You don't, you really don't.

Do you know what it's like to live in constant fear of everything you care about. To think if you say one wrong word it could mean the end of your 'perfect' life. That your parents would even consider kicking you out if you thought anything different from them?

You might think, 'they would never do that.' until you take a closer look and realize they are showing everyone of the signs that they could.

It's scary to think that it could happen that way. 

What about this, your own dad doesn't beat you just because he's a 'Christian man' huh?

I'm not fucking with any of you! My own mom said he doesn't treat me like his first kids, I live with my grandparents, becasue he believes in God! Where the Hell was he when my aunts had to go through Hell!?

Will he hurt me if I tell him I don't agree with him? I'd like to  think not, but the more I look at it the more I screams he would.

And don't you dare give me that shit that he is a 'Changed man' not that he's excepted the lord. That's bullshit! You don't understand.

The trembling fear I feel each day when I wake up. To know I might be one wrong word from getting smacked. He has a temper, I know that much now, and he dose love me yes. But love didn't stop him from hurting his real daughters, what makes anyone thing it'd stop him now?

I think it's not because of God, but becasue of the law. And while I hurts to say that, its the only logical conclusion I can come to. It may be because he loves me and have mellowed out a bit. 

But I also know that if I dare talk about, I am possible done for.

My family, my grandparents, are like those people you here about on the news who 'did it for God'. They thought they were doing right, that it would help. But they did more wrong then you think. That they are not 'true Christians'.

That doesn't help me though, this is the fear I feel.

To know that I may get hurt just because I don't agree. To know they do love me, but that love is not all warmth and sunshine. It can be deadly and painful, like a poison.

So don't you dear tell me you 'Understand' cause you don't. Not until you wake up with your stomach in knots and the fear to unbearable, but yet you smile and pretend nothing is wrong.

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I'm sorry, I just got a little emotional there....

At least I'm almost free, just a few more year, and I hope I can make it.