Hermitcraft oneshot. Requested by yours truly.

Sleep. Eat. Regret. Repeat.

Xanathus frowned at the ceiling, lying on the bed in his childhood bedroom, possibly one of the worst places to be 'banished' to. Memories attacked him day and night. Infiltrated his dreams.

The house barely changed since they were last there. Same art on the walls, same dishes in the sink, one of the twins having neglected their chores. It didn't help his whole don't-think-about-what-happened problem. The 'Xisuma' problem.

Of course, it was Xisuma who had always been favourited. Kind-hearted, polite, talented, a perfect leader.
Then there was Xanathus, who was cocky, blunt and basically the exact opposite of his twin.

Sometimes he wanted to stay mad at his brother, but also wanted things to go back to the way they were.

"Xan! Come outside!" Xisuma's voice called. Xanathus poked his head out his window.

"Whaaat?"

"I found a turtle!"

Xan rolled his eyes, but climbed out the window anyways. It'd be easier to go out the door, but where's the fun in that? He ran over to where his brother was crouched, peering at a small pond.

"Look, look, look!" he said, his bluish eyes shining with excitement. A brown blob with yellow marking waded through the murk, not very interesting to Xan, but he smiled at his brother's enthusiasm.

"Cool," he said, sitting beside him. "Very cool, Suma."

Suma. Xan. Two nicknames he hadn't heard in a while. He sat up and leaned against the wall.
And he knew that all relationships end at some point. This one ended too soon.

"Xan, it's not my fault, okay? Xisuma said, trying to calm his irrational brother."I've tried to help-"

"But I'm hopeless. Don't worry, brother. I understand. I understand how it's harder for someone with creepy red eyes to be normal."
"You take everything for granted, Xanathus. Look past the problems. Now, if you don't mind, I have a server to run."

"Yes, your precious server that you care so much about," Xan spat. He didn't know how things could change between them so quickly. "Go. Leave. I don't care, just like how you don't."

Xisuma winced behind his mask. Why he chose to wear that, of all things. But he backed up, saying, "If you want to be alone, that's fine."
That was the last thing he wanted.
Then he stepped through the portal that they shoved in the closet.

He thought it was over with them, the playful fights, all of it. But Xisuma came back a few weeks later and apologized. He apologized. Even though, Xan realized, he did nothing wrong.

Because he's so kind and perfect, a small part of him whispered. The one part of him that hated how his brother was effortlessly better. He now knew where that hate would lead him. He traced his finger along his face and arms, feeling the scars.

A small fight. One small shove. And multiple shards of glass. Then a regretful brother cutting himself, to feel the pain he'd given Xisuma.

'It's fine,' Xisuma had said. 'You didn't mean it. It was just a mistake.'

But mistakes are things that you learn from. Accidents that you don't repeat. Xanathus sighed, wishing to be in the void, where many thought you went if you got banned. Then he really would be gone. Forever, no longer a nuisance.

A harmless prank with tnt. That's what it was meant to be. But one small misplace of water broke bones and a friendship. One of the two harder to mend.

Xanathus knew Xisuma had every right to ban him, it was his fault anyways. And only regret filled his life. Nothing else, not even hate.

He loved his brother too much to hate him.

But he could hate himself.

i know that most ppl use the name xanthus instead of xanathus but i misread and imma keep this name :D
600 words of angst