iʼm trying to backtrack. iʼm trying to retrace my steps and place my feet on them again to see if they still fit, even now. iʼm trying to look back and not erase everything iʼve put down and shared with my hands but theyʼre killing me, now. not in the way that will break my skull and take my teeth apart and spill my blood on the carpet we actually donʼt even have. itʼs kind of more on the road of falling out of love. is that how im supposed to say it? use it? falling out of love. with the world i created with my fingers. sculpted in the hours i felt like the world was too empty and it needed what i was going to tell. now it doesnʼt, i think. not anymore. iʼm proud of the steps iʼve taken with these dirty used shoes but now my feet are curling. i want to bury my head in someoneʼs embrace and hide in there forever because iʼve bared too much of myself i feel like nothingʼs left for me. i hope the earth swallows me up as i retrace. i hope the earth comes and fills me with something other than what i have now because what iʼm holding doesnʼt seem to work anymore. i donʼt think anything does. i think nothingʼs supposed to, as you grow. perhaps one day you were six and you saw stars in your words but come back to them after you drink a few reds and youʼd want to slam the brakes. come hold, darling. come look. i think youʼre growing and youʼre leaving everything youʼve ever loved behind.