Characters: Ranboo, Tommy and Tubbo

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Tubbo, whispering to Tommy, who's on the phone with Ranboo: Ask him something!

Tommy: How are you doing?

Ranboo: Fine

Tubbo: Something personal!

Tommy; At what age did you get your first period?

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Tubbo; Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Tommy: You are a hazard to society

Ranboo; And a coward. DO TWENTY

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Tubbo: In my defense, I was left unsupervised

Tommy: wasn't Ranboo with you?

Ranboo: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised

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Tubbo, in a high voice and holding a Barbie: Hey Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Tommy, in a deep voice, holding Ken; Nonsense, Barbie. You are staying home and having my kids.

Ranboo: What the fuck are you doing?

Tubbo: Playing systematic oppression

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Tubbo: I'm kind of crushing on someone, but I'm worried about telling you who it is, because you're not going to like it.

Tommy: Just rip the bandage off

Tubbo: It's Ranboo

Tommy; Put the bandage back on.

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Tubbo; In your opinion, what's the height of stupidity?

Tommy: *turns to Ranboo* How tall are you?

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Tubbo: What happens if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Tommy: The car takes a Screenshot.

Ranboo: For the last time, get the fuck out.

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Tubbo: If you had to choose between Tommy and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Ranboo: That depends, how much money are we talking about?

Tommy; Ranboo!

Tubbo: 63 cents

Ranboo: I'll take the money.

Tommy; RANBOO!

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Tubbo; I really like this 'good guy, bad guy' thing you guys have going on

Tommy; It's not an act, it's just I'm mean and Ranboo isn't.

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Tubbo: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.

Tommy; The cow???

Tubbo: What?

Ranboo: Tommy W H Y?

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Tubbo; I love you guys, you're the best thing that ever happened to me!

Tommy; We are the best thing that ever happened to you?

Tubbo: Yes!

Ranboo; I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you

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Tubbo; Do you ever want to talk about your emotions Tommy?

Tommy; No

Ranboo; I do!

Tubbo; I know, Ranboo.

Ranboo: I'm sad.

Tubbo: I know, Ranboo.

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Tubbo; Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste.

Tommy: We got spring water

Tubbo: No

Ranboo; With extra minerals

Tommy: It's like licking a stalagmite

Tubbo: Do not come home!

Ranboo: Mmmmmmm cave water

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*the squad is having dinner*

Tubbo; Tommy, can you pass the salt?

Tommy: *throws Ranboo across the table*

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Tubbo; Ranboo and I don't use pet names

Tommy; I see. What do bees make?

Tubbo: Honey?

Ranboo: Yes, dear?

Tubbo: ...

Tommy: Don't every lie to me again.

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Tubbo: What do you think Tommy will do for a distraction?

Ranboo: He'll probably, like, make noise or throw a rock.  That's what I would do.

*Building explodes while several car alarms go off*

Ranboo; Or he could do that.

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Tubbo, to Tommy: My life is in the hands of an idiot.

Tommy, motioning to himself and Ranboo: No no no no no, TWO idiots

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Store Worker; Wait a moment. Tubbo would you please come to the front desk?

Tubbo, arriving at front desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store worker; I believe they belong to you?

Ranboo and Tommy, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Tubbo: I didn't even bring you guys here with me-

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Tubbo:  Come on. I wasn't that drunk last night.

Tommy; You were flirting with Ranboo.

Tubbo: So what? He's my partner.

Tommy: You asked if he was single.

Tubbo: ...

Tommy: And you cried when he said he's not.

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Tubbo; Why are you on the floor?

Tommy: I'm depressed

Tommy; I also got stabbed. Please get Ranboo.

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Tubbo; What's a word that's a mix between sad and mad?

Tommy; Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-

Ranboo: Smad

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Tubbo: Tommy and I were crossing a street and this dude drove by and honked at us

Ranboo: *sighs* What did Tommy do?

Tubbo; He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Tommy: Who wants a steering wheel?

(That's it for now)