warning: what sage is gonna say in this chapter might make people either think deep or go against her so if you want to go against sage join the other hundred. you can rant in the comments if you want. idfc. if you are pissed by what i say then all the power to ya just saying this might make you pissed. its my view.

so,

i have decided to make this book about my thoughts. the side of my brain only dan knows and because i don't know any of you in real life as people and you don't know about how much of a monster i really am according to nearly everyone so if i say things you don't like its not like you can do anything so i can say shit. its a book of my true thoughts. me isn't this bubbly character whos happy all the times.  i am actually a sad cold heart person when you really get to know me so fuck it i am going to write about this. 

about the last chapter. i was upset very upset because of many reasons. just a lot of bad things happened in the full duration of an hour so um i was upset and questioning life and i have been talking to myself for the past three hours. yes my life is that sad and i was thinking and i was thinking deeply. whats the fucking point in worrying. i am messed up and failure and a waist of space that should be thrown away but if today was the end of the world would i be happy to think i am going to go out being a messed up failure no. i am not saying i am going to become a fucking scientist and cure cancer even though thats amazing. i don't want to be normal. the normal life that most people live is in these simple steps 

1. your born

2. childhood

3. puberty fucks you up or makes you fuckable either way

4. you go to collage or uni or both 

5. you get a nine to five dead end job or any job thats pretty average 

6. you get married 

7. you have kids

8. you get a divorced

9. you are messed up because he/she left you 

10. your kids grow older and leave you 

11. you either die a sad cat lady or you find a nice new husband to get old with on your final days 

12. then you die

its that simple and its easy. there are things in the middle like school and shit and i broke my arm my aunt did but thats the general gist of it  i don't want that. i don't want any of it i want to 

1. be born 

2.childhood (take my time like i did)

3. puberty (in the fucking process)

4.collage or uni (try my fucking hardest to do good)

5. get a fun job i enjoy and love so much

6.find the perfect man and let it take time 

7. maybe get married i'm not sure. 

8. get a dog call it cookie and love it 

9. retirement with or without my lover or dog.

10.get a good ass car because i saved up money because i had no god damn devils oh wait i mean kids

11. grow old 

12. take the sweet embrace of death 

thats what i want. fuck kids i hate them i don't want to spend money on rats there only purpose are they would be my personal slaves. i am not sure about marriage i'd rather be with a guy and just settle down with him and a dog. we could walk the dog together not feed the moaning children. i just hate kids. if i grow old alone i will be that elder who hates everything and everyone.  i mean its gonna be hard but whatever. my dad wants me to live the normal life and we had a talk about it. he told me about life with my mum when i turned twelve and he was still there but left a thew days later. he told me about how i'm gonna find a nice man and were gonna have kids and look after each other and i said "i don't want to do that" i was like a kid well i was younger

"well you better give me some grand kids i need to follow on the desney's. everyone has kids and grows old happy with kids" and to that i said. i was a sweet kid but i had held in a lot and at this moment in my life i let everything go. i just went full on and from then on i have been an annoying asshole. it is really fun. i said

"no fuck you and your life rules. i am not having annoying kids to ruin my chance of living happy and ruining it. i don't have to get married i just want a dog and a nice boyfriend to keep me company. for all i care you can have your two other kids to go and kiss your ass while your old. i will leave and live a fun life not be here changing you nappy hell no. so fuck your normality rules and your morals" i stormed to my room and from then on i was always open about how i felt because it feels like where just being pulled by strings. the modern world is telling us to do what it wants and what normal. i don't want the world to make me normal or prefect. i want to be a imperfect wrong annoying person with personality and a life. i want to be happy on my own then be pulled by society perfections and expectations. so what i have blue hair so what i am ugly so what i am fat fuck it i am me and if i want to live my own life and not get pulled the moderns strings i darn well will make sure i don't

thank you for your times