what he was best at.

I watched him leaning over the front of the car, which had been crushed. He was still wearing his backwards cap and tank top, looking like an absolute heart throb. He inhaled a deep breath. "I'm going to have to cut the entire front off and rebuild it."

It sounded more like a comment being made to himself but I nodded in agreement, as if I knew what he was talking about. He straightened up, holding something that he'd tugged out of the engine and his tank top clung to his defined torso. He studied the piece in his hand. "That's fucked," he tossed it off to the side. "I don't think any of this is salvageable."

Again, I nodded and sipped on the hot coffee.

"Oh," he looked through the windshield at me. "I got you something."

I jolted with excitement and watched him head over to his truck. This was so exciting. My heart was fluttering away at the fact that I was on his mind enough that he got me a gift. I hadn't even seen it and it was the best present that I'd ever received.

He shut his truck door and weaved through the mess of car parts, tools and wheels on the floor. He held the car door as he leaned down beside the back seat and handed me a pale pink leather bound journal. My fingers skimmed through the blank pages.

"You don't have to use it," he said, still holding the door. "I just thought, it helped me. It might help you. You like that colour, right? You had it on your nails when we first met. There were no emerald coloured journals."

I bit down on a grin and caressed the soft front cover. "I love it. You didn't have to do that though."

"I wanted to."

I stood up and gave him a careful hug. Both hands were full and I didn't want to spill coffee down his back. He hugged me, his hard chest against my head, his lips on my hair when he bent to kiss me. It made me shudder and I heard him laugh. Damn tingles exposing me in full force. I couldn't help it though.

He stepped back and his hooded gaze swept me as he took the coffee and the journal from me, placing them on top of the car. He put his arm up, encasing me against it as he leaned in, so close that I could feel his breath on my neck.

"I love making you tremble," he whispered, his lips grazing my nape. It made me weak and breathless. "I think I can do better though."

I swallowed, nodded, unable to form a response. He looked at me, his gaze settled on my lips and then he leaned in and kissed me with that slow, sensual pace that he had down to a fine art. He didn't need to rush or become frantic, I was a trembling mess at the slow lap of his tongue on my lips, nipping, tasting. His free hand gripped the hem of my overalls and his fingertips grazed my thigh as they caressed the fabric.

"Ooh, uncle Zac and Addie in a tree."

Zac and I startled and parted so fast that I banged into the car and the coffee slid off the roof, shattering on the concrete floor. Willa didn't seem to notice. She continued singing.

"K. I. S. S. I. N. G! First comes love, then comes—"

"Will," Zac sighed, standing behind the car door in a particularly discreet position. "What the hell is going on?"

Milo wandered in next, his hands in his track pant pockets. My heart quickened. This was it. He was going to tell me that he didn't want me around Willa. We'd made an agreement, well, he and I hadn't. I never met Milo or his late wife. But we still made an agreement and I had no right to think that he might want me around just because I'd shown up on accident.

This was the sort of thing parents were protective over. Their role. I realised that I hadn't moved a muscle since he stepped into the shed but Zac was now bent down, cleaning up the shattered mug. He looked up, his face hidden from Milo and Willa by the car door and mouthed, "are you okay?"

I nodded.

He stood up, hands full of broken ceramic and gestured at Willa. "Come and help me get a couple of cold drinks, kid. You want a soda?"

"Yes!"

The two of them left, Willa skipping beside Zac who gave me one last reassuring look before he disappeared and left me alone with Milo. I felt like I needed to apologize to him. For showing up and turning his world upside down.

"I'm sorry."

That was him, not me. I recoiled. "What for?"

"Oh, just going off the grid. I got a shock, I guess. Needed to process. Can we talk now?"

I nodded, dumbfounded. "Of course. But don't apologise. There's no need."

He ran both hands down his thick beard and leaned on the hood of Zac's truck, meters from where I was still leaning on the wrecked Mercedes.

"I guess, the first thing that I need to know is, your plan? What are you doing or where are you going? Because I need to think about Will here. I'd hate for her to find out about her birth mother and then have you take off again. Abandonment does terrible things to a child."

The word abandonment felt like a sucker punch in the stomach. He was such a good dad. But it occurred to me that I hadn't even considered the fact that I might leave again. I'd planned on leaving. Had to. It would be out of my control sooner or later.

"Whether I go home or not, I wouldn't abandon her, ever again. That's all I can really offer right now, Milo. I wish I knew what I was doing. I just. . . don't. That's as honest as I can be."

He nodded, gaze downcast. "I appreciate that. So, what, you'd keep in touch?"

"If I ended up moving, of course. Yeah. I couldn't imagine not keeping in touch."

"And what if this thing with Zac ends sour?" He said. "Still plan on keeping in touch?"

"Willa has nothing to do with Zac and I. I wouldn't involve her in something like that. She's just a child."

He nodded again. It was so slow and thoughtful. I wondered if I was passing his test. "How much involvement are you hoping for?"

"I don't want to take your place, or Raine's. Or her mother's. I'd just like to be her friend. Know her. That would mean a lot to me."

He folded his arms and I suddenly felt like I was being interrogated by a police officer. Which, he was. It made me squirm and fidget. Milo had been relaxed and lighthearted whenever I'd seen him before. Smiling, laughing, sighing at his gorgeous daughter. This was an officer getting his answers. Protecting. I wanted him to trust me so much.

"She's always been curious about her birth mother," he finally said, brows tight like that fact bothered him a little bit. Perhaps I was just reading him wrong. He looked at me. "So, I'm going to allow it. A friendship and the truth. But I think it'd be best that you spend some time with her first. Let her get to know you before we tell her."

As much as I wanted to agree with whatever he said, I couldn't. "At the end of the day, this is your decision. You make the final call. But I have to say that I think it'd be a bad idea to let her spend all of that time with me just to tell her the truth later. I think she might feel. . . betrayed. Like we all knew this secret and she didn't. Personally, I'd rather tell her and let her come to me on her own terms."

He was almost blank as he stared, the only sign of life was his rapid blinking. He did another slow nod. "I guess that's a good point."

"I also don't think I should be there when she finds out," I added, on a roll. "She might feel pressured to react a certain way if I'm watching."

"That, I most definitely agree with."