PoV: Cub

'Dude, I've been wanting to ask... can Captain Jack come to the pirate-party?'

I blink to attention, halfway through my conversation with Ren, at his request. Instantly, memories of chaos come to mind.

'Captain Jack? From Season 6?'

'Yeah, dude!' Ren misses my wariness. 'He'd fit perfectly! He's even named after a pirate... it'd be awesome!'

'I... don't know. Sorry,' I reply. Ren's face falls.

'Oh... Are you sure, dude? Surely he's not that bad... I mean, yeah, he's a bit chaotic, but what pet isn't? You can impress some of the newer hermits too, and it's been so long since you've shown him off... of course it's your decision, but it would be awesome, dude.' Ren rambles. Part of my mind doesn't think it'll be that bad and agrees with Ren. The rest remembers the multiple times Scar saved me from the vex-parrot's attempts at murdering me.

'He's a lot of work...' Ren's disappointment only grows, as does my guiltiness. But I know if I bring CJ it'll be chaos. But Captain Jack behaves around other hermits. But he's still chaotic, disobedient and violent. But Ren's so disappointed, and I can always take CJ back if it gets bad. 'Alright, if you're so eager, I could possibly bring him...'

'Wait, really?' Ren perks immediately, beaming. That's amazing! Dude- I know Martyn will love Captain Jack so much... He won't want to miss this... You're amazing, Cub!'

And, before I can make it clear I might not actually be bringing my murder parrot to the party, Ren flies away.

By the next morning, it appears that everyone knows about Captain Jack, I'm stuck wondering whether I should let everyone down, or risk bringing him. In the end, me and Scar begrudgingly accept that we should probably bring Captain Jack, and head off for Season 6. And after a conversation with the suspiciously cooperative parrot, he joins us at the party.

And immediately causes chaos.

'CONCORP!' he screeches, wings raised. 'CONCORP FOREVER!'

'He's here!' Ren bounds over, followed by the equally excited Martyn. 'Greetings, Captain Jack!'

'Concorp!' CJ repeats. 'Concorp!'

'So this is the talking parrot I've heard so much about,' Martyn says. CJ cocks his head. 'Hello! Captain Jack!'

'New hermit? Who's this?' Jack raises a claw to shake, playing innocent.

'Oh wow, he IS smart... I'm Martyn!' Martyn shakes CJ's talons.

'Martyn!' he repeats, bobbing his head excitedly. 'Martyn! 'I'm Captain Jack! CEO!' And, in Captain Jack fashion, bites Martyn's finger.

'Ow!' Martyn pulls away. 'Notch, he's aggressive!'

'So, this is Captain Jack.' Scar introduces. 'He's the CEO of our company, ConCorp. He's very clever, and he's got some vexy magic...'

'Vex! Vex supremacy! ConVex! ConVex!'

'Yeah... he gets excited when you mention his magic,' Scar adds

'That's alright, dude! Glad he's still the same pesky bird as always... Skizz! Cub's brought a talking parrot!'

'Really?!' Skizz runs over.

'New Hermit! New Hermit!' Captain Jack cries. 'Hello!'

'Woah, he's so smart! Hey there! What's your name?'

'Captain Jack! CEO of ConCorp! Better than you!'

'How did you teach him so much, Cub? Actually, I'm asking the wrong question. Of course you taught your parrot to be this clever... Captain Jack, buddy, can you say 'Skizzleman'? That's my name, 'Skizzleman'. Can you say that?' Captain Jack squawks, refusing to answer. Skizz doesn't give up. 'Can you say 'Skizzleman'?'

'Skizzleman stupid!' CJ crows. Skizz just laughs. 'Stupid Skizzleman!'

'He's so sassy, I love it! Dippledop! Did you know about Rubba-dub-Cub's talking parrot?!' Skizz runs to get Impulse. Ren tries engaging CJ in conversation.

'So, Captain Jack, would you like to hear about my new company?'

'Stinky Ren!'

'It's called GigaCorp, and...'

No Gigacorp! ConCorp!'

'Yeah, but Gigacorp...'

'No GigaCorp! ConCorp supremacy!' I feel CJ's vex powers starting to grow, the parrot interrupting Ren constantly. 'ConCorp! Cub, ConCorp!'

'Captain Jack, if you don't stop messing around, it's back to ConCorp' I mutter. He replies by digging his claws deeper into my shoulder, squawking.

'What's so great about ConCorp then?'

'ConCorp!' Jack screeches, clicking his claws until they spark with vex fire. 'GigaCorp will die!'

'That's enough, Captain Jack!' I step away, forcing CJ to come with me. 'No fire- I SAID NO FIRE!' I yell as Captain Jack succeeds in creating a ball of vex fire around his claw, right next to my probably-flamable clothes.

'CJ naughty!' Captain Jack boasts, mocking. 'CJ naughty!' He bites my ear, then flies over to Skizz, landing, and then pooing, on his head.

'What the HECK?!' Skizz swipes at him. Impulse bursts out laughing. I run over, grabbing the bird. Jack struggles, screeching.

'I'm so sorry, man. He's got a bad attitude... Captain Jack, please...'

'CONCORP! CONCORP!'

'No, I understand, pets are hard... I know I have trouble with Kevin Bubbles Malone Refrigerator Jimmy Mad-Eye Dougan sometimes.'

'PET?!'

'Yeah... don't call him a pet...'

'MY server! Hermit PETS!'

'That's a full parrot temper tantrum...' Impulse chuckles. 'You alright, Jack?'

'Impy shit!'

'JACK!'

'FUCK!' Captain Jack bites my fingers, pecking repeatedly as I refuse to let go of him. Impulse and Skizz are crying with laughter. My hands hurt, but but moment I loosen my grip, Jack breaks free and starts pulling on the necklace controlling my respawn.

'JACK STOP!' Scar screams, sprints over as I'm left struggling to breathe, clawing at my neck and the necklace digging into it. I can't stop him without breaking the necklace. I can't stop him. 'NO! BAD PARROT!' There's a smack, a surprised squawk and the pressure disappears. I crash to the ground, gasping for air.

'CJ NAUGHTY!' Captain Jack mocks again. 'CJ naughty!'

'Cub, are you ok?' Scar crouches next to me, a hand on my shoulder. I nod, trying to control my breathing. I glance at Jack. The parrot, bedraggled, wanders over to Ren. He lets out a mournful whistle.

'Dude, you could've hurt him!' Ren protests. 'I'm sorry, my dude. I'm sure you don't know what you're doing.' Another 'sad' noise from CJ, then a noise the others think is just a regular parrot noise. But the chitters and whistles are clear to me and Scar as a threat, in Vex, that he'll burn down our bases if we don't apologise immediately,

'I'm sorry, Captain Jack.' Scar says. 'Come on, we're here to have fun, Captain Jack. Ok?'

'Sooorry...' CJ replies dolefully.'

'That parrot's out for blood...' Martyn mutters, sounding almost impressed. 'That is not a friendly bird...'

'All animals can get aggressive sometimes. Captain Jack's no exception,' Skizz justifies. 'Now, let's continue this party. Come on, Jack! It's party time!'

'Party Jack!' CJ whistles excitedly, taking to the air. 'Party Jack time!'

This'll be a long day.