Graham

Damon made a quick exit out of my apartment and I tried not to let it discourage me. I carry on with my morning as if he was never there, except he did leave a fair bit of vomit on toilet seat for me to clean up. I almost added to the mess when I nearly touched it with my hand. That was easily on of the most disgusting things I've ever dealt with in my life.

After that, my day went back to the uneventful blandness I've grown to love. I feel a bit empty now though. I don't know if I should have enjoyed Damon's short lived presence, or be glad he's gone. Though he was a terrible guest, just knowing that I wasn't all alone in the apartment made me feel excited. I of course had to mess it up though. I let out a sigh as I get in the shower.

I absolutely need to go out today to buy my paint and a new tv. I think I have enough money saved up and if I just keep my head down and try to look intimidating, maybe people won't try to approach me. I know that won't work though because I've been told that I resemble a huggable teddy bear. I never really wanted to hear that. I wanted to be Graham, the tough, unapproachable man that strangers don't want to talk to, but I also do want people to talk to and like me. Why am I so confusing to myself?

I step out of the shower an dry my body off with a towel before wrapping it around my bottom half and starring at myself in the foggy mirror over my bathroom sink. I have to tell myself that I'll be okay. That I won't die in a freak accident, and that I won't make a complete fool of myself today. I will be okay.

By the time I finish convincing myself that I absolutely have to leave my apartment, my hair is dry and the steam from my shower has cleared out. I walk to my bedroom to get dressed. It takes me a few minutes, but I decide to wear a striped shirt and an old pair of jeans that don't have as many paint stains on them as my other ones. I finally put on my glasses and then a pair of converse.

I take a deep breath before I leave. I really hope I don't mess anything up today. I don't need any more embarrassing moments to haunt me at night. I can't have that.

I remember that I need to be at Grace's for coffee at sometime later today as I pass her door. I should probably get something to bring with me, but I know I'll forget when the time rolls around.

Jamie smiles and waves at me when I walk out through the front entrance. I wave back shyly before continuing to make my downtown where all the stores are. Jamie and I almost never speak, but he's still extremely nice to me. I pay him to get my groceries so I don't have to deal with it and sometimes he'll just buy them for me. I probably would have starved by now if I didn't have him.

I go into the small, quiet art store and quickly grab a few jars of blue paint before putting them on the front counter. The woman working asks me if that's all I'm buying. I grab a few jars of other colours because she probably thinks that I'm being cheap. My bag ends up a lot heavier than I had intended it to be.

Next I walk to the pawnshop. I don't need a brand new tv, that would be far too expensive. I decide on one of medium size before realizing that I have to get it home. I pay for it and ask the man working if there's a phone I can use to call a cab. He grumbles and rolls his eyes before showing me to the back room. I anxiously thank him before I call. The cab shows up within a few minutes and I'm home by noon.

I sigh in relief as I enter my apartment. Leaving wasn't as awful as I thought it would be. Having to ask to use the phone in the pawnshop was quite embarrassing, but it was over all an okay experience. Now would be a good time to head over to Grace's so I don't over think my every action from earlier.

I leave my apartment for the second time today and walk down the hall and knock on Grace's door. She answers with a motherly smile, telling me to come in. She has everything set up nicely like always and she's already poured me a cup of coffee just how I like.

Grace is definitely a mother figure for me. I've never fit in with my family and I think it really challenged my real mother's love for me. She still calls once every few months to check in on me, but I haven't seen her, my father or my siblings for years. They always beg me to come home for Christmas and some years I nearly do, but it's been so long. I don't even know what I would say to them if anything at all.

"So how are you today Graham?" Graces voice shakes the thought of my family from my head and I look up at her as she sits down. I take a sip of coffee.

"I'm quite fine today. I went out to get a few things earlier. How are you?" I ask politely.

"I am exhausted. That damn party downstairs kept me up all last night." She says with a small yawn. "I'd go yell at Alex for it but I don't have the heart. He's still young. I might as well let him have his fun." She shrugs.

"Y'know, the funniest thing happened last night." I pause and she looks at me like she's saying 'go on'. "This man showed up on my balcony from the party and then crashed on my couch." I explain. Grace throws her head back in laughter.

