Elex paced.

It was the day he, Xisuma and Hels had been planning for 2 months – the Helsmit/Hermit meet up. Everything had been set up: stalls, food stands, quiet areas, 5 different safe rooms, and open portals back to Hermitcraft or Helsmitcraft. Every single trigger or worry had been considered, every Hermit and Helsmit briefed on what to avoid, any safe words that might be used, everything was as perfect as it could be.

And yet, Elex was still nervous.

The Helsmits had arrived first. Chthul was swimming the length of the lake, conversing with the many-eyed Okurali and dark slime Viscous. Slay and 5 were practicing sword fighting. Glare, Usra and Mercury sat in the quiet tent. Tinker, Mumbot and Creeprae kept close eye on the nervous NPG and Grum.

A sound from the Hermit portal. Attention shifted as Etho appeared, looked around good-naturedly, and waved.

‘Hello!’

‘Hey!’ replied the uncannily similar, and yet notably different, ohtE. Etho chuckled as he watched his Helsmit approach.

‘I’m Etho, who are you?’

‘I’m ohtE. How are you?’

‘Why, I’m doing very well, very well indeed…’

As the two chatted, the next few hermits - Wels, Hypno, Jevin, Joe, xB appeared. And immediately drew attention.

‘Well, well, well, look who decided to show up at last…’ Hels strode towards Wels, expression cold.

‘Good morning, Hels.’ Wels, against his better instinct, held out his hand to shake. Hels slapped it.

‘Don’t think that because smellex let you in here, we’re not sworn enemies, and I could easily best you in a fight if it came to it. Bitch.’

‘Howdy y’all! Anomaly here! Glitching about as I always do!’ The glitch burst into view behind, crackling with lag and flickering colours, before glitching into a form mostly resembling Joe Hills.

‘Anomaly! How has or hasn’t existence and sentience been for you lately?’ Joe ran over.

'I recently discovered the ability to take liquid form… still working on becoming 2 dimensional, but viewing abstract art helps!'

‘Dude, you’re the crazy guy that can become anything! I remember!’ Jevin joined in the conversation by saying, right as Badtimes sauntered over to where  where Cub and Scar had just arrived.

‘MrFuckwitNerdTimesWithScar with the ugly ass face we have a NO NERD POLICY, BITCH!’

‘We have the same face.’

‘FUCK YOU I WEAR IT BETTER!’

‘Cub.’

Attention turned to Vex, his grey beard tangled around a fanged vexish grin and blue streaking across his face. Cub stepped further behind Scar.

‘Vex.’

‘Oh, yeah, whatever, Cub meet Vex, Vex meet Cub, blah, blah, blah, don’t touch my best friend or I fucking murder you… ANYWAY, we need to go and assert dominance over boring ass Mercury, whose name is so stupid even I can’t find a good fucking nickname for him. Come on!’ He walked away, unaware of Scar refusing to follow, into the quiet tent.

‘So… let me get this straight…’ Gem asked, unable to hide her excitement at the sight of Slay, her deer-centaur Helsmit. ‘You’ve beaten everyone here in a fight except ohtE?’

‘Yeah… ohtE is just… really good at PvP… anyway, wanna fight me?’

‘Evwn beay me,' 5 said, petting Tilly. ‘She’s a killer.’

‘Always have been… Always will be…’ Slay drew a sword. Gem, grinning, drew her own. ‘3… 2…’

‘YOU!’

‘No no no no- hang on HANG ON!’ Slay turned from the fight to where 5 was murdering another helsmit.

‘Every FUCKING TIME, 5?! Really?!’ Gatekeep, Scott’s newly respawned Helsmit, shouted. ‘You’re banned from Evil MCC!'

‘Should we leave?’ Gem glanced at Slay. Slay shrugged back.

‘Probably best…  5 hates Gatekeep. Gatekeep hates 5 back, and dates Gaslight out of spite. And Gaslight pretends nothing’s happening to aggravate 5 more… it’s very complicated and kinda boring at this point. Old news. Oh hey there ….. how are you doing?’

Gem frowned, confused by Slay’s pause where the name of BigB’s Helsmit - the half-visible, glowing, player - should’ve been.

‘You… missed his name?’

‘That’s intentional. It’s how we refer to our friend here… oh, there’s Atelo!’ Slay waved over at where Impulse’s Helsmit was chatting with Imp and Skizz. ‘Hey Atelo!’

‘I said hi 5 minutes and 23 seconds ago and you ignored me.’

‘Wow… that’s precise, dude. Respect,’ Skizz replied.

‘No it’s not. I got it wrong.’ Atelo checked their clock again. ‘It was 25 seconds. 5 minutes and 25 seconds after I said hi. I’m 2 seconds out.’

‘2 seconds isn’t a big deal.’ Impulse shrugged.

‘2 seconds when using an ender-porter is the difference between surviving and being murdered by my ally!’ Atelo snaps, turning on Impulse. ‘2 seconds matters! I need to get better!’

‘Yep, that’s all you need to know about Atelo there…'

‘Hey there!’ Impulse turned. Atelo stormed off. Skizz frowned, watching him go.

‘You’ll only make it worse. Don’t bother,’ Slay advised. ‘I’m Slay, by the way.'

‘I'm Impulse!’

‘I’m Skizz, nice to meet you buddy… Glad not all of you are after my guts…’

‘I saw Vengeant go for you...’ Slay replied.

‘That jerk just locked eyes, stormed over, and punched me right in the-'

A screech.

Everyone’s attention turned to where NPG was screaming at the sight of Grian, frozen, wings wide.

‘No-no- not again. Not-not-not- ERROR. System malfunction… hey there! I’m NPC Grian! Would you like to build a rustic house? Hey there! I’m NPC Grian! Would you like to build a rustic house. Hey there!’

‘HEY! HEY NO!’ shouted Creeprae, the half-creeper cyborg goat centaur, charging across spawn. ‘YOU. GO. NOW.’

‘Goodness gracious, Grian, that’s- that’s not him is it?’ Mumbo, pale, stepped closer. ‘Who let him in here?!’

‘Would you like to build a rustic house?’ NPG glitched in front of Mumbo. ‘Hey there! I’m NPC Grian! Would you like to build a rustic house? Hey there! I’m NPC Grian! Would you like to build a rustic house?’

Grian still didn’t move. His breathing was shallow, hands clenched, eyes closed, trying to down NPG. Scar ran over.

‘Grian? Grian, it’s ok. It’s alright Grian… there’s a quiet area over here…’ Scar lay a hand on Grian’s shoulder, trying to lead him away from where NPG was still speaking.

‘I thought I destroyed it,’ was Grian’s reply.

‘Don’t worry about that… happy stuff this way… it’s all amoyzingness, and happiness, and good times in the quiet tent, very nice, very important tent, you’ll love it Grian… Cub’s in there, chatting with Ursa… and Glare’s very friendly. And Mercury...'

‘Grian, get away. I’ll handle him…’ ordered Elex as he ran over. ‘Mumbot! Tinker! Codeword: error!’

‘Fuck, what?!’ Tinker, the very sooty, steampunk, Helsmit of Tango ran over, joined by Mumbot in trying to calm NPG. Grian still didn’t move.

‘Grian, go.’ Elex repeated.

‘It’s still alive.’

‘Grian, I will knock you out and drag you away. This is for your safety and the safety of NPG.’

‘Come on Grian.’ Scar started dragging Grian away. After a moment, Grian blinked, letting Scar lead him towards the quiet tent and away.

Chaos.