After dinner, I shower and change into pajamas. I sit on my bed and hug Kitty. I had fun today, but I had to push back so. Many. Flashbacks. Going to sleep would not be fun.
“You ok?” Sophie asks when she sees me nervously sitting on my bed.
“Yeah, I’m good.” I reply.
“Do you want to sleep outside tonight?”
“Maybe? I don’t know. Silveny won’t be able to help with my dreams tonight.”
“Why not?”
“Well, it’s kind of hard to explain. I get really vivid flashbacks because of my photographic memory. And I guess that because I’m a seeker, I can stop them from happening when they first come back, but they don’t go away. I always dream about them that night, and they feel worse than if I had just gone through them in the moment, so I don’t do it often. But I didn’t want to break down today, so I pushed them back. And whenever I did it in my old universe, Silveny couldn’t help me, no matter how hard she tried.” She doesn’t seem to know what to say to that. “Sorry, that was a lot to just dump on you like that.”
“No, it’s fine. I just wish there was a way I could think of to help you.”
“I was the one who pushed them back.”
“That doesn’t mean you should have to go through them again.”
“It kind of does. I could have just decided to leave, but I didn’t.”
“It’s not your fault though!”
“Sophie, I’ll be fine.” I say, hoping I sound more convincing than I feel.
“How many did you push back?” I count in my head, and really don’t want to sleep when I find the number.
“Twelve.” The most I had done in a single day before was eight, and I felt awful the next morning.
“Maybe you should still sleep outside.”
“That’s probably a good idea.” I say. We start carrying my pillows down together. Grady and Edaline don’t even question why we’re doing it, and Edaline helps out by conjuring more pillows down. Soon I’m in a cocoon of pillows and blankets. I hold Kitty as Edaline comes and kisses me on the forehead. I say goodnight to everyone, and Wynn comes to snuggle with me. I pat him on the head and slowly close my eyes to drift into an uneasy sleep.