Boss: Are you on Drugs?

Me: We both know that you don't pay me enough to a drug problem.
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When someone says "expect the unexpected" I always slap them and then say "You didn't expect that. Did you?"

~~~~~~

Me: Can you grow please?

Hair: No
Muscles: Nope.....
Stomach: Sure!

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The best way to show people that you don't like them is to text them:

370HSSV 0773H

And tell them to read it Upside down. *snickers*