"Really?" She asks and I nod my head, laughing a bit as well. "Tell me about your balcony boy." She says as she puts a bit of sugar in her tea. I smile down at the drink in my hands.

"Well, his name is Damon, and he threw up on my toilet seat and was very, very drunk last night." I tell her. She nods and gives me a knowing look. Oh god, please don't do this. Please Grace, I'm begging-

"Was he cute?" There it is. She asked it. She's been hinting that I'm probably gay for a long time now, but she does this with everyone. I could sit at a bus stop with a girl in silence and she'd ask me if I liked her. I guess she doesn't want me to die alone or something like that, but it's probably going to be that way. I've sort of started to accept the fact that the only person who would care if I died would be the old woman sitting across from me.

"W-Why do you always ask that?" I stutter and blush a bit. I'll try to deny it as much as I want and find Grace's questions annoying, but I won't lie and say that Damon is unattractive because he is the exact opposite. I think back to this morning when I walked by the bathroom to see him completely naked. I didn't hate it. I wouldn't be opposed to touching him. I blush even more at the thought.

Grace gasps and claps her hands together. "Graham! You like him, don't you!" Dear lord, she's not going to drop this any time soon now. I will never hear the end of this. "What does he look like? I'm dying to know now!" I shake my head and roll my eyes. I don't even know anything about him. What am I supposed to tell her? I know for a fact that she wouldn't like him if she met him. She'd think he's loud and reckless, which he seems like he is.

"He has kind of messy blonde hair and light blue eyes. His teeth are wonky and he is quite rude. I don't like him, really. I don't know him at all anyways." I try not to smile to myself as I think of Damon. I refuse to say anything that could be considered nice about him in front of Grace, because she would just bring him up all the time and I know he doesn't like me even as a friend. I'll probably never see him again.

"He sounds absolutely lovely!" She smiles. I don't understand why she's so excited. I guess I haven't met new people in a while and she likes the drama goes around with our neighbors.

I sigh before deciding to change the topic. She sighs, but doesn't push it anymore. We sit and talk for a few hours before I decide that I should head home and finish my painting. The deadline for it is next week and it's barely done. I could probably just throw stuff at a canvas and have the same feedback from art critics so I don't know why I always try to put so much work into my paintings.

"Do you think you can run this down to Alex before you go out? My show starts in a few minutes." Grace asks as She holds out a container with a note taped to the top. I nod before putting my shoes on and taking it. We exchange goodbyes and I head downstairs and repeat what I have to say over and over in my head until I'm at Alex's door.

I take a deep breath before knocking on the door and waiting a few minutes. I hear no movement from the other side as I wait. Maybe he's not home, or he is home and he just doesn't want to answer because I knocked too loud. Maybe I didn't knock loud enough?

The door swings open to reveal Alex and his messy apartment in all it's glory. "Graham! I haven't seen you in forever! I was beginning to think you died!" He greets me and pulls me into a hug. I go completely stiff but I try to hug back so he doesn't think I'm rude.

"I-I have something from G-Grace for you." I stutter as he lets go of me and I hold out the container. His face completely lights up as he takes it from my hands.

"I though she was never going to make lasagna again." He smiles as he he looks down at it with adoration. Alex is so easy to keep happy it's insane. Just cook for him once a week and he'll be in a good mood for the rest of his life. "D'you want to come in for a beer or something? I have plenty leftover from last night." He invites me in, but I politely decline.

"I should probably get back upstairs. I have a lot of work to finish up." I mention quietly. His face falls a bit and I feel bad, but he recovers quickly, saying something along the lines of 'maybe next time' before thanking me. I head back to the stairwell and count the steps back to my front door. I almost trip a few times before I get there.

I'm completely ready to just go to bed now. I know I said I had work that needed to be finished, but today has been absolutely exhausting. For most normal people, my day is just normal for them. Just everyday life, but for me it's adventurous.

When I get to my apartment, I'm met with a surprise sitting at my door.

"Hey Graham? Are you looking for a new roommate?" Damon asks from where he's sitting on the carpeted floor. I'm happy to see him again, but worried at the same time. I can't just not let him live here if he needs a place to stay, I'd feel bad about it for the rest of my life, but I also don't want him to live here.

"I can't s-say I was."