Hiya there to you all, how are you doing? Okay, I said before that I will actually tell you all why I did take an unintentional hiatus because I think you might want to know where I was or what is going on in my personal life. And it helps me find some sort of closure on what I went through.
           If you aren't much of a fan of long rambles or disheartening stories or reasons then I suggest you leave and wait until I type a more upbeat ramble.

            Moving on, you all should know that I have school in session now. And since school itself is very hectic and sometimes draining. (Even more so, since I have honor classes except for math)
        Knowing me, I find my education very important and I don't want to fail; so I have to take some time away from my hobbies to work towards my education.

             But school is just only the first reason, I still have a few reasons why.

            Some of you might know that I wasn't particularly active much during summer, that was because of my family life. My family was going through a rough time with many things (most I don't want the public to know), even struggling to find time together.
    Which was more frustrating and nerve-wrecking for me to deal with.
           Now, my family is at a better and stable place, but also my family is in a more nervous and somewhat tragic time now.

           The third and last reason is that the last few months, I have been under too much pressure and that had resulted me being depressed. This is the main reason why I stayed away from Wattpad, because I didn't want to spread a negative spirit or be this burden that everyone has to worry about constantly.
            Though I cannot deny the fact that this depression was worse than I have been through before and it honestly resulted in slightly scary situations.

            The first time I actually realized about the mental state I was at, it was when my 7th grade history teacher died. I did write on my message board about this. But on that same day; I was exhausted, stressed, and I was starting to get sick.
            So...hearing about the news of one of my favorite teachers, one of the first teachers that actually made me think that I can do this and live through everything life throws at me, was in a car accident and had died was completely over my edge.
     I had my dad take me home because of what state I was and the next day, I stayed home on test day for two of my classes.

         But don't worry, I have accepted the fact that he is in a better place and I felt much better after I had attended his funeral. And now, at my school, everyone would wear Star Wars gear to honor our teacher on the 2nd Friday every month.

Though that isn't the end of this tale. No, no, no....the aftermath had the stakes higher.

          All throughout my first quarter, I was trying to survive school and I had this mindset that this was my battle that I had to fight alone.

         Which had brought me to some breaking points and consequences throughout. I'm not going to certain specifics. But some consequences I made on myself were that I had hurt myself to the point that I made myself bleed a little bit. (*NOTE: I did not cut myself, and please don't do this to yourself! PLEASE!)
          I had isolated myself from my family and friends. I wasn't myself. I was either an apathetic puppet or an emotional (and disastrous) mess.

          Basically, for the rest of the first quarter of school; I had only survived it and I honestly kept killing myself just to keep up with my grades. I had put myself and my health at the bottom of my priority. I constantly felt silenced and alone, that I kept falling to my doom.

           But eventually, I had willed myself and had gained enough strength to live through all of that pain and tears.

           Since this ramble is getting to long, I will write a second half as a continuation of this ramble. Because I think that you need to know that through suffering there will be serenity in your life.

Your struggle shouldn't become your identity.
Write for you all, Crystal~Rose
(P.S. Yes, the song is "Silent Scream" again. I just love this song and it does express it more)