Graham

"Sh-Should I go after him?" I ask nervously. Damon is terrified. So am I. My hands shake uncontrollably as I try to stop myself from passing out by taking deep breaths. I really did not want to come out to Jacob. At all. He's just going to use it against me now.

"I don't know!" Damon gasps. We're both shaken up right now, but he's supposed to be the decisive one. I can't really think about my actions as I am on the brink of a panic attack so I do the worst possible thing that comes to mind. I yell.

"Well that's not really helping, you fuck!" Then I look in the mirror and see the dark purple hickies starting to form on my neck. Are you fucking kidding me? "Damon are you fucking kidding me!" I yell again. He stands there in shock as I attempt to hide the mess of bruises on my neck with the collar of my shirt.

"It will be okay, Graham. Calm down." He tries to put his hand on my shoulder and I instantly shrug it off. I have never been this aggressive before and I can tell it's scaring him. I could care less at this point. After years of having anxiety be the only feeling in me, anger finally seeps through.

"Calm down? You want me to calm down?!" I almost scream. He steps back. "My almost definitely homophobic brother just walked in on us and you expect me to calm down?! You're the reason I'm like this, Damon! I don't want to be gay! My whole family is going to hate me even more because of you! Are you not thinking? You fucking ruined me!" I'm too angry to stutter. Damon's eyes go downcast and he sniffles. I finally realize what I just said and try to take his hand and apologize.

"Don't fucking touch me." He snaps and abruptly leaves the bathroom. I've really messed up. Oh God I've really messed up. I'm drunk, I'm about to be disowned, and my boyfriend is 100% done with me. Que the tears. Big fat tears. I can barely stop myself from sobbing. I can't believe I just said that. I clamp my hand over my mouth to try and muffle my cries. Then I remember that I probably really need to speak to my brother. Damon? I would love to speak to him right now but he most likely wants nothing to do with me.

I stumble out of the bathroom and see Damon talking to the band that was playing earlier and do my best to just walk by. My heart hurts knowing he's going to leave me. I can feel it. It's all my fault too.

The air is cold as I look for Jacob. I end up finding him in the car. I know he's not going to drive, but the thought of it still scares me. I try to get in but the door is locked. I knock on the window and he unlocks it. I quietly slide into the passenger seat and sigh.

"Where's your boyfriend?" He doesn't look at me. He keeps his eyes trained straight ahead. I've really buggered things up this time haven't I?

"Probably a-about to b-break up with me." I laugh lifelessly. He finally looks over at me and his expression softens at the sight of my tears stained cheeks. I sniffle and wipe under my eyes. I don't want him to see me this weak. I can't let him.

"How long have you known?" He sighs and leans back in his seat. I look over at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"How long have you known you... were like that?" He specifies his question. Oh. Great now if I say anything wrong I'm going to be the laughing stock of the family once again. I take a deep breath and just decide to be honest.

"S-Since I was a kid I h-had a feeling that I was p-probably not into girls and I was r-right." I mumble and he nods. We return back to silence and I stare down at my hands. "P-Please don't tell d-dad or E-Eleanor." I plead.

"I won't don't worry." He shakes his head as if telling them is the last thing he would do. "You have to be the one to tell them little brother. Does mom know?" He asks and I nod. "Hey, uh... look, I'm really sorry for how I treated you while we were growing up. I just- I hated you for so long but the longer you were gone the more I realized how much it sucked to lose another brother." He admits sheepishly.

I almost cry again. He missed me? I regrets the horrible treatment? I hug him and it takes him by surprise. We're basically strangers at this point but it doesn't matter. He's my brother.

"Hey, don't get all sentimental on me now." He chuckles as he hugs me back. It's an awkward hug as I have to lean over the center console, but it's a hug none the less. "Now, go get your boyfriend. I'm going to call a cab."

And just like that I am brought back to the horrible reality of what I had said maybe a half hour ago. I nervously make my way back into the bar and I can see Damon sitting there staring at a long since finished shot glass. I sit beside him. He says nothing.

"I-I'm s-sorry-" I try but he shakes his head and cuts me off.

"Save it." He mutters through clenched teeth. I solemnly nod and start to pick at my cuticles. They're going to be a bleeding mess by tomorrow I swear to God.

"J-Jacob is c-calling a cab." I mumble and he nods before wordlessly getting up and leaving me there at the bar. 'Sorry's are caught in my throat as I try my best to choke back painful, bone wracking sobs. This is bad. This is really really bad.

Once I know I'm not going to cry I join them outside. Jacob gives me an uneasy look as if to say 'good luck fixing this one'. I sigh and look down at the ground. The cab ride home basically kills me. Damon sits there looking out the window while Jacob has an in depth conversation with the driver about sports. I just want to go home. Back to London. Damon and I are leaving tomorrow after we eat breakfast. I really hope we can sort this out before the long road trip ahead of us.

