"where do i begin?" jisung asked, chuckling softly as he fell back on the bed, unaware of the door opening and renjun shoving chenle in harshly while jaemin shifted, moving chenle to sit on the bed with chenle as he escaped.

his mind was clouded with the memories he had with chenle, and jisung clutched the plushie closer.

"chenle's my first friend." chenle didn't expect that to hurt as bad as it did. yes, he knew jisung probably didn't feel the same way, but, still, it hurt. no matter what the gestures were, they were always taken as friendship.

"but i guess at some point, he became my first crush." chenle froze from where he was going to open the door, and jisung looked over at him, his eyes showing surprise but his lips curving into a smile.

"chenle's flawless. he's ethereal. he's so full of love, full of happiness and light. his laugh makes me laugh. his eyes sparkle like there's no tomorrow. when we fight i feel like my world is collapsing. chenle, you're really something else. you make me want to be better, you make me want to cuddle you for hours, kiss your head, kiss you everywhere honestly, cuddle you, hold your hand, call you mine. i get jealous at the most random things. my breath catches when you do the smallest thing."

chenle was still frozen, jisung making eye contact with him but not moving. jisung didn't want to scare chenle, because the boy looked like a deer in headlights. jisung knew he was probably digging his grave and his friendship with chenle, but he was kind of in too deep.

might as well finish ruining this friendship.

"i know you're like this with everyone. i know that it's nothing special with me. you probably don't even like boys and i am definitely throwing out friendship away by telling you this. but i want to go on dates with you. i want to kiss your bruises and make you feel better. i want to buy you the world, even though i'm pretty sure you can afford that on your own. i want to cuddle you and hug you and admire you without feeling weird about doing so."

"but i know you don't feel the same chenle. and that's okay. i just needed to get this off my chest." jisung tried not to cry as the words came out, he really did, but his voice cracked and tears fell down his cheeks as he buried his face in the stuffed animal, more than embarrassed.

chenle was processing what jisung had said, but the sight of the younger boy crying immediately overrode any thoughts he had.

moving to stand in front of him, chenle knelt down and pulled jisung into a hug, tangling his fingers in jisung's hair as he cried. "ji-"

"i'm so sorry," jisung sobbed. "you probably think i'm disgusting." chenle didn't answer, instead gently lifting jisung's face to look at his.

"i don't think you're disgusting." chenle said softly. "i really don't. but i don't think we can be friends anymore."

"that's okay, i was expecting it." jisung choked out as he closed his eyes, biting his lip as not to let out an embarrassing sob.

chenle didn't say anything back, just pressed a kiss to jisung's forehead, and that made jisung look at him, his eyes red and puffy. "i'd like to be your lover instead."

jisung froze before letting out a wail, and threw himself onto chenle. chenle pitched backwards, letting out a confused noise as jisung buried his face into his neck. jisung was almost never this clingy, and he was also pinning chenle to the ground.

"jiji," chenle murmured as jisung continued to cry. "please don't cry, i like you too."

"i'm crying because you do like me!" jisung sobbed. "and you also took an unnecessarily long pause and it made my heart hurt!"

"well now it's beating super fast," chenle replied, smiling softly. jisung didn't respond, only snuggling closer into chenle and trying not to cry more. "you're getting snot on my shirt."

"shut up," jisung muttered.

❦

if i don't get a hug soon i am going to have a full mental breakdown and that's not a threat that's a promise