People ask me, “Why are you single? You’re attractive, intelligent and creative.”

My reply is “I’m overqualified.”
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 *Me washing my Bicycle*

Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your Bicycle?

Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a Car.
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My reply to meeting one of my 'Ex- Friends'

Me: I’d slap you but that would be animal abuse.
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My reaction to one of my blabber mouth friends.

Me: See this hand? It’s going to descend in an arc that will, in the process, have contact with your face. Just warning you.
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When people see you laying down with your eyes closed, they still ask “Are you sleeping?” And I’m like, “No. I’m training to die.”
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