When we get back to my parent's house, the three of us silently go inside. Everyone home is sleeping. Damon stalks off to his room and I give Jacob a helpless look. How am I supposed to fix this? I really hurt him. I never wanted to have to say that in my life.

I go to my room and break down yet again. This time it's far worse than the hissy fit I pulled in the bar bathrooms. I can't breathe. I try my best to stay as quiet as possible, trying not to wake anyone up with my sharp breaths. I need to talk to Damon. I need to see Damon. I can't move though. I feel as if I'm paralyzed, being held down by a weight in my chest. I grab onto the side of my dresser and pull myself up, sobbing and gasping. I feel like I'm going to faint.

Thinking back to all the things that cause me so much anxiety, they seem so meaningless next to this one. I'm going to lose the one thing in my life that made me better. The one thing in my life that gave me some semblance of purpose. All over a stupid choice of words said amidst a panic.

I stagger down the hallway, making more sound than I intend to and burst into the guest room. Damon is sitting on the bed reading a book and I fall to the floor. He's immediately by my side.

"P-Please don't l-leave me." I sob into his shoulder as he takes me into his arms and shuts the door so there's at least some form of privacy. "I-I'm s-s-so sorry. I didn't m-mean what I said." I cry.

I soothes me and pets my hair. "I know Graham, shh, I know." He says calmly as he rocks us back and forth. He pulls me off his shoulder to look at my face. I'm a snotty, sniveling mess. He kisses my forehead. "I know.".

***
I ended up sleeping with Damon in the guest room. No one came in and we were allowed to sleep in. As I woke up I could see Damon beside me, staring at the ceiling. It looks like there's a lot going through his mind right now. I sigh and sit up.

"Goodmorning." I croaks and finally looks over at me. He has dark purple bags under his eyes. I don't think he slept. That cannot be good.

"Goodmorning." I mumble. No other words were shared after that. Nothing. We just went downstairs.

My father and sister were already sitting at the table, staring at me expectantly. I slowly sit down. Damon opted to join my mother in the kitchen. Thanks for the support. Jacob was giving me apologetic glances. That little-

"So Graham, we heard some things last night." I look over at Jacob and finally start to peice it together. He didn't tell them. I did.

"Okay?" I say, acting like I didn't know what was about to go down. I'm not going to hide from it. I just want to stall. I have to get this over with and then Damon and I can enjoy our lives back in London together. This trip has been the worst idea of life.

"And I went to wake you up this morning and you weren't in your room. Care to explain?" Eleanor asks. I roll my eyes. What do they expect. The secret's out. Why confront me about it if you already know the truth.

"C-Cut the bullshit." I huff. This takes them by surprise. Jacob laughs from his seat and I almost do too. I thought this would be terrible but I'm happy to have my brother here to lighten the mood. "You know exactly whats h-happening. W-Why are we ha-having this conversation?" I shrug it off like nothing.

"Great Graham. You kill you oldest brother and then you come out as gay." My father scolds me. I was not expecting that. I don't think anyone was. Eleanor and Jacob look pissed as my father glares at me menacingly. I shrink down. I hate how he has the ability to make me feel like a child again. I look over to the kitchen and my mother is gone, she must have had to use the bathroom. Dad really planned this one out well because I know that my mom would have flipped her shit if she heard that. Damon's eyes are narrowed at my father and his jaw is clenched. I can see the way his fingers ball into fists  and for a second I'm scared he might kill someone. "What's next? Are you going to kill someone else?"

I look down at my hands and start to feel tears stream down my cheeks. Damon rushes over and takes me into his arms, back upstairs. I can hear the chaos ensue as soon as we leave the room.

"What is wrong with you! You know Luke's death was no one's fault but that truck driver!" Jacob yells. It seems like he has a new found brotherly protectivness over me since last night. I'm grateful for it.

"You really would talk to your son like that!" Eleanor shrieks. "Maybe if you'd look up from that stupid fucking news paper you'd notice that he already carries around enough guilt!" Caleb and Darcy begin to cry from the living room. I had almost forgotten they were there. The loud yelling must have startled their little ears.

I cry along with them.

At least I know my siblings don't hate me.

***
2040 words.

TWO CHAPTERS IN TWO DAYS?! IS THIS SOME SORT OF JOKE?

Anyways, I'm thinking about ending this fiction soon. Now I would like to ask for your input, this could either end sadly but had a definite end in a few chapters, or there could be a sequel but there is no guarantee that it will ever be finished. The choice is yours!