By the time I leave his house, I'm sore and flustered.

Steven pressed me against the door for one last kiss after Spinel and Pearl reclothed me. His next power move after he kissed Pearl was to strip me naked, and teach the other two how to pleasure me. He fucked me raw, looking dead into my eyes as he drove into me at full force and Spinel and Pearl suckled on my breasts and neck. I'd never even thought about how connected my nipples were to my pleasure, but their mouths on them had me keening and begging Steven to fuck me harder, deeper, meaner.

I wanted him to be mean.

I'm pretty sure he was fantasizing about getting me pregnant. He was staring at my stomach, and then up at me and his cheeks flushed. I could see the thought running through him and he shuddered before he went deeper.

I'm also pretty sure that the girl who walked into Empire University died at my own hands a long time ago, but I can't pinpoint when.

"Where were you?!" A voice snaps me out of the silly, dazed mood I'm in and I turn to see Peridot and Alex driving past Stevens house.

Oh shit. Oh shit! "I'm sorry! I can explain–,"

"Explain how you were so busy fucking around with Steven that you missed 10 phone calls and the biggest night of my life? You knew how important this was to me!" Peridot cries furiously, her cheeks turning a dark emerald.

Alex is still driving and he shakes Peridots shoulder. "Hey I cannot stop driving this car, Peridot! This is a rental and I need to get it back by Midnight, which by the way, it is 11:43 and we are 12 minutes away."

"I had to stay behind, Peridot!" I lie frantically, guilt pouring into me. "I-I was pretending to be a Crystal Gem!"

Peridot laughs and scoffs at the same time, as if the very mention is ridiculous. "Pretending? You're not pretending anymore, Connie. You're a Crystal Gem for real now. Glowing, sparkling, hard and cold. You're just another clone."

"Hey, it's 11:44 now!" Alex picks up the speed a little so I have to walk faster to keep up.

"Was it awesome, Connie? Was it awesome being Stevens make believe wife? Did you guys have awesome sex while Steven railed you awesomely and then you guys made awesome plans to go to the mall in his awesome pink sports car?" The sarcasm is so thick I feel it in my throat.

Wait. Wait no. I can feel it coming up. It's word vomit, and a lot of it. Too much of it. "You're the one who made me this! You told me I was different so you could use me for your alien revenge! I never asked to be a Crystal Gem!"

She grows near hysterical at that. "Stars and Diamonds, at least me and Steven know we're mean! You try to act like you're so innocent and 'Oh look at me, I don't know anything! Why don't you teach me everything, Daddy!'"

Too late. I can't stop it. "You know what Peridot? He's mine! I earned my place here! It's not my fault you're so hostile and like, in love with him or something!"

Alex slams on the breaks and they cry out in outraged unison.

"What?!"

"Oh no she did not!"

Peridot leans even more out the window and I see Alex grab the back of her jeans to keep her from falling out. "See, that's the thing with you Crystal Gems. You think everybody is in love with you and wants to be you when everyone was perfectly happy before you jerks came along and started treating people like you're better than everybody!"

I press my lips together as the alcohol begins to make me want to cry. If the afterglow wasn't gone before, it's certainly gone now. Do I treat everyone like I'm better than them? I can't tell, people just give me their things if I want them without me even asking. I pine and I receive at a flick of Stevens wrist. People part for me like the red sea. At Stevens side, I am impenetrable and away from Steven I am lusted after openly because they don't dare to around him. Since when does that mean I have overwhelming hubris? I may have been mean to Steven, and maybe I'm being mean to Peridot right now, but I've never exercised my power for evil.

My power?

The dread sinks into my stomach like lead.

Peridot is still rolling. "–And guess what? You got lost in the bright lights, you got weak and you let him manipulate you! You're just a human! A weak, stupid human!"

I storm up to the car and bare my teeth as more word vomit pushes to the surface. "You manipulated me first, Peridot! You told me I was cool for doing this for you. You told me this was the right thing to do! Did you even try to understand him at all? Or were you so caught up in the bright lights that when you realized you weren't truly made to be his you cracked under the pressure and left?"

"What, and you think you were made to be his?" Peridot whispers evenly. "Do you think you're really a Crystal Gem?"

"No. I'm not a Crystal Gem. I'm– I'm not mean. Not really. I'm not a slut. I'm not a bully. I'm smart and I try to understand everything around me because I am kind before anything else! Maybe I'm easy to manipulate, but I'm not stupid either. I'm a Queen, and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and take this from someone who practically groomed me into it."

Suddenly she startles and looks around frantically, then up at the moon, then down to my outfit today. Peridots eyes well up with tears and she pulls back into the car. At first I think they're leaving, but she pokes her head back out and hands me a giant rolled up poster thing. "Here. It won a prize."

The car speeds away with Alex yelling after me, "You're still a bitch though!" but I barely process it because I'm staring down at the poster and trying not to have a mental breakdown in the middle of the road. It's not actually a poster, it's a tapestry that must have taken years upon years. But that can't be right.

It's us. Not just The Crystal Gems, all of the ones before now too. And the other Diamonds. It's the entire empire. I see Bismuth, Lapis and Peridot, Amethyst, the permafusion Garnet. I see Jasper and Hessonite and Pearl and Spinel. They're all doing that Diamond salute thing. Blanche, Amber and Azura are all mid-laughter that looks so light and cheerful. Everyone's all clad in Homeworld royal apparel but there's no stiff overtones. They look pleased, relaxed, content even. I zero in on myself, sitting proudly on Stevens lap and him, grinning from ear to ear up at me wearing a crown I can only guess to be mine because it matches his in grandness, but the feminine elegance is breathtaking.

A sound from deep in my chest comes from me that I realize is a single shuttering gasp. Maybe a sob. I don't know. All I know is that I am living in the past, present and future all at the same time.

"Connie." I turn and see Steven topless. It seems like he must have been standing over my shoulder for some time while I was taking everything in. "Who made this?"

He steps to reach for it and I hug it to my chest carefully. "It's mine. Don't take it. Please."

"I won't take it, Connie. I promise. Show me." His voice is raw, too raw. In the glint of the moonlight I can see his eyes are wet. He's crying. "Show it to me now."

I turn it to face him and open it, still clutching it for dear life in fear he will destroy it. "Please don't take it," I plead again.

He surges forward and I flinch as he runs his fingers over the threads. Up close it's hard to see the full picture, but it's there enough to know. "A sapphire. That's the only way."

"The only way to what?"

"Do you trust me?"

I blink. "What?"

"Do you trust me? I need you to trust me," He begs. "Trust me not to destroy this."

After a silent moment, I roll it up and hand it over. He shuts his eyes and a protective bubble appears around it, shimmering and pink. "Tap the bottom."

I do and it disappears. "Where did it go?"

He pulls me into a crushing hug and buries his face in my hair. "To the other Diamonds. You'll get it back."