So sorry for the wait!!!

V

How did Jungkook become your positive trigger?

It's hard to explain, it's more of a sensation rather than a noticeable difference. Whenever Jungkook's around I feel closer to the front. After Chaesal's attempt it just started happening.

What memories are you protecting?

There are some thing's that happened to us as children that Taehyung wouldn't be able to handle hearing. As a protector, I know Taehyung's limits and I know he'll shut down if he finds out because it happened before, that's how Chaesal split off years ago.

Did you ever fall for Jungkook?

Um....no. I know the other alters may have time to become emotionally invested into people, but I don't have that kind of time. My job is to make sure nothing hurts us, that's all. I do admit to growing emotionally attached to him after our attempt, but I wasn't invested into forming a relationship or even a friendship for that matter. I knew he wanted to protect us so I thought we could work together. That's all.

•••

Vic:

Are you personally okay? Do you ever beat yourself up over your mistakes, or Minseok's or V's mistakes?

To answer the first question, I'm okay at the moment. I don't want to lie and tell you I'm one hundred percent okay one hundred percent of the time. And to answer your second question, yes, I do sometimes find myself fretting over the past or wishing I would've handled different situations differently. I don't beat myself up too much about the decisions I made before I integrated. If V and Minseok wouldn't have made those decisions, as bad as some of V's were, we wouldn't be alive.

•••

Minseok:

Can you teach me how to dance?

Sure, if you'd like. Are you a good visual learner?

•••

Taehyung:

How good is Jungkook in bed?

Wow, I didn't expect such a personal question. But I guess he's pretty good...? I don't know, forget I said anything. It's personal.

Do you know BTS?

Bt- what?

Who's your favorite alter?

I don't pick favorites anymore, I try to treat everyone fairly and picking favorites feels unfair. I love all of them.

Do you ever feel jealous of because of Jungkook and other alters being close, like Jongun?

I'll admit that when I first started developing feelings for Jungkook I was worried about his feelings for Jongun and Jongun's feeling for him, but I was just insecure. I know Jungkook and Jongun had an intimate relationship in the beginning but I know that they've resolved their situation, and they are good friends now. I know Jungkook loves everyone in the system, but his love for me is different.

What is sunshine or why is it your positive trigger?

This is actually the first time I'm going to be explaining this, Jungkook doesn't even know why sunshine is my positive trigger. I apologize if this explanation is all over the place or rushed, I get switchy when I talk about my childhood.

When I was little, probably age eight or nine, my brother would come to my mother's house every weekend as apart of the custody agreement between my mother and my father. So, on those weekends, my brother would be with me whenever my mother tried to hurt me or if my step brother or father did. Some days on the weekends they would all leave and it'd be just me and my brother, so each morning Baekhyun went out first to see if they were there and if they weren't he'd say "sunshine" as kind of like a code word. Our version of, 'it's all clear', if you will.

It is a positive trigger but it can still be triggering, even to other alters who hear it and suddenly think we're back at our old home, that's why I usually ask our therapists or friends to avoid using it unless it's necessary.

I hope that makes sense.

•••

Jongun:

On a scale of one to Oli London, how much do you love Vic?

Oli who? I love Vic a lot. Hope that answers your question.

How is your relationship with Vic? Did you propose to him?

Our relationship is good. We spend a lot of time in my space of the inner world and we see each other every once in a while when we're both close to the front, but other than that we talk through messages and other things. I love him so much. I haven't purposed. It's not really possible for us to get married since we share the same body, but I think we're both content with where our relationship is right now anyways.

•••

Hajoon:

If I asked you to marry me, what would you say? Also, can you recommend me some books?

I'd ask if you are even old enough to be thinking about marriage, and if so, I'd tell you that you should marry someone you love, who knows you better than anyone, who you trust. Trust is the key to companionship. As for books to read, I'd recommend anything by Jane Austen as well as Emily Brontë. And the littles love you too, sweetheart.

What are the littles favorite colors?

Chaehyeon likes yellow. I've had trouble getting the other two to open up but one of them finally decided what she wanted to be called, her name is Robbin. Her favorite color is orange. I think the other little is fond of green, they come closer to the front when I buy green toys.

How on earth do you keep the inner world in order?

It's no easy task. So much goes into managing the systems memories along with making sure everyone in the system is getting along. In the beginning, when I was a fragment alter, Taehyung had no knowledge of his disorder so there were no issues with the alters. But as his knowledge of us grew, and he became more aware of the time he was losing, the inner world became increasingly chaotic.

Several alters split and none of us got along, it was extremely exhausting to the body and we were suffering mentally. That's when I stepped in as gatekeeper. As gatekeeper I was able to assign each alter to a specific part of the inner world and deny them access to others. It was the only way we could function originally.

Being gatekeeper has its pros, like being close to the front if anyone needs me or being able to protect others from memories they can't endure, but it also has its cons. Though my memories of the trauma are second hand it's like watching everything unfold through someone else's eyes. And it hurts to not be able to do anything about it.

