(Graham's POV)

Damon's been acting weird lately. It's not a bad kind of weird, but it's just not normal for him. Somehow, he's become even more touchy and is all too keen on making out. Not that I mind though.

It's pretty late in the day and Damon is sleeping with his head on my lap while I watch some shitty American TV show about witches. I've had to pee for hours but I wouldn't dare to wake him up when he looks as peaceful as he does now.

It's been almost a month since Damon has entered my life and a lot has changed around here. For a start, the apartment has been ten times messier than it's always been. I also leave my house more than once a week and Damon has even convinced me to call my parents more often. Alex and Jamie have been seeing a lot more of me as of late as well since we visit Alex frequently and I occasionally call Jamie just to chat sometimes. I think things are finally starting to look up.

Christmas is fast approaching though. Yes, I talk to my family more often than before, but I don't think I'm prepared to actually face them. I get so worried that they're disappointed in me for becoming an artist that the thought of seeing them makes me feel physically sick.

One of the witch characters dies in the show and I chuckle because the acting is atrocious. I don't understand the public's obsession with witches and black magic lately, but I guess it can be interesting. This show however is not.

"What are you watching?" Damon asks, making me jump. I look down at him to see his tired eyes focused on the TV. I laugh and run my fingers through his messy hair.

"I don't know." I answer truthfully. He sits up and cuddles into my side as the screen blares away under our vacant stares. I guess it's another day in today. "I feel like I should at least be getting some work done." I sigh.

"No! Stay!" Damon fusses as he pulls me closer towards him. I roll my eyes and turn to face him and he just smiles obliviously.

"What's with you lately?" I ask and he blushes. Aha! So there is something weird going on. I raise my eyebrows and looks away, avoiding eye contact at all costs. I just continue to stare at him expectantly.

"I-uhh..." He almost whispers and I'm dying to find out what has him all worked up now. He's never really been like this before and the blush on his cheeks is only getting darker. This bashful new side of him is leaving me unnerved if I'm being honest.

"Well spit it out then!" I joke and he blushes even harder and he avoids eye contact at all costs. "C'mon Damon I just wanna know." I try a different approach. Maybe if I'm sweet he'll be guilted into telling me?

"I dont think I should tell you right now." He chokes out and moves further away from me on the sofa. Great. Now I've done something wrong. This is why I usually just keep my mouth shut. I stare at my hands as I play with them.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly and I feel him move closer again. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a tight hug as he presses a soft kiss to the side of my head. I swear my heart jumps every time he does something like this. It cannot be healthy but it's not as if I even care.

"You didn't do anything wrong... it's just that- I just. I dont want to make you uncomfortable and just say it." He sighs. Now I'm just dying to know what it is. How is it going to make me uncomfortable? I'm probably the most comfortable I've ever been around him. How could I ever be uncomfortable?

"What is it?" I ask softly. The anticipation is beginning to get to me and the longer I wait the more impatient I get. I've never been like this before. I usually classify myself as the most patient person I know.

"When are we going to have sex Graham?" Damon finally blurts out and I swear all colour drains from my face as my jaw hangs slightly open and my eyes widen. I should have listened to him for my own good.

"Well... I don't know- maybe... maybe soon? I'm not sure I'm ready." I play with a loose thread on the couch and try my best not to look at him as I do so. It's not that I don't want to sleep with him, it's just that I'm terrified and I dont even know why. Every time I think about it, or we get close to doing it my heart starts racing and my stomach twists into nervous knots. I'm just not ready. "D-Do you want to?"

"Of course I want to, but that doesn't matter if you don't." He assures me but I can't help but feel like I'm letting him down. I really do like him and I can see a future for us. I don't understand why it's so difficult for me to even fathom.

"I do want to." I tell him firmly. I need him to know I want him because I do. I want him more than anything in the world. He looks deep in thought once again for a few moments and I worry he's contemplating on ways to get back to Leads. The thought alone makes me want to cry.

"We don't have to immediately start with sex you know. There's always... other things we can do." He hints and I finally let out a sigh of relief I didn't know I was holding in. He's staying. Also, he's suggesting something that I like the sound of. I might not be ready for full on sex, but I can definitely give him a blowjob or something along those lines.

