It feels like if i end this conversation, he will never ever speak to me again. We wil became strangers just like yesterday. The day that we met and talk ? I gotta say is the best thing ever happened to me. Feel like im floating and im still up in the sky. High and free. From the moment that i know him, ive no longer think about the death anymore. He is the only reason i wanna live and keep moving forward. But well unfortunately, it seems like he doesnt like me back. Or did i expected too much ? 

When i look at myself in the mirror. I disgust myself. Im not worth it, esspecially for someone perfect like him. He deserved more. You can tell me that im selfish but i cant stand it while watching him being around any girls. The way that he admire that pretty girl and keep telling me how amazin she is. Why cant he look at me that way too ? Why his eyes doesnt shine when he talk to me like her ? Why he doesnt scartch his head then look away and giggle while talking to me as much as her ? 

Based on the words that im saying right now, you will call me a person with no hope and ambitious. A person that easily to give up and only like to complain but not tryin to do shjt. A person without confident. I hated when someone keep tellin me to love myself and yes they were right cause if i cant even love myself ? Then i dont have the right to love anyone. However i swear if i change the way that i look, my style, learn how to talk and study more to have knowledge. Its not enough. I still dont have enough courage to be around him or her. Im not even his option and he doesnt even spent any minute in his life to think about me although we are talkin like bestfriend. 

Sometimes when i close my eyes, ur visison appears infront of me, u ask how my day was, tell me about everything that u saw on the streets and yell at me if im not listening but how could im not litsen ? Just hear ur voice is enough for me to live so i just ask and ask then sit there quietly and listen closely to every beautiful words that comes from ur mouth. I finally know him but he doesnt know anything about me. In a moment, our distance become closer and closer until my shoulder touch ur arm, when i look at ur eyes, i can see a another universe with thousands of flowers and birds, a heaven in there. But then i see myself, my ugly face appear in there then ruin everything. I suddenly open my eyes and when back to reality. 

Cause the day u left is the day that i die