Saturday 17th August.

A D D I E

The Austin Healy was gorgeous. It was from the fifties with that retro rounded look and original wire wheels, so Zac explained. He drove out of the barn and up a gravel path until we came to a long stretch of narrow road. The top was down and the sun was bright.

"It was my grandfathers's car first," Zac said, shifting through the gears. The muscles in his arm flexed and I tried not to stare because it would make listening to him impossible. "He passed it on to dad and dad never had much interest in cars so he gave it to me."

"It's beautiful," I said.

Zac, who was wearing a pair of shades, looked in my direction and smiled before he picked up speed. We flew past tall trees that flanked either side of the road and the wind was loud, which made it harder to talk, but that was fine because I sort of wanted to embrace the peace that came with the feeling of floating.

I pulled my hair out of its bun and let it loose. It was wild and curled because it had been damp when I did it up but I didn't care. It felt amazing to have the wind whipping at it.

Without asking, I wiggled up out of the seat and sat on the top of it, holding the windscreen so that I could experience the full effect of driving with the top down. It was surreal. With my eyes closed, I could smell the river behind the trees, hear the birds, feel the sun and absorb the exhilarating sensation of being weightless. Nothing had ever felt closer to flight and I hadn't felt this at peace in weeks.

When I opened my eyes again, Zac was moving his attention between the road and me. His grin was full and he had the most beautiful smile. I'd met a lot of good looking men in my time as an event planner in Beverly Hills. There was no shortage of gorgeous singles. But Zac was a rugged, effortless, stand out sort of beautiful and he made me a little bit breathless.

We drove for a while, slowing when we left the road, drove through a narrow passage that was so overgrown with trees that Zac had to put the top up so that our hair wasn't caught on branches and came to a stop at an opening. It was a waterhole with a fall pouring from the top of a cliff. It was gorgeous, secluded and quiet apart from the tree leaves rustling and the constant whoosh of the waterfall.

Zac switched the car off and settled back in his seat, hands rested on his spread thighs. "Not bad, huh?"

"It's beautiful," I watched the sight in front of me and dared not to turn toward him in case I complimented him instead of the water hole.

"Well?"

I turned to him and raised an uncertain brow.

"I was just expecting a few thousand questions."

I laughed and twiddled with the soft center console lid. "I would have gotten there eventually."

"Alright, well, I have one for you."

I nodded, gesturing for him to go ahead.

"Are you single?"

I ducked my head, feeling heat creep up from my neck and into my face. "Yes. Surely that's obvious."

"For the most part. I just wanted to be sure."

I still couldn't look at him. "Why?"

"Just because."

Finally, I looked up but I couldn't see his eyes. That didn't mean I couldn't feel them. "How about you?"

"Single."

"How come?"

He laughed, slowly shaking his head with a shrug. "Nothing has worked out so far I suppose. I don't get out a lot. Have to get out to meet people."

"You sound like Margo."

"How so?"

I inhaled deep and let it go slow. The fact that emotional pain could translate into such real, physical pain was something people needed to talk about more. There was a very real ache in my chest and nausea in my stomach when it came to talking about Margo in the past tense.

"Margo kept telling me that I need to find someone. Meet someone and fall in love. She tried to get me out of the house for that purpose all the time. I didn't listen but now I feel like maybe I should have tried harder."

"You shouldn't have to try. It should be natural and unexpected. It should just happen."

"That's what I thought too. But now— I'm— I don't know. I'm more alone than I've ever been and I feel like I'm wasting time. It should have happened already."

"How old are you?"

"Actually I'm 25 today."

Zac's mouth fell open. "Today? Today's your birthday?"

"Yeah."

He folded his arms. "And you didn't say anything, because?"

"What's the point?"

He gave me a tight smile. "Well, happy birthday."

"Thanks."

The truth was, the thought of celebrating a birthday without Margo was near impossible to comprehend. She'd been involved in them all. Made it a big event. Bought presents and cake and forced me to have a good time even if all I wanted to do was have a quiet dinner and a movie. She wouldn't have it. She told me that I was worth celebrating. She said each year that I was still alive and well and happy, was a reason to celebrate. She was like that. So optimistic. So appreciative of everything that she had. Including me.

"Can I buy you lunch? For your birthday?"

"I won't say no to that."

We had lunch at a cafe in Georgetown central. I hadn't been into town a whole lot. But I might have to make the effort more often. The buildings are historic and beautiful. Enchanting almost. The atmosphere is relaxed and the people are nice.

Zac and I sat opposite one another in a small cafe in between a clothing boutique and a pet shelter. The windows at the front of the store were floor to ceiling and we sat at a two person table, watching the world moving outside. Well, Zac might have been watching. I had been staring at the menu for fifteen minutes.

"Sorry," I mumbled, pinching my lip. "I hate this part of eating somewhere new. I can never decide what to get."

He was leaned back in his seat, hands behind his head. His black t-shirt clung to his arms and chest. He shrugged. "No stress. Take your time."

It was almost hard to turn my attention back to the menu. But I did. I let out a breath and grumbled.

"Ya'll ready to order?"

I peered up at the waitress who wore a sweet smile on her full lips, her tight black ringlets were in a bun on top of her head and it looked like a fountain. "I'm sorry," I winced. "I'm hopeless. Recommendations?"