I'm not sure how it even started, but I quickly find myself under Damon while he trails sloppy kisses up and down the exposed skin of my neck. My skin feels as if it's on fire with every kiss and I arch myself into his touch. His hands run along my whole body and I'm left a writhing mess on the couch.

Things have definitely escalated quickly. He plays with the zipper on my jeans and everything suddenly comes into focus. I can't do this. What if I mess up? What if he thinks I'm not good and leaves? I... god-

"Stop!" I Yelp and he immediately jumps away looking terrified. I probably do to. "I-I can't. I'm not ready." I breathe heavily as I try to fight off the onset of tears. I feel really bad now. He looks sad. Why couldn't I have just calmed myself down and taken it? I know he's not going to hurt me or deliberately do anything to make me uncomfortable. I'm just whiney and pathetic.

"Gra? Graham what's wrong? What did I do?" Damon frantically asks as he tries to get me to look at him. I'm having a panic attack. I can't breathe. I ruined everything. Now he's going to leave because he'll realize I'll never be ready for it. I'll have to go back to sitting around in my apartment watching tv alone all day but everything will just be worse than how it was.

I really don't know what I'd do if he leaves. He's only been in my life for such a short period of time, but I'd be completely lost without him. Jamie and Alex would go back to being able to count the times they see me a month on one hand again and I would most likely just be miserable. I can't go back to how things were anymore. I don't want to.

"Graham please talk to me." I'm brought out of my thoughts as Damon begs. He looks really worried and his hands are shaking slightly over mine. I sniff harshly as I wipe some tears off my cheeks.

"I'm sorry." Sorry. It's a word I've said many, many times. It's a word I will most likely say much more as well. I never stop to think about how much I say it because it doesn't matter to me. I feel bad for something I did. Whether it's having a full blown panic attack when my boyfriend tries to do stuff with me or taking to long to do something, I'm always saying it. Damon tries to stop me most of the time now, saying that I have nothing to be sorry for but I know I do.

"Don't be sorry Gra. It's not your fault. I was moving too fast." He sits back next to me and pulls me onto his lap. I feel safe. Nothing can hurt me here. I relax into him.

"I just don't want to disappoint you." I admitt. I feel like I'm disappointing him all the time with everything I do. He never let's it show but I know he is when I refuse to leave the house, or paint something that he can tell I absolutely hate but still sell. Sometimes I wonder why he still puts up with me.

"You could never. How could I be disappointed by someone so perfect?" He asks and my cheeks immediately heat up. He thinks I'm perfect? I and most other people think I'm generally kind of a fuck up. But Damon? He thinks I'm perfect. Fitting. I think he's perfect too. I just hope he's not just saying that.

"I'm not perfect." I respond. I love that he thinks that about me, but I can't let him. I'm not perfect. I mess up a lot. Today should have been evidence of that.

"Nobody is truly perfect to everyone. That's why I think you're perfect but you don't. You have to stop putting yourself down so much Graham. You're a very lovely person. I quite like spending time with you." He explains with a toothy grin. I love him.

The thought sticks itself to the side of my brain. I love him. Do I? Is it too soon to even be thinking about love? Jesus look at me. Getting all worked up again. I take a deep breath and lean my head on Damon's chest. My happy place.

There's far too many things on my mind lately. Damon is among them but my parents and art are too. We have to leave for Christmas in three days. It's coming up far too fast for my liking. I'm not even close to being mentally prepared enough to be around my whole family whom I haven't seen in years. Plus, I'm bringing home a boyfriend. I don't think they're not going to be too happy about that. It's not like it's obvious I like men. I liked girls all through high school.

My art is a whole other situation. Since Damon's been here, I've been extremely aware of how much I dislike it. Every single painting is worst than the last, but people still eat it up. It's gotten so far from everything I wanted. It's just colours. That's all it is now. I almost don't have the strength to keep doing it because it hurts my soul with each new painting I sell.

Damon has his own category. Most of my thoughts are intertwined with him and what he thinks and whether he's happy. I barely have time to think about myself but I honestly like it better that way. I've been in a much better mindset having someone else to take my mind off everything that has to do with me.

The late afternoon sun creeps into the apartment as the tv continues. I begin to nod off with my face pressed into the crook of Damon's neck. There could be a thousand things that I have to think about but that all doesn't matter because here, in this moment, life is good.

***
2029 words.