Now that our communication is better and everyone gets along I don't seclude them to their own parts of the inner world, we're doing much better now.

What does the inner world look like, in detail? How does it feel to be in an adult body?

Our inner world is in a small town, the best I can describe the town is by calling it abandoned. Our house is the only one on the street and it's made of glass. Inside the house there is a long corridor with dozens of doors lining the never ending hall. Inside each door is an alters space, for example, my space is a large room with four glass walls and a glass ceiling surrounded by trees, sunlight pouring in. There's a blanket on the ground for the littles and a rocking chair pushed into the corner. One wall is lined with file cabinets that I use to sort and store memories, the other is lined with a bookshelf that holds all my favorite novels.

Our spaces change based on our wants or needs or even our mental state. For years Taehyung's space was under water, he would float unconsciously in a state of total unawareness. Now it's more of a common area with a fireplace and furniture lining the walls. He's mentioned before that there's a door in his space that he couldn't open, he asked if I was keeping him out but I'm not. I'm sure that door with open when he's ready.

V's space was very dark, very much like him in a lot of ways. No windows, no furniture, nothing. Just a cold dark room, it reminded me of a prison cell.

Minseok's space was dark and nearly empty as well, aside from a bed pushed into the corner where he stayed until he came to the front. His space was the only space with a mirror, he also had the worst body dysphoria out of all of us because he saw himself so often.

After they integrated Vic moved to a space closer to the front of the inner world, his space is brighter than V's and Minseok's were but it's still close to vacant. There's a small shelf that he uses to store his journals, he writes a lot in the inner world, and a stool in front of the window where he sits to contemplate often. He spends most his time in Jongun's space now so the lack of furniture isn't an issue for him.

Jongun's space is through one of the many doors but it leads outside to a wooded area where a stream flows peacefully. It's quite the contrast to Jongun's personality, which is usually loud and outgoing. I think his space allows him to step back and relax, gives him a chance to not be "the life of the party" as he usually is. He can stay there for hours at a time watching the stream with Vic.

Chaesal's space is almost at the end of the hall but not quite. His space is large and it looks quite clinical. There are white walls, white floors, a white bed, a white side table. I didn't understand why Chaesal's space was this way but I've learned that when he first split the room he was in looked identical to this, which means he most likely split when Taehyung was in hospital.

I've tried offering him a few "homey" touches from my space but he always refuses to change the room.

The hallway leads into a main room that has a large glass window that shows what's going on in the front. Whenever we're all in the room whoever's fronting will feel us. And if one of us is triggered we'll immediately report to the front. The further down the hall we are the harder it is to trigger us, that's why it's so easy to trigger me and Vic.

I hope that explanation was thorough enough, it's hard to explain the inner world perfectly.

What do the littles look like in the inner world?

Chaehyeon is the oldest of the littles. He has pale skin and pale blue eyes. He likes to wear pajamas so he usually wears them in the inner world as well.

Robbin is taller than Chaehyeon, she has sandy ginger hair and chubby cheeks. She's the sweetest. She likes to wear sundress's, she has one in every color of the rainbow I think.

The third little is very timid and they mostly sit in the corner alone, but I'm happy they are comfortable enough to come into my space with me. They have long dark hair and a darker complexion. I'm not sure if they are the youngest but they appear to be. They will only wear big t-shirts and they never wear shoes. I hope they start to come around, I love every one of them so much.

It can be difficult for the littles when they front because they aren't aware of the size of the body. They feel little but they are in an adults body, so they sometimes run into things or hurt other people. Chaehyeon has had a few accidents that Jungkook has told me about but other than that they haven't been seriously hurt. We just have to remind them to be careful when they front and we have to keep an eye on them.

•••

Chaesal:

I just wanna say I love how annoyingly sassy you are. Give me hugs and I'll buy you junk food. Do you like video games? If so which ones?

Wait...did you just call me annoying? Whatever, I'll take it. But because of my crushing fear of human contact, hugs are literally out of the question. How about an enthusiastic fist bump?

I would love to answer your last question but, because I live in a house with a bunch of health conscious freaks, I don't have the luxury of even being within the vicinity of a video game, I'm lucky to have a tv in my room. Seriously, this is a cry for help. These people won't let me change the channel without having them make sure what I'm watching is "appropriate." Like, imagine being seventeen and not knowing your own limits, wow.

Of course they only do that for my protection and other old people motives they may have.

How on earth are you so sarcastic and can you teach me?

I don't know how, it's a gift. You can learn sarcasm it has to come naturally.

Are you planning to be single on being single for all your life, don't you want to date anyone?

I'm not planning on anything, but being that I rarely go anywhere and I avoid human interaction like the literal plague, I don't see a significant other in my future. I don't know though, maybe there'll be someone equally as fucked up as me that'll come my way and we can be equally fucked up together.

I think I'm the last one answering questions so I'll close out the Q/A. It's been cool letting you guys inside our heads for a little while. We'll still be around if you have anymore questions or if you kinda just, I don't know, wanna talk or some shit.

See you, I guess.

🔓🔓🔓