She tilted her head and pursed her lips. "Hmmm," she hummed. "The salmon salad is good. And the cabonara is a crowd favourite."

"Ooh, I do like pasta."

She nodded with an encouraging smile. "It's good. I promise."

"Okay. I'll get that." I handed her the menu and looked at Zac who was already watching me with a soft smile. He handed his menu over as well.

"I'll have the BLT, thanks."

"No problem."

"Oh," Zac said and the waitress halted her departure. "It's her birthday."

My lips parted. "Hey—"

"Happy birthday," she chimed. "Drink on the house? What'll it be?"

"Oh no," I shook my head. "You don't have to—"

"Or I can bring a cupcake out with a candle and have Miko, the chef, sing."

"I'll have a lemonade."

She chuckled and spun around to head off. My glare fell on Zac who was looking relaxed and rather proud of himself.

"You are so lucky that no one is singing happy birthday to me right now."

He bit the inside of his cheek, attempting to hide his grin, he was all sorts of gorgeous when his thick black lashes were framing his smiling eyes.

The Cabonara was mouthwatering. We talked about light topics and interests and I asked Zac a lot of questions about his cars and about the horses.

After that we stopped at a mechanics store so that Zac could pick up a few parts that he ordered for his various projects. It felt so normal, us spending the afternoon together, following him around while he ran his errands. It felt as if we'd been doing it forever but the blatant staring from people that he knew, made it clear that this was not a regular thing for him. It wasn't a norm to have a woman in tow while he shopped around town.

When we were on the road again, I checked my cellphone. Something that was becoming a rarity for me. Because even though I knew it wouldn't happen, a small part of me, the tiniest whisper of hope, longed to see Margo's name on the screen, asking me to come home because she missed me. And the fact that she never would, was a brutal reality check, reminding me that everything that had happened was real, no matter how hard I tried to escape it.

I had a few text messages. One from Lo, wishing me a happy birthday and letting me know that things were fine at home and she was booked up with events right until Christmas. August through to January was our busiest time. There were a ton of events. Halloween, weddings, thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. I felt bad for leaving her short staffed at a time like this, so I tapped out a quick response.

Thanks. Hire an extra temp if needed over the next few months.

There was one from Irie.

Happy birthday baby girl. Missing you! Come home soon, alright? We need to drink her honor.

I didn't respond to that one.

The next message was from Ange. Margo's best friend from childhood. She'd moved to San Fransisco a while ago and we didn't see her a lot because she was busy being the ultimate wife and mother, but she called Margo all the time and came home for her funeral. She'd even offered to stay for a few weeks but I told her not to bother, right before I hopped on a train and left the state.

Happy birthday, Addie. Miss you and Margo more than I can tell you. The offer still stands. You're welcome here, honey. Love you.

I was confused for a moment until I scrolled further up and read the messages that I'd left unread. She'd text just over a week ago asking if I wanted to go and spend my birthday with her. I wondered what I'd done if I'd seen the message earlier. Probably nothing. She was too much of a reminder of what I'd lost. I'd never known Ange without Margo.

"Everything okay?"

"Oh. Yeah. Just birthday messages from a few. . . friends."

Friends didn't sound right. I mean, I had friends in high school and whoever Margo spent time with, I did too. Subtly. On the outskirts. It was like I did all of my socializing without putting in a lot of effort. It was second hand socializing and I hadn't even realised at the time how lonely I really was.

"That's nice of them," Zac commented, one arm on the door, the other held the steering wheel from the bottom. He made driving look like a far more seductive activity than it really was. "People must be missing you?"

"Well, the first message was from a staff member. The second was from Margo's best friend in San Fransisco. That sort of sums up how missed I am."

"Quality over quantity, Addie," he smiled.

I didn't know how to respond to that.

"They reached out," he added. "More than some people do."

"Are you trying to get rid of me? Get me to go home?"

I was teasing but his mouth pulled down. "Not at all. I'd miss you."

I swallowed and stared out of the windshield, wondering how he thought that he could miss me after knowing me for three weeks. In fact, he didn't know me at all. I didn't even know who I was anymore.

But I knew that I would miss him too.

When we got back to the farm, we split off to shower and change. Zac told me that he had a few things to do this afternoon but he wanted me to meet him in the kitchen at four. Which wasn't that far off. I had a feeling that he had a plan up his sleeve and I wasn't sure how to feel about it but I didn't argue.

Instead, I wandered out into the garden with a book and sat down underneath a big oak tree. The branches stretched and the thick leaves sheltered the two dog kennels. Midge and Toto were inside the house somewhere, likely with Keith.

It had been hard to read lately. Whenever I sat down, leafed through the pages, absorbed the words of a fictional world, I could hear Margo telling me that my own story wouldn't start until I was the one that was living out these moments.

She didn't want me to never read. She wanted me to find balance. I felt like I had been doing more of that in the last few weeks. Which made me feel guilty. I was living when she couldn't.

In hindsight, I should have made the most of every opportunity that she presented. We'd have more memories than we did now. Memories that didn't consist of me resisting her efforts to help me find love or friends or fun. I should have listened to her more.